Why do we venture out of the house crossdressed?

[Camille15]

For those of us who are not full-time femme, and are "just crossdressers", but who sometimes go out into the world dressed as our femme selves, I have a question: Why do we do it?

I was pondering this today as I came down from the high of my latest Camille day (details and pics in the Photos forum). I mean, if our goal is just to look and/or feel feminine, why not do it strictly in our own homes or hotel rooms. Wouldn't that be enough? Not for me, it seems.

In pondering this, I came up with these reasons:

1. It ups my game. I take my makeup and overall presentation more seriously when I know others will see me. I know I'm not fooling anyone, especially upon close inspection, but I still want to present as my best, and maybe have a shot at blending.

2. Better photos. There are only so many poses and backdrops I can make use of while stuck in the hotel room or my house. And as photos are my primary way to revisit the feelings of being en femme during the long periods of time between Camille days, I like them to look good. They are also the primary was I get to be "seen" (here via my posts) and get feedback. Also, I'm not ashamed to admit that Camille is quote vain and loves pretty photos of herself.

3. More room. Similar to #2, it's hard to practice walking with a feminine gait while stuck in a small hotel room or my house.

4. Chance for positive interactions. While I don't want close-up interaction, a smile or passing compliment from a stranger as I walk by makes me feel amazing. It's only happened a few times. Once a man walking by in the opposite direction looked at me and said "You look beautiful". I think I'm always trying and hoping to recapture that special moment.

5. Unexpected surprises, like the feeling of the breeze blowing your hair, the clacking of heels on pavement, or having to lift your long skirt to climb up some stairs. That last one happened last night and made me feel ever so feminine.

6. To be seen. I think this is the main one. As human beings we all have a need to be seen by others, figuratively and literally. I see no reason why it should be any different for Camille, especially as she spends most of the year hiding just under the surface. She's always there, but rarely seen. So when the chance comes to be out in the world for a bit, even if she knows most people will "make her", she doesn't care. It's the outside world or bust! And in her case, that bust is a lovely 38B.

7. Thrill. Sometimes there is also an added thrill of feeling like I'm "getting away with something". Like I want to shout: "I'm really a guy under here, but you didn't even notice!" It's an interesting and adventurous feeling. Like I'm really a superhero underneath most of the time, and now I've taken off my glasses and put on a cape and suddenly no one recognizes me.

8. Memories. It makes for an amazing time with good memories attached, especially when unexpected surprises occur.

9. Fun! For all these reasons and more, it's just a great time and I have so much fun doing it!

Thoughts? Does these reason resonate for any other CD'ers who go out dressed? What about your own reasons?

<3 Camille

[Cheryl T]

We humans are social beings. We seek the company of others so venturing out in public is a natural extension of being ourselves.
It's wonderful to dress and enjoy the feeling of all our clothing, the textures and colors. The changes made by makeup and wigs, padding and breastforms all are fabulous to see as we peer at ourselves in the mirror, but there's always something missing. That interaction, the knowledge that others see us as well adds to the feelings we experience.
Of course there's always that titillation that comes from knowing we are in essence deceiving those around us and hoping to not be discovered.

When I first went out, it was the typical nighttime adventure. The desire to feel that breeze beneath my skirt and hear the clicking of my heels on the pavement. Then that became old hat and I needed more. I needed to be with others, especially others like me where I could be myself and be the woman I felt inside of me.
Strange how that changes. I've done it so many times that now it's become Normal. Fortunately that's what I always wanted. I just desired to be an average woman, doing average things. Now the thrill is gone, but somehow it's actually better than before.

[docrobbysherry]

1.No.
2.No. Except I LOVE pics of Sherry in front of landmarks and extraordinary backgrounds!
3.No.
4.No. Most feedback I get from Vanillas is negative and stress inducing.
5.No. See #4.
6.No. See #4.
7.No. I've gotten that superfeeling hero a few times out. But, it doesn't last. Replaced by #4.
8.Yes! See #10.
9.Yes. #10.
10. Out clubbing at either Vanilla or "LGBT friendly" venues. I've met and made friends with many of the T's I've met at clubs, bars, and T gatherings around the USA over the years. That's about the only reason I go out dressed anymore. These r the only places I feel welcome, comfortable, and can really have fun out dressed!

[Angela Marie]

I have ambivalent feelings regarding my gender. I love going out dressed and feeling the full feminine experience. Do I pass? I really don't know. I have been told I do but that may just be people being nice. In any event I feel like a woman; the walk, the talk, the mannerisms, etc. For me it is validation.

[Linda Stockings]

It's definitely very nice to be validated, and I wonder, is beautifying every part of us validating? I grew up in an area when many GG's beautified just about every part of themselves. Hair, makeup, bra, abdomen, legs, feet, shoes, stockings. I could go on and on. With each new piece of femme I would acquire, I felt more validated. Usually it simply didn't work. The mannerisms, walk, deportment, facial shape, etc., were far more important. Voice? Unobtainable for me. I had to just do my best. Beautifying every part of myself? Wish I could get there.

[April Rose]

1)Yes. while I don't go out often, I care very much what I look like when I'm out. I'm not a fancy or flashy dresser; it's more about respectful blendability for me.
2)No
3)Yes . It's just nice to be out in the fresh air, with life going on around me.
4)I hope things go well, but I'm just as happy being ignored.
5) I'm a little wary of surprises. If they are femininity affirming, well, that' s nice.
6) Yes and no. My feminine side is somewhat vulnerable.
7) Again, yes and no. I'm very uncomfortable with being sneaky, but it is a bit of a thrill to know that it's possible to go out.
8) Yup.
9) Sometimes. Other times it's like feeding a hunger, or soothing homesickness. More like a balm to the spirit than what I usually think of as "fun".

[Fiona_44]

For many who have fully accepted themselves as a CD/trans and truly enjoy emulating women, there is naturally an inclination to want to enjoy it as a natural part of your everyday life which includes outside as well as inside.

[Adelaide]

To answer your question: To be who I really am. A woman, inside & out.

[Emily in the south]

I am a yes to all 9 of your points Camille.

I will add, ROI (return on Investment) As most of us know, it can be a expensive lifestyle, and I like to maximize my investment, lol.
Also, I like to have fun and interact with other people, and have, both women and a few men.

Emily

[MarinaTwelve200]

Depends upon our mentality. Those of us who Identify as female will have different reasons to go out than those of us who still ID as male and CD for escapism.--I.E. being "Me" vs being "Not Me". As I don't ID as female, My FIRST guess would be going out for the "Thrill" or "High" we get by breaking a "taboo" and /or getting away with it without any negative consequences. I can FULLY understand THAT Aspect. Indeed I would consider it very exciting! But I have only been out Dressed Twice in my life. Once as a gypsy fortune teller for a Halloween party about 20 years ago and the second time at a church "Womanless Beauty Contest" a few Years back. But generally, I am much too "Chicken" to attempt it without a VERY GOOD (and explainable) REASON.

[SavannahVee]

If a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound? If a crossdresser wears a really cute outfit and no one's there to see it, does it really matter what she's wearing?

[alwayshave]

Camille, rather than enumerating the reasons, let me just say, there is no use being pretty if I'm the only one who knows.

[Rhonda Jean]

It has always been about going out to me. Not that I haven't had days where I spent way more hours getting ready than I did actually out, but the culmination was always to go out. There is no logic behind spending so much time and so much money for a few hours of nirvana. Crazy, really. It'd make more sense if I did all this to meet someone or to attend something. None of that for me. Just being out, walking/shopping through some mall or blindly roaming some downtown or some tourist attraction. There is no telling how much money I spent or how much time I "wasted". I've never been much of a drinker, and I've never done drugs. Getting my hair done, my nails and brows done, wearing beautiful lingerie and clothes... that was my addiction. Still is, just not as strong.

[Camille15]

Camille, rather than enumerating the reasons, let me just say, there is no use being pretty if I'm the only one who knows.

That's my favorite response so far!

[DanielleDubois]

My answers to all of the questions would be no. I don't know if I'm an outlier but I have never had any interest or desire to be out in public as Danielle. I am perfectly content with Danielle being a stay at home girl and sharing my photos on this forum and with email friends. Personally I feel the need to interact with the public depends on where you are on the crossdressing/transgender spectrum. For those who consider their femme side to be their true self then presenting themselves in public can be an affirmation of the woman within.

I'm on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum. I have never regretted joining CD.com and it has allowed me to become more accepting of my Danielle side. I have accepted my femme side as an occasional escape from my male life and I may be a bit obsessive in my female person presentation with the body shaving, tucking, boobs etc. But it doesn't mean I want to be female 24/7, or I think my female side is the true me I was meant to be, or I want to make any permanent physical changes. I am basically an average masculine husband and father who simply enjoys once and awhile looking and feeling as female as possible. My male side which I comfortably live as 99% of the time gives absolutely no hint to anyone of my female side and probably which they would be very surprised at.

I want to give huge kudos to the many of you who are comfortable with being in public and have made the choice to try to be good ambassadors for the greatly misunderstood crossdressing community. Having said all of the above if the possibility arose I could see Danielle attending something like the hotel confines of the Keystone Conference. In that case the primary reason would be to meet other crossdressers in person and not to be out in public per se.

[Genifer Teal]

There was an old joke.
Does dressing up count if you don't take a picture? Sure you can take pictures at home to me it's not the same.
I just never saw the point in dressing up if no one was going to see me.
I never really thought of myself as liking to put on a show or even being the center of Attention. Who can't like having lots of friends and everybody knowing you when you walk into a place?
I haven't been out in awhile like 4 months so I finally got to this local place. I hadn't been to but all my friends go.
Keep in mind totally straight place. Had some nice conversations got some really nice compliments.
I'm still on cloud nine. that's why I go out.

[kimdl93]

As others have said, we are social animals and crave interaction. I can (only vaguely now) recall how confining it felt to be made up and dressed, only to stay in my house or back yard. I quickly grew restless. I recall the overwhelming sense of freedom that I felt once I allowed myself go out and engage with others.

[Diane P]

I really don't know how I'd answer this. I just started CD'ing back in Sep. For 20 years prior to that I under dressed because I loved the feel of the thongs I wore. Of course every so often I'd throw out the ones I had only to replace them with new ones a month or two later. Last sep I was headed to the store to buy more thongs, after having thrown out the previous bunch about two months before. Out of nowhere I suddenly wondered what I would look like in a dress.

That eventually led to the point where I now have about 60 dresses, 5 pair of tight fitting jeans, 30 tops, 12 pair of shorts, 20 nightgowns and enough bikini panties to wear one pair each day for two months. I also no longer have any thongs, I love the bikini panties so much more. Needless to say my guy clothes have been forced into a closet in another room. I had my first outing as Diane in Mar at a GNO in OKC and I will be attending a three day event there the beginnig of May.

If you saw my previous avatar, wih the beard, you'd know there was no way I was going outside dressed. For the Mar GNO I shaved the beard, which I had grown since I retired from the Air Force in 97, so it was a major step for me. My current avatar is me with makeup. When I look at pics of myself from Mar I continually marvel at the difference between drab me and Diane. All I can say is that when I was dressed and had the makeup done I really 'felt' like Diane, and I loved it.

[Suzie Petersen]

Camille,

As I am writing this, I am sitting here, alone, fully dressed up, and with a blended feeling of pleasure and guilt. My reasonable mind tells me this is not smart, but the other side says that it is very pleasurable, so why not.
For background I should say that I used to go out both alone for sightseeing when traveling or shopping etc, or to visit with friends or go to TG conferences, but I have not been out and about for probably 15 years.
Here are my thoughts and comments to your list:

General comment: While I have enjoyed a number of really nice outings over the years, if alone I am always very "on edge" and nervous about the situation. Interestingly, if I am with a friend, no problems at all! It is like all the concerns are just erased if I have a "wing girl", or even better accurately, if I am the "wing girl" for someone else. In either of those scenarios, I am unbeatable, like Lara Croft, and I don't have a fear in the world. Or more accurately, it all suddenly seems perfectly natural to me, and I am simply not worried about it. I drop into the girl role 100% and just live it. But when alone, strangely it is a very different situation.

1. It ups my game. I take my makeup and overall presentation more seriously when I know others will see me. I know I'm not fooling anyone, especially upon close inspection, but I still want to present as my best, and maybe have a shot at blending.
Suzie: I see what you are saying, but I have actually experienced the opposite. If going out, I want to just get done and go and not spend too much time on the finer details, and I also want to make a realistic appearance and not have a drag queen look. So in some respect, I tone it down, compared to an at home alone dress-up time for the camera or mirror, where some Stage Makeup can be a benefit to create that special look which you can get away with in the mirror or on camera, but not in front of people.

2. Better photos. There are only so many poses and backdrops I can make use of while stuck in the hotel room or my house. And as photos are my primary way to revisit the feelings of being en femme during the long periods of time between Camille days, I like them to look good. They are also the primary was I get to be "seen" (here via my posts) and get feedback. Also, I'm not ashamed to admit that Camille is quote vain and loves pretty photos of herself.
Suzie: Totally agree with that one. I like to create images of "Suzie" and good locations and backgrounds makes it so much more fun. I must also admit to apparently being quite vain when it comes to this, and I really enjoy showing off my "image creations" and enjoy getting uplifting feedback when I do. This is very different from my boy self, who is more like "it wasn't me, the team did it!".

3. More room. Similar to #2, it's hard to practice walking with a feminine gait while stuck in a small hotel room or my house.
Suzie: Absolutely. Nothing worse than the feeling of "All dressed up and Nowhere to go". When I dress at home, I can have an almost uncontrollable urge to just get out of the house, even just the back yard or walk the neighborhood! It can be so strong that it gets me in trouble sometimes, probably a pink fog attack where it feels like "Just do it, you'll be fine!", even though you know that "Oh No, you're gonna' die!". But for sure, the feeling of walking in heels "in the real world", rather than just the 9.6 feet to the next room makes a big difference.

4. Chance for positive interactions. While I don't want close-up interaction, a smile or passing compliment from a stranger as I walk by makes me feel amazing. It's only happened a few times. Once a man walking by in the opposite direction looked at me and said "You look beautiful". I think I'm always trying and hoping to recapture that special moment.
Suzie: I have not had many positive ones like that, but it would be awesome for sure. One comment I got once, was when I got up from a table having had lunch with some T-friends. It was summer, warm, I was in the best girl shape of my life with very little excess fat on my body, and I was wearing an outfit to show it off. Fancy jeans, a skimpy top showing off the skinny midriff, big hair, and cute 4" high heeled booties. I felt great! As I walked away from the table as the first of our group, a guy got up from his table of friends and as he walked beside me he said "So .. what kind of work do you do?" .... It took me a moment to realize what he was insinuating, and it really took the wind out of my sails for the day.
I can laugh at the memory of that now, but it wasn't so funny back then.

5. Unexpected surprises, like the feeling of the breeze blowing your hair, the clacking of heels on pavement, or having to lift your long skirt to climb up some stairs. That last one happened last night and made me feel ever so feminine.
Suzie: Love those moments! Those exact situations you describe and also feeling the breeze lift your short summer dress, or unexpectedly catching a glimpse of your own reflection in a shop window as you walk by.

6. To be seen. I think this is the main one. As human beings we all have a need to be seen by others, figuratively and literally. I see no reason why it should be any different for Camille, especially as she spends most of the year hiding just under the surface. She's always there, but rarely seen. So when the chance comes to be out in the world for a bit, even if she knows most people will "make her", she doesn't care. It's the outside world or bust! And in her case, that bust is a lovely 38B.
Suzie: I think that is true for me too. I desire to be seen, although not really noticed, if that makes sense. I want to be part of the picture, but I dont want to be the part of the picture that demands attention. And as for being "made" I dont really mind that, but I desire for the reaction to be "That's a man dressed as a woman, but damn he looks fantastic!".

7. Thrill. Sometimes there is also an added thrill of feeling like I'm "getting away with something". Like I want to shout: "I'm really a guy under here, but you didn't even notice!" It's an interesting and adventurous feeling. Like I'm really a superhero underneath most of the time, and now I've taken off my glasses and put on a cape and suddenly no one recognizes me.
Suzie: Had to think about that one. I don't think I have that feeling when out among the muggles. I think I am, as described up above in my "general comments", either alone, very self conscious and a little scared, or with someone else and feeling on top of the world and just living it. But in the latter, it is not a feeling of having cheated the world, it is just a feeling of belonging, and within that feeling I am just good, I am not really thinking about why. And honestly, that's when I later realize I got it! Just then!

8. Memories. It makes for an amazing time with good memories attached, especially when unexpected surprises occur.
Suzie: Yes definitely agree with that.

9. Fun! For all these reasons and more, it's just a great time and I have so much fun doing it!
Suzie: I look back at my adventures as having been a lot of fun too. Some have been with friends in private settings, some at TG conferences, some has been as a tourist in far away countries, some when just out and about in normal every day scenarios, and some have been totally off the wall like my 3 day tent camping trip alone in Iceland. All good fun and great memories.
I just wish I didn't have to hide it.

- Suz

[TheHiddenMe]

Why?

1. In the words of Sir Edmund Hillary when he climbed Everest, "Because it's there."

2. It's something I've wanted to do for countless years. I always look forward to my next outing.

3. Shopping in stores and seeing how something looks on you far exceeds buying online.

4. Because you never know what might happen. I've made friends, gotten compliments, done things I never thought possible, because I went out.

5. It can be s rush to be out in something cute or sexy.

6. But most of all, it makes me happy.

[sara66]

I spend way to much on cute clothes to just wear them around the house
It's definitely fun and a bit of a rush.
Sara

[GretchenM]

Great question, Camille. And really good responses. I think from the responses one can conclude that it is individualized like most everything else that has to do with our behavior and includes the behavior of those who are not like us. But this explanation is a generalization that, although true, is not really very useful. But I suspect two reasons form kind of a foundation for other reasons.

Validation of who we feel we are in the largest form and the wonderful feelings of Freedom just being out in the public eye expressing the total selves are powerful motivators. These two, it seems to me, are the most powerful regulators of our public behavior. Validation counters feelings of shame and tends to remove the restriction caused by the common fact that most of us at one time or another felt ashamed of doing what we were doing because we knew it was counter to that which our sex was supposed to do to be considered "normal" and point blank accepted without question. The drive generated by our abundant female-like traits creates a lot of push to be accepted as being more feminine than masculine even though that does not fit the stereotypes that influence each of us, like it or not. We know that apparently and for whatever reason we do not naturally fit the stereotypes expected of our native sex and we want to be able to tell the world without getting on a soapbox with a megaphone to tell the world that you are different.

Our brain though senses that we are running counter to what we were taught even though our brain is what generates the feelings of being more female-like than male-like and that creates an internal conflict. The brain hates conflicts so we choose which behavior represents the total "ME" the most because that, for us, is the least conflicted path for our configuration to follow. That conflict may be continuous or it may be intermittent, but somewhere at sometime the conflict hits us. But being the total us in a public setting creates a conflict in a different way and being validated by some degree of acceptance of our total sense of self resolves that conflict and, so to speak, freshly paves an otherwise rocky road.

I think your list is a good one even though not all of the factors you list affect each of us. And there are likely many other factors that drive the motivation to go out into the public world. The discomfort (dysphoria) we experience in different degrees drives us to do that which we believe will create a resolution to the discomfort and create comfort. But there is also a risk that if you are ridiculed and others view you as something other than male or female but rather just a very confused person the dysphoria can increase and create more fear which is debilitating. In that regard our brain is taking a chance that it will go well and conflicts, whatever they are in each of us as individuals, will decline or even disappear which is what everyone really wants - to be accepted for who you are, warts and all. Most of the time it goes pretty well and that is a positive reinforcement that resolves the fear and shame and allows you to go do it again and again until, if you are so inclined, to become a normality that complements the normality we may feel in being consistent with social expectations based on your sexual identity. These then tend to Blend over time into a single normality that creates the greatest degree of comfort and the least amount of conflict in the brain. Your total self is more comfortable as a result.

However this complex pattern does not apply to everyone and for some there is a satisfaction created that is just as powerful and true by not going out. For those going out really is not attractive because the validation is created within the person without external input. So, for those, staying home is completely satisfactory and there is no denial of the true self driving the stay-at-home approach. The dysphoria is resolved without ever stepping out of the door. And then there are those that are in between these two types - they sometimes cautiously go out but mostly they keep it private.

We are all individuals and our motivations for action are unique to us as individuals. And by respecting that everyone gets validated in some way or other so we can, in the final view, be who we are freely.

Thank you for posing the question the way you did.

[Sandi Beech]

Camille,

This is an interesting topic and similar to one I had posted about recently, but I like revisiting the topic.

As someone who is very driven to go out and meet people in clubs, I have often pondered what I see as a contradiction among many crossdressers as stated in your number 4 listing below:

?While I don't want close-up interaction, a smile or passing compliment from a stranger as I walk by makes me feel amazing.?

Trust me I am not being critical, just analytical when I see statements like this. You think you do not want close up interactions, but then right after that you find the compliments amazing. What that tells me is that you really do want close up interactions IF they are positive. So many of us limit interactions with others to the point of never experiencing positive feedback.

I used to be one of social avoidance myself. What I have come to realize over the past few years is that I DO want to be seen AND interact with others - but I especially love dancing. For me it is the best interaction I have been able to experience. I can not get that staying at home. That is why I go out. I love it. It just took me a long time to finally figure that out. Some of the posts on this site helped me to understand myself better.

Your pictures look great so you should have no problems with interactions.

Sandi

[Stephanie47]

I do not socialize a lot. Sometimes I wish there was a local support group where Stephanie could feel totally accepted. In some respects part of this isolation is a generational issue. Where does a 75 year old feel welcomed? Around me are families with elementary school kids. Even in my wife's large extended family there is a sense of isolation. Once my wife's dear mom passes on I will be the oldest in the clan. I am fairly sure going to any of the few family gatherings en femme is a non-starter. If I had an accepting wife perhaps my outlook would be different.

There may be some truth for some who state "Why get dressed up if nobody is going to see you?" It is possible to look and feel terrific in one's own comfort zone. My ventures outside our home have been strolls in the evening in a safe neighborhood or creating tasks to accomplish; returning books to a library, mailing a letter, buying a soda from an outside vending machine, etc. Yes, I love the feel of the cool evening breeze playing with the skirt of my dress; even strolling in the rain with an umbrella. Getting all dolled up and accomplishing tasks within my home or sitting in the backyard is mentally fulfilling. The biggest hurdle is finding a place that truly feels welcoming. In guy mode I am not and never was a person to frequent clubs or watering holes.

Sandi used the term "social avoidance." I my past there have been too many instances of trying to walk through a door as an accomplished man, only to not be allowed entry. So, what will happen if I try to enter those venues en femme? I envy those who have found their comfort zone that includes interaction with fellow humans.

[Kitty Sue]

Years ago for me I think a large part of going out in public dressed was a desire to be accepted. IDK really. I have not gone out dressed in a long time. I don't know if I will again or not especially with all the hatred being directed towards the trans by extension larger LGBTQ community.