do you care if you pass....

[mykell]

so i feel a need to get as close as possible but covid made me lazy and i just dont care if i do....i use a mask where i volunteer....im 5ft 12" and if i hover around fixing up the shoe dept or a rounder folks feel my gravity pull....and i have wonderful interactions with our customers, especially the regulars....if i find a disapproving look i think i must have emotional eyes as when eye contact is made the connection is averted....being here has made it a second home and family....may have something to do with it but i take this attitude along with me wherever i go now....

now i share this with the hope that those on the fence can find inspiration to get over that procrastination and jump at the chance to take that next step.

now it can be a risk/reward case as ive come into some possible outing situations....but for me the risk is worth it....

[Jenn A116]

Yes, I care if I "pass" when I go out. My actual ventures out of the house are very few. Mostly to group meetings in a secure environment. But one meeting was at a local restaurant that required walking across a parking lot and into a mall past many others. I think I looked good on that outing, but I'm sure I was still spotted.

[bridget thronton]

I just want to be treated politely and if I get a ma'am it is gravy

[Ursula Harrison]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

[Vintage4sarah]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

I feel the same way Ursula. Thank you for sharing !

[kimdl93]

I had a pleasant surprise in this regard late last Saturday afternoon. I stopped by my favorite coffee/wine bar for a glass of wine after a busy day. I was dressed much as in my avatar. During a conversation with the proprietor, she asked how tall I was and I responded six feet - two. Then she asked if I played any sports, to which I responded all of them. Then she looked a bit puzzled, and remarked that she was surprised, because really we are the same age, and back then there were no girls high school sports. It was then I realized, after more than 3 years of patronizing this wine bar and dozens of conversations, she still thought I was a woman. My quickly considered response was that I had six older brothers, so playing sports was unavoidable, which was true.

[Heather76]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

I'm another who agrees 100% with Ursula's take on oassing. When I went into an ULTA a while back to inquire about a makeover, both SAs addressed me as Ma'am when asking if they could assist me. As soon as I spoke (bass male voice), they both took a double take. I was about 5' - 7' away from them and they were doing stocking chores. Had they been concentrating on me, they would have recognized I wasn't a GG.. I figure 99.9% of the people that will see me when I'm out will be otherwise too occupied to pay close enough attention to me to notice. Now, if I went out in my drab clothes and without a wig, but had a bra on with DD forms, I'd expect to be recognized for what I am and I'd expect to hear nasty/snide/belittling comments.

[SometimesNatalie]

I'm also in the 'I want to blend in' / pass in a crowd camp. I won't ever pass but I'd be thrilled if I could go out in public and not draw any attention at a distance. Of course it's not like I can accurately evaluate that - I'm sorta wired to assume the worst most of the time so my baseline attitude is that everybody who sees me knows what's up.

[SaraLin]

I do care.
I don't pass.

I also have a S.O. who has definite boundaries in place.
So - I don't go anywhere or even try any more.
(I sure WANT to, though)

[alwayshave]

Yes, I care if I pass. I know that I don't. I'm 6'2 and am somewhat chubby, so I don't pass, but I try.

[sara66]

I try not to scream out crossdresser, but I doubt I could ever 100% pass. The best I could ever pass is the 50' test, just tall and ugly . I just want to look nice and blend.
Sara

[rachelatshop]

Yes, I care if I pass. When I'm dressed in girl mode I want to be as passable as possible, and don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. Not doing my best, I feel reflects badly on all the other cross dressers and Transgender girls out there, and in some small ways makes a mockery of being a woman. These are my feelings, so I hope I have not offended anyone. Hugs Rach

[Cheryl T]

Yes, I care.
I've come to realize that I most likely don't in all cases, but that isn't a deal breaker for me. Mostly I just want to be accepted and treated decently by everyone.

[ShawnaL]

I absolutely care to the point that I make every effort to be recognized as a woman (clothes, mannerisms, speech) - however it's not a blow to my ego or psyche if someone figures out that I'm trans. I know that I'm a woman, and that's all that really matters.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sure, I would like to pass, and I make every effort to look attractive and womanly. But I realize that I don't pass anytime someone comes within 20 paces. I just hope that they go on with their day and don't harass me. Even better if they give me positive affirmation about my outfit or my presentation.

[Beano980]

I very much try to pass or at least blend. But I have a lot of work to do to get past the mental fragility of being clocked. Getting clocked as a man has way to strong of a hold on my enjoyment and absolutely limits my enjoyment when I'm out. It's my kryptonite and I need to put in the work to take away it's grip on me.

[Stephanie Michelle]

I do care to pass. I never will at 6'3" won't be fooling anybody. Si I don't go out. Might dress and drive around at night. Its better than sitting at home. Always worried that I might get stopped, or break down.

[Jillian Faith]

My goal is to pass or at least blend in, some-days I do it very well other days...well at least I enjoy my femme time out in public.

[Sandi Beech]

As I think about this topic more and more, I think I have come to the realization that my goal is to look feminine and pretty, not necessarily to pass. The thing is, I go bar hopping and clubbing. In a way, I would prefer to not be misgendered by the people I am interacting with.

I will say this. I absolutely do want to be treated like a lady , passing or not. And I do love complements. You do not need to pass to get them, but it helps to put in a little effort.

Sandi

[AmyJordan]

I try very hard to be as presentable as I can because that's how my wife likes to see me, she wants me to make the effort as she says "how she made the effort " when I was the 'man' of the house. When she comes home she likes it if I'm pretty.

[docrobbysherry]

I think I'm my most judgemental critic!

I could never pass in a million years.

But, Sherry has and does pass occasionally!
Up until I have to speak, that is!

[NancySue]

When I was younger, it definitely mattered. In our small town, blending in, is a must. Anymore, Knowing I won?t pass, I always dress underneath, panties, thigh highs, bra, etc. which is fine with me. Occasionally, when I?m out in my car, I?ll add a touch of makeup, a skirt, top and low heels. I do fear a flat tire, fender bender, police, etc.

[Princess Chantal]

Nancy you fear the police? Thought they are obligated to serve and protect. I sure would not want to pass as a female when pulled over by the police. “Sorry lady, this is not your ID. Please produce the proper identification!”

[Krisi]

Yes, I care if I pass. That's really the whole point for me. I try to put myself in situations where I won't be examined closely by others or have to converse with them.

[JackieD]

I will never pass at 6?2?. Even if I was a ( r e a l ). At 6?2? 200ib I would stand out. At my size not many jokers try to pick a fight.
We all just want to fit in. Feel good about ourselves,, enjoy ourselves, the little time we have on this earth. If you don?t like how I look that?s find ,,,I don?t want to be your friend