Lily has been out about a dozen times but only for walks around the block or to the shops. Now it?s the big one?a LGBT+ club in my city has a regular trans night. I?ve got a hotel room booked and I?m hitting it. Equal parts excited and terrified. Give me all your best tips - how to approach it, how to interact, makeup - anything! Feel like I?m going in the deepend now?
Lily, where are you, depends , uk usa , lol
Calm down and take a deep breath. It's going to be completely normal. Plan everything carefully to avoid getting lost or a long wait for transportation. You can treat the night like Halloween. Anything goes, most won't care. Give it your best shot to look good. Years down the road you will probably laugh about this night. How you looked acted, how scared you were. Everything will be fine.
I will add my two cents. I've observed many CDers from my hubby's group. The newbie's were very self-conscious, and I can understand that. However, try to avoid looking guilty for anything, you aren't doing anything wrong. No eyes darting around, no checking to see if people are looking at you, no man-spread, and just have a great time.
+1 for what Char said. Yes, it's a tall order, but relax. You're going to be clocked, so just accept that, because nothing bad is going to happen. If you appear nervous or guilty, reactions will be less charitable, so relax... and smile! A genuine smile is a powerful thing. It almost demands a smile in return.
Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".
No need to be terrified. Just be yourself, really. Like Aunt Kelly said, smile and engage people in conversation. As for appearance, if you are uncertain about your skills, try to keep it simple.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Respect Lily, that's something my wife is pushing for but unfortunately I'm 10% excited and 90% terrified and too chicken. Let us know how it goes.
Lily,
Firstly remember you will be in the company of kindred spirits who will come in all shapes and sizes, style of dress, levels of makeup skills. So once in there you'll soon find your feet.
Are you planning to walk from your hotel to the venue enfemme? If so remember walking in heels on a pavement can quickly take it's toll on your feet. Also, I would recommend looking at Google street view to familiarise with the route and general location if you're not already familiar. Going back to shoes while the temptation is to wear your highest heels, if you've not spent hours wearing them and possibly spending time standing, spending the evening in them can prove very uncomfortable. Well broken in shoes with a more modest heel could save you from a painful end to the night.
Don't be afraid to engage in conversation. Do the "Is this seat taken?" "Is it OK if I sit here?" "It's my first time out dressed attending an event so I'm a little nervous". From my experience people are usually happy to chat and to hear your story.
Stay sober and avoid getting into a round of drinks. Letting your hair down is for another time. Use this to find your feet and to feel comfortable just being there. This is hopefully the first of many so take it steady for now.
I'll predict that for the first few minutes you'll feel totally all at sea but that will quickly pass and you'll have an enjoyable and memorable experience to build upon.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Lily
Don?t forget that others are in the same frame of mind that you are in, so don?t feel like you are the oddball. You are normal to them as they will be to you.
Having been to 3 dozen clubs myself, so I have a pretty good feel for the environment. It is hard to relax initially but you will. Just try to smile when someone makes eye contact with you. I sometimes just give a little smile and a quick wave. That will test to see how engaging the others are. Sometimes they will invite you over.
When I sit at a bar next to someone, I say something like, don?t worry I don?t bite. I recall one GG said to me, you are fine, and another said - well I might. Haha. I had a good laugh when she said that. Just try to relax and engage with someone and you will have a great time.
Sandi
Lily, I go clubbing to LGBT friendly venues often. I've found the most important thing for me to feel relaxed and comfortable is the outfit I've chosen to wear!
Pick a club appropriate dress u think u look good in!
Then, when u see u look as good or better than the other T's there you'll feel confident and able to mix easier!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
i know it will be daunting but just do you....be your "self" just in the appearance you prefer.
its a LGBT club that has a trans night....they'll be expecting you....they even invited you....have a good time....
most inportant wear something you feel comfortable in....it doesn't have to be a dress and high heels....
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
Wear shoes that fit and that you can stand all night and walk comfortably in.
If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss
I agree about Shoes. Reminds me of one of my early forays.
The court shoes with moderate heels were fine at home but I had to park a little way from the venue and was a bit late. Suddenly they became the loosest shoes ever.
Relax. Be comfortable, I found being trusted up in shapewear etc stressed me and I perspired quite a bit so I dumped most of it and was then able to be myself more. Have fun, couldn't be in a more friendly venue.
Do your best at femming up, and walk right in. Take a few minutes, if need be, to get used to the surroundings. If nobody comes to you, take a deep breath, walk up to the first likely person, and introduce yourself. You may be amazed at how relaxed you can feel when you are in the company of kindred spirits.
The most surprising thing I discovered is that it turns out that I am way more adventurous than a lot of the other ladies. I really wouldn't have thought that.
www.flickr.com/people/196660660@N08/
I concur on the heels or lack of wearing them....maybe stylelesh wedges? The Wingman idea works too ie power in numbers. Have fun be safe.
Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.
Totally disagree with those who think comfort trumps looking good!
Give me a sexy figure using 3 girdles, a silicone prosthesis, and 5" spikes! When I know I look good out dressed? Being uncomfortable makes me very comfortable!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
1) Don't go out, it's a slippery slope of wanting to do it more and more!
2) Don't go out unless you're ready to be filmed and uploaded to TikTok/Twitter/Instagram. That's the world we live in - it may be for good reasons, it may be for bad.
Charlotte, thats a very harsh statement, which I think could be harmful to our community, I love going out meeting my girls of similar likes to mine, we go shopping meet in coffee shops, go out at night to pubs clubs, please dont discourage our girls from doing this, your gonna scare the jeebies out of them with this statement.
Not wishing to go off piste here but I'll have to agree with Debs.
I've been going out in public for well over a decade and in all that time I've only ever once had someone try to photograph me. I gave them my best teacher stare and they thought the better of it.
Plus, it's also my experience that we look so different to our male self it's unlikely anyone would recognise you anyway.
Lily, just go for it, have a good time, you'll curse yourself if you don't go
I'm sorry for being realistic.
Everybody has a video camera in their pocket now. Young people want to post videos to go viral.
It was recently posted in another thread, if you're not ready to be outed, you're not ready to go out.
Those are true words, and yes, they're scary, but that is what stops us following the pink fog and making life changing decisions.
As the new girl, you will likely have more eyes focused on you. This can be a lot of unwanted attention. Try not to focus on it. Hopefully some will realize you are new and say hello.
If your presentation is good enough that you won't be recognized, being photographed should not be an issue. If your presentation is not that good, you should probably stay home with the blinds closed.Originally Posted by CharlotteCD
[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]
Advice on going out to a club dressed: Don't get drunk and do something you would not do when sober.
Krisi
Lily, my advice is: breath. It's not scary, it's not dangerous and you will be accepted.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
Lily, Sat night in OKC was my first time out dressed as Diane. Thankfully it was a crossdresser event at a hotel, so I was among other Cd'ers. I felt welcomed and easily relaxed and had a really good evening. Since you're going to an LGBT+ club you shouldn't have any worries. You'll be among a group that will welcome you with open arms and make you feel right at home.
As Helen said what shoes you wear are very important. Are you used to walking in heels or do you prefer flats? For myself, since I've only been CDing since Sep, I chose to wear flats, actually a pair of nice sandals, Sat night. I'm certain if I had tried heels of any size I'd have fallen on my face.
As Krisi said do not get drunk and do something you wouldn't do sober. I had one mixed drink all night and that was fine for me. Above all else relax and enjoy yourself, once you're out among others at the LGBT+ club you'll find you wanting to do it again. I know I plan on going to the Girls Night Out in OKC again next month.
If you are staying in a hotel, when you are dressed, double check carefully for your room key,remember where in your purse you are putting it, and then open the door.
And then walk through it.
It's the first step on the yellow brick road to freedom.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
Posting Permissions
