So is everyone here out of the closet, or am I an anomaly?

[Rachael]

I am very firmly in the closet and quite content to remain there. My wife tolerates my wearing panties but will not acknowledge any other feminine traits I have.

That?s me exactly. I wear fem underwear 24/7. Which my wife tolerates but does not approve of. She knows about the rest but I only dress in private or when away from home. I do this out of respect for her views.

[Genifer Teal]

Going out is the only way for me. What's the point of dressing up if no one sees you? Some might say what's the point if you don't take a picture. I guess that works if you're in the closet. For me going out and finding acceptance is everything. It's difficult to post stories in the exact right place in the exact right way for this board to be happy with my posts. For that reason I'm out. LOL I just resigned myself to offering help on other people's posts. I rarely to almost never start my own. I'm okay with that.

[Joanne108]

I am totally out of the ?closet? as far as my wife is concerned. Nobody else has the need to know.

[linda booth]

I've never thought of myself as being in the closest. I've never had a desire to go out in public. I just love the clothes. Im perfectly happy being dressed up in my home.

[Betty70]

Brenda,
Crossdressing in secret apparently satisfies your needs, so you do not expose yourself to unnecessary complications and do not try to show in public.

We are crossdressers, conforming to women makes us happy.
It is rather only of an external nature, because no normal woman gets excited by the fact of wearing panties or a bra.

The need to dress up is progressive, at least that's how it was for me:
It starts with a trifle - a piece of underwear, a cosmetic and then you just want more and more.
Not a moment goes by and you're parading around in a dress, with makeup and hairstyle.
Then comes the desire to join public life as a woman.
Hence the need to "go to public".
For me, the problem is the question: what's next? And I dread to think....

You are happy that, so far, you have not reached this point.

[Majella St Gerard]

Closets are for hanging clothes in. I'm out. I don't walk up to people and say "Hi I'm a cross dresser" but I don't hide the fact, if you did a search of me you'd find a couple of pictures of me all dolled up. It's so much easier this way than hiding and worrying about someone finding out and using that information against you. But that is my choice and it works for me. Everyone has to make their own dissensions on what works for them and what they feel comfortable with.

Peace & Love
Gerri

[ellbee]

For me going out and finding acceptance is everything.

I was never content alone behind closed doors.

And just driving around by myself or whatever got old fast, too.


Simply wanted to be seen, maybe even interact (positively) with some people.

That's where it's at, yo...


Not everyone is gonna be cool. That's fine.

Even just one who is? Worth it! But there will more than that.


Obviously some people (GG's & men) will be "more into it" than others, and in various ways, only natural.

But never try to push someone too much when really prefer not to be, ya know? Whatever their comfort level is with all this, sets the tone. Always respect that.



Anyway, when it comes to the "gender-bending"? Nothing beats face-to-face human interaction!


Of course, I also understand that not everyone can always be in such a position. Hey, if it's any consolation? I've had to forgo some things in life that others get to enjoy, in order to be where I am & to have done what I have. Ah, that's how it is sometimes, what can ya do?


But again: If yer willing & able? Do it. All kinds of rewards can be yours!

[Genifer Teal]

And just driving around by myself or whatever got old fast, too.
:

Old real fast? Were you testing Einstein's theory? Driving the speed of light?

I was thinking how going out is like taking the red pill or the blue pill. I forget which is which. Once you go out you can't undo it. For those that like it. The genie will not go back in the bottle. The first few experiences will be rough very rough. Mostly because you're rough. You get through. it you get better. your demeanor and presentation change. You can't be nervous about it. it shows it affects everything around you and everyone. Once you get that small bit of comfort you start to glow and people want to be around you and understand you and know you. That's when you can't put the rabbit back in the hole. Even from the beginning I almost never dressed up at home. Sure sometimes you need to try an outfit on but makeup? Why? Back to the no one's going to see you theory. Sorry for those who do only stay home. Im not knocking it. It's what you like and that's fine. There's a whole other world out there literally to be experienced. Fortunately I live in a great place to experience it. I'm not in New York City but close enough to go there a lot and even so I found my acceptance locally too. I guess to some extent I created it. regardless being out can be a lot of fun once you get over the first few fumbles.

[Jenn A116]

Just to add a bit to what I posted earlier. I wonder why the OP feels that most of us might be out of the closet. Yes, I know that many of us are, but there is a bit of survey bias involved here. We are all members of this board, and post here, because we have come to some type of self assurance (we don't stress as much) about what we do. Having achieved that threshold, we find it easier to come out to others.

[Sometimes Steffi]

To think about going out. In public.

I think that there's one quote that's very apropos.

Toto. I have a feeling that we're not in Kansas anymore.

From "The Wizard of Oz", for those who can't place it.)

What made Dorothy think that she might not be in Kansas anymore?

Well, for one thing, the movie switches from Black & White to Technicolor.

Ladies, there's a whole new world out there.

Dorothy would have been just fine in Kansas. But, she had a whole new adventure and made a bunch of new friends in the Land of OZ. She even got her her wish. Maybe you could get yours also.

I'm not saying to go out. Do what's right for you. Dorothy had to live through a tornado to get to the Land of OZ. You might not want to go through a tornado.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm in the closet by choice, my boyfriend is extremely accepting and supportive and wouldn't mind if I was out, but since I enjoy just dressing at home and I wear romantic lingerie to bed every night it would be a bit inappropriate to wear bedtime lingerie in public lol!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brenda out only at Home, We have a very workable DA/DT,

[nancy58]

I am still in the closet. I am gradually becoming more comfortable with interacting with other people while dressed en femme, but I haven't yet had the nerve to tell anyone whose opinion matters to me about this side of me. (My wife knows, and she tolerates me.) My feeling is that many people here are in a similar situation.

[Kasey101]

In the closet, for me its more of safety I would suppose I live in FL. Tallahassee is more accepting, but for now I am in the country I tend to keep it private at the moment out of respect for those around me. Will I ever come out probably but I am not in the season for it yet.

[Sabine Janus]

In the closet. My business and no one else knows.

Keeping it that way for as long as I can.

[Lorna]

I wonder if this "in or out" of the closet issue is related to age. Undoubtedly - and it's a good thing - there is far greater acceptance (that's greater than tolerance) of LGBT etc lifestyles than was the case very many years ago when I was a teenager and starting to experiment with crossdressing. At that time I remember thinking about whether it would be possible to "change", but the seeming near-impossibility of doing so was enough to keep me closeted. Later in life we have accumulated so many more contacts and situations that the prospect of suddenly appearing as a female is just too daunting to contemplate. In any case, the kind of clothing that attracted us in the first place is no longer generally worn by women and modern female dress, which would be required for everyday "blending" would not be attractive anyway.
It's good to know that modern teenagers and young people can make their choices with less inhibition.

[Kasey101]

In the closet. My business and no one else knows.

Keeping it that way for as long as I can.

This is what makes it so beautiful. Is being true to yourself and your comfortable zone. Keep up the good work girl!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I wonder if this "in or out" of the closet issue is related to age. Undoubtedly - and it's a good thing - there is far greater acceptance (that's greater than tolerance) of LGBT etc lifestyles than was the case very many years ago when I was a teenager and starting to experiment with cross dressing. At that time I remember thinking about whether it would be possible to "change", but the seeming near-impossibility of doing so was enough to keep me closeted. Later in life we have accumulated so many more contacts and situations that the prospect of suddenly appearing as a female is just too daunting to contemplate. In any case, the kind of clothing that attracted us in the first place is no longer generally worn by women and modern female dress, which would be required for everyday "blending" would not be attractive anyway.
It's good to know that modern teenagers and young people can make their choices with less inhibition.

Could not word that any better. For me I am learning that when it comes to me dressing right now its more of the girly girly girl wear granted I am 35. Which thankfully my age in my generation is the new 31 hehehe. I do understand overtime if I want to keep enjoying the comfort of what I like with age and time comes with progress change. We can still look good tho and age like fine wine, skin products rock by the way, as well just learned today that the liquid eyeliner I bought yesterday defanantley gave my eyelashes some healthy shine. Less to say I am in the closet yes but I could not stop and notice that my step father was taking a few deep thought stares as he was looking at my face. Not angry or scared instead just giggly that I am looking happy with a shine, afterwards looked in the mirror before removing my foundation I was amazed at how healthy my face and smile is looking again.

Sorry for the rambling!

[Celee]

Im still in the closet also. My wife knows but doesn?t want to know, if that makes sense. She has asked if I wore her bra and I got the y out for yes and then she looked at me and said I know you love lacy things so you probably just feel it. Then came a nervous giggle. I know my wife well enough so if she wants to know more she will ask in her time. She has a lot of medical issues so I don?t want to burden her but she does give me some alone time at least once a week. I think my kids would understand. They are of the modern generation so it might be easier but as they say, you can?t put the toothpaste back in the tube so I don?t risk it. Im sure my wife will ask more questions as time goes on and I will answer them honestly.

[JulieC]

It's a curious consideration. I think all humans are closeted in some way towards almost all people in our lives. Rare indeed is the person in our lives who knows everything of significance about me. My coworkers know some things about me, but not all. Friends of mine know things too, but each friend seems to know different aspects. I have two people in my life who know everything. My wife is one, and a girlfriend of mine from long, long ago with whom I remain very close (with my wife's knowledge, support, and happiness with it). Everybody else in my life knows only a subset of the whole of me. Several people beyond my wife and friend know about my crossdressing. None are family.

[Mary Loo]

I have appreciated reading this thread and all the responses, but I find it very interesting that there are 2 distinct definitions applied to the terms in or out of the closet.

First there is the version I will restate as who or how many people know about your cross dressing?

Second there is the more literal interpretation of do you venture outside your house and in your own city or travel to a neighboring one, aka do you go out in public.

My thinking of the definition is more the second one, but I was very surprised by the number of responders who say they are still in the closet, but yet post stories about excursions or trips or shopping or whatever while en femme. To me that is out of the closet! I am not trying to say they are wrong, just pointing out the 2 separate definitions and how I find that very interesting.

Personally my wife (30 years ago roughly) the wig shop owner and her aid (almost a year ago), a Therapist during a lone therapy session (last summer) and members of this board (I joined about a year ago) are the only people that know about my cross dressing, which I definitely consider myself as in the closet, BUT ALSO I have never left my house once yet and have no plans to for the foreseeable future, so still fully closeted by my definition.

Thanks for lots of interesting posts in this thread.

[Cacique82]

Out to my wife, she?s the only one that needs to know. Something between just us two.

[Just Dana]

I'm opening the door a bit, in both senses. I've gone out more this month than ever before - even getting dressed at home and walking out to my car in broad daylight in a skirt! Earlier this week, I came out to the first person who didn't need to know. That went very well and felt great! It was an easy one though, as I knew we shared the same... sense of style, shall we say.

Unfortunately, I will soon go all the way to the back of the closet due to upcoming changes in my living situation. I think I'm trying to be myself as much as possible in the time remaining. (Ugghhh!)

Dana

[Natalie5004]

My wife knows and I have been dressed in her presence, told my sister. I have gone out to grocery stores, Macy's, buy gas, Costco, Shoe and Wig shopping, the movies... I also sit in my front patio dressed multiple times. Full view of the street.

I have yet go to a night club, bar, restaurant. Does this make me out of the closet?

[Emily in the south]

In my book... Yes

[Erin Lafleur]

I don't think you're an anomaly Brenda, I think there's plenty of us here that are rather private about our interests. Certainly nothing wrong with that.
I don't have an SO (quite cheerfully) and my son is now grown and left the coop so now that I am left unsupervised, I am free to be 100% femme around the house, which I do in spades. That is enough for me, given the decades of stealing moments here and there. It's my time now and I couldn't be happier or feel freer in my feminine expression. Absolutely nothing to worry about, just enjoy...
Some years ago, I had work in Phoenix for a year and knew virtually no one in town. I felt that it was a perfect opportunity to go out in the wild and really explore my boundaries.
No worries about popping into friend/neighbour Bob and having a weird interaction. It was interesting but not near compelling enough for me. I'm really fine with where I am and hopefully you are too!