Danger Going Out

[MonicaPVD]

The bud light controversy, much like the constant conversation around gender theory and other aspects demonized by conservative pundits has brought gender issues to the forefront. As someone who spends considerable amounts of time in public spaces surrounded by moderate and conservative older Americans, here's what I have found. Conservatives are more than happy to give you the space to be you. Want to be a woman, they'll treat you like a woman. Want to be non-conforming? They might roll their eyes but, hey, you be you. Where they tend to draw the line is when you get preachy and defensive about the topic. I don't know how many times I have been out and have somehow ended up on this topic during casual conversations. They aren't out to get us freaks, they just "don't see the need to have this stuff shoved down our throats."

[Rhonda Jean]

I think that's a pretty good assessment, Monica. It's the exceptions we have to worry about.

There is SO MUCH publicity and talk about it now that I get sick of it myself. What seems to have happened because of the publicity is that literally every single person had a pre-conceived notion, an opinion based on whatever publicity they've heard, and they likely model their ideas based on something or somebody other than you or me. I HATE being lumped in with these people! The Bud Lite girl could not be more different from me, but more people know her than know me, so when they see me they naturally tend to think about her (or some other public/known figure).

Before all the publicity (going back 50 years) I had a chance. They might have had some initial reaction, but it was based on ME. The way I looked, what I wore, how I spoke to them and to others, the way I carried myself... the usual first impression criteria. Now, somebody else already made the first impression and it probably was not a good one.

Going back to when I was a kid, I was/am aware that I need to try a little extra hard. A lot of people are probably looking for a reason to not like me, and I don't think I ever gave anybody that reason. I don't mean to sound like it was hard work to simply be a nice person. That is my nature regardless of mode. I was just more aware. I like to think that the trail I left made it easier for the next one. If they told a friend, "I met a (fill in the blank) today and she was the nicest person! That'd be a serious win for me. Even if they said "he was", that'd still be a win. If we all did that (and I know a lot of us do), the general public would have a much better impression of us. We've got a lot steeper hill to climb to overcome the publicity.

[MonicaPVD]

Rhonda, trust me. You still have a chance. A million chances. People are much more open or, at tolerant, than ever. Just be yourself and everything else falls into place. I know from experience.

[Kitty Sue]

I don?t think there is a simple yes or no for this question at the moment. I think some areas are probably safer than others.

[char GG]

Everyone has to do a risk assessment when they go out. CDers should be able to make a judgement call as to where they think they will feel safe, just as GG's have to do. There are just some places that only a select few feel safe (think members-only biker bar). Know your destination, your route, a safety detour, and the establishment(s) that you intend to visit. Make sure you are in a parking spot that is well lit at night and close to the door, if possible. Keep your wits about you and enjoy the outings.

The people who have seen or feel emboldened by the Bud Light commercial (I have not seen it), haven't changed their minds one way or another over a stunt. They have always been there and will continue to be in the public someplace.

[Suzie Petersen]

What Char said! It is basically as simple as that.

A few additional thoughts for going out at night:
- Stay sober, or at least limit it to one or two drinks for an entire evening. Watch your glass like a hawk and do not let others buy you a drink.
- Go with one or more friends if at all possible. Drive together, or take an Uber or taxi together to the door.
- If you are at all uncomfortable when leaving, ask someone at the venue to escort you to your car or to wait with you for the Uber or taxi to arrive.
- If someone says something to you as you are coming or going, do not respond and do not make eye contact. Use your peripheral vision to keep track of what is going on around you, walk with purpose to your car, keys in hand. As soon as you are inside the car, lock the doors. Or if you get concerned, turn around and walk back to where other non-threatening people are, for instance back into the venue or close to the bouncer or door personnel. Ask for help so they know you are concerned.

I have been out many times including in foreign countries and have never had a problem. Admittedly there have been times when I was a little concerned, but it turned out to be for no reason.
This was years ago, so I do not have any feel for what the current climate might be, but from what I read here and other places, I would not be overly nervous about my safety.

- Suzie

[MonicaPVD]

Qll excellent points by Char. There's a reason why you hardly ever see a cis woman out alone at night. Risk assessments! ❤️

[Aunt Kelly]

Just got back from 4 days in Las Vegas. Aside from one redneck asshole "roper" calling my friend "sir", there were no issues. None. The snowflakes voicing their "outrage" over Bud Light are few, but noisy.

[Stephanie47]

The reason that theses men are doing this is because they fear that they might be attractive to one of us. Masculinity is extremely fragile, and person or anything that threatens masculinity must be destroyed. That is the thoughts process of the knuckle-dragging Neanderthal macho dude.

I think there is a difference between an in-person encounter and the immature nature of many males. In-person encounters to an openly gay man or a transwomen may fall into the category of "guilt by association." "Do people think I am one of THEM?" if I engage with them. There are trolls who like to make immature comments on-line or switch their beer order at a tavern. Immaturity.

If you have not seen the commercial, I have, it is probably on Youtube.

[Jane G]

I have gone out since the "Bud Light" controversy started with no issues. Really, I think it is all a tempest in a tea pot.

Storm in a T cup. Think I may still have that on vinyl some where. Or was it storm in a D cup.

[Andrea Renea]

This has not changed my going out.

I've been going out for years with no issues other than some long glances.

I go to gas stations, grocery stores, clothing store and a few restaurant.

Be careful where alcohol is served in volume. Who knows what a drunk will say or do.

[kayegirl]

Ive been on holiday and away from tv, internet and all other forms of advertising for the past couple of weeks, so have not seen the Bud Light adverts. But even had I been at home, the day that I pay any attention to the adverts, will be tge day they carry me out in a box. I sometimes wonder why some cimpanies even need to advertise, and who are the mis guided people who actually think the adverts up.

[nancy58]

I am not worried about the Bud Light controversy. I *am* worried by the ongoing effort to paint trans people and crossdressers as threats to society, and the efforts to prevent parents from doing what they believe is the best thing for their kids. My local trans support group has begun locking the door after meetings begin.

[VickieBonne]

I've never been swayed to drink bud light or any beer for that matter based on an advertisement. I find it hard to believe that more women aren't outraged that they picked this parody of a woman to.represent. I'm offended by the VP's comments before and after as well as other executive's comments. Nothing to do with Dylan and everything to do with the treatment of a longtime Bud drinker. I needed to cut back on my beer drinking anyway.

[Emily in the south]

I agree with Nancy. However, I do worry about the impact of unfortunate incidents such as one that I read about recently in a UK coffee shop. A customer misgendered a trans worker, I don't believe intentionally, and things rapidly escalated in a bad way. The worker refused to give the woman customer her drink that she had paid for, threatened to call the police to have her removed. Of course, another customer started recording the altercation on a cell phone and the worker assaulted him, trying to grab the phone. I believe it was a Starbucks store.

Emily

[Debs]

I go out regular, and I can assure you this little incident isnt going to stop me doing what I love to do.

[Emily in the south]

I agree with you 100% Debs. I also go out on a fairly regular basis & have never had a bad experience.

Just sad reading stories like the one above. Does nothing but reflect poorly on our community.
I try to go out of my way to be nice and helpful to people I encounter. Like Sandi, I have struck up conversations with quite a few gg women in various places, and they have welcomed my company.
Would hate to see that change.

Emily

[CharlotteCD]

I agree with Nancy. However, I do worry about the impact of unfortunate incidents such as one that I read about recently in a UK coffee shop. A customer misgendered a trans worker, I don't believe intentionally, and things rapidly escalated in a bad way. The worker refused to give the woman customer her drink that she had paid for, threatened to call the police to have her removed. Of course, another customer started recording the altercation on a cell phone and the worker assaulted him, trying to grab the phone. I believe it was a Starbucks store.

Emily

The trans worker appeared to be totally in the wrong, and they had a pathetic reaction - particularly assaulting the person who filmed it