Nervously anxious re trip-- How to prepare?

[Aka_Donna]

We have a vacation trip next month to California coast. It's mostly small villages and "large town" has pop of about 7,000. Our plans are to be out and about a bit. The problem is how to deal with bathroom issue, as I have an active bladder. Since it's CA, the problem is not the laws, but the people. Most will not have an issue, but need to know how to prepare for vocal rural "offended" person.

Specific questions:
1-- What are the most common negative remarks made by women in restroom?
2-- Assuming you respond, what do you say?
3-- Have you ever heard positive remarks about using women's restroom?

Yes I know I could look up previous answers, but want to know both current opinions members have encountered and if any are from California, what their experience has been.

Aside, not nervous about being out and about dressed and being "clocked", just the one potential issue may detrack from vacation experience.

[kimdl93]

I have never traveled en femme in CA but I have driven many times from texas north to Minnesota, stopping for lodging, meals, fuel and yes, bathroom breaks. Not once in more than a dozen such trips was i ever questioned, nor did I encounter any sort of hostility. And for the most part, bathrooms rarely occupied anyway. I think you need to not worry so much.

[Lana Mae]

I agree with Kim! I use the Womens when on trips! I live in NC and had Jury duty and went dressed due to recent(at that time) transition! I had to go and a cis woman entered at the same time! I owned it and she talked to me as we were washing our hands! She had a brace on one hand and said how hard it was to wash your hands with just one usable hand! You know, NC, the bathroom bill, etc! Have had no problems and this state is passing legislation against trans youth! Just mind you business, do your business and get out!
Let us know how it goes! Wishing you the best! Hugs Lana Mae

[Heather76]

I can't specifically help with personal knowledge; but, you're talking about California which has to be the most accepting state of all 50 when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. I can't imagine you having any problems whatsoever.

[bridget thronton]

I always use the women's restroom when dressed and never had any problems (I live in Michigan)

[alwayshave]

I can't imagine going into a mens room dressed. I was at a rather large hotel ladies room when a group of 15 Korean women came in. I left the stall and owned it. I washed my hands and applied lipstick. I don't know what they said, but I did not get an angry vibe.

[Helen_Highwater]

Never had a cross word said in all the times I've used the ladies. Try to be confident, go in, pick a stall, get inside and do what you came to do. get everything straight, don't do what I once did and tucked my skirt into the back of my knickers ( thankfully a GG did the "Excuse me dear" thing on my way out to save my embarrassment) , exit the stall, wash your hands, tidy your hair and leave.

If you're dressed like all the GG's around you so you don't look like a lady of the night in there to do drugs chances are no one will bat an eye.

[Genifer Teal]

I'd be careful about saying too much. Take the high road. say as little as possible. Do your business and exit quietly. I mostly smile a lot. Don't let your eyes wander much. Be relaxed. Don't enter braced for trouble, it will show. Most likely it will go fine. Maybe there will be some chit chat. That's good if someone else has a problem and others don't mind. More than likely most comments will be said after you leave. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Cheryl T]

Never have I encountered an issue using the ladies room.
In fact I have had a couple of surprisingly pleasant encounters. Once a lady with 2 girls with really long hair was there. The girls were playing with the hand dryer as if they were in a hurricane, hair blowing everywhere, giggling and laughing. I washed my hands and went to it (only one) and she looked at me and said to the girls, "ok, that's enough, let the nice lady use the dryer". We smiled at each other, they left and I dryed my hands.

I also had the philosophy that I'd rather deal with an upset woman in the ladies room than a testosterone filled, homophobe in the men's room.

[TheHiddenMe]

I've told this story before, but here is mine the first time I used the women's restroom (Previously when out, I had always found unisex loos).

At a Nordstrom in a Chicago suburb. Walk into ladies room, no one in there. Great. Get in, do business. Exit stall, women to my right says "that's a pretty dress".

Not what I was expecting to hear. I answered that I got it here (meaning Nordstrom). Never had an issue in my times since.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Bruce Springsteen concert (great) dressed. I had to use the ladies before the concert, so I lined up with the rest of the women (I was the only one in a dress, fishnet stockings, and booties, so I kind of stood out for other reasons) and no one said anything, no dirty looks (to my knowledge), or other reactions.

When I'm out with my GG friends, I usually remind them before we go into a ladies room together that I prefer they not talk to be "over the stalls" because I really don't want another person in the restroom wondering why there's a man in the restroom.

In short, I doubt you will have an issue, and as Cheryl T points out, better a lady than a man.

[Fiona_44]

I always use the ladies room and have never had a problem. Act confident going in, do your business and get out. Don't speak at all or look anyone in the eye. Save the lipstick touch-up or hair combing for somewhere else.

[Jacqueline Winona]

So, a lot of this depends on which part of the coast you're going to. Central Coast in SLO? You won't really phase anyone. North Coast near Eureka, could be some comments from some of the women or their BF's/husbands. But most likely, nobody will pay much attention to you. Most likely, if there is a negative reaction, it will be more of a look than words, but if words then it will be something like "are you sure you're in the right place? Extremely unlikely that anything beyond that is said. If you're on the central coast, most are pretty welcoming and you might hear a compliment about your attire, which usually means you've been clocked but the speaker is trying to be friendly or welcoming. You'll pick up the vibe without need for any questions. Just be you. If you're unassuming they will be as well.

[Aka_Donna]

Thank you. Yes, northern, but not as far as Eureka

[ColleenA]

Don't speak at all or look anyone in the eye.

or is it

I'd be careful about saying too much. ... Don't let your eyes wander much.

?

Only you will know what to do according to your comfort zone, Donna. And that may expand as you have more, shall we say, opportunities.

What I will add, though, is if you do follow Genifer's advice, do not let your eyes wander to anyone's breast. If you catch yourself doing that, continue looking the person over altogether, then compliment her on her outfit.

[Krisi]

Even in CA, you cannot be sure of the reaction of other women to you being in the women's restroom. Of course, if your presentation is good enough, other women will just think you are an actual woman. If you look like Hulk Hogan in drag, you may have a problem.

I would start by looking for "family" restrooms or non-gendered single user restrooms. No problems there.

If forced to use traditional multi user women's restrooms, my advice would be to get in and out as quickly as possible, avoid eye contact and try to avoid having to talk to anyone.

Probably the most dangerous situation would be to be in the women's restroom when a little girl is in there and her father is waiting outside. Try your best to avoid this.

[Jillian Faith]

I always use the restroom for the gender I am presenting at the moment. I live on the the Texas Gulf coast just north of Houston. I've been out enfemme many times over the years and have always used the ladies restroom and the ladies dressing room (when shopping enfemme). I've never had a negative experience.

[docrobbysherry]

As u may recall, Donna, women's rest rooms have stalls. So, everyone does their business in private. The only socializing is done while fixing makeup in the mirrors.

That being said, in Calif. and Vegas I've never had any issues with woman in women's rest rooms. Altho, I'm obviously a MIAD. Outside in Vegas has been another story!

[JulieC]

As a man who has never "fully" dressed (i.e., the whole nine yards, and basically a MIAD), this is a problem for me in public. I've not ventured out in public very much at all, and only had to really contend with this problem once when I could not find a single person bathroom. I chose the men's room, but now feel that was a serious mistake. I was lucky. No guy came in while I was in there. I've never used a women's restroom, and I'll be nervous as hell the first time I try. I understand your conundrum.

[ColleenA]

I've not ventured out in public very much at all, and only had to really contend with this problem once when I could not find a single person bathroom.

Julie, I well understand. Until this past January, I had only gone out en femme on Halloween and the day or two preceding it. I was thankful that Target almost always has a private, family restroom and relied on that. The one time I did use the ladies' room, it seemed empty, but while I was in my stall, a few women entered - and I went into full panic mode. I washed and dried my hands as fast as I could and left without looking anyone in the eye.

In the past four months, though, I have gone out more than a dozen times, sometimes for up to half the day. Although I have used the ladies' room at least five times, I always feel that fear when I enter. I no longer panic when other women are in there, but I still don't make eye contact with anyone. Each time though is another success, and someday - maybe by next year - I'll be able to feel relaxed as I go in.

Meanwhile, the first time I used the ladies' fitting room, my reaction was nowhere near as extreme, and now I will use them with no hesitation.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm in a DC transgirl Meetup group. We typically go to vanilla bars and restaurants.

In such cases, I always go to the ladies' room. I do my business and make fix up my makeup. But, I don't make I eye contact unless someone talks to me. I've never had a word said to me. I don't think I've even had any funny looks. Frankly, I would be afraid to go into the men's room.

There was one time when I went to a ladies' clothing swap, at a public activity room in a (local) Government building. The local Police Department was located there. I was dressed en femme, but I didn't have time to put on my makeup. As I was putting on my makeup, a GG behind me who I could see in the mirror took off her top (down to the bra) a couple times to try on a top. I don't know if she clocked me or not, but I didn't leave until after she did so I wouldn't have to see here face-to-face.

But remember. I'm in a group of 30 to 40 transgirl and we all need to go to the bathroom at one time or another during the evening.