Fem Male vs. Full Crossdressing

[Jean 103]

Forget about passing as anything. Be you, be an individual. You don't need to follow somebody else's path you can make your own.
I do a very girly guy mode at work everyday yes I carry a purse I wear high-waisted skinny jeans. A sports bra and an oversized t-shirt. Just like most women dress. No make up or nails. I'm good at what I do and everybody loves me.

The rest of the time I'm Jean. Typically in a dress and heels, I rarely wear pants. Most all my friends are women, I'm very popular. I don't pass for anything I'm just me. What I do pass for is a trans woman.

I was traveling with a friend a couple weeks ago and we stopped in at a gay bar that was having drag bingo. I was dressed just the way I normally am. Well I tend to stand out as my dresses are very flattering, I make them that way. I always get compliments them. What surprised me was that they treated me like I was a celebrity. We had gone there because my friend is gay and wanted to. We had way too much fun.

Go and be yourself enjoy

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rhonda . The only person that yiu haze to Please is Yourself, >Orchid**OO**

[Jamie001]

Jean, congratulations for being yourself on a daily basis. It is a wonderful liberating feeling!

Jamie

[SaraLin]

Just for context for y'all who are all or nothing. I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right? Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode? Do you wear earrings in male mode? Do you wear panties all the time? Do you get your brows done? You get the point. Just how "nothing" is your nothing?

I haven't really gone out femme in forever (house rules), but here's my "nothing":

Shave? Even now, I keep my legs and the upper part of my chest (the part that shows) shaved. Fortunately, I'm not very hairy, so the SO doesn't notice the difference.

Nails? They tend to get a bit long - then start peeling or breaking, so I have to trim them back. No polish.

Earrings? I have a set of yin/yang studs that I wear 24/7 - and I mean that literally. I don't remember the last time I had them out. They work for male or female mode.

Panties? You betcha! It's one of my hard-won concessions from the SO. It's rare I wear male undies and that's only for doctor visits etc.

Brows done? Never have had that done. I cut them back from time to time to avoid that "mad scientist" look, but that's about it.

So - when I'm out of the house, my "nothing" is pretty much just that - nothing, with the exception of panties.

[Heather76]

At home I am a male who only partially dresses. My wife has asked to not see me with makeup and a wig. So, I honor that. When I go out I want to be 100% dressed. Do I pass? Not on your life. Do I blend? I suspect from a distance I do but not up close. What I've discovered because of my age (77) is the fact women my age have long ago given up the glam look. That's too my advantage. A great percentage of them walk as though they are taking their last steps. While I have no issues like that, I try to walk much slower than my normal gait with shorter steps. That gets me very close to walking how these women walk. I use a matte primer, concealer, foundation, powder, and a highlight color which may be even more that most women my age might use. I use the primer to cover any hint of facial hair even though I shave close with a razor. I use the concealer to cover spots in my complexion. The foundation, powder, and color (powder applied with a brush) just give me a little color. I sometime might use eye shadow. I don't use eye liner or mascara. Take a look at older women and most of them don't use these either. I suspect they might when going out for an evening to a more formal occasion; but, I rarely see them out with that much makeup. I do add lipstick as many do wear lipstick. I also wear press-on nails when I'm out. A large percentage of women have their nails done or wear fake nails. I wear a neck length gray wig that honestly is styled the way a lot of older women style their hair. It's nothing special. It just is what it is.

Anyway, to me it doesn't take a lot to feel that I fit in assuming I'm trying to fit in where I belong. If I were trying to present as a sexy young lady, what a failure that would be. It would be worse than a train wreck. Anyway, do what you want, enjoy yourself, and don't pay attention to those that might criticize you (unless it's a wife - then pay attention). It is your life, after all.

[Jamie001]

I believe that the take away from this thread is that if you want to do Fem Male mode, (e.g. carry a female purse, wear nail polish, wear a skirt, etc) in your everyday presentation, there is no one stopping your but yourself. It took me years to realize that the problem was in my own mind. You just have to make up your mind and do it, and soon your fem male mode will become second nature. I don't even think about it anymore that I am wearing nail polish or a women's purse. The key is to be comfortable with yourself, and don't let society tell you what you can and cannot wear. Life is too short to let other folks control your fashion choices.

[Rhonda Jean]

Even though I've been out quite a bit lately, this outing seemed a little weird. Finished work mid-afternoon Friday, put on shorts and a T-shirt and went to get my nails done. My usual spring/summer OPI Cajun Shrimp. Uneventful. A very large nail salon with probably 20 stations and only 3 nail techs. Me and one other lady were the only ones there. Went through a drive through for dinner and back to the room for a few margaritas and early bedtime. The other lady at the nail salon was wearing a strapless jumpsuit which she said she got at Academy Sports. Saturday morning I started off by going to Academy where they had the jumpsuit and a similar black strapless dress on sale for about $20 each, so I got both, thinking I might break new ground by wearing something strapless for (as far as I can remember) the first time in my life.

Back at the room while I was doing my makeup I had one of those "I don't know if I can do this" moments. I don't really know where this fear comes from. I'm about as far from a newbie at this as one can get, but I was really having a fear issue. I had several things to try on and messed with my makeup way more than usual and finally by about 2:30 I had had enough of the hotel room so I ran to Walmart for snacks and drinks for the room. Shorts, T-shirt, flip flops and way too much makeup for guy mode, but that's how I went. I was not comfortable, and seriously thought that might be it for at least Saturday.

Back at the room I had a couple of margaritas and got one of my wigs to look almost decent. The black sleeveless dress looked OK. I didn't have a strapless bra but decided to brave it braless. It is one of the strangest things ever to me, the heart-in-my-throat feeling of leaving that room braless en femme. To be totally forthcoming, I was scared as hell anyway, but wearing a strapless dress with no bra was... well, it was a lot. I went to a Bahama Breeze that was one of the places I used to go to when I used to come here all the time to do my girl thing. I had none of the confidence I had back then. It was all I could do to go in and sit at the bar and order cheese dip (which I didn't have any appetite for) and another margarita. I didn't quit trembling until I'd been back at my room for a while. Seriously considered changing clothes in my car before walking through that hotel lobby again, but I braved it and even ordered a drink at the bar to take to my room. I felt like I was glowing with fear, though.

The next day I did an abbreviated makeup and wore my same shorts and t-shirt, but with a wig and big hoops this time. I stopped at one convenience store on the way home. When I got home and caught my reflection in the mirror I thought I looked absolutely ridiculous, and thought I might have had my last time. It just does not make sense to go to so much trouble and expense for this to be the disappointing end result. In 50 years of going out, I've never been this afraid, and I've never had the results be so disappointing in the end.

But... I couldn't bring myself to take my nail polish off. I worked (sort of) from home today, ran a couple of errands and went to lunch. Got a couple of compliments on my nails and reflected on the outing from the night before and decided that I think I'd like to try again. The exact same thing. Build back some familiarity. Also, I had checked the forum and seen Johnna's post with her new wig and that keyhole top and I know I have to get a keyhole top now! I also know I'm not through messing with the strapless dress and jumpsuit. I can't explain the mind thing that going braless did to me, but it's a flavor I haven't tasted before and I think I want to explore that.

This fear I'm feeling is a real issue, though. I don't remember ever having fear to this level before, ever. Even on my recent outings I didn't have near the fear that I had this past weekend. I could come up with 10 "maybe" reasons, but I can't pinpoint why. I know I'm way less passable and way more vulnerable than I've ever been, and that's not a good combo. I will say that when I put it away for a couple of years, one reason I did was that I had become bored with it. The thrill was gone, so to speak. I think I'd rather feel something, even fear, rather than nothing. If I can knock about 25% of that fear away, I'll be left with some amount of excitement. I don't want it to be old hat. I want to be excited about every moment, and to do that I have to feel good about how I look. I've got some work to do. Now I've got to take the polish off my fingers (not my toes) and that always sucks.

[Jamie001]

Hi Rhonda Jean,

Thank you for your post. I believe that the difference between my style and your style is that you put more energy into passing, whereas I am a feminine male and just wear whatever I like to wear. I get a lot of enjoyment without the worry and most of the time when I am in public, I don't even think about what I am wearing. It is just part of my normal presentation with women's pants, women's sandals, red toenails, toe rings, silver fingernails and women's purse. If you are fearful, it will show and you will give off bad vibes. That is why I am comfortable confident with what I am wearing and make no attempt at passing. I am just being me!

Also before you take off the nail polish please see the following reddit group about guys wearing nails. These guys don't take the nails off and wear them 24/7.

https://www.reddit.com/r/malepolish/

There are many such groups on the internet as nail polish is being normalized. If anyone asks you why you have pretty red nails (Dutch Tulips one of my favorites), just tell them that you like wearing polish. It is that simple. There is no other explanation needed.

Take Care,

Jamie

[Rhonda Jean]

Hi Jamie,

To clarify a bit... I used to obsess over passing. Not anymore. No amount of obsessing will get it done. I'm a pretty frequent wearer of nail polish in male mode but not to work. My toes are always done. As far as the feminine male thing goes, I think (for me at least) there are ways I can do it that are not so off-putting. My usual leggings, oversize top, nail polish, mules or flip flops, and a purse doesn't make much of a wave and I don't feel like I have a target on my back. I think some makeup is OK, but it's teetering on the brink of too much. I know, "wear what I want to wear", but there are consequences. I wore a bra in male mode for a year and a half. Thought I was doing it just for me and that nobody would notice. They noticed, but didn't confront me about it. I only know they noticed because they said things to my wife about it. From where I stand today I can't believe I did it, and can't believe I deluded myself into thinking it was invisible.

Purses became kind of a thing for me several years ago when a girlfriend bought one for me with the intent of me carrying it in male mode. Before that, a purse had been kind of an afterthought, and I didn't really know what to do with it even in female mode. Once I started carrying one everywhere but at work, I got to where I liked it bought more and felt like we could justify spending more on them because we shared some of them. The most frequent comment I get (and I bet you get it, too) is a woman walking by (usually with a friend) and she'll say "Love your purse", often with a little limp wristed gesture meant to poke fun at me, thinking I'm carrying my wife's or girlfriend's purse. I love running into them later and seeing their expression when they see that my girl friend is carrying her own purse and that the one I'm carrying is indeed mine! (And, no, I'm not offended. That's not even on the radar of things that would offend me).

When I am reluctant about the fem male presentation it is mostly because of my age. Let's face it, it's just weird for "grandpa" to be rockin' nail polish and eye shadow. I totally get why people are taken aback. That said, I'm not at all into the "makeup for men" thing which has about the same effect as water. If I'm going to wear it, I want it to look like I'm wearing makeup. Otherwise, what's the point. I think there's a way to do it and a lot of ways not to. I've played around on the wrong side of that line a lot.