Restroom incident last night.

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! Yes, I know it has been a while since I've posted, I've just been busy, busy! LOL

Anyway, I went out as Kimberly last night and went to the bar that I've been hanging out at in Tupelo, MS. I'm not gonna post pics, cause I really didn't take any. But anyway, I've been there several times, mostly on Saturday nights for karaoke but this weekend, I got home late Saturday evening and I wasn't able to get dressed up and go to the bar for karaoke. So anyway, there's a woman and her husband who frequent that bar, (from what I've been told, they go there EVERY day), she sings on Saturday nights and she has also heard me singing. Now I've said on here before that I can't sing like a woman, so I get up on stage, dressed like a woman and sing like a man! LOL So obviously, this said woman has heard me singing.

Now of course, I'd been using the ladies' room ever since I've been going to that bar and last night was no different. So the woman whom I mentioned, she walked into the restroom, JUST to confront me about using the ladies' room. She had walked in just as I was washing my hands and she said, "You know this is the women's room". I said "Yes, I know. All I intend to do is my business, wash my hands and get out". Then she said, "Ok, just wanted to let you know". I said, "Ok". Then, she kinda shot me a dirty look, whipped around and walked out the restroom door.

She seemed to be the only one there who has had a problem with me using the ladies' room at that bar. Even some of the female bartenders have seen me in there, washing my hands and thay'll say, "Hey" or just nothing at all and everyone goes on about their business. On another occasion, on a Saturday night, another woman was in the ladies' room at the same time I was and while I was washing my hands, she complimented my singing! So obviously, she knew I wasn't a GG! LOL

But anyway, the woman who confronted me about using the ladies' room really upset and angered me..... Keep in mind, she is NOT an employee, bartender or the owner of the place, she's just a customer same as I was. It seems that she's the only one who had a problem with me using the ladies' room; the bartenders don't have a problem with it and I'm betting neither would the owner. Now, what, if anything should I do about this?

[Rhonda Jean]

I think she'll go to management and since she and her husband are such good customers they'll tell you to quit using the ladies room, or her husbands will confront you. I'm a non-confrontational person. If either to those happened I wouldn't go back. I might not go back now, before one of those things happens.

I always have tried to find unoccupied or single user restrooms. There was a fast food restaurant that was in the area I used to go out a lot that had a clean, single user ladies room and I'd make it a point to stop there. I always bought something, usually just a drink. It was always late and they were never crowded at that time. I went in one night and was the only customer. I used the ladies room and when I came out one of the employees said, "The owner said to not let you use the ladies room anymore." I jsut said OK and never went back. Like I said, non-confrontational.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Rhonda Jean, I would no longer go there cause next time it will be the husband and his friends. Sometimes things are just not worth it. Believe me I learned this the hard way, not over trans issues but just the road of life.

[Sandi Beech]

Hmm. sounds like you ran into the hater type. I totally understand being upset about being confronted like that, which is the reason as a crossdresser I often use the men?s facilities. I know it seems to be almost a right of passage on this site, but I grew up in the Deep South as well, where boys just do not go into the girls room, and that got burned into my head permanently. Granted I have used the ladies rooms a few times but mostly in LGBT clubs and never had an issue. Still, there is always a slight risk.

I am not sure if I would go back there as it would be unpleasant running into her and she is likely to be there. That would spoil the fun for me despite knowing I am giving in to their intolerance.

Sandi

[GaleWarning]

I would go about my business as usual. Rock up next Saturday, sing, use the ladies as you always have done.

You have no real idea what this person will do about it. She may do nothing. Don't try to second-guess her!

If she does complain to management, they have three options. They can either do nothing about it, or they can speak to you about it, or they can tell her to mind her own business.

Please don't try to pre-empt the situation. It is not your problem at the moment. It only will become your problem if the owners do receive a complaint and they decide that they don't want/need you as a customer anymore.

If these two things do occur, then you might want to go and sing somewhere else on a Saturday night.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm probably more risk averse than most. Nice way of saying "chicken". I have never used the men's room crossdressed and hope I never have to. I'm not comfortable going in there with just polished nails and a purse. If my gf is with me I have her hold my purse. It's not often I have to use the restroom in public anyway, and when I do there's almost always a "family" or single user restroom. If I'm driving, stopping at a hotel and using the restroom in the lobby is my best choice.

If you go back in there I'd like to know what happens.

[CDMargret]

OMG...I was at a LGBTQ bar and when I needed the restroom I used the men's room without even thinking about it. It's a one room with a locking door but it does say men's on the outside. I don't think anyone even noticed. Not even me, funny...

[Aunt Kelly]

Upsetting you was her goal. She is an ignorant boor. Don't give her the satisfaction. Your response was more than enough to show her that you were not about to be cowed.
As for the worry about the assholes going to management, if the management does anything but invite said assholes to leave, you are in the wrong venue.

[Jeri Ann]

Now, what, if anything should I do about this?

Do not allow a hateful bigot live rent free in your head. Continue to go about your business, minding your own business.

What really occurred was, you were harassed at the establishment. However, life isn’t fair.

After thinking about this it occurred to me that a bar is probably the last place a crossdresser needs to be. More bad judgment occurs in bars than any other place.

[alwayshave]

Kimberly, Keep going. Your money is just as good as hers.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim , It's probably best not to Press the Issue,

[Stephanie47]

I am be dense or its late at night. Were you en drab in the ladies' room when the woman confronted you? If that is the case that is different than en femme using the ladies' room. Are you certain or you just assumed she identified your voice as belonging to a man attired as a woman?

In my city, all single occupancy restrooms must be identified with male and female signage. That was instituted at the request of the transgender community.

[nvlady]

If you decide not to return to that bar, you should contact the management and explain, while naming names why they have lost a customer and mention the possibility that they could lose even more. In other words, stick her attitude right up her rear end.

[Helen_Highwater]

I am be dense or its late at night. Were you en drab in the ladies' room when the woman confronted you? If that is the case that is different than en femme using the ladies' room. Are you certain or you just nassumed she identified your voice as belonging to a man attired as a woman? .

Those were my thoughts to. I would only use the ladies if presenting enfemme. In drab it'd be the mens room. That seems to be the accepted rule.

It's often easy for us to underestimate the transformation we undergo when we put on the slap and our femme clothes. People will ot connect the two people they've seen together, voice or not.

If you opt to go back there then if enfemme ladies, drab mens.

[CharlotteCD]

For context, it states "I went out as Kimberley"

[MonicaPVD]

Reality check for all the Dear Abbys on here: Kimberly was in Tupelo! Not Boston, not LA, not even Nashville. Tupelo, a town of 37 thousand people where nothing significant has happened since Elvis Presley popped out of his mom. The fact that this is the only time that Kimberly has experienced anything like this is a wonderful testament to how far we've come as a society. So she ran into a jerk. Once. So what? It's bound to happen to all of us. I'm not going to stop going to a place where I'm welcomed just because one jerk decided to question me. You keep doing you.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Hey, Tupelo is not really some "Red Necky" place, It's my second-favorite MS town, a major transportation hub, a short trip from Memphis, TN. ( Biloxi, on the Gulf coast, is my favorite) I like to think of Tupelo as Biloxi without the beach. Everything you want is there from Shopping malls, Theaters, banks, etc. within a radius of a few miles, and people can afford to own nice Houses.

[prw230]

I would have a talk with the manager, or owner. I would tell them what happened & ask which bathroom they think I should use.
If the management is OK with using the ladies room, I would go back & ignore the customer.

[Gi Gondin]

Kimberly, I am sorry you had to go through such an obnoxious situation. I guess many of our responses here are concerned with your safety. You are in the best position to evaluate the risks.

All my experiences in bathrooms when dressed are really fun, most of the nightclubs we go have some queues and usually as people are a bit inebriated there is some space for small talks and they are usually very positive.

When we were in Buenos Aires last year, asked my girlfriend waited outside the booth; one girl asked her when did I started my transition… lol.

[GretchenM]

Stand your ground, but in a reasonable way. You don't know what that woman did after that incident. You could talk to the management and not complain but just them know you are a regular customer and what happened. If there is a shift in the attitude of others next time you go then you will know something about what resulted from the encounter but still not know what. Otherwise just go about your business like nothing happened. It is just her opinion being expressed; the majority have no problem with your using that bathroom. The fact is there are a lot of those kind of people around and you crossed paths with one.

[Rhonda Jean]

I think some of y'all are underestimating the danger here. You can be right and still get your ass kicked.

[Aunt Kelly]

Unless it would violate some draconian, not-yet-thrown-out, un-Constitutional law, I would politely stand my ground. Haters are cowards, by and large, and while there might be a lot of bluster, only the dimmest (or drunkest) is likely to resort to violence. I, for one, will take that beating (assuming that my own response to an unprovoked physical attack is less than effective), on the assumption that the outcome will be far worse for the hater.

[CharlotteCD]

I think some of y'all are underestimating the danger here. You can be right and still get your ass kicked.

Yes, I think that the answer to whether Kimberly goes back or not really does come down to the following.

Are you able to hold your own in high heels?

Who will those around you side with?

But most of all:

Is the potential damage to yourself, your livelihood etc worth it for feeling pretty?

[GaleWarning]

Only in America, the Land of the Free. It seems so sad!

On a somewhat lighter note, the only reference to Tupelo that I have had until now, Bobbie Gentry refers to (fictional)) brother getting married and buying a store in Tupelo, in 'Ode to Billy Joe', which I play on the 3rd of June every year.

[BrendaPDX]

I would talk to the management, and take their lead. If they say yes, I would continue. If they say no, I would leave and never come back.