So is everyone here out of the closet, or am I an anomaly?

[BrendaPDX]

Hello and thank you to everyone who posted. I thought I gave a reply, but I can?t find it, so basically here is what I said. When you become fixated on something you will see it more often. Kind of like a certain make and model of a car, once you start looking around you see them everywhere. What I am getting at is so many people write about going out, traveling, shopping, lunches, or just to meet with others. I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn?t share my dressing with anyone. It was reassuring to hear from others telling me that I am not being left out, or missed the train, or that I am not an anomaly. Have things changed? Yes. Are things changing for the better? Yes. Am I alone? Not at all! Thank you all for the help and words of encouragement. I love this place!
Sincerely, Brenda

[abby054]

I live in small town America in a place where the desert and the mountains coexist. Abby appears in public only in big cities. The nearest big city to my small town is 500km distant. But when she appears in public, she has a wonderful time. I am both in the closet and out of it.

[Ursula Harrison]

The short answer is "no".

There are only five women who know about Ursula and a significant amount about my male life. I have not seen two of them for over 20 years.

None of my family or neighbours know and I want it to stay that way. So all of my outings dressed as Ursula take place well away from home - usually hundreds of miles away.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Hello and thank you to everyone who posted. I thought I gave a reply, but I can?t find it, so basically here is what I said. When you become fixated on something you will see it more often. Kind of like a certain make and model of a car, once you start looking around you see them everywhere. What I am getting at is so many people write about going out, traveling, shopping, lunches, or just to meet with others. I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn't share my dressing with anyone. It was reassuring to hear from others telling me that I am not being left out, or missed the train, or that I am not an anomaly. Have things changed? Yes. Are things changing for the better? Yes. Am I alone? Not at all! Thank you all for the help and words of encouragement. I love this place!
Sincerely, Brenda

Indeed, I think MOST of us are more like you and me---- It's just that the different personality types who DO often go out and about while dressed are the ones who write POSTS most OFTEN. Us "Closeted" folks might simply get the wrong impression seeing their number of posts.

[April Rose]

Marina nails it.

[Glenda58]

There's more in than out. I've been in and out for yrs. I'm now in when my wife is around and out when she is out of town.

[Maid_Marion]

I have yet to post a pic of my feminine presentation on Facebook.

[2B Natasha]

Out. Completely out. Shot I don't even know where I fit in anymore. When I first came to I was all over the top makeup and dressing to the 11's. Hit the dance clubs and support groups. Then as time went by I toned down the makeup and rained in the dressing and found my grove. Little later on I lost the wig and just mostly show off the shaved head. Posted photo in contest on sites like Lane Bryant. Never did win anything. That sucks. But I did it. With glasses I toned the makeup down even more. Really what the point of having your eye make-up on point if nobody can really see it. Began mixing my wardrobe and home and at work. The wife and I will get done up to go to the theatre or a show. Have longish acrylic nails mostly done up in red or teal or green to support the local trams. Mixing in skirts and leggings at work. Dresses would not really work for my job really well so I've stayed away from those. Like I said. I am not even sure where I fit in anymore. Am I trans? not really. Am I a crossdresser? Not really. I am more gender fluid and present anyway I want whenever I want.

I take the attitude. I am happy with myself and I would like you to be my friend but if this is too much for you and you can't cope, then I wish you peace and happiness on your journey.

Have I lost friends over this? Not really over gender fluidity. People do seem to come and go in life but there is always other reasons completely unrelated to this topic. I did lose one friend, or so friend I thought. Turned out she was battling alcohol, she won last I checked. And a controlling wife, whom she's left. But the damage is done.

[ShawnaL]

In and out, I would have to say. Since I haven't yet made "the" public reveal on true gender identity, I suppose that makes me "In". But the fact that I go about my life so often in public as my true self - including the town I live in - KNOWING that it's inevitable that I'll eventually meet up face-to-face with someone who knows me, (and not really concerned about it) puts me in the "Out" category...LOL! (I really do love my life...)
Shawna

[Lacey New]

Very much in the closet. The only people who know are sales associates who see an anonymous male purchasing women?s clothing, usually underwear, and paying in cash.

[Cynthia_0101]

I would say I have one foot in and one foot out of the closet. My wife and kid know and I have one close personal friend that knows. I would love to head out dressed at least once and maybe even find a makeup artist willing to help me with some lessons, but we shall see how that works out.

[Genifer Teal]

2B Natasha:

I take the attitude. I am happy with myself and I would like you to be my friend but if this is too much for you and you can't cope, then I wish you peace and happiness on your journey.

Well said. Sums up where I am.

[Alexandrea]

Im in the closet, only 1 friend knows and he has seen pictures of me. I dont think this will ever change.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Very much in the closet. The only people who know are sales associates who see an anonymous male purchasing women's clothing, usually underwear, and paying in cash.

Lacey

I remember being right where you are. But I got lucky and shopped at Dress Barn before they closed down. All of the SAs there were very supportive, and would help you out a lot once they figured out that you were a serious buyer.

I'm much more open about my shopping, but I still pay in cash. My wife carefully reviews the credit card bills each month and a charge fro Dress Barn, or similar women's only store, would certainly be questioned. And rightfully so; it could be fraudulent.

[Majella St Gerard]

I would think that most here are in the closet to some degree and that a small minority are totally out. That's just the way I perceive it. I could be wrong. We need a real poll. I mean, I'm out but there are a lot of people that know me that don't know about my hobby. Not that I'm hiding anything but it doesn't come up in normal work conversation.

[DianeT]

Nobody knows except my wife whom I told a few years ago after more than 36 years of hiding it. So you could say I am more in the closet than not. But I dress in private and don't see how what I do in my privacy could concern the rest of the world, so I don't really feel like being in the closet. Or maybe I am in the closet for all these other things I don't tell the rest of the world. And the dressing is just one to add on top of them.

[Mtoffee]

Hi Brenda,
My wife knows and is very supportive; even amused (!), but she's the only one as far as I know.

[jennifer60]

I?m in the closet with my dressing except here no one not even my wife knows but I do wish i could do it with her

[Heather Anne]

I have been out of the closet since 2004 and even more so since I retired 2016. I get out dressed en femme at least twice a week, usually Wednesday and Saturday. A friend of mine and I went bowling after lunch yesterdasy. I live just South of Atlanta. I am single and have been since 2000.

[JustineFallow]

My wife, several ex-girlfriends, a few friends, and some salespeople/business owners. And my late mother. It was kind of a relief that she finally admitted over a decade ago that she knew (I was wearing her stuff for a long time, only because I had no alternatives).

[JennyOpalstar1]

Hmmm...
For me, my CD experiences are still a very private thing. My wife knows, and is doing her best to find ways to support me. (We even chatted about picking up new stocking at some point.)
For me, I am still searching for situations where getting dressed up is appropriate, outside of the privacy of my house. I guess that classifies as closet-ed.

Jenny xxooxxoo

[Robin777]

If being in the closet means no one knows about my dressing and not going out in public dressed, I'm in the closet. My late wife is the only person that knew about my dressing. She enjoyed it and encouraged it. The furthest I have been out of the house dressed is the back yard, yelling at the dogs in the daylight and the mailbox after dark. I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. I have been that way for over 40 years and I am content just dressing in the house.

[sometimes_miss]

Safely in the closet. Always have been, and decided to stay there, based on real life experience, and listening carefully to what people think of crossdressers, when they don't know one is listening to them.
Told wife (at the time), wound up a disaster and divorce. Told sister, who no longer speaks to me after that. Told mother, she was horrified. Won't ever speak of it. Watched the world's reaction when Ms Jenner came out to the world; most weren't very sympathetic; many were outraged that their champion decathalon champion would turn out to be a girly guy, and horrific as it could get to them, a girl.

So in the closet I stay.

I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn't share my dressing with anyone.

See, not everyone here feels the need to 'share our crossdressing' with others. We don't need other people's approval, or have anyone tell us how great we look 'as a woman', because we deep down, know that those are lies. We don't look anything like female at birth women. So that's not the reason everyone here does it.
It's just that the pink fog is extremely thick here, to the point that we sometimes forget that the attitudes here aren't representitive of the general public.

As has been written many times before, if you ask a dozen crossdressers why we do it, you will quite likely get a dozen different answers. Folks, try to remember that. I understand the natural desire to believe that everyone is just like you; this occurs because we all want to feel that we are 'normal'. But that's not reality. Few people are actually normal in every way. As crossdressers, there's not even a 'normal for a crossdresser', because the reasons each of us do it, and the feelings we derive from doing it, are often so different from what others do.

Now then:

What's the point of dressing up if no one sees you?

Again, we don't all do it to get other people's attention / reaction / approval.
For some of us, and I'm not implying that it applies to everyone, it just feels normal to be dressed in female specific attire. It's men's clothing that almost feels like we're wearing a costume, pretending to be something we're not. I feel as if the male clothing I wear when I'm out in public, is more like a uniform which is necessary to accomplish a particular task, much like a deep sea diver wears a special outfit, or a fireman wears a particular outfit to run into a burning building. My male clothing allows me to go out into the world without having to deal with the potential ramifications which could occur had I done it in girl clothes.

We are crossdressers, conforming to women makes us happy. It is rather only of an external nature, because no normal woman gets excited by the fact of wearing panties or a bra.

Another assumption that we all get some sort of enjoyment from crossdressing. Again, that's not it. There's no thrill, no 'happy feeling' derived from wearing female clothes. For some, it just feels normal.

It's one of the things that still amazes me; how many people have been here for a very long time (judging by their join dates), yet, still don't have a clue that others experience different things, than they do, from crossdressing.

Sorry for those who do only stay home. Im not knocking it. It's what you like and that's fine. There's a whole other world out there literally to be experienced.

I don't need that experience. I've read about other's experiences out there in the world as a crossdresser, and I don't see anything there, that I'd either need to, or like to, experience.

[audreyinalbany]

as usual, its all about the semantics...my friends and acquaintances don't know...my wife does and tries to be supportive although doesn't want to see/participate...I have my time at home to dress and sometimes take a few days out of town to indulge...so is this "in" the closet" or "out" of the closet or "party out" of the closet......you tell me. as a (simple) crossdresser and not interested in transitioning or living as female is it necessary that I tell everyone I know that I like to dress in women clothes??? Probably not. Is there a prize for being 'out"? a penalty for being "in"?

[juliannacd]

In the closet for now at least. We will see. Recently out of a LT relationship where I did not share this aspect of my personality and basically stayed away from dressing up for a long time. Just starting to get back into things (bought some forms that arrived today) and I really haven't decided what will happen in terms of letting others know in the future. It depends on if Id be willing to accept that change that would very likely occur as a result of people you know knowing.