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Thread: Banned from my family reunion

  1. #1
    I'm finally me; I'm free. LisaMarieDayton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Dayton, Ohio

    Banned from my family reunion

    Today is my family's annual reunion. This is the third year I wasn't invited. Ever since I transitioned three years ago, they have cut me off. I'm not too bothered by it. I'm an Air Force brat and the only time I saw my aunts, uncles, and cousins were the reunions so I never got too close to them. What kinda hurts though is my parents; they were invited and they are going. I know my mom loves them and wants to see them, but I would have hoped she would have at least argued to have me attend or stand in solidarity with me and not go. I may seem a little selfish because my aunt is 84 and is in very poor health. This will most likely be her last reunion; the last time my parents will see her at a reunion. But, everyone lives within thirty minutes of each other and my parents meet the family all the time, including my sick aunt.

    My oldest daughter (21) wasn't invited because she is a lesbian, but my two younger kids (18) were. Both of them said they weren't going to go. My parents offered to take them, but they were always bored when they went in the past and don't have any attachment to the 'family' at all.

    Maybe soon I'll post how far my parents have come to accept me, but I am hurt by what I overheard the other day. I was invited to go over and swim with them in their pool. While we were hanging out, my mom got a phone call from my cousin 'D-Bag' and he wanted to know if I was going to be at the reunion. I heard her reiterate that 'Jason' isn't coming; and she kept using 'he' pronouns as she talked about me over there swimming. I confronted her dead-naming me and she says it is easier to say Jason and refer to me as a he when talking about me to her family and friends. She explained they get mad at her for supporting me and accepting me; calling me Lisa and using she/ her pronouns. I tried explaining how hurtful that is to me. While I am glad they accept me as Lisa and their daughter, I feel that they should stand up for me. I feel parents should support their kids and stand up for them. Even if I wasn't trans, not only would I not attend any activity my lesbian daughter was excluded from, I would cut the offenders out of my life; family or not.

    I hope my parents have a good time. I don't feel like I am missing out too much. I would have liked to know what people have been up to (the family unfriended me on Facebook), but I don't want to be around a bunch of bigots anyway. I would like to think if my parents saw someone harassing me they would intervene on my behalf, but I'm not entirely sure. It is best to avoid a possible bad situation. Also the fact my daughter isn't invited is a reason not to go. I guess my point is that while I am grateful that my parents accept me, I wish they weren't embarrassed by me.
    Last edited by LisaMarieDayton; 06-17-2023 at 08:47 AM.
    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."-- Anais Nin.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    This is the Goldilocks years for trans people. We are in a society today that has one foot in the old bigoted ways and a foot in the new way of thinking about sexuality.

    I am very sorry that you feel this sting from your family but on the other hand I am so very happy that finally you can be you.

    Hugs Natalie

  3. #3
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Michigan USA
    I am glad your parents still love Lisa - perhaps over time they will show you the level of support you want

  4. #4
    Member LydiaL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Albuquerque, NM (SE of there in mountain foothills)
    One, or a few select persons should not be allowed to select whom may attend a family reunion. The day and place is set and all relatives should be welcome to attend.

    I say that both you and your eldest daughter should show up to the reunion anyway! Get going.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    Yeah, it sounds like your parents definitely have a ways to go before they can be called supportive. As for the reunion, look at it this way. If you went, would you get anything positive out of it? Would you be able to provide anything positive to others there? Would the value of those things outweigh the hate and ignorance you'd have to deal with?
    Oh, and for the record, you don't even want to know what I would do in your shoes.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  6. #6
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    I wouldn't find anything worth my time at a reunion like that but wouldn't turn up my nose at a chance to visit with a beloved elderly family member one on one. As for how your mother is handling your interests and demonstrating love for you when it comes to bigoted relatives sounds problematic. She has the right to set boundaries with them if she finds their attitudes disturbing. I'm not sure why she gives them that kind of power over her, and by extension, over you. So many questions. I wish you good luck and a lot of patience as this works through all it's changes.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  7. #7
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    I?m sorry

    I am glad your parents are trying .
    Wish they would stand up to them but she is being bullied so I get it.( different generation)
    My dad =( RIP ) things had to be a certain way and no matter facts or anything else and sounds you have the same kind in your family.

    Glad your younger ones are not going as the bigots do not deserve any of your presence.
    Your kind words about your mom show your character.

    I hope you do post how far your parents have one, just sorry they are not there yet.
    With some they might never get totally there but hope they do.
    Hold your head high.
    Maybe have a get together with your kids , make it special and memorable.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


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