Reaction from kids

[Shanthi]

Hi everyone,

This question may have been asked and answered somewhere already. Apologies if this is a duplicate post. Over a couple of days, I have been dealing with a question in my mind and I thought this is a good forum to get some advices. How do you come out to your kids? Or what do you suggest to do when they find out? I know for sure there is a thread about spouses being embarrassed. But I also wanted to know how supportive (or upset) kids can get when they get to know.

This has not happened to me so far, but whenever my kid talks to me about me being there to protect and be a hero, it always breaks my heart. Sure, obviously kids always get the most priority, but this being a sensitive topic, how to either prepare them for this news or come clean to them? I keep talking to them about how everyone can make choices, everyone is equal etc.,. I don?t know what else to do to prepare them slowly if I can ever get to come out and start transitioning.

Thanks,
Shanthi

[cpt2669]

Not knowing your kids age I can't help much. With my kids only one knows. She is transgender. When she came out to her mother she was afraid I would not like it. Her mother told her about my crossdressing. My youngest daughter I don't think knows. She hasn't talked to her mother about it and her mother said not to tell now.
I think kids nowadays are more tolerant about these things.
Good luck
Christina

[siva]

Hi Shanthi,

you beat me on the post.

I was thinking of starting a thread, whether any CDing girls who have "Wonderful Wife and Wonderful Life" have any young kids when they told their partner about cross dressing.
I have a 15 and 8 year and neither of them would understand. I don't think even my wife would understand (things are not that good as well between us), so I am going to just dress up myself whenever I find chance and live it out

so with that said, think through for a while before you come out.

[Di]

Depends on ages and if it is just a sometime ( your crossdressing ) thing.
Or you dress like that always when home.
Most important it has to be a decision between your wife and you.It involves both and you need to have that sorted between you before anyone outside the two of you knows.

[April Rose]

I've told this story before, but it seems to apply here, so here goes: I came out to my son when he was 22. He told me he had known since he was 14. My wife and I had been counter culture, sort of hippie types, and as a 14 year old skate punk, he was certain that we had pot, and he tore the house up trying to to find it. He didn't find any, we hadn't had any for years, but guess what he did find.

He was fine with it. His generation, for the most part, is not as attached to the gender binary as mine was.

None of us knows your kids like you do. You have to ask yourself; did you raise them to be open minded and tolerant, or not.

[bridget thronton]

Told my kids and their partners once they were off to college. My daughter and her 6 year old daughter live with us now and neither is surprised to see me in a dress.

[Heather76]

To me, the biggest factor is how often you CD and whether or not you do plan to transition. If you have no issues not CDing in their presence, is there a need to know on their part? If you plan to transition at some point, you obviously need to come out to them. Also, there ages matter so far as to what degree they can comprehend what you're doing. My children, age 54 and 50 have no need to know, live 1,000 miles away, and I am not transitioning, so I can dress without their knowledge as often as I want. Think long and hard about why you want to tell them as well as potential benefits and pitfalls.

[mbmeen12]

It's none of their business....keep closeted until your initial obligations are taken care of ie family first. That's what's heros do.

[kimdl93]

Your role as a parent is to prepare them for life. A big part of that is setting an example that they will follow as they engage the world. Be mindful of demonstrating tolerance and open-mindedness about others. Your kids will learn that from you. And if the day comes that they discover your secret, they will be mentally prepared to extend the tolerance and open mindedness towards you.

Someday all children come to realize that their parents have feet of clay. It is lesson of growing up. We learn to recognize the idiosyncrasies or shortcomings in ourselves and our parents.

[Shanthi]

First and foremost,

Thanks to each and everyone who has replied. I have been reading every single piece of advice out there.

A couple of things I wanted to add: 1) my kid is around 6 years old. 2) I haven?t dressed ever in front of anyone in my family

I definitely understand that the values we teach them matters a lot. I know there is no one stop solution or guide for parenting but all I hope for is, fulfilling the needs of my kid as a parent until they can make a decision and make a call when they are old enough to either support me or not.

Thanks again for all the suggestions. Will keep everything in mind.

Shanthi

[Rhonda Jean]

I would have never come out to mine. My wife told them during the divorce. We don't talk about it and I don't crossdress around him or his family. I don't think it's changed anything between us. We're very close. The DIL is a little different story. She noticeably keeps her distance from me, and I can tell she's not comfortable with the kids being alone with me.

I don't know how much my kids knew about me. The obvious... Long hair, long nails, brows done, shaved, tanned... I don't know if they knew there were women's clothes on my side of the closet and a ridiculous amount of women's clothes in a storage area (unlocked). The saw me with my hair straightened and they saw me with French braids. Pretty easy to connect the dots. Still, I was not out to my kids.

I'm been pretty firmly of the opinion that we should leave the kids out of it. I've softened on that opinion somewhat. I think it depends on the kid, for one thing. Also, I have to take into account that things are much different now. I can see situations now where more openness might be the right thing to do. In my own situation if I'd been a little more out, maybe it couldn't have been weaponized to the level it was. In fairness, I don't know what that conversation was like when my wife told them, I just know she told them.

I'll say, too, that I always thought this would come to an end. That I'd "grow out of it". I can look back on any number of times when I thought "When this happens, that'll be the end of it." but it never was. I used to joke about having to find me a nursing home with a beauty shop, but I certainly expected all of this to be in my rear view mirror. Now it's not, and I find myself watching those commercials that show the nursing homes with the beauty shop and making mental notes. Guess it's too late to grow out of it. I am in the decline of it, but I no longer think there's anything temporary about it.

[countrygirl]

Has anyone told their families only to find out that someone else is also a crossdresser?

[JulieC]

I think the advice of Heather76 is spot on. If you plan to transition, you're going to have to tell your kid. If crossdressing is enough, and you don't need to transition, then it's a decision point.

My wife and I have made a conscious choice not to tell our kids. That has held true since they were born. We always said we wouldn't tell them while they are kids. Now, they are young adults. I don't see a benefit to telling them. We've raised them to have open, thoughtful, accepting minds. They've embraced that, and have made friends of kids who might not otherwise be easily accepted. I applaud them for that. That said, I don't want to put it in their backyard, so to speak. There may come a point in the future when they are not living at home, but have easy access to suddenly show up without warning. I would never ask them to ask permission to come over; I'm not that kind of dad. So, if that circumstance arises, I might have to tell them. Else, they might be in for a bit of a surprise, and that's not the way I want to tell them.

Now, my wife (who is very accepting and moderately supportive) doesn't see any benefit in NOT telling them. She honors my wishes, as I do hers. She's very likely going to out live me, and has asked me if it was ok to tell them after I'm gone. I'm not entirely certain about that.

[docrobbysherry]

Shanti, you're keeping the gender of your child a secret? That may be a good idea with the horrific political climate in the USA!

[Krisi]

My "Kids are 59 and 54. They live several hundred miles from me and don't need to know about my hobby.

My advice has always been, don't tell anybody who doesn't need to know.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

What Countrygirl/Amanda said. I've always been curious about how many guys I know might be CD and keeping it hidden just like I do?

[abby054]

I agree with Krisi. Kids will be fine without knowing. Never tell anyone who does not really need to know. That is true for many things, not just crossdressing.

[Alison-Mary]

Hi

At some point they are bound to find out, either you tell them upfront, they find out from a third party, they stumble upon it themselves (the young Sherlocks), or they inherit your secret stash when you pass away (shock horror!).

I know my preference, though tricky to pick the most appropriate time (sure you will work it out - there's no right answer).

Mine were pretty non-plussed when I told them, the youth of today seem that little more open (and it helped they were raised with broad minds - a blessing)

Good Luck!
Alison

[Mandyinfemme]

I accidentally came out to my kid at age 9. My wife had been great about me doing whatever. But had asked me to keep it from out kid. So we always locked the door to our room. Well one night wifey forgot to lock the door. And it was a snow day. The kid flew in, in excitement and it was too late. Dad was in a nighty with breast inserts. He jumped on top of me and felt the breaths under the sheets. Then said the words I?ll never forget. ?Dad, I don?t care, I love you?. Then after I changed into male mode we were downstairs and he said with his kinda cute speech impediment ?now dad, none of that stuff around my friends!? That was his only demand🤣