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Thread: do you care if you pass....

  1. #26
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    I care if I look good.

  2. #27
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    I do care.
    I don't pass.

    I also have a S.O. who has definite boundaries in place.
    So - I don't go anywhere or even try any more.
    (I sure WANT to, though)

  3. #28
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    An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

    But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

    I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

    Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.
    Last edited by Ursula Harrison; 03-21-2023 at 05:42 AM.

  4. #29
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    No. Surprisingly this helped me pass better. Lol when you stop obsessing over details and just go about your business, you look more natural. You don't stand out as much. From day one I figured they would know, probably due to my height . I'm OK with that if their next thought is but he looks good. Looking good enough is actually kind of helpful. When you cross a certain threshold Of appearance you somehow become much less Of A threat and Gain more acceptance even if your secret is known.
    Last edited by Genifer Teal; 03-20-2023 at 12:47 PM.

  5. #30
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    Yes, I care but also understand I will never 100% be mistaken for a women.

  6. #31
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    I try not to scream out crossdresser, but I doubt I could ever 100% pass. The best I could ever pass is the 50' test, just tall and ugly . I just want to look nice and blend.
    Sara

  7. #32
    Sometimes Brooke Beano980's Avatar
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    I very much try to pass or at least blend. But I have a lot of work to do to get past the mental fragility of being clocked. Getting clocked as a man has way to strong of a hold on my enjoyment and absolutely limits my enjoyment when I'm out. It's my kryptonite and I need to put in the work to take away it's grip on me.

  8. #33
    Member Stephanie Michelle's Avatar
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    I do care to pass. I never will at 6'3" won't be fooling anybody. Si I don't go out. Might dress and drive around at night. Its better than sitting at home. Always worried that I might get stopped, or break down.

  9. #34
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    My goal is to pass or at least blend in, some-days I do it very well other days...well at least I enjoy my femme time out in public.
    Jill

  10. #35
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    When I was younger, it definitely mattered. In our small town, blending in, is a must. Anymore, Knowing I won?t pass, I always dress underneath, panties, thigh highs, bra, etc. which is fine with me. Occasionally, when I?m out in my car, I?ll add a touch of makeup, a skirt, top and low heels. I do fear a flat tire, fender bender, police, etc.

  11. #36
    TrueNorth Strong & Fierce Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Nancy you fear the police? Thought they are obligated to serve and protect. I sure would not want to pass as a female when pulled over by the police. “Sorry lady, this is not your ID. Please produce the proper identification!”
    Last edited by Princess Chantal; 03-20-2023 at 05:36 PM.

  12. #37
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    Yes, I care if I pass. That's really the whole point for me. I try to put myself in situations where I won't be examined closely by others or have to converse with them.
    Krisi

  13. #38
    Junior Member Snide_lobster's Avatar
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    My shoulders are too broad, my chest is too barrel-y, my arms too muscular to be deluded into thinking I pass. Sure I can hide those features in a well taken photo but life is not lived with excellent lighting and camera angles. That being said I always give it my best.

  14. #39
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Of course, I care if I pass. But I don't. Even though I'm only four foot twenty eight inches tall.

    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Chantal View Post
    Nancy you fear the police? Thought they are obligated to serve and protect. I sure would not want to pass as a female when pulled over by the police. “Sorry lady, this is not your ID. Please produce the proper identification!”
    Of course, you are right. I just hope that you are never in a situation which might leave you dead right.
    Mother told me to never assume that everyone will obey the laws, and it's kept me alive, at least so far.
    Be careful out there. Never assume that everyone else will do the right thing; tens of millions of people have died, making that mistake.

    I don't pass. I wouldn't pass at midnight, in a coal mine, during a blackout, and a solar eclipse, from a hundred yards.
    So I don't go out, and don't plan to. I could pass when I was 14. After my shoe size went way past that, as did the rest of my body size expanded to coincide with the foot size, I gave up on ever hoping to pass, again.

    The only female I could possibly pass as, would be a female sasquatch. But even then...... I don't think a male sasquatch would be fooled.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Diane P's Avatar
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    sometime_miss I LOVE the way you described your height . Going by your description I'm four feet nineteen inches. I'm certain I'd have trouble passing also. So far though my only time out dressed was at a Girls Night Out in OKC. So, of course, I was very comfortable there.

  16. #41
    Member Teresa.Smith.VA's Avatar
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    Over the years of cross dressing and with lots of help from my wife, I have succeeded in blending in public. Thats enough to make me very happy.

  17. #42
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    Do I care if I pass ??? Yes no don?t worry much I am a older girl. I lost a bunch of weight and I try I had back surgery and still have balance issues ? so I stand out more do than a gg would ? I go I?d what I want and smartly just go out

  18. #43
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Do I care whether or not I pass, no. I know I don't certainly up close but I've come to believe from the experiences I've had that my camouflage, my overall appearance, is good enough to allow me the merge into the crowd (avoided the B word there eh!)

    And being just another face(less person) in the crowd will do for me. I can go about my business as other theirs. I'll always try to improve my appearance, hone my makeup skills, get the mannerisms off pat, work on my speech bt as it stands I'm content that the image I present is good enough for me to go out and about without hinderence.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member Debs's Avatar
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    I do care, in my head I assure myself that I do look like a woman and believe me thats a big part of the confidence of going out. Helen your just a natural now when we are out and about.

  20. #45
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    Yes I do. I am lucky that i'm small for a guy, 5ft 6 140-145 and I workout daily so I keep myself trim. I'm confident when I go out; but I think we all experience some level of uneasiness.

  21. #46
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    So much of what we can or cannot do is in our heads. Attitude is everything, as they say. I spent so many years fretting over my big feet, big hands and broad shoulders, convinced that I would never pass or even blend in. Until I decided that none of that mattered and that people tend to treat you the way you want to be treated. I interact with the world constantly as Monica and I have never not been treated like a woman. I carry myself as such and people treat me as such, everything from the most basic greeting to flirting and courting, even though I'm not trying to fool anyone into thinking that I'm a cis woman. Attitude.

  22. #47
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    "Attitude" is not quite everything. "Reality" is something to consider. If you are built like Hulk Hogan, adding a wig and boobs isn't going to fool a lot of people into thinking you are an actual woman.

    We have to accept reality and we have to live with what we have been given. We can do a lot of things to make ourselves appear to be women, but there's a practical limit to what we can do. We should also realize that many times, people will smile and be pleasant to us and then laugh and make comments as soon as our backs are turned.
    Krisi

  23. #48
    Member ronny0's Avatar
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    Oh I wish I could 'pass'... But from 50ft or so I would guess no one can 'really' tell. (Joke) Beer Goggles also help :-)
    Still out and about, doing people watching, many GG's don't 'present' all that 'feminine' as in they may have all the correct parts.
    But they make little to no effort to appear 'feminine' and many times appear to be dressing to be unisex or even masculine.
    Could be they are tired of all the attention etc etc etc.... Or maybe they just want some ME time w/o having to fend off all the horny dogs.
    Bottom Line, I guess I WISHED I could pass when on a near encounter, but like many it is a hard sell when our proportions are an the extreme range of what would be considered as 'normal' for a GG.
    Do-Over: IMO many on this site dress (or show images) far more 'Feminine' / 'Sexual' / 'Provocative' than the average GG you / I see at the local mall. As a great example, many of 'us' love Pantyhose / Stockings & heels far more than it appears the average GG do. As in for me, 99% of the time I 'dress' I am in hose & heels, but if I go to any mall / store etc.... I can spend hr's w/o viewing a GG wearing a dress (skirt) or heels. Stockings / Pantyhose apparently are a item of clothing ALMOST never worn out in public? Apparently from many quips / articles I have read about the sale of pantyhose and stockings. It may be that crossdressers are now the major buyers of 'Nylon Leg Coverings'. I guess my thought's would be that many GG's don't dress to impress like many crossdressers do.

  24. #49
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I would like to comment that GG's typically dress for the "venue". They do not typically consider a grocery store, movies, or a mall, a dressy venue. That is why I do like to attend concerts, plays, clubs, and dances where I get a chance to wear cute dresses and heels. (I do work at a concert venue and the GG's are dressed beautifully!)

    As to passing, wear what you like. However, remember, if you aren't dressing for the venue that typically warrants GG's to wear the type of clothes that some CDers are attracted to, you may stand out and be scrutinized more closely. If you truly "care if you pass", keep in mind the "place" that you are trying to pass. The idea of "blending" in with the crowd usually helps people who "care" about "passing".

    Wear what you like, it's all ok. Just remember that GG's will probably be dressed more casually when they are doing a casual activity. Don't get the impression at the mall that GG's don't want to dress like what a CDer would consider feminine, because we don't usually care what anyone else thinks while shopping. Feminine is a state of mind no matter what the clothes are.
    Last edited by char GG; 03-26-2023 at 08:58 AM.

  25. #50
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I agree completely Char.

    Last night I went to a Bruce Springsteen concert. Virtually all of the women were in some combo of comfy clothes, and well, I wore an outfit that was more fun (at least for me).

    To repeat my thoughts on passing (no, we don't).

    https://kandis-land.com/wwywtw/

    I had reconfirmation today. I was shopping at the local Nordstrom in Durham, NC, visiting my friend Renee. I saw an SA and immediately thought she was Transgender, and after talking to her, I am 99.9% sure she was. She was young and beautiful and beautifully dressed and clearly Transgender. Renee agreed.

    Trying to "pass" is an impossible standard and an unobtainable goal. A lot of people on this board would be a lot better off if they just gave up the ghost and just accept they aren't going to meet that impossible goal, that the vast majority of people you will encounter just don't care if you do or don't "pass".
    I'm Sun-Dee at Kandi's Land; read about my outings here:

    https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

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