Restroom incident last night.

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! Yes, I know it has been a while since I've posted, I've just been busy, busy! LOL

Anyway, I went out as Kimberly last night and went to the bar that I've been hanging out at in Tupelo, MS. I'm not gonna post pics, cause I really didn't take any. But anyway, I've been there several times, mostly on Saturday nights for karaoke but this weekend, I got home late Saturday evening and I wasn't able to get dressed up and go to the bar for karaoke. So anyway, there's a woman and her husband who frequent that bar, (from what I've been told, they go there EVERY day), she sings on Saturday nights and she has also heard me singing. Now I've said on here before that I can't sing like a woman, so I get up on stage, dressed like a woman and sing like a man! LOL So obviously, this said woman has heard me singing.

Now of course, I'd been using the ladies' room ever since I've been going to that bar and last night was no different. So the woman whom I mentioned, she walked into the restroom, JUST to confront me about using the ladies' room. She had walked in just as I was washing my hands and she said, "You know this is the women's room". I said "Yes, I know. All I intend to do is my business, wash my hands and get out". Then she said, "Ok, just wanted to let you know". I said, "Ok". Then, she kinda shot me a dirty look, whipped around and walked out the restroom door.

She seemed to be the only one there who has had a problem with me using the ladies' room at that bar. Even some of the female bartenders have seen me in there, washing my hands and thay'll say, "Hey" or just nothing at all and everyone goes on about their business. On another occasion, on a Saturday night, another woman was in the ladies' room at the same time I was and while I was washing my hands, she complimented my singing! So obviously, she knew I wasn't a GG! LOL

But anyway, the woman who confronted me about using the ladies' room really upset and angered me..... Keep in mind, she is NOT an employee, bartender or the owner of the place, she's just a customer same as I was. It seems that she's the only one who had a problem with me using the ladies' room; the bartenders don't have a problem with it and I'm betting neither would the owner. Now, what, if anything should I do about this?

[Rhonda Jean]

I think she'll go to management and since she and her husband are such good customers they'll tell you to quit using the ladies room, or her husbands will confront you. I'm a non-confrontational person. If either to those happened I wouldn't go back. I might not go back now, before one of those things happens.

I always have tried to find unoccupied or single user restrooms. There was a fast food restaurant that was in the area I used to go out a lot that had a clean, single user ladies room and I'd make it a point to stop there. I always bought something, usually just a drink. It was always late and they were never crowded at that time. I went in one night and was the only customer. I used the ladies room and when I came out one of the employees said, "The owner said to not let you use the ladies room anymore." I jsut said OK and never went back. Like I said, non-confrontational.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Rhonda Jean, I would no longer go there cause next time it will be the husband and his friends. Sometimes things are just not worth it. Believe me I learned this the hard way, not over trans issues but just the road of life.

[BrendaPDX]

I would talk to the management, and take their lead. If they say yes, I would continue. If they say no, I would leave and never come back.

[Crissy 107]

Good point Brenda though it is still Mississippi. We are not talking where you are from or the northeast or California etc. The south is still very redneck and our safety is more important than making a statement.

[Jane G]

You are just going to the rest room. Every one does it. So one person does not appreciate that you present as women at those facilities. Clearly she is a regular as you are. If possible talk to her again and befriend her. If not ignore her for now and take it as it comes.

[Deborah G]

Agree with Brenda. I always believe in standing your ground, but It is best to back-off and take your money elsewhere if need be.

[jjjjohanne]

Using the restroom is a touchy thing...
Bad reactions are inevitable if you give it enough chances to happen.

[Linda Stockings]

I agree with standing our ground, but the laws vary from state to state; it's not a nation wide right. And bathrooms are a dangerous place to exercise that right. It's a great privilege but I'd be reluctant to believe very many judges would agree, especially if a genetic woman lodges a complaint that management agrees with.

[Kitty Sue]

Expect this to get worse in the red parts of the U.S. I grew up in a rural community in New Zealand. Very conservative. When I used to go out dressed I would still use the mens bathrooms. Not saying that is right, it is just that I felt it would cause less hassle. If I ever go out dressed again, I would still likely use the men's bathrooms unless invited by a GG into the women's restrooms. This should not matter, however I am afraid in the red states it does. I certainly noticed this when I was in the army stationed in various southern states. I remember going to one bar and a guy was wearing a KKK ball cap. Nobody had a problem with that in the bar. The South can be a very different world.

[Jamie001]

Yes the south is a different world entirely with a lot of good old boys. The best thing to do is avoid bars! Nothing good happens in a bar. Also, if you need to use the restroom find a Starbucks or another establishment that has gender neutral rest rooms. In the South if you are dressed and you use the men's or the women's rest room you are risking a beatdown and potentially putting your life in jeopardy. Be safe out there. It will get much worse as more laws are passed and the politicians get more folks riled-up about transgender issues.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Y'all are too afraid of the "red states" and the "south". You're stereotyping, and you're wrong. I know plenty of good people down here in the deep south that couldn't care less, I know people in the very liberal big cities that think we're all a bunch of freaks who should be shot.

I think it's sad when someone feels the need to retreat from a bully. The woman at the bar was a jerk. I also recognize the need to stay safe, and I understand avoiding a confrontation that's probably only going to land you in jail or the hospital, if not both. Crappy situation. I wasn't there and I'm not you, so my opinion on what to do next is meaningless.

BTW, I've been to very conservative bars and restaurants in FL and NC with a gay couple and a trans-woman, with absolutely zero problems. You want problems? Get on your soapbox and announce to the world why you're equal or better, then you'll have problems. Be just another person, regardless how you're dressed or who you're holding hands with, and you'll have few or no problems. Will you run into a jerk? Yeah, it's possible, and you can't avoid that completely without conforming 100% into "normal", and even then a jerk might single you out for some other reason. Because he or she is a jerk.

[Sandi Beech]

Hmm. sounds like you ran into the hater type. I totally understand being upset about being confronted like that, which is the reason as a crossdresser I often use the men?s facilities. I know it seems to be almost a right of passage on this site, but I grew up in the Deep South as well, where boys just do not go into the girls room, and that got burned into my head permanently. Granted I have used the ladies rooms a few times but mostly in LGBT clubs and never had an issue. Still, there is always a slight risk.

I am not sure if I would go back there as it would be unpleasant running into her and she is likely to be there. That would spoil the fun for me despite knowing I am giving in to their intolerance.

Sandi

[GaleWarning]

I would go about my business as usual. Rock up next Saturday, sing, use the ladies as you always have done.

You have no real idea what this person will do about it. She may do nothing. Don't try to second-guess her!

If she does complain to management, they have three options. They can either do nothing about it, or they can speak to you about it, or they can tell her to mind her own business.

Please don't try to pre-empt the situation. It is not your problem at the moment. It only will become your problem if the owners do receive a complaint and they decide that they don't want/need you as a customer anymore.

If these two things do occur, then you might want to go and sing somewhere else on a Saturday night.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm probably more risk averse than most. Nice way of saying "chicken". I have never used the men's room crossdressed and hope I never have to. I'm not comfortable going in there with just polished nails and a purse. If my gf is with me I have her hold my purse. It's not often I have to use the restroom in public anyway, and when I do there's almost always a "family" or single user restroom. If I'm driving, stopping at a hotel and using the restroom in the lobby is my best choice.

If you go back in there I'd like to know what happens.

[CDMargret]

OMG...I was at a LGBTQ bar and when I needed the restroom I used the men's room without even thinking about it. It's a one room with a locking door but it does say men's on the outside. I don't think anyone even noticed. Not even me, funny...

[Aunt Kelly]

Upsetting you was her goal. She is an ignorant boor. Don't give her the satisfaction. Your response was more than enough to show her that you were not about to be cowed.
As for the worry about the assholes going to management, if the management does anything but invite said assholes to leave, you are in the wrong venue.

[Jeri Ann]

Now, what, if anything should I do about this?

Do not allow a hateful bigot live rent free in your head. Continue to go about your business, minding your own business.

What really occurred was, you were harassed at the establishment. However, life isn’t fair.

After thinking about this it occurred to me that a bar is probably the last place a crossdresser needs to be. More bad judgment occurs in bars than any other place.

[alwayshave]

Kimberly, Keep going. Your money is just as good as hers.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim , It's probably best not to Press the Issue,

[nvlady]

If you decide not to return to that bar, you should contact the management and explain, while naming names why they have lost a customer and mention the possibility that they could lose even more. In other words, stick her attitude right up her rear end.

[Stephanie47]

I am be dense or its late at night. Were you en drab in the ladies' room when the woman confronted you? If that is the case that is different than en femme using the ladies' room. Are you certain or you just assumed she identified your voice as belonging to a man attired as a woman?

In my city, all single occupancy restrooms must be identified with male and female signage. That was instituted at the request of the transgender community.

[Kimberly A.]

Stephanie, I was 100% en femme..... I'm not dumb enough to use the ladies' room in drab! LOL

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LOL You're so right about that, Monica!

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Very good idea, prw..... Probably the best idea yet in this thread. LOL

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I think some of y'all are underestimating the danger here. You can be right and still get your ass kicked.

VERY true, Rhonda!

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Ok, I'll reply to just one last one in this thread, since there were SO many replies to my post..... First of all, of course I did see where some of you said that you tend to go to places with single restrooms, (as in, one locking door with one toilet, sink, etc). Well, the bar that I went to doesn't have that. It has the men's and women's restrooms, with several stalls and a couple of sinks. It was rare that I was in the restroom by myself, especially when it was crowded at that bar, so that wasn't an option for me.

Now, I'm replying to Di..... Thank you so much for your kind words and wisdom! You are 100% correct, of course. Alcohol and confrontations do NOT mix and do not end well. Tbh, I think when the woman confronted me in the restroom, she'd been drinking quite a bit. Also, about your gipsy skirts..... I was born and raised in Mississippi and while I can't speak for everyone, I'm not one who would judge you for it. Myself, along with I'm sure just about everyone else here says, wear what you're comfortable wearing, screw what other people think! LOL

[Helen_Highwater]

I am be dense or its late at night. Were you en drab in the ladies' room when the woman confronted you? If that is the case that is different than en femme using the ladies' room. Are you certain or you just nassumed she identified your voice as belonging to a man attired as a woman? .

Those were my thoughts to. I would only use the ladies if presenting enfemme. In drab it'd be the mens room. That seems to be the accepted rule.

It's often easy for us to underestimate the transformation we undergo when we put on the slap and our femme clothes. People will ot connect the two people they've seen together, voice or not.

If you opt to go back there then if enfemme ladies, drab mens.

[CharlotteCD]

For context, it states "I went out as Kimberley"