"Are you shopping for you or your wife?"

[Bea_]

I was shopping at a local Marshall's yesterday with my wife. She had picked several obviously women's tops for herself and I picked out one for myself. I also bought a nice men's long sleeved henley shirt and a pair of joggers. My wife has mobility issues so I generally go through the checkout line alone and meet her at the door. I got to the register and a nice, attractive twenty something cashier started some very friendly, pleasant chatter as she went through the items.

Halfway through with all these women's items on the counter she asked me "Are you shopping for you or your wife?". I just said "My wife is around here somewhere." Her question caught me totally off guard but it was so non-assuming and natural that I would have been ecstatic to tell her they were for me if there weren't so many people within earshot. I'm surprised that I wished I could have truthfully said "Yes, they're for me". It was nice that it wasn't assumed that I was buying for the wife. I guess I don't look like "not-a-crossdresser".

It made my day.

[Crissy 107]

That was a good exchange with the cashier, it would have made my day also!

[StephanieCD]

It's nice employee's like that make you want to return and shop there. Nice post thank you.

[docrobbysherry]

I have been asked that a few times by pushy folks waiting in line with me to make purchases.

But, I would find that comment inappropriate if it came from an employee who I'd never met before.

You're obviously much more accepting and self assured than I am, Bea!

[Bea_]

Doc,
I guess I could take offence but the situation was not the least bit uncomfortable. If anything, it just made it feel like it would be totally normal and acceptable if the whole basket full of women's clothes were for me. No assumptions or judgments came through in the conversation.

It is normal for me to go through the register alone with women's clothes, either for me, or for me and my wife. I can only imagine what goes on in the minds of countless cashiers over the years. I didn't have to guess with this young lady and she made that experience a good one.

[Aka_Donna]

Or, option 3: for both

[Bea_]

Donna,

If I'd been quick and brave enough I could have just told her "Whoever it fits the best". I'm not there yet.

[Debs]

And if you had said yes there for me ?, what do you think would have happened, police come and cuff you ?, people with pitch forks and torches start chasing you ?, In the past when I shopped in male mode, I always said if it was for me, guess what nothing happened ?, I now only shopped when dressed, so it never comes up anymore.

[Bea_]

Debs,
I appreciate the encouragement but I'm less worried about what people could or would do to me than with being comfortable in the situation. It was a comfortable and pleasant encounter. Only one of about ten items in the basket was a femme item for me. there were a couple of men's clothing items and a couple of non-clothing items. The situation didn't warrant a long complicated explanation. I just enjoyed the encounter for what it was and take away a little encouragement for future encounters.

[DianeT]

I find the question a bit inopportune unless it has a purpose, for example because one of the clothes may not be a good fit for you and she has alternatives to suggest.
Would it have made your day too had the cashier been much older and less attractive?

[Victoria1]

Ive purchased so much stuff over the years that I don't really pay much attention anymore. The conversation is generally something like, "will this be cash or charge?" and "would you like the receipt in the bag?". I did have a pleasant surprise at a Dillards store one time. The SA must have been paying attention from my previous visits. When I walked into the lingerie area she looked at me and said, "We have have moved all of our Wacoal products to another location, as she pointed across the store to the new displays of Wacoal". She followed me over to the display and suggested a couple of styles of panties. I wasn't sure that I would like them. She saw my hesitation and asked me, "would you like to try them on first?". The whole exchange seemed normal as can be. It made my day.

[Bea_]

Would it have made your day too had the cashier been much older and less attractive?

Talking to an attractive young lady is always a special treat. But, the answer to your question is yes. I always enjoy pleasant interactions and I'm fairly generous in assigning attractiveness to women in general. This particular young lady seemed sincerely interested. I've got a long ponytail and she asked me how long my hair was. She followed up by saying her father had worn his hair long at different times. I'm not making assumptions but maybe I reminded her of her father in some way. There was no sense of her being nosy, just interested. If she had been older, I don't think it would have been less pleasant

The whole exchange seemed normal as can be. It made my day.

That's exactly it. The fact that it felt so normal is what made it such a memorable encounter

[StephanieLake]

I was buying some women's sandals at TJ Max once while in drab. The young sales person was wearing some very cute and comfy looking baggy pants. I commented on them and we started talking about them. I don't believe I gave any indication that I was a CD, other than buying size 11 sandals. At one point she said, "You really should get a pair of them." Without missing a beat, I said "I think I will." And went looking where she said she thought they were. Sadly, they had sold out of all the pants.

[Bea_]

Stephanie,
Love that kind of interaction.

[GretchenM]

I have noticed that the younger folks are so much accepting of gender variance than the older people. A sign that things are changing and changing pretty quickly. Perhaps the dream of a gender free society is a possibility. In that world people could be themselves. There would still be gender recognition but nobody would care how anybody's gender is configured or how that is expressed. Sadly, a purely gender free society is unlikely to develop but reaching a point where people would not be bothered by women in men's clothes or men in women's clothes. Acceptance of who you are even if they don't fully agree I think is a real possibility. It would be the person that matters rather than conformance to a ideology. The question of "Is this for you or your (wife; husband)?" would not even be posed. No judgement.

[Steph_CD_62]

I've only been asked once who I was buying for.
Shortly after my divorce from my 1st wife, I went to Victoria's Secret and picked up a nice bra/panty set. When the sales lady asked me who I was shopping for, and I chickened out and said for my girlfriend.
Other than that, I don't think most salespeople care who you are buying for, just as long as they are making a sale.

[CDMargret]

That's where you could say "we share everything". I do love your response, what a neat experience.

[alwayshave]

I have found the cashiers at Marshall's to be chatty, so I'm not surprised she asked. I don't find the question to be inappropriate.

[Bea_]

alwaysshave,
Most of my femme wardrobe comes from Marshall's so I've been through the checkout line there hundreds of times over the years. Friendliness isn't uncommon, but I've never had a cashier anywhere seem so genuinely interested, and not just in who the clothes were for. I didn't take it to be personal interest. I'm old enough to be her grandfather. She was just an unusually open, caring person.

It was a unique experience.

[Stephanie47]

When I and my wife were a lot younger she and I could not wear the same size female clothing. Once upon a time she was five foot two and 115 pounds and I was six foot one and 175 pounds. Of course my mindset was geared to buying for her and the sale associates were very chatty and definitely trying to help a guy buy for a woman/wife. On the other hand if I was buying for myself many of the older women made snide comments or jabs. The 1970's and 1980's were not so kind when it came to men wearing women's clothing, especially older women. The only exception to blanket approval and assistance was at Halloween. It seemed masquerading as a woman was totally alright, especially among the young associates.

[Karren H]

I usually tell them that I lost a bet! Totally believable! Lol.

[SaraLin]

Ah yes, the old double standard raises its head once again.
If a man buys something feminine, it raises eyebrows and the clerks feel entitled to ask if it's for him.
If a woman buys something masculine, nobody assumes (or cares if) she's buying it for herself.

I've been asked "the question" multiple times, even when it usually IS for her.
Annoying.
and intrusive. What business it of theirs who it's for?


Sorry - sort of a pet peeve of mine.

[DianeT]

Since husbands rarely make purchases for their wives, the odds are in favor of the female stuff purchases being for their own use. That doesn't excuse the nosiness of the cashier, but it doesn't really qualify as a double standard either, the gender makes a big difference. For example I can imagine a husband buying a pair of pantyhose for his wife, or lingerie (usually more to his taste than his wife's btw), but pants, a skirt, or in Bea's case some tops? What are the odds? On the other side, I have known adult males who NEVER bought any clothes themselves. Their wives were in charge and scouted the department stores alone. And I don't know in USA, but in France on the first day of sales periods, in the men's department you will typically find more women than men on the hunt for clothes, are they all FtM crossdressers? Probably not.

[Bea_]

That doesn't excuse the nosiness of the cashier,

Several here have commented about the cashier's nosiness. I can imagine countless scenarios where her question could have been bothersome. This was not one of those episodes. I enjoyed the exchange.

[Rhonda Jean]

I bought a package of round cotton pads and the young female cashier asked "Are these for you???!!!" An unbelievably low bar for shock.