Wife might suspect I shave my legs

[Sara Ann]

Back when my ex and I first got together, we had a regular bedroom game in which she would help me crossdress and we would go out for a 'ladies night' on the town. Later, as my crossdressing became more practiced and sophisticated, I suspect she became more and more insecure as her own natural physical appearance radically and rapidly changed. I knew the turning point came when she objected about my legs and chest being shaved because she didn't like having sex with a 'pre-pubescent boy'. And so, that's how crossdressing eventually turned 180 degrees into DADT until we finally split.

[tbryant2k16]

This is another gender social expectation that must go way. This expectation that a man can't shave legs, arms, or any part of their body that isn't a beard.

[Nyla F]

Hi Jenniferr,

I agree with Diane P. I'm also in a DADT situation which means you must let her decide if she wants to talk about it. In the mean time RELAX! Instead of constantly worrying if she has noticed you now know she has and the world didn't end.

[Jenniferr]

Her note has disappeared, she has not said anything, and her demeanor toward me has not changed, so I am going to look at this as some here have suggested—that I am overthinking or making this into something that is just not there. For those that pushed for me to talk to her, I guess I was not clear: yes, she knows or knew that I CD but talking about it is what led to the DADT. It would be great to get out of DADT but so far the fear of discussing it and making it worse has stopped me in my tracks. Thanks to all who replied.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

That's encouraging news! Let me amend my advice from "find a way to bring it up" to "if there's no problem don't try to fix the problem." I would agree with others that you need to keep it up, the first time her hand runs over 80-grit sandpaper on your legs, it'll be hard for her to NOT make a comment. BUT if you keep it smooth, she just might like it better than the carpet she used to have to deal with!

[DianeT]

My wife loves my carpeted legs and doesn't want me to shave because she's afraid it would grow back thicker (currently my carpet is smooth since it never saw a razor in its entire life).
I could follow the advice of Jamie001 and consider that my wife has no saying in the body parts I shave or don't shave:

The parts of your body that you choose to shave are not her choice. She needs to understand that.

After all, that's an advice that's often given in these forums. I would be interested to know if whoever gave that advice would support their wife (if they have one and are still intimate with her) the day she decides to stop shaving her armpits and legs, and to shave her hair? Since these are parts of her body too and therefore the rule should apply.

[Jamie001]

The parts of her body that your wife chooses to shave are her choice. There is no double standard here.

[DianeT]

And then I have to ask Jamie: does your wife agree with that too? Even if she does, the dynamics of a couple will vary from one to another. In ours, my wife has a saying and I have a saying about things. Not a saying as in "do what I tell you", but as in discussing with the other before making a significant change. For example I am being asked my opinion when my wife wants to grow or cut her hair shorter. We try to please each other and make each other comfortable. Sometimes one will make some efforts. I shaved my mustache after I met my future wife as a teenager. Honestly it was a dirty little mustache that I kept just to avoid shaving it and see it growing thicker. My then girlfriend said I should shave it. But had I cared about it I would have shaved it nonetheless, because I loved that girl and I wanted to stay with her, and hence please her. She returned the favor in spades when I told her 36 years later that I dressed in secret and she decided to not run to the hills and accept me.

[Natalie5004]

If you really think about it, how could your wife not know you shave your legs. Do you live in different houses or do not share a bedroom?

[Nyla F]

Easy, she probably doesn't look that closely. I painted my toenails and it took my wife a week to notice, but I in all fairness I wore socks most of the time so she only had the opportunity before and after my shower. Four days into wearing the nail polish I thought she saw my toenails when she grabbed a towel from the cabinet in front of my bare feet. A few days after that we gave the dog a bath and this time she said in a surprised tone "you painted your toenails!". And a few days after that on the deck in the sun "what do you have on your feet!" (same nail polish), she noticed the glimmery top coat I put on my big toes.

Like Jenniferr, I'm in DADT land. And she really doesn't like to ask, or talk about, or look closely, or have anything to do with it. I think it would make her uncomfortable to engage in conversation about my nail polish, or anything else feminine. So the point isn't that my wife is clueless or anything when she doesn't notice stuff. This is her coping strategy to not look closely at certain things related to my crossdressing.

To anyone who thinks crossdressers should do whatever they want, sure you could do that, but actions often have consequences. Those of us in DADT relationships are constantly weighing our actions with possible consequences.

[JulieC]

I think the idea that anyone could hide shaving their legs from their wife is highly unrealistic. About the only circumstance that would work is if there is no longer any intimacy in the marriage. It will be noticed, guaranteed. Some people are less observant than others and it might take more time, but it WILL be noticed.

To the idea that shaving leads to thicker hair follicles; this is complete bunk. If it were true, most men would have tree trunks growing out of their chins. It's just false. When you shave, you're not affecting any living part of the hair tissue. Even if you were, it's unlikely it would affect the thickness of the hair follicle.

I agree with Nyla; a spouse doesn't have a right to dictate what you do and don't shave, but that doesn't mean she has to gladly accept it either. When you enter into a marriage, you have to accept you're part of a team, and not all members of a team instantly agree to what one member of the team says is ok. You give up some autonomy.

[Jamie001]

It is hard to believe that anyone likes hairy legs. It's just not kosher unless you are a relative of Chewbacca. I have even seen commercials for shaving products with men shaving their legs and armpits. Even of crossdressing is still taboo in the 21st century, men shaving body parts is no longer an issue.

[Jenniferr]

Nyla gets it! My wife is not clueless but I think she finds it easier to deal with what is reality by ignoring it—if she doesn’t see something then it doesn’t exist. Some may feel this is a juvenile way of dealing with issues but it is what it is. The alternative is for her to acknowledge something she does not like which always leads to a fight which quite often leads to threats of divorce and further retreat from intimacy.
Yes, Natalie, we do not share a bedroom anymore. Partly due to snoring by both of us, an uncomfortable mattress, and my bad back. But mainly due to the loss of intimacy from our discussions about crossdressing which led to the DADT.
Both my brother and I have been losing and regaining hair (but less volume) on our legs for years. The males in my family, me included, are not hairy. That, combined with my wife’s pretending some things do not exist and not being in close quarters while in various states of undress is probably why my wife may not realize for awhile that my legs are shaven.

[BrendaPDX]

So much information, so much advice. I think you know she knows, she's your wife. Part of DADT os honesty.

[oh to be rachel]

I've been taking medication for enlarged prostate for several years now. It has just wiped out my leg hair.
My wife has asked if I'd been shaving my legs but I can point out some peach fuzz areas so, I get a pass.

[Miel GG]

It is hard to believe that anyone likes hairy legs. It's just not kosher unless you are a relative of Chewbacca. I have even seen commercials for shaving products with men shaving their legs and armpits. Even of crossdressing is still taboo in the 21st century, men shaving body parts is no longer an issue.

You have to believe me : I like hairy legs ! I am not in the Chewbacca thing but I think that nobody has the right to say that Chewbacca must shave. Sometimes on this forum there is such a lack of body positivism...
And yes this is no longer a taboo for men to shave but it is still a taboo for women to NOT shave, does this double standard bother you ? Unshaved women are still a taboo in the 21st century.

[April Rose]

To answer Diane T. There was a time when my wife did stop shaving her legs and I supported her. I'm am always in favor of challenging social norms. I have no investment in the gender binary.

[happybra]

If she complains...it will grow back

[Debs]

Shaving your legs these days as a man is no big deal, all cyclists do it young and old, all the young ones at work who go to the gym do it, I do it every 3 days because I can and have done for years, so when I wear shorts people are used to seeing me with smooth legs, never been questioned, actually I shave all my body arms and eyebrows included have done for years, so to everyone I know thats my appearance, if I changed it now and say for instance let my eyebrows grow back Im sure there would be a few eyebrows raised (pardon the pun). People get used to how you present yourself, so keep it constant and nobody bats an eyelid.

[April Rose]

That's a good point, Debs and agree completely. The other day I went for a walk, and about a block from home realized I didn't have my earrings in. I turned around and went home and got them. Now that I've established my look I don't want to be seen without them.

[Nicci]

Way I always got away with shaving mine. I'd just claim I got some chemical I was allergic to on one of my legs. And I shaved both so it'd be even. I do similar with my beard. Wife prefers a beard. But can't get angry at allergies

[JamieJ]

My wife and I have found the secret to a happy marriage.....we live in separate houses together 60 miles apart. We've been married for 44 years now, and I can see it lasting for another 44.

That having been said, tonight I shaved my legs for the first time, and the feeling I got when I put on my Sheer Energies is absolutely phenominal. I am now sitting at my computer desk wearing my skin tight bell bottoms, Legg's Sheer Energy hose in Suntan, Jessica Simpson Mary Jane pumps and a pheasant top. I don't know if I have ever felt so sensual or comfortable. Before when I dressed I would have to be careful to choose opaque hose, as I am convinced there is a silverback gorilla somewhere in my family tree. Fortunately, on my drab side, I don't even own a pair of shorts, so I don't have to worry about questions when in drab about my legs being smooth.

Although I only wear long-sleeved shirts with the sleeves rolled up a couple of turns (can't really explain it, I got used to wearing long sleeves in the Navy and just never dropped the habit) I am somewhat concerned about shaving my arms. Any advice there? Keep in mind the gorilla part I mentioned before, I'm sure it would be pretty noticeable.