Relationships

[Kitty Sue]

Let her know before hand. One woman I was engaged was totally fine with my CDing and I let her know right from the start. We did not last, but that was my fault not hers. The second relationship, my current wife, I let her know about my sexuality but not my cross dressing until after we had married. She is great, however, I wish I had told her before we married. I don't dress around her even though she is open to it. I believe that since I chose not to tell her before we married, thereby robbing her of her choice on whether she wanted to be with a CDer or not, that I should not subject her to that side of me now.
I am back in the DADT closet, but only because I have chosen to go back in there. So yes tell your future partner and avoid a situation like mine.

[GJ81]

Thank you to everyone for the great advice. I have read every post and each one was thoughfully written.

[CeCe]

I rejoined the dating market about a year ago. I met a woman with whom I thought I could have a future. I chickened out several times but finally let my courage overcome my nerves. There was a great risk, but I knew that if she did not have some level of acceptance, we would have to move our separate ways. The response was better than I could have expected.
After several discussions, I came to understand her limitations. She was fine with underdressing but does not want to see me fully dressed. I can live with that compromise, especially since I keep all my femme stuff in my apartment.
We are very happy together. I am blessed. So as others have said, wait a few weeks to tell your next partner, but then a couple of weeks later, see if you can live comfortably within her boundaries.

[Jacqueline Winona]

You're getting great advice here, I can't add much but I do want to caution you on a couple of points. First, the women who are going to accept this are rare, most would rather not have this be a part of their life. There are wonderful examples we see here in this thread, so they do exist, but they are rarities and if you find one please treat her like she's the most special person you'll ever meet because that is true in more ways than we should ever dream possible. Second, you can do everything right- tell her early, never lie, never steal or borrow her stuff, never do this without her knowledge, never share this side of you with another woman without her knowledge, and it still might be too much for her. Don't get down on yourself if it doesn't work, as heartbreaking as it will be if that happens. Nothing is ever guaranteed just by doing the right thing, but know that you tried and gave it your best effort. I do hope none of this sounds too overbearing or makes you feel it's hopeless because it isn't, it's just not easy for us or them.

[prene]

In my experience going out dressed women r generally curious and accepting of dressers.

Until u ask for a date!

I agree 100%. I had a gf but when she found out it was over soon after.

I have been out with a few gg's dressed and we have fun but no relationship status.
I mean we talk a lot about guys from the female perspective (which is interesting) and they go out with these manly men and it never seems to work.
In general, they want a big/strong guy who can at least support themselves.
They always come back and tell me the guy was not what they expected.

I am patiently waiting but have toyed with the idea to go out guy . . . . 98% of they guys I have talked with when dressed just want naughty sex.YUCK

[JulieC]

GJ81,

I just wanted to add on something...

In no way do I mean to disparage the statements by others on this thread. I do want to say that some of the conclusions are inaccurate. I don't want to say more now as I am still working on this, but the idea that it is very rare to find an accepting, even supportive partner is not true. Will being a crossdresser make it more difficult to find a partner? Yes. Impossible? Very, very, very far from it. Have faith.

[Valeria M.]

Maybe a bit off topic but most Asian cis girls would flee upon knowing about my cross-dressing. And so far as I could tell most Asian girls are cis girls, so... yeah.

[alwayshave]

GJ81, I met my know wife about 20 years ago. Knowing I was a CDer, when things got serious I solder I was a CDer. She was accepting. Had she not been, I would have moved on.

[Johnjo]

My wife caught me in the act a few years after we were married. I wished that I?d told her before we wed but honestly thought that marriage and my then recent conversion to Christianity would / had ?sorted me out?. It was very hard for a number of years. Wind on 40 years though and my lovely wife now accepts it ?in moderation? and as long as I keep it private (which is fine by me).

[NancySue]

Totally agree with Char. I took the scary leap of faith and told my wife-to-be, expecting her to dash, but she stayed. Yes, we talked and talked, lots of questions, more reading, etc. She already knew of my interest in an attraction to lingerie, especially nylon stockings. She respected my honesty and bravery. That was many years ago. She?s totally supportive and helpful. It was the toughest but best thing I ever did.

[Raven Skyy]

I agree with much of the responses I've read. I have been thru this Scary Conversation a few times. I've made myself a few rules to operate by when it comes to full disclosure.
1. Never Never judge a book by its cover. the Woman you think will accept you might not and the one you fear will reject you might be the one that accepts you and is capable of loving you.
2. Be respectful of your time and mostly hers. If you close your eyes and imagine her as your long-term girlfriend or wife, she needs to be able to close her eyes and see YOU ALL of YOU in her mind's eyes.
3. When you do decide to disclose be prepared to be honest on all her questions even the ones you might not want to answer about your sexuality. If she asks it's important to her, make it important to make her comfortable. One thing I'd probably never do again is pull out my phone and show pictures and tell. leave the pictures for a later date if she needs to see them.
4. Give her time. don't expect that full Disclosure will bring immediate paradise. Accept her boundaries it might take her more time than you expect. On the same token know your required level of acceptance you can live with, can you live in the closet if thats where she wants to keep you?
5. Accept her decision! I've disclosed to a couple of romantic interests in the past and they were accepting of the crossdressing but not of a partner that crossdress. Two of my closest GG friends are former romantic interest that are now some of my closest friends that share their prospective and friendship. Both have asked to accompany me to my first Las Vegas Adventure.
6. If your hope of a relationship fails don't give up. We need to sort thru a lot of stones to find one diamond. When you find that diamond treat it like the gem she is. Remember Diamonds come in many sizes the greater the acceptance the rarer the woman. Few find 10 Ct diamonds on the first search.
7. Probably the most important one, is know and accept who you are at this moment in time. Love yourself because if you Can't BE HONEST AND LOVE YOURSELF IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE THAT WILL

These are my personal rules, not gospel or certified rules.

RAVen

To thy own self be true.

[sometimes_miss]

Maybe I'm off base, but it seem like single bi and bi-curious women, as a group, might be more accepting of dating one of us. More understanding of LGBTQ+ than the average cis female, attracted to the female form, etc.

Having known several bi and bi curious women, they were all interested in masculine men, and feminine women.


Women apparently find men dressing, behaving, or expressing things in a feminine way, to be a sexual turn off. I know I'll get arguments about this, but using 'the free market' as a way of demonstrating this, there are NO straight girl / crossdresser bars, dating sites, or even side sections of the main dating sites. There is ONE dateacrossdresser website, but it's almost entirely inhabited by crossdressers who put 'female' on their profiles so you can't find any GG's when doing a search, and there are very, very few anatomical females there anyway. But the site has plenty of shills, fake females who will 'wink', 'poke', or entice you to write back to them, all in an attempt to get you to pay for membership, as you can't write back to them unless you are a paying member. When you DO write back, either they ignore you or tell you that they never contacted you, aren't interested, or already found someone else.
So there simply aren't many women who are actually interested in crossdressers. I have been posting personal ads now for about 25 years, on the major dating sites. The ones that DON'T mention crossdressing, well I get plenty of attention, and especially, women making the initial contact, so I guess I'm reasonably attractive as a man. BUT...The ones that DO mention that I'm a crossdresser, well, I get only men, prostitutes, dominatrixes, escorts etc., all offering their services, but no actual straight women interested in me as a potential mate.
If there truly are lots of straight women who are interested in crossdressing men, there is the obvious financial opportunity that many would take, to get the millions of male crossdressers to join, and only charge us a MINIMAL fee, and make it free for the women. Whoever did that would get rich quickly, guaranteed, as there are so many of us without romantic partners. Even only maybe an initial $10 fee, x a million crossdressers who would gladly buy that 'lottery ticket' chance. I would happily gladly donate $1000 or more after the fact, if such a site existed and I could meet lots of women who would love a crossdresser, and I found the love of my life.
But it seems that the idea that there are all these crossdresser friendly women out there, just isn't true, as there is absolutely no evidence for it.
Again, to those who disagree, I offer the challenge: Start a legitimate straight girl / crossdresser dating site. You will get rich.
But no one ever takes the challenge. NO ONE.

[Becky Bloodstone]

Interesting topic. I personally wouldn't know, I was already with my wife when I first started dressing. But from watching YouTube videos and being friends online with other crossdressers I come away with this, generally it's difficult to get into a relationship with a women if you are openly a crossdresser. There are two exceptions though. Usually bisexual women are much more willing to accept a crossdressing man. Also, younger ladies in their twenties are more adventurous than an older woman would be about that sort of thing. The problem with that is of course the older you are the less chance you will be having with one of these younger ladies.