I won't be going back to the bar in Tupelo, here's why.....

[Amelie]

I think the sad part is the club was a place you enjoyed to go and now can't cause of idiots.

There were many clubs and bars that I can't go into or was hassled in some way or another. But that was usually when I first went to a bar so there was no emotional attachment to the place. I don't disagree with you about rednecks and such but don't be misguided, there are places up north that a CD just can't walk into and feel at home. there were places where I lived in Baltimore that I knew I would be in trouble if I went there. And it wasn't rednecks. I kinda wish they were rednecks. Even CDs in NYC probably don't venture to bars in the Bronx and I am probably sure the same goes for UK Cds going to Mid Eastern establishments. There are places everywhere that people won't feel welcome or have some sort of confrontation with others, it's not just a southern thing. While not violent, gay bars were the worse places I went to, totally ignored the whole night. I now live in a sort of redneck area. Loud pick up trucks. For the most part people leave me alone, though i don't go to bars and clubs anymore. And I have miles of forest where I can enjoy, no need to worry which door to go through.

As I said, the sad part with your experience was that you had fun at that bar. And now it's gone, then again some bars close down and one can no longer go to them. Hold your head up and find a new place or a new type of experience to get enjoyment from.

[Kimberly A.]

Amelie, thank you for commenting. I completely agree. Yeah, I'll just have to find another place to hang out at..... As I've posted several times, I used to hang out at an LGBTQ+ bar in Jackson, MS when I lived closer to Jackson, but I moved back in February. I had to get outta the place that I lived in, because it really wasn't fit for anyone to live in. However, I do now regret moving from that area of Mississippi and I tried to find a place in that area, but nothing good was available, really. I regret moving because of what I've had to go through, with the whole bar thing and everything. I really miss the bar that I hung out at in Jackson. The people there were really cool, for the most part. I would talk to a lot of people, gay guys, lesbians, the drag queens who performed there on Saturday nights, I'd talk to them too, it didn't matter.

[Sandi Beech]

Hey Kimberly,

One thing I have noticed with all the traveling I have done is that generally speaking, cities with a population of 150,000 or more have decent places for us to go, even in the south. Of course Jackson, even as large as it is, has a very limited offering. Maybe that is an effect of the culture of the area as you mentioned.

Sadly some of these favorite spots come and go. I know 3911 reopened under a new name, but one of my favorite spots in Knoxville permanently closed. I am guessing they did not recover from the lack of business during the pandemic. Frankly I am surprised more have not closed.

I guess the bottom line, you have to decide how important getting out and having fun at places similar to 3911 are to you. It does make me wonder if Tupelo was the right move for you, but only you can figure that out.

Tata

Sandi

[Kimberly A.]

Hi Sandi,

Well, I do believe that my moving was the right choice for me, because I had to get outta the crap hole that I was living in. But believe you me, I really didn't want to move from central MS to north MS, (although I do love Tupelo, I was born and raised around Tupelo and I know that city like the back of my hand, although I am NOT a fan of Elvis, but that's beside the point LOL). However, I looked and looked around for places to move to that were in or around Kosciusko, (where I moved out of) and there was really nothing decent. Any place would've been around high-crimed areas and I wasn't gonna move to an area like that. LOL So, I chose to move to north MS, close to Tupelo.

Now as far as a place to hang out at while CD'd, it's true there really is, it seems, no good place in Tupelo for a CD'er to hang out at and tbh, that's really the only negative thing about my moving. Although I've only been to one bar in Tupelo, I'd imagine every bar in Tupelo would probably be the same way..... They do NOT want a man dressed like a woman to be using the ladies' rooms. So therefore, I'm not even gonna attempt to go to any other bar in Tupelo while en femme. I've found an LGBTQ+ bar in Memphis via Google search that I'm gonna check out tonight as Kimberly and we'll see how it goes.

TTFN

Kimberly

[Rhonda Jean]

Maybe there's a lesson here we've been dancing around. When you have to go to the bathroom, you have to go. But... I've never been wild about going to the ladies room, and I'm damn sure not going to the men's room. Particularly at a bar. For me anyway (and I don't think I'm that unusual) a couple of hours would be about as long as I want to be there anyway. If you go to the restroom right before, is it that hard to not go to the bathroom for 2 hours? If the bathroom is the problem (the whole place sounds like a place I wouldn't hang out at anyway) seems like you could probably pretty easily avoid it, even if that meant leaving a little earlier than you might want to.

I know I'll hear "She should be able to go to the bathroom wherever she wants", but I think we've concluded that... maybe not. I think if you try to avoid going to the ladies room in shady places, you can avoid it almost all the time. I know that just walking through the door that says "Ladies" is kind of the cherry on top of a going-out experience for some, but it really shouldn't be. I get that the first couple of times it's a right of passage. Got to get over that.

[laurenchanning]

Sorry you went through that. A few months ago I was in NYC and attended an off Broadway show. There was one bathroom with 4 stalls for both men and women. Nobody was accosted or bothered?everyone just did their business, washed their hands and left. If there was a drawback is was that men actually had to wait in line just like women always have due to the historical disparity in facilities between the sexes.

[Kimberly A.]

Rhonda Jean, I agree with some of what you said. The bar that I was frequenting in Tupelo, isn't a shady bar..... Some of the patrons there just don't like a man dressed as a woman using the ladies' room with their women in there at the same time, which I understand. So therefore, I'm never going back to that particular bar again. If I can't go there as Kimberly, (although I went there ONCE in drab), then I'm not gonna go there at all anymore. So yeah, that place is easy for me to avoid and really, it's no big loss.... Not like it's a life-or-death situation, or the end of the world if I don't go there! LOL

You said, "I know that just walking through the door that says "Ladies" is kind of the cherry on top of a going-out experience for some, but it really shouldn't be. I get that the first couple of times it's a right of passage. Got to get over that." Um, I think it's STILL a right of passage and how can we "get over that"?? I mean, if you're out presenting as a woman and you have to use the restroom, how can you NOT use the ladies' room? Also, I'm a truck driver as most if not everyone here knows, so I CAN hold it for hours on-end. However, (and I'm not talking about drinking alcohol here, of course) I don't drink as much while I'm driving as I do, (talking about drinking alcohol now), at a bar. And no matter what you're drinking, whether it's an alcoholic beverage or not, when you drink a lot of it, you WILL have to use the restroom quite a bit! LOL I mean, it's a no-brainer.

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Thanks, Lauren. Well, it's ok..... No big loss, really that I'm not gonna go back to that bar. LOL But it's cool about that restroom in NYC. However, I wouldn't be caught dead in NYC! Sorry, but that city is jut too crowded and too high-crimed for my taste.

[DianeT]

I think Rhonda Jean meant "rite of passage" but the smartphone's dictionary had the final word

[Rhonda Jean]

Thanks for the correction, Diane.

Kimberley. We make a lot of people uncomfortable. Whether they should or shouldn't be uncomfortable around us is beside the point. If that's how they feel, that's how they feel. It's not an excuse for them to act out, but to me it's on us to go out of our way to make people more comfortable around us, not less. I know there are many who disagree. That's just me. Like it or not, the bathroom is a "thing" for a lot of people. If I can avoid it, I will. I understand completely why a woman would feel vulnerable. Again, whether she should or not is not a matter for someone else to decide. Besides being in a vulnerable position, it's a small space, uncomfortably "intimate" (if you'll excuse a poor choice of words), and she's uncomfortable being in there with someone who sets of some alarms for her. Could be you, could be me. I get it.

I get out a lot in male mode with just my nails done sandals or ladies' flip flops, and leggings. I avoid public men's rooms, too, but when it's unavoidable I'm the one feeling vulnerable.

We expect people to be respectful of us even when they don't understand or disagree with our lifestyle. We should do the same.

[Diane P]

Very well said Rhonda, I agree with you completely.

[TAG]

The general population really don't understand CDs and put them in the trans catagory and right now that is hurting the CD folks just trying to enjoy dressing and going out.

[April Rose]

Kimberly, it's your safety, and you know the area best, so it's your call.

But in defense of good old New York:
The Ten Most Dangerous cities in the U.S.
1 St. Louis, Missouri
2 Mobile, Alabama
3 Birmingham, Alabama
4 Baltimore, Maryland
5 Memphis, Tennessee
6 Detroit, Michigan
7 Cleveland, Ohio
8 New Orleans, Louisiana
9 Shreveport, Louisiana
10 Baton Rouge, Louisiana


10 Safest Cities


1 Honolulu, Hawaii
2 Virginia Beach, Virginia
3 Henderson, Nevada
4 El Paso, Texas
5 New York City, New York
6 San Diego, California
7 Mesa, Arizona
8 Charlotte, North Carolina
9 San Jose, California
10 Boston, Massachusetts