Strange conversation

[Heather76]

The day before yesterday, my wife was sorting thru some jewelry she is going to toss out. However, she does have some items she will first take to a local jeweler to find out if there is any value to the gold in the items. These are thin necklaces; but, a dollar is a dollar. She has a watch that I really like. I don't recall ever seeing her wear it. Anyway, out of nowhere she asks if I'd like it. It has a small, dainty face and a bracelet type band. It is a graphite or tungsten color band. Well, duh, of course I'd like it. She hands it to me and then comments she doesn't know why she asked since she really finds my crossdressing to be disgusting.

When she asked the question, my first thought was wondering if she might be coming around just a little. She shot that down pretty fast. Oh well, I'm in the same place I've been with the exception I now have a watch I really like.

[Stephanie47]

I hope your wife really did not use the term "disgusting." That's a little bit too much.

[GaleWarning]

At least the two of you are still together ...

[bridget thronton]

May be she realizes how much she likes you

[alwayshave]

Heather, I would take it as she cares for you even if she doesn't care for the crossdressing.

[Karren H]

I would consider that progress on some level. My wife also thinks my crossdressing is awful yet every so often she will bring up what Billy Porter is doing or not change the Chanel when someone is crossdressing on TV. Confusing but I chalk it up to NIMBY. She does not have a problem in general with crossdressing but Not In My Back Yard.

[Crissy 107]

Heather, Reading your post I did not see that coming. Myself, I would not have taken the watch at that point.
I agree with Karren it could be a case of NIMBY which I find to be somewhat common in our community.

[SaraLin]

Heather, enjoy your new watch, but I'm with Crissy 107 on this one.

I probably would have silently handed the watch back to her, trying to hide the hurt on my face.
I don't think I could look at the watch ever again without hearing her saying "disgusting."

But hey - that's just me, oversensitive to a fault.

[GretchenM]

I take her comment that she recognizes the need you have, but simply does not understand why, for many of us, the female expression is an important part of who we are. This lack of understanding is pervasive in Western Civilization. It is hard to understand something that a person does not experience. It is common to think it is just a fetish or a stimulating habit or activity.

Yet in many other cultures around the world this gender reversal pattern is fully accepted and approved as simply the way that person is. To them it is not weird or disgusting; it is just a part of the differences in people. And in some cultures it is viewed as a special gift to be able to comfortably be male-like or female-like in the same person. The two-spirit tradition in about 375 different Native American tribes views people like us as being very specially blessed to have been given two-spirits instead of just one. That is tradition as much as general rejection of those people is tradition in our society. But when these two traditions are viewed together it goes to show that traditions are not necessarily bad unless we make them bad. By bad I mean resulting in intolerance, prejudice and many more negative behaviors that are hurtful to those who are different in some way.

I suspect she accepts it as a part of you but acceptance does not mean one needs to like it. In our society it is traditionally viewed as a step too far and a step into a world that is viewed as rather strange and abnormal. But again that traditional view comes from a lack of understanding why it is important to the person who experiences and feels something that most do not. Some fear that which they do not understand.

Even though it is hard to experience such rejection it is important to keep in mind that such rejection comes from not being accepting of the diversity of human behavior. There is an somewhat true saying about tradition - "It is something that we do but we forgot why we do it." With knowledge and understanding the tradition can be understood and then accepted or rejected intelligently. We are such social creatures that we tend to forget that we are also individuals that are unique in so many ways and that such diversity is an integral part of being human. The great things we humans have accomplished as well as the not so great things is a result of our diversity and our ability to act as individuals with unique ideas, experiences, and behaviors. At least she is not intolerant and that is a step in the right direction toward understanding you.

[michelleddg]

It's a bit strange, but on those infrequent occasions my blushing bride does a clean out for charitable donations she'll ask me if there's anything I want. Pretty cool.

Hugs, Michelle

[kimdl93]

Its a small positive thing. She may never fully understand, but that is true for all of us.

[Stephj]

Wear the watch with pride

[Sometimes Steffi]

Different wife, different story.

My wife had some vintage jewelry that she planned to donate to a thrift shop.

I asked her if I could look through it first before she donated it.

No. No. No. No.

A few days later, she thought a piece was missing. She asked me if I took it.

No. No. No. No. I got the message the first time.

[CDMargret]

I would think her giving you the watch was a little step towards accepting. Hope this little seed grows for you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Take the watch and Enjoy it

[Heather76]

Since that conversation, I got 2 1/2 hours of sleep Sunday night and 2 hours Monday night. Tuesday I was gone for an all day off-shore fishing trip with 3 friends. I got home about 5:30 Tuesday afternoon. While eating dinner, I said something to which my wife countered with something else. I actually don't recall what we were talking about; but, being extremely tired, I said (actually said it loudly but not at yelling pitch) something to the effect that she had pi**ed me off. When she asked what she did, I told her I'd rather wait until I had a good night's sleep and could be more civil in my discussion. Last night I got in 11 hours of sound sleep. I was gone this morning so when I got home around 2 p.m. she asked if I wanted to tell her what was going on. I told her 'pi**ed off" was really not the correct description. I told her I was hurt by the "disgusting" comment. I then apologized for being a bit out of control last night. I told her I know she's not a fan; but, that comment hurt. Anyway, we talked for a while. I told her I expected to go out once in a while fully dressed. I would not be out in our community or where there is a chance any people that know us would be. Knowing she's not a fan and has asked me not to wear makeup and a wig in front of her, I asked if she would prefer I tell her good-bye before I get dressed or when I'm actually leaving. I won't have a wig on or lipstick on before I leave home as a neighbor might see. I will have some light makeup on. I suspect she will opt to say good-bye when I'm leaving.

I told her, while I expect it to never happen, I'd be overjoyed if she would ever go out with me while I'm dressed so long as it was completely away from our home with less than a 1 in a million chance of seeing anyone we know. She said she didn't really see that happening and I told her I'm fine with that. I reminded her of the time she said she wouldn't want to be shopping with me when I look for female clothing and that's why I've never bought anything when we've been together. I told her I'd dearly love it if, when we're out shopping, I could show her a dress, top, etc. that I like and could get her opinion. She told me she meant she didn't want to go shopping strictly for me; but, if we're out shopping for her as well, she would be willing to offer an opinion if I see something I like. She told me she knows I'm looking at ladies' apparel for myself when we're shopping for her. I already knew that as she's mentioned it before.

Anyway, we had a nice, calm discussion today. She now knows my ultimate hope (being out dressed with her) and I now know I can ask her opinion when we're out shopping if I find something I might like.

All in all, a good outcome.



Gretchen, a lot of times your responses on threads are too cerebral for me and I don't finish reading them. I'm not really a deep thinker. That said, I really appreciate your thoughts as posted on this thread. They were quite helpful for me. A big THANK YOU for your post.

[JulieC]

This sounds like solid progress. Ok, maybe not fast progress, but it's good progress. Communication is a good and important thing.