small changes

[susann_gardener]

In a DADT relationship, there can be small changes that go unnoticed. That phone call to tell you she is coming home early is meaningful, but how often is it not recognized for the "heads up" that it really is? Just now she told me she may be home between events, but not sure.

For the last 6 months or so, she has been folding my panties before putting them in my drawer, where before they were just tossed in from the dryer.

While I would love to break out of DADT, I fear the consequences too much to test the waters.

[bridget thronton]

Little steps but moving forward

[Stephanie47]

IMHO, I would approach the subject the next time she folds and puts away your panties. You could ask her why she did that when before she just tossed them onto the bed. It does show some progress even though she may not want to engage in your cross dressing. I noticed your join date on this site was sixteen years ago. If your wife has known or was given hints of your cross dressing that's sufficient time to observe to what extent cross dressing is and isn't. The "heads up" telephone calls are a way to let you know she either does not want to walk in on you while engaging in dressing that would either cause you or her some angst. You may want to assess whether she perceives you as not wanting to converse with her about it or she does not want to see it.

A couple of years ago I missed the opportunity to engaged in a discussion with my wife. She was clearing out the back of her side of the walk-in closet of all the pretty nightgowns she had amassed over the decades, literally fifty plus years. She said she was going to donate them to Goodwill. I suggest she donated them elsewhere; to the American Cancer Discovery Shop which is run by a nice group of volunteer ladies. As she was sorting through them she told me to "take anything" I wanted. My jaw probably dropped to the ground. There was one nightgown with some history behind it that I bought her when we were first married. I did not known squat about women's sizes and bought her a medium. Heck, at the time she was a petite five foot two and 115 pounds. The peignoir swam on her. She had a chuckle about it. One night she found me trying it on. That initiated a conversation about my love for the feel of nylon and we ended up buying me some nightgowns that were great for night time fun. Later, when my interests expanded we had "The Talk" about my desires and it was not pretty. Over the decades she has mellowed. When she was out there was the "heads up" calls. She must know I sleep in a nightgown every night, including that nightie I did take from the pile, but does not want to approach the subject. I kick myself in the butt for not saying anything. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I left out. She neatly folded a bra or panty and placed it on top of the dryer which is behind doors and told me she found it. No judgement or snide comments. I seriously doubt she would want to see Stephanie, but I truly wonder what she may have said.

Give her a simple "Thank You" and ask her why. It's not as if she is totally unaware since she is touching your unmentionables.

[kimdl93]

Communications - that is the only tool you have to mature beyond DADT. Try simply thanking her for folding your panties and putting them away.

[ColleenCD]

My wife is similar. She does the laundry and folds or hangs as needed. She never says a word but I thank her for doing the laundry. It may not be a discussion but it?s not an argument.

[alwayshave]

Susann, It does sound like acceptance is occurring, whether she realizes it or not.

[Diane P]

susann I'd simply thank her for folding your panties before putting them away. I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sigh of acceptance so much as deciding that if she folds some of your things maybe she should fold all of them. You know her best, having been married as long as you have, so go with whatever your gut tells you.

[Maria 60]

I was and still am very careful with my wife, they seem to spin so fast. If I was in your situation either a thank you for folding them or saying nothing is even appropriate. Put I will say it is a step in the right direction.

[jacques]

Hello Susann,
it could also mean a gentle acceptance of you just as you are.
My wife accepts my dressing but we have never had a "deep and meaningful" discussion about it. I dress at home with her in private and I under-dress in public. She is not interested in why, or how it started or when it started. Dressing is what I do and I know I am lucky and have no wish to scare the neighbours or embarrass my wife in public. Over the years, my dressing has evolved and changes have been accepted. The only "discussions" are comments such as "is that new?" or "you;re looking very glamourous tonight" or "I hate blue eye shadow!".
Little steps,
luv J

[mmichelle]

My wife is so freaked out about any of my panty wearing behavior. I have tried in so many ways to broach the subject . I love panties and slip them on whenever she is out of town on business. Wish I could just have panties in my dresser drawer.

[docrobbysherry]

Unbelievable, Susann!

I mean, who folds panties!?

[ambigendrous]

I do - it makes for a more organized dresser drawer. But then I fold my guy underwear also.

[Karren H]

My wifes small changes have been limited to not running screaming from the room when a crossdresser shows up on the TV! That is over the last 18 years since she found out. Afraid that I am not going to live long to seen any kind of acceptance! Sigh.