CD's: Do u, "Dress to blend so no one notices me." Why?

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, you're just beginning to dress and want to see how going out dressed feels. I think we ALL experiment at first and do that!

But, if u identify as a CD and a long time dresser? What's the thrill of dressing in plain, homely, clothes u don't feel pretty in when u go out?

Ok, trans do this because they r women inside and dress as women all the time. I totally get that. But, what about us MIAD's? CD's don't need to dress up all the time.

I dress to look good! So, dressing to blend is like a root canal!
As I have no compulsion to dress every day I much prefer to visit vanilla venues in drab. No hassles, embarrassing situations, or distractions!

Can u CD's who don't identify as females explain why u feel the need to go out dressed everywhere yet don't want anyone to notice u?

[Sandi Beech]

I guess this thread would not apply to me since I may as well have a neon sign over my head ; )

Sandi

But I am curious about the replies as well.

[GracieRose]

After decades of denial, I have acknowledged that I am trans, a woman that was cursed with a man's body. Although I would love to transition, my wife would be uncomfortable with that. My compromise is to be myself occasionally out in public doing shopping etc. I dress like all the cis-females since that is how I would dress if I transitioned. I am out to be treated like any other woman, and that has been my experience. Would I love to dress up more? Yes, however, I do not have the opportunity to dress up for those special occasions, such as weddings etc., because I am unable to attend those events as a woman.
My goal is to be seen as, and treated as, any other woman, and dressing like the cis females my age seem to be the best way to experience that.

-peace
-Gracie

[Genifer Teal]

You can look good without having to stand out. Unless going to a club, the hooker look is not appropriate. I'm not going to have a skirt barely covering my butt in the supermarket. The dressing down looks are for inbetween times when nothing special is going on. I still love and do the fancy stuff. The rest is instead of drab. It creates its own fun and satisfaction. I still get to be me.

[kimdl93]

Why? As Genifer and other suggests, one is not necessarily going out to stand out. Yes, on an evening out in a friendly, clubbing environment, I may want to ramp up things a notch, but mostly to fit in with the crowd. Granted, these days, I live in a lake country resort and recreational area, so you will often stand out if you are not wearing camo.

Most of the time I just want to put my best foot forward, recognizing that I am most likely going to be perceived as a mature transwoman. I want to give the most positive possible impression.

[Kris Burton]

There are times and opportunities for dresses, skirts, heels and such, as well as slacks and flats. You can dress attractively and appropriately. Blend in with style, that is what I aim to do.

[docrobbysherry]

To Gracie and others:
My thread was aimed at CD's who r not compelled to present as women all the time. I could if I wanted to but I don't. But, for those that like to dress up to the 9's like me, it would be way too much work to do that every day!

And, it was NOT directed at CD's/trans who would dress as women all the time if they could.

After decades of denial, I have acknowledged that I am trans, a woman that was cursed with a man's body. Although I would love to transition, my wife would be uncomfortable with that. My compromise is to be myself occasionally out in public doing shopping etc. I dress like all the cis-females since that is how I would dress if I transitioned. I am out to be treated like any other woman, and that has been my experience. Would I love to dress up more? Yes, however, I do not have the opportunity to dress up for those special occasions, such as weddings etc., because I am unable to attend those events as a woman.
My goal is to be seen as, and treated as, any other woman, and dressing like the cis females my age seem to be the best way to experience that.

-peace
-Gracie

[abby054]

I dress to enjoy the experience, drab or femme. Doc is right from the point of view of someone who has long passed the point where the thrill of simply being out and about is enough. Just as I usually dress when in drab, I tend to dress when en femme to err on the side of being overdressed. I wear a necktie and sweater or jacket at work when few others do. Mr. Rogers would be proud of me. I wear a jean skirt and tights when en femme when other women are in jeans and a t shirt. Blending gets me into the crowd of women seamlessly but sooner or later, that is not enough. Adding little twists when blending adds just enough spice to keep my interest and often theirs as well. Studying fashion carefully teaches me what those details are. Red heels when in black pants and a gray sweater and gray moto jacket.

It adds fun to what Doc correctly assesses as otherwise either too much work to do daily or vanishing into a sartorially slothful crowd that lowers boredom to a sad nadir indeed. In other words, slightly overdressing adds just enough of a twist to what otherwise would sooner or later degenerate into a disappointing affair when the initial excitement of being out and about en femme wears off. A little folly now and then is treasured by the wisest men.(Willie Wonka). I found a comment by a GG who feels the same way.

Maybe I haven't actually mastered fitting in as much as I think I have, but I haven't completely embraced standing out either. I do know this much, though: being overdressed is fun. You have to pull it off with confidence. You have to walk with your shoulders back, like you planned it. Like you're dressed up because you live a dramatic, impressive life. I mean, why not? Maybe you do. I spend too much time feeling self-conscious about little, unimportant things. Maybe I'll buy a peace sign. Nah. I'm over those. How about a bright red dress? I'll wear it to the grocery store. ? Kate Fidkis, Huffington Post, May 28, 2010

[Debs]

ok then why does a cis woman not go out during the day in her clubbing gear ?, why does she want to blend in and wear the same as everybody else during the day ? Answer because thats what the majority of women do, so to make me feel like a woman I do what a normal woman would do during the day, and yes it works, I do feel part of the female society when I am dressed shopping, because I am doing what any normal woman would do during the day. Then at night time I dress in my more daring in the pubs and clubs, also Im following the trend of what normal women do when they go out at night to pubs and clubs, so I suppose once again you could say I blending in.

[abby054]

The old Talbots advertising slogan from three decades ago may explain the perspective of GGs who have a reputation for dressing well: Standing out but not sticking out. They have their own style and fashion goals. While blending in, they stand out in ways their peers admire. From your post, Debs, it is evident that you have a much better developed style than I do. But I continue to work and improve.

The fashion pros define their style as their ability, carefully learned and practiced, to blend yet still be seen as better at fashion than most. They are normal women yet a cut above. That is what I am learning, studying, practicing to achieve despite being merely an occasional CD. I am improving, as my vacation last month showed. Two simple examples I described in my previous answer, I would not have considered a year ago. Maybe someday I will succeed. More likely, I will develop an improving style but never arrive.

[sara66]

I spend too much time and money looking pretty just to stay home. I am very much an introvert and hate any attention.
Sara

[audreyinalbany]

I guess I like and admire women...not necessarily overly sexualized 'hot' women ( Like them too) but just normal down-to-earth everyday women and in a sense, when I dress I like to emulate the women I see out in the world and the women that I personally know and like. To me, dressing as an overly sexualized female is kind of contrary to the things I admire about women. I don't have any super hot women in my world or on my radar.

[Taylor Dame]

I also like to blend in with those my age. My goal is to dress in classic style. I love dresses and skirts, but want to dress appropriately for the situation. I want to blend with style and taste.

[alwayshave]

I always fully dress in a dress. I'm not trying to dress like my sisters.

[dalearden]

I have that "MIAD" look but just want to blend in and not be noticed so bad...just want normal middle aged woman look.

[Claire M]

I dress pretty conservatively not because I don't want to be noticed but rather that I want to be noticed as a woman. Maybe I'm truly transfer deep down inside?

[Linda Stockings]

My desires, or goals if you will, are to dress in women's clothes with accessories, makeup, jewelry, etc., and be able to present as an attractive, elegant professional woman. If I get noticed, that's okay. I don't want to be noticed with an appearance that looks ridiculous, which could draw totally unwanted attention. I've had that happen in the past and hated it. What things could get that undesired level of being noticed? A number of things could, most have already been discussed on this forum. Breast forms so large as to be totally disproportionate for one's height and build, ridiculously high heels, hosiery that is so gaudy it's at the level of being extreme or simply inappropriate for the venue. Makeup in shades that are completely mismatched overall and become a poor presentation. Clubbing makeup worn to anyplace other than a club. Gaudy makeup in a grocery store, for example. Any extremely short skirt or overly tight dress that screams "JUMP ME!". A wig that is more representative of an unkempt woman that's never heard of a comb. I could go on and on but I think I've made my thoughts clear enough.

Thanks and hugs,

Linda

[Maid_Marion]

I dress appropriately when I go out. I'll often shave and wear a little lipstick as part of my dressing.
These days it doesn't take much time to get ready unless I'm trying something new.

I usually get noticed, which is the result of four things.
I have an hourglass figure and a BMI of 20, which means I'm on the borderline of being too thin.
I look young for my age, which puts me on the other side of being old enough to be invisible.
I tend to smile a lot. I see no reason to change that.

Well, four things. The most attractive looking people attract attention and fewer and fewer people look better than I do these days.

Marion

[BrendaPDX]

Doc, Good question. You seem to ask questions that really make me think. Maybe more than I want to, but lets see. Why do I dress like I do? I always like to "present" like the "the girl next door" jeans and top, dresses, but I guess to look good (with out being ****tish, old fashion or prudish), skirts and blouses. Hugh... No answers here, maybe I am a little trans and just haven't faced it yet, hugh. Maybe I dress to look good just not great, or over the top. I don't know, it makes me feel good about myself. Kind of funny and probably not what you were looking for. "Get used to disappointment". I will be watching this thread. Brenda

[ellbee]

Can u CD's who don't identify as females explain why u feel the need to go out dressed everywhere yet don't want anyone to notice u?

I'll take a stab at this, if I may...


And I suppose I'm a good-enough candidate as any, as there have been phases in my life where I would consider myself as a CD'er.


Sometimes, as a CD'er? It's not about other people. It's not about being noticed in *any* kind of way, good or bad. It's not if you can see if you can "fool" someone, or if they end up treating you as a woman in some way.

Nope, it's about you. Wearing what you want. And just going about your daily business, like anyone else would. No one bats an eye.


Maybe it's just something some of us of feel we need to do to really experience life how we want to?



As some of you may now be aware, these days I oftentimes wear a skirt & tights, in guy-mode, in public.

However, here's the catch, if there has to be one: I only do that in my large, multi-building apartment complex that I've lived in for a while now.


Going out like that, to like the grocery store & post office? Yeah, not happening.

And why is that? Because I already know from similar prior experience that I'd be drawing way too much attention from way too many people -- when perhaps I just want to be left alone in my own thoughts & little world.


So, I keep it closer to home. Much more enjoyable that way, and it's turning out that it's definitely been the right path for me at this point in my life.

[GretchenM]

I see in the responses that a lot of them eventually come back to personal preferences of a match between the way they feel and how they look. I am not certain you can actually separate CD from Trans by how they dress. The distinction comes from self concept and sense of self in the context of the environment in which they live. It appears that many do draw a distinction as to whether they are CD or Trans which presumes they do recognize a difference. And that is fine. But how does one tell the difference when you pass on the street? You really can't most of the time because the clothes each wear overlaps in expression so much with the vast diversity in female dressing. Perhaps in their mind there is a distinction but when you see someone there is no way to accurately identify how they conceptualize themselves. So, I think your question, although fundamentally fine, is a bit confusing as to what you mean by CD and Trans and how you separate the two when it comes to expression of each through dressing the part.

Perhaps the problem is where you say that Trans people are women inside which presumes CD's do not sense any femaleness inside. To me that makes no sense. First of all almost everybody's identity contains behavioral characteristics of the opposite sex - pure males and pure females are extremely rare in humans. Some have a lot of the traits of the opposite sex, others less, but almost everybody is a blend in terms of identity even though they are opposites in terms of anatomy. So, that initial motivation factor is critical to the expression in clothing. That motivation is derived from the concepts held in the brain that defines identity and those concepts have little to do with your anatomy. In fact, dressing hides your sexual anatomy to make it parallel with the primary decider which is the brain. It is a bit like trying to distinguish between a Transgender person and a Transexual person - for the most part Transexual has been merged into Transgender because nobody can really tell them apart. Pretty much the same thing is happening on the other end of the scale with CD and Transgender. They all tend to form a spectrum under the Transgender label, but the spectrum also tends to have bumps here and there when some show a bit more clustering than in other areas.

[Melanie Therese]

I wear female shorts 90% of the time in summer but denim or plain short that you wouldn?t consider exclusively female. I wear pantries daily and sometimes a bra when I?m not with my wife although she knows.
As for dresses I don?t have the body or face so I would be instantly identified MAID and don?t really like the look but do have a dress for home, just since Covid there is probably someone else home everyday.
I used to do the occasional interstate road trip on my own (Australia it?s a full day drive) and for this would often be a denim skirt and femme top but just not super obvious.

[Denice]

I definitely prefer to blend. Or at least keep them guessing

[RoxieGrl]

For me, it would depend on where and when I was dressed up. If I was just going shopping, or to the MallWart, I would want more to blend in. If I was going to a club on some night, I would definitely want to stand out a little more. But that's just me.

[closets]

Most people, including my guymode self, don't bother w/ how we look in casual settings. Cds don't get out as much and so we tend to over dress. Dressing is something I do for myself and nothing external. So I'm ok w being anonymous. Putting together a look, an outfit is the challenge. No one can deny the appeal of club wear, but if provocative is the goal, it can certainly be had without mini garb. Doc, you simply don't acknowledge casual fashion