Having a hard time with wife?s acceptance

[cpt2669]

Well, my wife has kind of accepted my CD. Couple years ago when she found my last stash of clothing she said she wasn't going to fight it anymore. Said it is a part of me and to keep the clothes. Then my oldest child came out as transgender. Sense the coming out I found one of her bras in my dresser. She said it was to big for her. Big shock, didn't know how to react. Just today she said I could have these 2 new dresses she bought that are a little big on her, plus she didn't like much after trying on. So my issue is I don't know how to react. I feel uncomfortable or uneasy about it. Going years with no acceptance to this is being hard to deal with.
Has anyone ever had feelings similar?

Thanks for reading and listening
Christina

[Kris Burton]

Sounds like its time for a discussion with your wife. Communication is key.

[Dana3]

I agree with Kriss, time for a heart ❤️ to heart discussion.

Me, myself and I? I would be HAPPY with a DADT, tolerance type of relationship

[Di]

Color me confused.
So she found your things over and over she finally said it is part of you.- that’s good right?
Then she is trying to show she loves you by giving you dresses.- good right?
Yet you feel uncomfortable and uneasy?
Isn’t that something you wanted always ?
Or is it something you feel you want to hid? Is it exciting to be secret for you?
I might just be missing something so excuse me.
Please talk and connect with your wife.
It looks like she is trying to connect to you.
She might have done some research since it is her child now- not sure how you explained it the times you were caught…..maybe she thought it just a kink thing.
But people growing and understanding that’s good right?

[mykell]

Sense the coming out I found one of her bras in my dresser. She said it was to big for her

your trans child or the mrs.

my wife surprises me but you could knock me over with a feather if she got that accepting....ive started meds but she still does not want to see "it"

now if she were to say alright lets meet i would be cautious, cant take it back so i get your concern....as suggested at the very least say thank you and try a conversation....

[JesseVF]

Possibly the fact that your child also came out has made it easier for her to accept your needs also, but now you are feeling she is moving almost too fast.
Overall sounds great to me - like the others say a conversation may be helpful to all get on the same page.
Have fun!

[alwayshave]

Christina, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Diane P]

I agree with Jamie, just accept that she is now, sort of, accepting your crossdressing and even giving you things to wear. It could be because of your trans child or it could be she has finally decided to just accept this as part of your life. Either way accept it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cristina , Now is the time to ask questions and be Ready to answer Questions Too. >Orchid**OO**

[Suzie Petersen]

Christina,

It is never easy to try and second guess what a spouses true feelings are, and especially not when it is an emotionally sensitive topic like crossdressing.

One of the things that often bother me on this forum, is when someone talks about their SO having been, lets just call it "Less than enthusiastic" about the dressing, and then suddenly seems to be accepting at whatever level. The SO says things like what you mention in your post: "I don't want to fight it anymore", or "It seems to be part of you" or something similar, and then people here respond to the tune of "It is so wonderful to hear that your SO now accepts you!" or "Great to hear you are making such great progress!", "She is a wonderful wife!".
To me it often sounds like what she was actually saying, was along the lines of a parent saying to a child "Just do whatever you want" after having listened to the bugging for long enough and finally giving up.

I feel people sometimes completely miss the real meaning of the SO's words, and that this in fact is one of the first steps in her giving up on the relationship, not her suddenly understanding your inner feelings and accepting that this is just who you are and all is good.
A good relationship should be based on love, mutual respect, and a number of other things, but certainly not on giving up.

I do think that those of us who are not as quick to jump to the "all is now great" conclusion, sometimes end up a little confused and unsure of how to react to any opening or change in the previous rejection. We analyze, and admittedly very often over-analyze, the situation, trying to figure out if this is a good or a bad thing. Has she actually changed her mind about this, maybe because she has somehow come to a different understanding of what this means, or has she at least decided to let go of some of the fears and let me show my true colors, or something similar.
Or ... is she just giving up on me, letting go of the dream of a little house on the prairie and 17 children playing with puppies in the backyard? Or even worse ... is this a trap?

What I have experienced, is that this uncertainty can trigger similar confusion in the spouse! She is like "I just tried to do this positive thing, and now he is acting all weird about it".

I dont know what the solution is, I have struggled with this myself over many years, but I agree with other that talking about it should be good, and that at a minimum a heart felt Thank You if she gives you something, is important.
I would not jump to any conclusions at this point, and I would be very careful about taking any actions that suggest you think the coast is clear.
It is worth while to simply tell her that you are a little confused and uncertain about what this means, and that you would like to better understand her thoughts.

Good luck
- Suzie

[Stephanie47]

I don't know if I would call it "acceptance." Maybe, resignation and giving up the fight. Nothing in your post suggests you're going to get all dolled up and watch television with her. My wife tossed me a nightgown that she not longer wanted; "Take what you want!" from her pile of soon to be donated nighties. That's as far as it goes for me.

[DianeT]

Christina, when I came out to my wife as a CDer after a lifetime of hiding and lying, she was shocked, troubled and upset, but tried to accept me. Soon after she started doing things in that sense, first buying me some makeup when she was ordering for her. Allowing me to borrow a necklace for my dressing sessions despite the fact she resented very much that I stole her clothes before. Later she gave me a few clothes of hers, which was a very big acceptance step. At that moment I hesitated, as I was walking on eggshells and felt a lot of guilt for having stolen her things in the past. But I decided to accept it, because she was doing it willingly, I didn't ask anything from her. She also helped me chose a few clothes online. And later offered me to dress in MIAD mode in front of her.
She doesn't like the dressing (the full nines specifically with forms wig makeup and high heels, she has no issue with MIAD) but she did these things nonetheless. She did it for me, out of love. Because she wants me to feel accepted and be happy, and wants to be a part of this (to an extent she chooses and can cope with) as she is a part of the rest of my life.
If your wife is anything like mine, she may be uneasy with the dressing too but still want you to be happy because she loves you and wants to accept you. If you are anything like me you may feel some guilt each time because of the wrongs you did to her by hiding and lying. Like others said if you have questions simply ask her. I asked my wife how she felt about doing these things, did she feel a pressure to do so, and she replied that no, she was ok and willing to do them, even if it was sometimes difficult for her.
What your wife is doing for you is big and probably difficult for her, but I think the best response is to accept these gifts and be grateful and tell her so, otherwise you would sort of be rejecting your wife's acceptance and get in the way of what she is trying to achieve there. These gestures in my opinion are a sane way to normalize the dressing for both of you and mend your relationship. Tell her that you realize the effort it represents. Ask her how she feels about it. Tell her how you feel about it. Thank her from the bottom of your heart.

[cpt2669]

Thank you all for the good advice. I now have some thinking to do and got some question ideas to ask. Thanks very much

Christina

[Connie D50]

Becareful the pink fog might come on big time. You can't overwhelm her and agree you need to talk maybe set guidelines.

[Cheryl T]

When I came out to my wife and she became accepting it always felt like a fine line.
I kept waiting for the shoe to drop and her attitude to change completely. It never did. Actually it was my attitude that had to change and I had to realize the love and support she was giving me was real.
It takes time, it takes communication and it takes love.

[kimdl93]

Just be grateful for what you have, and let her know appreciate it,

[Di]

Thank you all for the good advice. I now have some thinking to do and got some question ideas to ask. Thanks very much

Christina

Happy to hear you have questions to ask.
We have so many caring members here that want the best .
Best Wishes

[Maria 60]

I count my blessings everyday, with women you just don't know there so unpredictable. What was good yesterday is not good today. I say don't look into it and just enough the new stuff.

[Robin777]

It's time to have a conversation with your wife. She may be more accepting now since your child came out as transgender. Talk to her about it . It's the only way you are going to find out why she has become more accepting. My late wife who I told before we were married was hesitant at first but came around to realize that crossdressing was something I had to do and how much happier I was doing it.