Really, no one cares

[StephanieLake]

I had to make a turn around trip from LA to Denver today to pick up the grandkids for a week visit. The trip required me to spend 5 hours roaming concourse A at DIA. I decided to wear a t-shirt and a skirt. As I've stated before, I haven't started wearing make up and wigs yet, so I was just a man in a skirt. I put the skirt on as soon as I left the house, so all told I was dressed for about 9 hours. I had to switch to shorts before my son and grandkids arrived for the return flight

After going through security, a 2.5 hour flight, and 5 hours sitting in/roaming the airport, I have come to the conclusion that no one cares. Really. I did get a couple of double takes, but other than that, nothing. This trip has really boosted my confidence in going out dressed. I have to do the same trip in a week, this time with a layover in Salt Lake, will be changing in to a skirt again for the return flight. Now if I can get the nerve to wear my forms on that one....

[JohnH]

I wear dresses in public all the time with the hot weather in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, even to church.
And guess what? NOBODY CARES.

[Steph_CD_62]

I am beginning to believe you are correct as long as you dress to blend, no one cares on what a person wears. I used to fear what other people might think, but that fear is slowly going away for me.

[docrobbysherry]

No, U don't care, Steph. The "double takes", snickers, disapproving glares, and nervous SA's r the reasons I don't go out to vanilla venues dressed.

I don't need or want to become a spectacle when I'm out shopping, grabbing a bite, or on some other personal errand.

But then again, I'm only a CD!

[GretchenM]

Generally that is true. And here in Denver that is definitely true most everywhere, although a big, international airport like DIA is hardly representative of Denver or any attached city. But it would be a good place to get your sea legs with dressing. A real confidence builder. But parking at DIA is almost always difficult to find and expensive.

Doc, I think you may be too self conscious. What does it matter if some one snickers or frowns. That is not our problem; that is their problem with being intolerant of diversity. If you dress to blend those things are not a problem.

[MonicaPVD]

No, U don't care, Steph. The "double takes", snickers, disapproving glares, and nervous SA's r the reasons I don't go out to vanilla venues dressed.

I'm sure you have your reasons to avoid going out and that's fine. What I found was that those individuals you describe are actually few and far between. The vast majority of people simply do not care. They are consumed with their own unfolding drama. What's more, once you have gained a moderate degree of confidence they become invisible, fading into the background noise.

[Sandi Beech]

Because most CDs dress to blend when out and about, it is assumed no one cares specifically because they dressed to blend. That is not it. Many of you would get angina if wearing some of the things I have worn in public. It made no difference how people reacted. None. I am not saying dressing to blend is the wrong thing to do by any means. It is just a false assumption to think that is why no one complained. The more public a place is, the less likely it would bother someone. An airport is one of those places. People are more concerned with their own travel plans than anything else in an airport.

Sandi

[Girl]

I think you're right, people don't care.
There's a difference between notice and care. Sure, some people notice and look but they don't really care. I get a few looks but virtually no-one ever says anything. They just get on with their lives and leave me to get on with mine.
When I first started dressing permanently, I was so incredibly nervous but I'm really glad that I persevered because I just want to be me and if I don't do it in this life, I won't get a second chance. As the well-known cliche says, "life is not a dress-rehearsal!"

[Gillian Gigs]

As our North American culture gets more inward focused, people tend to get less observant regarding anything out side of their sphere of life. Fritz Perls talked about something similar in the 60's and early 70's. "You do your thing and I will do my thing, and if they come together, then it is fine. Keep your CD'ing to yourself and everything will be okay, is the mode regarding many things today. They just don't want anyone in their face about what they are doing.

[JulieC]

I think Sandi is right. Ok, dressing to blend is good advice if you want to reduce the number of people who realize you are crossdressed. But, dressing to blend isn't going to stop people noticing you, or reacting to you. People DO react. Generally speaking you won't notice them react if you are ignoring people and going about your business. If you are interacting with them and they react, obviously that's a different story. But, unless you are really passable, then people you interact with are going to know you are crossdressing whether you are dressing to blend or not.

Whether you dress to blend or not, it's context that matters. If you go crossdressed into a seedy neighborhood bar, you're inviting violence and there won't be anyone to help you. If you go crossdressed into a major airport, crawling with security, you'll very likely have zero problems. The amount of people who react very strongly against you is potentially high, but the number of people willing to actually act on it because they'll be instantly arrested is virtually zero.

[alwayshave]

I was out last night. I had to walk from my hotel to the venue where the meetup was occurring. I was wearing a summer dress, not exactly the leggings or skirts the women were wearing in this neighborhood. I certainly got some looks. May some have snickered, perhaps, didn't hear. The thing is I really don't care.

[docrobbysherry]

-----------------------------------------
Doc, I think you may be too self conscious. What does it matter if some one snickers or frowns. That is not our problem; that is their problem with being intolerant of diversity. If you dress to blend those things are not a problem.

I'm disappointed, Gretchen. I thot u of all people would understand the difference between T's and CD's?

Yes, I am self conscious. Which is why me and many of my CD friends would rather clean toilets than dress to blend!

I'm old and binary. So, I want to see a pretty woman in my mirror. There's no point in some of us dressing if we have to see a frumpy, androgenous, ambiguous thing in our mirror!

CD's r not all like T's who r compelled to dress as often as possible. Or r satisfied just wearing an article or 2 of women's clothing or underdressing. When u r compelled to dress to the 9's or not at all like I am, u can't and don't want to do that every day!

[Angela Marie]

I went out for the first time dressed sans a wig and makeup. Leggings, nice top, and flats. I?m sure I got some odd looks but I didn?t notice.

[Girl]

Whether you dress to blend or not, it's context that matters. If you go crossdressed into a seedy neighborhood bar, you're inviting violence and there won't be anyone to help you. If you go crossdressed into a major airport, crawling with security, you'll very likely have zero problems. The amount of people who react very strongly against you is potentially high, but the number of people willing to actually act on it because they'll be instantly arrested is virtually zero.

I completely agree with you, Julie. There are definitely places that I wouldn't feel safe going to now. Most of them, though, are places I wouldn't have gone to when I dressed as a male, even if I would probably have been safe there. So, I'm a bit restricted in the places I can go to but nowhere near as much as I thought I would be. I feel very safe in stores, on trains and planes, at airports, in the area where I live, at work, at restaurants etc.
Of course, there are people who notice and some people who stare and very occasionally, one or two people who say something - but not always something negative, there are positive comments too. However, as long as they're not being violent towards me, I don't care any more whether they look or stare. Life's too short.
Physical safety is so important and you are so right that there are places, unfortunately, where it just wouldn't be safe to go. I always try to be sensible and safe when I'm moving around locations in my daily life and I would give that advice to anyone who asked, although I'm sure you all know that already.

[TheHiddenMe]

I agree with the OP that no one cares.

I do have some comments on the opinions expressed here.

Because most CDs dress to blend when out and about, it is assumed no one cares specifically because they dressed to blend.

No one knows how most CDs dress, and to assume they dress to blend is false, IMO. They dress how they want to dress, because they bought the clothes and decided to wear them out.

I did a thread on this board and most of the responses were people rarely see a trans person out in public, so none of us know how they dress.

I'm disappointed, Gretchen. I thot u of all people would understand the difference between T's and CD's?

<snip>

CD's r not all like T's who r compelled to dress as often as possible.

I think most of us know the difference between cross dressers and those farther on the trans spectrum, but it's not the clothing that is the difference.

In addition, if you see a trans person out in public, NONE OF US know whether the person is a CD, or someone who has transitioned. We don't wear a scarlet C or T or any other letter.

Personally, I don't understand the idea why people feel scared if they dress and go out. People are more accepting than ever of LGBT people. I've been out over 500 times, and never have I felt unsafe.

[MonicaPVD]

I think a point many of us miss is that women, born cis women, are constantly being stared at, oogled, objectified, and judged based entirely on looks. So, there is a very good chance that when we go out and someone stares at us and maybe even makes a comment, it's not because they clocked us - it's because they are jerks who do the same exact thing to female humans. This is why it doesn't matter. This is why I don't worry about it. Ever.

[StephanieLake]

I agree with most everyone's comments here. The main reason I posted this was to reinforce what most have said. We get nervous and psych ourselves up when we think about going out dressed, either full en femme or as a MAID. The bottom line is, dress how you like, but do it in safe places, go out and enjoy being you. Most will not say a thing.

[Jenn A116]

I was at a GNO with about 20 members/so's of my local CD group Saturday night. We were in a large, crowded restaurant where we were all seated at a long table. There were other diners all around us. I didn't notice any particular stares or other expressions that our presence was bothering anybody.

[Natalie5004]

I will add one more statement. You have every right to be out and about so stand tall and be true to yourself.

[kimdl93]

I cannot read minds, so I really do not know what any person in particular might be thinking when I encounter them. It is very rare to even elicit a second look. People mostly go about and mind their own business, just as I do. I agree that it is our right to be here.

[Stephanie47]

Each of us should operate within her own personal comfort zone. Yes, there is always the chance a woman will encounter a jerk or group of jerks or be outed to neighbors, family and friends, and that falls within a legitimate concern. Just remember, you and you alone, will bear the consequences of your actions.

[Sara Marshall]

Not that most crossdressers want to get noticed, but sometimes getting noticed is not a bad thing at all. My wife loves to spot cd/ts and point them out to me. Usually followed by a statement close to yours such as? She looks great and look no one cares?. Even if people do spot you I think most of them are just intrigued and only a small number have a problem and like Monica said that is their problem.

[audreyinalbany]

well I've said it before: do they 'care"? Probably not. Do they notice? Probably. It's not unlike the (young) men I see wearing their pants down around their thighs. I notice and I think it's kind of an odd way to dress. But do I 'care"? Nope

[sometimes_miss]

Absolutely. No one cares about alternative lifestyles. That's why Bud Light's sales plummeted when ONE trans person became part of their advertising. Everyone loves her, I'm sure, and would happily buy her a beer, and toast diversity. In the meantime, there are plenty of videos out there about hateful people destroying Bud light merchandise with guns, yelling about how they won't ever buy it again; because they love diversity so much?
Right. Let's all pretend that we live in a utopia, and that none of them would ever, ever consider harming anyone, or anything, because they didn't like what it represented.
Okay then. Play the odds. Just please, please maintain your situational awareness, and always have an escape route should things wind up unexpectedly dangerous. We don't need to add to the already 14 or so dead LGBTQ people who have been killed already this year, just because of what they were.
Perhaps read this before you go out 'blended'. People are aware, just because they don't say anything, doesn't mean they like you.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/fatal-...munity-in-2023

[Debbie Denier]

Some do some don?t. Ignorance and prejudice walk hand in hand.