Are accepting wives really rare? Survey says....

[JulieC]

I've recently been pondering how many wives are accepting vs. non-accepting. There's not much data out there, so I thought about collecting data here. To collect this data, I didn't do any "digging" into past posts by anyone. I also didn't add in anyone that I knew their status. I just waited for new posts to come in where a person clearly stated what acceptance they did or didn't have from their wives. I didn't include people who are divorced, single, with a girlfriend, or widowed. Only currently married people, and only referencing their current spouse. If they were previously married, I didn't include the previous marriage. I also didn't include my own status. I wanted to wait until I had 100 posters on the forum, and today I got to 100 and 101.

I think there's a general impression by many here that the vast majority of wives are not supportive, that many of us live in DADT relationships of one kind or another, or are in the closet. So far as I'm aware, there is no way to post a poll here, but I would love to do so before posting this data, but alas. I think probably a majority think accepting women are a minority or even a rarity. I certainly don't mean to depress those of you in unhealthy DADT or closeted situations. I've been there (at least with a long term girlfriend), and it's difficult to say the least. I totally empathize. Mainly, I wanted to see what the data came through with. This might prove helpful to some people, especially those who are single, starting a new relationship, or in the closet. No, I did not collect data on when a wife found out (before or after the wedding). That data would be interesting certainly, but more difficult to collect without asking the question directly.

Caveat; this is entirely unscientific. I'm not a statistician, and this data set is selective in that it is coming ONLY from people who post on this forum, which is a small, possibly not representative sample of the entire population of crossdressers. Still, I find it interesting.

I assigned people to six different categories. They were:

1. Closeted; wife does not know at all.
2. Unhealthy DADT; accidental exposure either of the husband being dressed or femme clothes will cause a problem.
3. Unknown DADT; it's DADT, but uncertain what effect an accidental exposure would have.
4. Healthy DADT; wife knows, and while it's DADT an accidental exposure either of the husband dressed or their femme clothes will not cause a problem, just not desired.
5. Wife knows, not DADT; She knows, but doesn't do anything to actively support the husband crossdressing. It's ok to be dressed en femme around her, but she doesn't participate, buy things, or openly encourage (or discourage).
6. Wife supportive; wife is fine with husband dressing en femme around her, and she actively supports them by buying them things, encouraging them to dress, or otherwise being involved.

So here's the results:

• Closeted: 9
• Unhealthy DADT: 8
• Unknown DADT: 6
• Healthy DADT: 15
• Wife knows, not DADT: 22
• Wife supportive: 41

So, in about 62% of marriages, the wife is at least OK with her husband dressing en femme around her. I found this figure very surprising. Personally, I would have expected it to be around 40%, maybe a bit less. If you include the Healthy DADT pool, then more than 75% of marriages are such that the husband crossdressing is not a direct problem. 75%!

[GJ81]

Very interesting research, it will be interesting to read the comments on this post. For those like me who are single, it gives me hope that I can find a woman who supports crossdressing.

[JulieC]

GJ81, you joined the forum after I started this data collection, but your recent thread made me want to post the data early, before I reached 100 I was thinking of you as I posted it.

[GJ81]

Julie, gathering quality data takes time. It can’t be rushed.

[Sandi Beech]

Hi Julie,

It is an interesting idea about trying to wrap some numbers around. The one huge variable: A spouse might be ok with crossdressing on a limited basis like once a week, but full time crossdressing might be a show stopper. It really complicates what the meaning of acceptance is. Putting that into the numbers would be quite difficult.

I am not be critical in any way. I just feel like it is a really complicated thing to put numbers on. If I were looking for a new mate, I would prefer her to meet me as Sandi first. Then acceptance is a non issue, at least as long as the person does not change. We have read here before, acceptance is not always static, except in my case. It will always be zero tolerance.

Sandi

[docrobbysherry]

I was a math major but you've stumped me with this one, Julie!

[Sherry Ann Evans]

Don't know if you counted me, but, I am very lucky that my wife is supportive! I told her when we first met and she was fine with it, after asking me tons of questions. We have two simple rules: 1., It can't take over my life. 2., We must remain monogamous. I happily agreed to this. Most of the time we're an ordinary couple, and sometimes we're two girlfriends. We go out together and it's great!! In fact, today she revealed that she booked a makeup lesson for my upcoming birthday. COMMENCE PINK FOG!!

[Karren H]

I was a math major but you've stumped me with this one, Julie!

Thinking it would look better when plotted on a log-log scale?

[audreyinalbany]

of course I have to wonder whether those who have a supportive spouse feel the need to be on this forum so that would take the 'supportive' number even higher

[mbmeen12]

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...es-anyone-know


https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...es-anyone-know

JulieC add this to your data too..��

[BaliGirl]

Thinking it would look better when plotted on a log-log scale?

I love nerd/math/scientist jokes!

(Yes, I'm nerd)

[kimdl93]

Not a math major, but highly skeptical.

[EmilyShy]

Lol I'm happy to be included in your data (if I've not been checked out already)
My wife knows, she hates it but allows it. She has supported me and on one occasion encouraged underdressing but when ever I try to talk about it etc she gives real disapproving looks and shuts the conversation down by changing the subject. So not sure where I fit in.
Accepting but not accepting
Not DADT but don't talk about it either
Underdress often to no comment
Have Dressed in full in front of her when no kids are home and again no comment
Been out fully dressed, first time was her idea and she came but again hates it.

It's real hard as I don't really know where I stand or how it all fits together but all in all she is brilliant tbh

Emily x

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Happy to be a "6" in your list. My wife doesn't participate a whole lot, although she has surprised me with both new and used clothes several times and couldn't care less what I wear around her. Even though I was adamant that I'm always a man and have no interest in changing that, she told me early on that she'd love me and stay with me even if I did a full transformation (not going to happen but I appreciate her all the more for it)

[Debbie Denier]

My situation worse than unhealthy DADT. Its more dont want to know and NIMBY. I think there are more in my situation that dont post on here. Thats because the accepting are more likely to publicise their good fortune and are free to do so with the approval and support of their SO.

[Lacey New]

Add me to category 1.

[AmyJordan]

Hi everyone I'm going to have to open a new category 7 although I appreciate it may have very few members, this is for men with obsessively passionate wives who have instilled crossdressing as a permanent way of life. Anyone else like to join?

[Aunt Kelly]

Interesting, if unsurprising, results, given the sample population of active posters on crossdressers.com, but let's keep in mind Julie's acknowledgement that this is far from scientific. Sample selection is critical to the validity of any survey.

[Gillian Gigs]

I wonder if the opinion expressed by the man is also that of the management, as the joke goes! I believe acceptance can be a fluid movement at times. How the fluid flows and its' direction depends on many factors.

In my case, I have a supportive wife, but I am careful to live within agreed to boundaries. She has and still does help me with shopping purchases, voicing opinions about fit, taste, and like things. I have underdressed for too many years to count, but never showing, or being fully dressed outside the home. We have been in restaurants when she has seen the lace of my cami showing and quietly says that I need to do another button up on my shirt. Do I feel totally accepted? Yes, yet there times when things can get strained a bit. Compromise is an important word in all marriages, I go with the flow of the fluid, and sometimes I wait until whatever has settled! Whether it is for love, or peace, I avoid stirring up things. Stirring the wrong pot is the way of a foolish person.

[cubbyd12]

You can count me as a #6

[Debs]

One thing missing in this equation TIME , I have gone through all stages over time, from fully being accepted to DADT and finally being fully accepted to the point where I can leave the house dressed and stay out overnight. A period of 20 years, I told my then girlfriend on my second date, we then got married 5 years later, at first brilliant, then DADT, now its she couldnt care less, I can do what I want.

[Stephanie47]

Debs has a point. I don't know where I fall in because my wife literally did not say "boo" since the early 1980's, and then right out of the blue she told me to pick out whatever I wanted from the pile of lingerie she was donating. Duh! I was floored and could not utter a word. I don't know whether silence falls into healthy or unhealthy. I think it is unhealthy.

[Michelle Crossfire]

when was this conducted?

[Di]

So, in about 62% of marriages, the wife is at least OK with her husband dressing en femme around her. I found this figure very surprising. Personally, I would have expected it to be around 40%, maybe a bit less. If you include the Healthy DADT pool, then more than 75% of marriages are such that the husband crossdressing is not a direct problem. 75%!

I was surprised too but thought it would be higher.acceptance.
But I was thinking of all our FAB through the years that joined only to sort it out and understand.
( Hundreds and hundreds) I only remember two that I all these years that left over it and two out 300 or so is good odds.

[JulieC]

This thread was temporarily locked due to some apparent concerns that were raised about how this data was collected.

I tried to make that clear in my initial post. Allow me to hopefully clarify even further.

I didn't violate the security or rules of this site. I didn't send personal messages to people asking their status. The only thing I did was patiently spend the last few months reading most every post in the Male to Female Crossdressing forum to see what people publicly (at least in so far as this forum is concerned) stated on threads in the forum regarding their spouses. That was my only source of information. When I posted this, I posted summary information only. I did not identify any person or even username in the data; it is only aggregate information. I have not shared this data outside of this site nor would I, as I think it would be unethical to do so. I, as a crossdresser, know full well the importance of privacy and I would never do anything to violate the trust of the people that post here. I know the Right to Privacy rule and respect it.

I will reiterate that this set of data is not scientific in any way. I am not a statistician. I recognize there are biases in the data set. It could draw the wrong conclusions. However, I do think we as a general population don't give the GGs of this world enough credit, and tend to readily conclude there is little acceptance among spouses. I think this is wrong and improperly critical, and this is my own bias. To work against that, I did not crawl back through anyone's posts, nor did I include anyone whose status I knew before this (and I know a number, having been here over 15 years). I just let the data came in as it came in, via new posts in the forum. I also tried very hard not to jump to conclusions; I only took what appeared at face value as best I could. I fully recognize there are grey areas in categorization. There are no absolutes. The point about acceptance over time is a perfectly valid one. This data reflects only positions stated over the last few months.