Open conversation

[Steph_CD_62]

All of us in a relationship that our S/O knows about our dressing, knows that open and honest communication is very important.

Again this week I didn't get fully dressed. Just a pair of jeans, a nice blouse, panties, thigh high stockings, bra with breast forms and pair of flats. No wig or jewelry again this week I just wasn't feeling it.

Getting back to communication with the wife.
Last week out of the blue while we were watching TV, she turned to me and said "You know I truly love you". And I replied you must, since you have to deal with all of this, and I motioned towards what I was wearing. She then said "It is part of you, and I love you for who you are."

I know she supports me and would do anything for me, but I also know that she would be happier if I stopped all this.

She doesn't want me dressing all the time, so I only dress about 3 days a week. I used to do it through out the week on various days, but I have changed the days I get dressed. I now get dressed Friday after work and usually stay dressed most of the weekend until Monday morning when I wake up. On warmer days I don't dress when I do our weekly shopping, but shortly after I get home, I am wearing a bra with my breast forms until I get ready for my weekly bath.

I am able to do all this because of the open and honest communication my wife and I have.
If I was single, I would be dressed almost daily, but since my wife married a man we compromised. If I am overly stressed I might slip on a nightgown on before going to bed, but with no bra or anything else. My wife never says anything, because she knows that it some how relaxes me.

[Staci]

I think that for those of us that have accepting wives or partners it’s easy to think about open conversations with them. That’s really what helps make it work. But for those whose wives or girlfriends want nothing to do with it and would react poorly I don’t know That open discussion will work unless that person wants to understand. It would be really tough to open a conversation if you really thought you would lose them and don’t want to lose them. Just my thoughts. I am one of the lucky ones where my wife accepts it and is mostly supportive. Most of our conversations now or around what looks nice on me and how to do my make up most effectively.

[Diane P]

Steph and Staci, you are both so lucky to have aceepting wives. My late wife might have been accepting, she did suggest that we have a transgender friend in Montana move in with us when she got kicked out of student housing at MSU. I didn't start fully crossdressing until Sep of last year, after she passed away in July, so I have no real idea how she would have reacted.

Cherish your wives for their acceptance and loving you for who you are.

[kimdl93]

I always applaud both partners in a marriage such as yours. You both have proven you are great people and your relationship stands as proof.

[Claire M]

I am one of those who fall into Staci's group "those whose wives ... want nothing to do with it". We have had a couple conversations about it over the years; generally brief and ending with her shutting down the subject. It has taken me a long time to get past the stigma of shame and guilt about crossdressing engrained in me when I was young which has made the conversations that much harder on my end as well. I don't want to make her uncomfortable and definitely don't want to lose her over this, as we have so much more to our relationship. I hate the lying and hiding needed to continue this part of my life but would never want to trade Claire for her.

[Debbie Denier]

Its non negotiable with my wife. Like Claire I don?t want to lose my wife . The other parts of our relationship are more important. Think i will struggle with this for the rest of my life. I still havent come to terms with the stigma , guilt or shame.

[Karren H]

We are no open or honest about anything related to this hobby of mine, Personally I have no problem with that and have no guilt or shame (lost that decades ago). It is what it is and since I did not disclose this prior to our relationship, then it is on me to accept whatever. And I my demented mind, kind of glad she doesn?t have an interest in this because her taste in womens clothing really sucks! Sorry, me being open and honest again! Lol. All she wears are jeans!

[VS Fan]

my wife and I have made big strides in this area over the years, and especially recently.... love to see this!

[audreyinalbany]

open and honest communication has to be a two way street. if only one party is open and the other one shuts down, this leads to a lot of silent treatment at my house

[Jillcder]

Steph sounds like you have a great wife and marriage I would love to have your arrangement.

[Claire M]

Karen Hutton, I am over the guilt and shame about being a CD in my mind and heart. I don't think my wife is over the shame part for her so she is not accepting. The only guilt for me is having to hide things and lie to my wife keep doing this, and that really bugs me.

Audryinalbany it sounds like your situation is much like mine. My wife goes to silent mode on things she is not happy or comfortable with.

We haven't discussed my CDing in 4 or 5 years but I recently found a CD support group in my area that meets regularly which I would like to attend without lying or guilt. Just need to find a good way to broach the CD subject again. Might be a thread all its own .....

[Debbie Denier]

Claire like you I did come to terms with the guilt and shame at one point. My wife discovered my stash and was hysterically upset. She commented about being ashamed and couldn?t talk to her mum or sisters about it . I confided in my mother and dressed at her home for 10 yrs until she passed away.Its the hiding and secrecy that makes me feel that way . I know after doing this since I was 10 yrs old its not going to go away.

[NancySue]

FWIW, my wife is totally supportive to which I attribute my being honest and telling her before we wed. It was the toughest thing I?ve ever done. Neither of us understand the why?s or what for, but we know it?s here. Yes, dressing relaxes me. We both have a good sense of humor. She often teases me, especially about underwires and hose. Since retirement, I dress daily, definitely panties, bra, nylons and a touch of makeup. Sometimes more, depending on my mood. I welcome her comments, advice and help.

[Stephanie47]

"If I wanted to be married to a woman I would have married a woman!" my wife proclaim in the mid-1980's. End of story. I have read a lot of advice over the years about "wearing" a wife down piece by piece (of clothing) until the husband has gotten his way. I realize there a situations where the wife is forever tearing the house apart looking for a stash of clothing; making rude or snide comments; threatening to terminate the marriage and "out" her spouse to the world. My wife threw the ball to my side of the court and said it was alright with her if I wanted to join a support group. Thus, enter the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Heather76]

I've been CDing a bit under 3 1/2 years. I came clean to my wife at about the 5 month mark. At the time I was only wearing panties. The one objection she has is she does not want family and/or friends to know. She accepts that I CD; but, she isn't supportive nor does she participate. I've worn panties, forms, a bra, a nightie, nylons, and jewelry to bed every night since 1/1/22. I generally don't change to drab mode until I'm ready to go outside the next morning. She has never voiced a complaint. Here recently, she has seen me in the evenings with lipstick, earrings, and a wig in place which is something I avoided doing until recently. I did something this morning I've not done in the past. We had some cool weather pass thru last night. When I woke up, it was too cool to walk around in a nightie so I took it off and put on a long sleeve dress. That's probably the first time I've worn a dress for breakfast. I feel extremely lucky that my wife doesn't complain.

[Steph_CD_62]

Guess when I started this thread, I didn't think about everyone's situation, and I apologize for that.
I know I am lucky to have such an understanding wife, and not everyone is in the same situation.

I had told my current wife within a couple of weeks of meeting her about my crossdressing, but back then it was just lingerie.

As the years have passed, she has made some suggestions about things I might enjoy and others I asked her about.

She suggested that I shave my armpits and legs, and she actually shaved my legs for the first time.

I asked her about me wearing a plain maxi dress when I saw one at the nearby Sears, and she said okay, there were 2 different ones side by side, and I asked her opinion which one that she preferred, so she made the selection for me.

When at our local Wal-Mart she asked if I ever considered wearing women's jeans. I said yes but really didn't know my size, had an idea since I had looked on the internet for a possible size. She found a couple that she approved of and suggested that I try them on to see if they fit. Well, I was wrong on the sizing, and she had to get me a smaller size.

Yes, I consider myself very lucky to have such an understanding wife, but as I have grown as a crossdresser and my wardrobe has increased it hasn't always been my idea of the next thing I should get.

So, in my case open and honest conversations have gotten me to the point where I am now.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steph, You are so Blessed to have such a wonderfulWife,

[Rachelakld]

my sister said same pretty much word for word.

[Cheryl T]

After coming out to my wife we talked many hours about the whys and wherefores.
After joining a support group she saw the diversity in backgrounds and the similarities in dressing. She became fully accepting and told me long ago that as far as she was concerned I could dress whenever I desired, no need to inform her. I warned her that that could be daily as at times that's how I felt.
Now we are retired and I do dress most every day. Somedays I just don't feel like wearing a wig all day. That led her to make the comment one time "you need hair", meaning I should wear one of my wigs (my hair is sparse and won't do).
Love her to death.

[Deborah2B]

My wife tells me on a regular basis how much she loves me. I tell her that I know that because she has to deal with my wanting to crossdress. I know she supports me and would do anything for me. She has shown this time and time again. She has purchased crossdressing things for me or helped me purchase them.

I also know that she would be happier if I stopped dressing. I have tried numerous times over the years. I have finally accepted this is a part of me that is not going away. She has acknowledged that it is a part of who I am, and it is not going away. She does not want to lose the loving caring husband she has so she accepts that this is a part of me. Those were her words.

She does not want me fully dressing all the time and I do not want to do that anyway. She does not want to see me dressed and I respect that. I only fully dress about once or twice per month. I do wear panties every day and she does know about this. She has even purchased some of them for me. I love her and I respect her, so I do not do anything that she does not know about. There is no more hiding and lying like in years past. This creates open and honest communication between us on the crossdressing subject. I feel that I am the luckiest person on the face of the earth to have her love and her understanding.

[Raven Skyy]

I'm blessed My SO is my fashion consultant, therapist, Personal shopper and shopping partner. After coming out to her she has been very accepting of who I am. But in return I spoil her with everything she wants that I can afford. Today I am in Colorado she is visiting family in OkC . She tells me she's shopping and I being a little bit of a smarty asked what she was buying me. Her response was what do you want. I said you know what I like but I really need a long sleeve white dressy blouse. She said Okay let me look. So she sends me pictures of three tops 2 blouses and a Zebra blazer Oh and 2 pairs of dress slacks. For MEEEEEEEEEE???? LOL
Two weeks ago I bought her two dresses at Dillards for her trip and found a sequin LBD in my size I didn't buy the LBD but she went back and got it for me it was on the Clearance rack along with a couple of pretty panty and bra sets..

I've also been on the other end of the spectrum. Had a wonderful Liberal College professor girlfriend. We had been together for a couple of years. Long distance relationship. One day I was kind of over the hiding/ I thought if anyone would try to understand it would be her. So I Told her about me being Raven. She sighed deeply and said NO you aren't I'd need to see a picture. So Idiot Pulls out my phone and pull up a few pictures. She looked at me with a tear in her eye and said I'll have to think about this.
She did for about 2 days and called me and asked If I was gay. I laughed and said yeah thats why we have been together for a couple of years Again Smart Alligator mouth over ride my tadpole butt. She said I don't think I can do this and have never heard from her again. When I tried calling her she filed a restraining order.
So never guess who will be accepting and who wont. My SO is a preacher and a fashion designer We talk about My two person spirit daily because my color coordination is on life support as she says. I have more Raven Clothes than man clothes thanks to her. She has never bought me jeans or shirts but she buys me dresses blouses skirts shoes. and laughs because I have sexier underwear than she does. I've stopped trying to buy her some sexy intimates.
Since I came out to her I've come out to a few friends, Some people that I thought would be accepting weren't and some that I though wouldn't be have been.
Have the difficult talk if you want things to change. plant the seeds with love. but know that it doesn't always end in a flower garden

[Maria 60]

My wife has called my dressing a blessing and it makes our relationship so much stronger. The shopping together and sharing things in a friend type of way. But I believe she enjoys what benefits her, her husband knowing you need those shoes in black and white and how important it is to have a good fitting bra. It's a small price to pay as long as she supports me and I'm sure it's not easy seeing her dressed as women.