Looking for advice

[GretchenM]

Welcome to the forum, Emily. As you can see there is no lack of advice and much of it well considered. On the flip side though only you have the personal contact and experience to decide what path to follow.

However, once the trust has been fractured it becomes very hard to recover trust, but it can be done. I agree with the group that says you should exercise great caution. It appears to me that you don't really know each other at the deep level. You should not have searched her phone but what you found was that she was doing things that can be hurtful to you. It is great that she is accepting of your dressing, but the larger question seems to be why is she accepting? It seems to me it may be for purposes other than forming a comfortable relationship.

What should you do? I really can't say because I don't know her side or know her. But it does seem to be a time to be extra cautious. Perhaps it is time to stay away from serious relationships as breaking up from a marriage that ended badly can produce some deep trauma. That can take awhile to heal. But being in a relationship with this new woman where there are secretive things going on seems to me might be adding to your own hurts from the failed marriage, that is, you may be vulnerable to further injury. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for any of us to say what should happen because we don't really know the whole story. But the advice provided here is good in general, although quite variable because we don't know the whole situation.

I think if you are a part of this forum you may find some healing and support which is needed to help you over this period of difficulty. Some here have had similar relationship histories as you have.

[MonicaPVD]

Lots of good insights here. When a person is in a relationship with someone they actually care about, they beam with pride. And they upsell their partner to their friends - even or especially if those friends think the partner is a bad fit, weird, or a loser. What you describe is the exact opposite. A person who, when dealing with her friends, encourages ridicule of you. That's not someone you want to be with. That's someone who sees you as temporary entertainment, until the novelty wears off or something better comes along. Walk away on your owm terms or prepare for the inevitable emotional beating coming your way.

[DaniHanna]

it is very hard to regain trust after it is broken, it will take a lot of open honest conversation to repair

[NancyJ]

Emily, First, welcome to the forum. Sounds like you can use the support.

A couple things: This sounds like a classic ?rebound? relationship. You were starving for a woman who would accept you. Unfortunately, you found one who, like your wife, has betrayed you. She pretended to accept you while colluding with her friends to ridicule you. If she really understood and accepted you, she would have proudly introduced you to her friends long ago. I suspect that your own need for a woman to be with and to (seemingly) accept you has clouded your judgement. Therapists generally recommend 1-2 years of ?singleness? before getting into a new committed relationship. Learn to love and accept yourself first. Heal from the trauma of the ending of the marriage in order to prepare yourself to make a healthy choice.

Run, don?t walk, away. (Just saying) Nancy

[krissy]

Sorry to hear that my ex-wife told all my friends and family i got a divorce lost all my male friends i didnt think i would live after that but i survived.im with my current wife of 43 years she cant stand this part of me but she leaves me alone .you know dadt i hate it but thats life i guess ill always dress just know she may resent you later go to counseling it may help good luck

[Genifer Teal]

I'll start off by saying I'd probably be done with the situation. with that said here's some additional thoughts.
I would expect someone in that situation to tell Others about it. not in a, I am sharing your secret way but more in a help me figure out what To Do, Should I stay with this person kind of way?
I could also be nervous about talking to my friend who may not understand or appreciate it. It could be like a lot of things you're afraid to talk about, like Maybe this person I'm with likes to have sex in public and I'm kind of into that that. may be hard to reveal to your friend. Maybe they're into things that typical people might not know about let alone be into so you would be nervous to bring it up and your friends might have a negative reaction. Your best cover in that situation might be to go along with them and joke about it too.
It's not great behavior I'm not trying to defend it. I'm simply saying you're looking at someone else's words not hearing them say them directly.
We know how nothing online is ever taken out of context maybe you should avoid the potential To Do that here.
I hope you get to the bottom of this.
Without having to reveal how you learned about it. That would be awkward seems like there is a little awkwardness on both sides.
May you manage it well.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Emily ; Welcome to our Forum, When you are here, You are Home,

What Ever questions that you have, There is A 99.875%chance that one or more of us will have an answer for You,


That Said, Now it's time to Run , Don't walk to the Nearest EXIT, >>>Orchid**OO**

[ShelbyDawn]

Integrity is doing the right thing when no-one is watching.
I wouldn't trust her. Just my opinion.

Sorry you had to go through that. I know it hurts. Don't give up on yourself, and I would suggest you look into a good therapist knowledgeable ion gender issues.
I credit mine with saving my life, figuratively and literally.

[Jemima Stephens]

Perhaps she is seeing your Crossdressing in a different way?

Perhaps she is coming at it from a Female Led Relationship point of view where she is in charge and you are there to please her. As this kind of relationship progresses the man takes on the role of Sissy Slave to do her bidding and it is quite common for the woman to then ridicule him in front of her peers.

There are some great advantages to being in a female Led Realtionship, but how far you take it is a matter of agreement and consent between you both