If you are obviously presenting as female you are being insulted when called "sir".
If you are obviously presenting as female you are being insulted when called "sir".
Christine, I have reread the thread, and nowhere does Jamie indicate how they (see how polite I am?) was dressed when the incident occurred. They were asked to share with us a photograph showing how they were dressed; they have failed to do so. So, although they has not provided sufficient evidence to make an unequivocal opinion, their whole demeanor screams 'entitlement'.
Were they disrespected by the store clerk? I don't believe so, not intentionally. And I don't believe Jamie is prepared to own the problem.
Moderator note
No one should be asked to provide picture.
Please remember this section is public and not everyone is comfortable sharing pictures.
Op said they were gender non confirming, but I doubt the public care or know about non binary. And so they will use pronouns that they are familiar with, and correlate with biological sex.
Everybody nowadays seems to be offended by one thing or another. To be honest, I don't intend to read the manual of every person I meet before interacting with her. Society has established standards about how to interact in a polite way and I try to stick to them. If you are not happy with the current standards which involve gendering people, then make them evolve, but don't chastise the (rare and kind) persons trying to be polite with you according to said standards. If needed, you can correct them gently.
One may also observe that what you consider offending (the gendering) maybe considered totally legit by others who could be offended in turn if you didn't (gender them), that is, until the social standard evolves.
All this is subjective reasoning for your ideology. Simply put you have a problem, not the world.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
It's worth something just being around to Fuss!
I won't take it personal at all. I was a support group one evening several yrs ago having a nice chat with one of the other girls there and we all were dressed quite fem, dresses makeup ready to present as the women we were pretending to be. Most of us and I'll include myself, passed for the most part. As the two of us parted I said something to the effect of "Well, thats great SIR." I was terribly embarred for my faux pas and apologized. It was a mistake on my part but it was just habit I guess. She sure didn't look like a sir, if she had been a GG would I have said the same? IDK. I think it is just something that we're programmed to do. Hopefully we get the preferred gender correct but it seems to me that our good upbring kicks in and we give a pleasant polite salutation without thinking.
Don't take it personal!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
I don't understand why all the fuss about how other people call you when you are crossdressed and can't pass, as long it is polite expression. I was called madam many times over the years when I was crossdressed in public, but I could clearly noticed in other person's voice, that "madam" was basically a ridicule on my appearance, not politeness. No matter how i dress or what i would like to be, I am still a man in a dress, so "sir" is still a polite expression even when I'm wearing a wig, skirt and heels.
Take other examples, for instance. How you should call a tomboy for example? Sir or madam? Same goes for men dressed feminine? Maybe he wants to present himself as a woman too, but he is not brave enough to wear skirt in public. Should he feel insulted when called sir too?
Yes, it hard wired. I was talking to a mom who loves her girl but told me she has trouble with her pronouns.
I've seen her daughter on my Facebook feed.
It may tell you if you pass or not. If you pass you can expect a few ma'ams to slip out now and then.
If you never get ma'am well, we know what that means.
Marion
I want to thank everyone for replying to this thread. I will learn to take it less personally. Hopefully one day in the future, gendered reference will go away as they serve no purpose and there will be a non-gendered polite term to replace "sir/maam" which does nothing but to announce a person's perceived gender.
You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.
Sorry you had the feeling of anger for being called sir.
People can be confused about the proper words to use in these occasions.
I can certainly see where this would be an issue.
Even on the phone with some people, they may have a true male voice,
Do you call them by the fem name or the male name.
personally I am happy with anyone addressing me ion any welcoming fashion.
I never go out dressed so that would not likely be an issue for me. But if I did go out.
I would still be happy with any welcome words. No matter what they where.
I certainly would not be trying to be a woman or trying to fool anyone to think I was.
Just be happy with the encounter and have a good time.
Just my thoughts anyways.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
Rachel,
Excellent thoughts and recommendations. Thank you.
Jamie
I have a male name and a very feminine voice.
I had speech therapy to modulate my voice as part of my stroke recovery. Before that I had a very monotone voice but would speak every word clearly. I'm smaller that the average woman so my pitch is high.
After therapy I had all the elements for a very feminine voice.
Guess what? It confuses the heck out of telemarketers! Seems they need to know who they are scamming. If they don't have a clue they get thrown for a loop!
Marion
1st, don't take anything personally. It doesn't have anything to do with you. People are just the way they are to everyone.
2nd, don't expect anything from anyone or anything period. The more you expect, the more you will feel let down. This is a problem with most people and it's a hard habit to break. Just remind yourself every time you don't get what you expected - my expectations were too high, don't expect anything. And absolutely, don't expect others to think like you do. Your thoughts are your own.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Pretty cool. I don't know that I've ever seen someone post something on here, get negative replies and reprimands, and have the guts and the grace to come back and say "thanks" and "I will learn". I don't know if that's exclusively a feminine thing, but it's a higher level of humanity humanity thing. Much respect!Originally Posted by Jamie001
My advice is that you are unlikely to make it stop unless you do something different. Good luck.
Thank you Rhonda Jean.
Well, if that's the only thing that's bothering you.........
I was in a guest interaction class and the instructor mentioned not to use regional accents or slang around guests.
Sorry, I have a nice bit of twang and I call women Hon. All with a smile.
You could up your presentation to actually fully pass or put cotton in your ears so you don't have to hear bad words.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Well, Jamie, it seems you are prepared to take ownership of the problem. Well done! I hope you manage to come up with a solution which makes both you and the store clerks feel comfortable and respected.
Best wishes,
Gale
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