Do we really want to be seen ?

[kimdl93]

Of course we want to be seen.
Who would go through all the things we do to make ourselves so pretty and not want someone to see us and admire what we have done.

Honestly, I tend to harbor doubts about my appearance, so when I meet with a GG friend and whether I get a compliment or reassurance, it isn?t so much an adrenaline shot as a confidence builder.

[sometimes_miss]

Do you have a thrill from the possibility of getting caught.

I think that it's likely that many might risk being 'discovered' when they go out, because they wish that whoever sees them, will happily accept that they crossdress and be not just fine with it, but eagerly help the poor crossdresser either by befriending him, or starting a romantic thing with him.
It's just a dream which some of us have, that just isn't going to happen.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Sandi, I've asked myself the same things. I'm a MIAD, no doubt about it. Not a woman, not a gurl, just a guy in cute clothes. I love to drive, check my PO box during off hours, get gas, all while dressed in cute clothes. I apparently want to be seen. And then when it looks like someone might see me I panic and try to avoid the sighting. Doesn't make any sense.

I have gotten SLIGHTLY better at just owning the moment if I'm seen, acting like there's nothing wrong with how I'm dressed (which I know there isn't but yet there is). Working on it still!

[Natalie5004]

To be seen? Is that the same as to exist? Natalie does exist. I get out a few times a month to public places.

At times I cannot stop myself. I love being free to walk in women's section of department stores buying cute clothes, makeup, bras, undies and stockings.

Been to the movies but never out at night for a dinner or drinks. I will have to do that soon.

it is not my fault, Natalie is here and she wants out.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I think Wanting to be SEEN is really the desire for the HIGH we get for "breaking a BIG taboo" and getting away with it. ---- It might not be immediately obvious, even to the dresser. they might only think that "it feels so good". The psychologies of straight cross-dressers are quite complex and varied. Some of us can get off on "humiliation", in a masochistic variant. In some cases, the subconscious mind FIGHTS to preserve ones personal identity, and can result in a "high" if we dress in a way that threatens to CHANGE that.--- ME, I don't want to be seen at ALL (it's too scary).

[NancySue]

Even though I dress every day, some days more, some days less, and go out for walks and car rides both with my wife and alone, I?m not to the point of going to bars, restaurants or movies. There are times, I think it would be fun, but I get cold feet. Our small, gossipy community, in which we are active, is a large factor. Getting caught would not be good. As I?ve said, I do envy you. Maybe some day.

[Christie ann]

To be seen…sure, but really it’s just to be. Be me. Walking around all dressed up I have told everyone that I identify more with the women of the world. Oh, and I love being able to do all the pretty things I can do as a woman.

[Fiona_44]

Sandi,

On average there are around 3 days per month that I go out in drab for one reason or another. All the other times when I am out, and 100% of the time when I am home, I dress as a woman so basically I now live virtually all my life as a woman. I was somewhat nervous the first 3 or 4 times I went out but not as nervous as I expected and quickly became comfortable being en femme. In looking back on all the things I worried about before ever going out, not one of them has ever occurred. And I do not mind it at all if people look at me, in fact I rather enjoy it and sometimes dress in a way that encourages them to look. For me it validates all the time, effort and money I put into emulating women. Being checked out also makes me feel extremely feminine.

And yes I know that many CD sisters are in situations where they cannot or do not want to go out in public. My comments here are directed at those CD's who can go out but hesitate for fear of whatever. I have lost count of the sisters who have expressed sentiments such as "why did I wait so long to do this" or "that was easier than I expected" or "I am sooo glad I made the decision to go out". I am so happy with the direction my life has taken and I hope that my story helps someone overcome their hesitation.

Fiona

[nancy58]

I had a discussion about this point with my therapist one time. She said, "You want to be seen!" I said no, because I don't think of myself as an exhibitionist, but after going out a few more times and enjoying some of my weeks en femme], I realized that yes, I do want to be seen -- and accepted, or at least tolerated -- in femme mode. I'm not entirely sure why that is, but I am more and more tired of hiding.

[Jean 103]

Yes, I am a girl who wants to be noticed. The girls have taking me in and and treat me as one of the girls. I've been living as Jean now for years and I am very popular.

Last Saturday night at the bar. It's karaoke night, a lot of my friends are there. This lady comes up to me, tells me that a friend of hers just came out to her. Her friend wants to go out in public. This friend of hers said the it was because of me . The acceptance that I have.

I'm not the only trans person just one of the more visible ones.

There is this other trans girl in our group of friends. I don't know her other than to say hi. A close friend of mine knows her. She's usually sitting by herself or maybe with one friend. Last Saturday night she was at the table right in the middle of it with all my friends she had a smile that went from ear to ear. I felt so happy for her.

[Just Dana]

Often when I read these long, make-you-think threads, I find that someone has given my answer - and done it much better than I can. So, uh, what Charlotte said.

Oh, and I find it MUCH easier to shop in the women's section.

Dana

[CeCe]

I am in the minority here. I am not interested in being seen, except possibly by another crossdresser so we can share and compare our stories.

[Helen_Highwater]

Most go from furtive little night time forays to taking a daylight walk in a park where close contact can be largely avoided building over time to going shopping or out to a pub/eatery.

Along the way we're not intent on being seen, noticed and apart from a few exhibitionist we aim to merge into the background.

So for me, as I've got ever more confident with "outandaboutery" I'm not looking to be seen, more looking for those opportunities to have those little interactions with those around me. Exchange a few pleasantries with a SA or serving staff in an eatery.

I guess it's that I don't want to exist in isolation. We are social creatures and I want that to carry on when dressed. I don't want my CD'ing to form a barrier that shields me from being part of society. I want to be just a someone else doing and acting as all those around me. Not an alien in a foreign land.

So, I dress to blend, not to stand out but I'm not going to shy away from interacting with those around me just as I would if it was drab me out there.

[Jade P]

Helen, that is very well said. I dont go out visibly dressed as a woman but if I ever do I would want to just blend in and be accepted for who I am.

[Suzie Petersen]

For me it was always that I would like to be seen, but not be noticed.

I have never had a desire to be "discovered", quite the opposite.

- Suz

[Genifer Teal]

I think being seen and putting on a show are opposite ends of the spectrum. I think the real question is who likes hiding every time we dress? There is an endless list of reasons which make it difficult to be seen in a dress. Do we really want to remain hidden? I don't think anyone wants to be trapped indoors or hiding when in a dress.

[kimdl93]

I totally agree with Genifer. Trapped and hidden are two feelings that motivated me to get over my fears about going out into the world. That being said, I also understand those of us who indeed prefer to keep to themselves. Its entirely ok!

Although we have so much in common, such a diverse group also includes individuals with their own interests and needs. My wanting, needing and loving the experience of being out and mingling with people in no way diminishes the validity of those who do not share this particular desire.

[KymG]

All I can say for an answer is that I still go for night drives and spend an age sitting in the car, waiting for the street to be clear so I can post a letter across the road.
Every now and then I will misstime it and get seen by a car, and that is both terrifying and thrilling at the same time.
I have done daytime drives, but not often.
I do walk to the car dressed, and not worry about the neighbours now, whereas before, Id put jeans and a hoodie over the top first.
That's only been recently though.
One time I used a toll bridge and the barrier initially failed to rise, and that was scary, and I've not done it since.
God knows why, it shouldn't be a big deal. Perhaps I need to be seen to see what happens.
Some of my friends have seen Kym, and although accepting, dont want to see her again, but that was years ago.
I cant imagine ever socialising dressed, although its a nice idea, but who knows what life has in store.

[closets]

I'm always thinking about what to wear next. To be in public is not about seeking attention, or to be seen. I'm content w disappearing into the crowd. The goal is to be normal and function in society.

[Sallee]

Yes I generally want to be seen but certainly not read. I like to pass and not get read. I do get clocked occasionally, not often, and that kind of adds to the thrill. I can remember going out and getting looks. I use to think people were checking me out because I was dressed nicely and good looking, now thinking back I was probably getting read. Oh well It was fun and to me that is what cross dressing is all about. I do find I can get very comfortable going out anywhere, the mall, movies, even the grocery store and generally not one cares. I certainly like going to the club, usually drag clubs and of course every one gets read there. So I dress appropriately and I stand out, but that's the plan.
Back in the begining I use to suffer the fear of getting read but then I realized it seldom happens people are wrapped up in their own world.
Get out have fun enjoy yourself. For the most part nobody cares. HAVE FUN

[countrygirl]

I want to be seen as the lady that I am and not some guy in a dress. I want to be accepted as Amanda. Be treated as Amanda. Not some sex object as some folks think we are. We are not. We are ladies and we desire and deserve respect. As mom always told me and my sister growing up, if folks can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

[Jillcder]

In my early outings I avoided being seen but now I put myself in situations to be seen as much as possible. I try to be as ladylike as possible so that when someone reads me instead of laughing (Im sure they do) they go wow he is really trying and occasionally they will compliment my outfit. Very exciting to be seen.

[Kandi Robbins]

Once I went all the way (wig, makeup, etc...), being seen was a must! If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound? If I got dressed and no one saw me, what's the point? I do understand those that dress at home only and I respect their reasons.

Over the nine years that Kandi has existed as a person, a real woman in my mind, she has been out well over a thousand times. She seeks highly public (and generally the most safe) places, in front of as many people as possible. I will use just one simple example. I am a frequent volunteer at The Cleveland Museum of Art. We have a huge party every June, our summer solstice. I am the main greeter for that event and a good five thousand people see me when doing this. And when I am out around town, I cannot tell you the number of people that have come up, said hello and remembered me from those parties.

I won't beat a dead horse here, but here are no excuses for not going out. There certainly are reasons, but if you are making excuses, you are cheating yourself.

By walking out that door, I have become a bridal model, I have walked New York Fashion Week, I am on the board of a local fashion show, I have been in now eight movies (three major productions) and made more friends (cis friends mostly) than I deserve. I have flown pretty and I am dressed for everything possible. I go to the doctor and for medical appointments dressed. And coming up at the end of this month, I will again draw a paycheck as Kandi while working for The Cleveland International Film Festival.

Be smart, be appropriate, be confident and be visible and you too can do some of these awesome things!


https://kandis-land.com/

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks for the thoughtful replies all.

Also, I can not think of anyone who is out and seen more than Kandi. Totally awesome Kandi.

My closing thoughts. I used to struggle with wanting to go out but thinking I did not want to be seen for a long time. Eventually I figured out that I really do want to be seen, noticed, and welcomed for the person I am , quirky as I may be at times. The back and forth struggle within was actually stressful in itself.

Picture this: I pull up to a convenience store at night. Looks pretty slow. Oops a car just pulled up, better wait. Ok they left. Now get out of the car Sandi. Well do it Sandi. Just do it. Back and forth. What if this, what if that. Sometimes getting out, and sometimes not. Oh the stress of it all.

I now know I wanted to be seen. I just did not know it back then. It turns out that it is fun to be seen and noticed, and that is actually what I wanted. It just took me a while to figure that out.

Sandi

[MarinaTwelve200]

As a "Stay at home", I can understand those who WANT to be SEEN---- We are all of different personality types and are into CDing for different reasons. It frightens me to be seen or think I might be seen, BUT "One's person's FEAR is another person's RUSH, especially if they get away with it. To them it is part of the FUN of CDing. And surprisingly, I think that THEY are the minority. Such people are also MOST likely to POST, so we see a lot more posts of people who travel OUTSIDE.---And yes, there is also more to post, from those who go out vs those of us who stay home.