When we had "The Talk" she said "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman" which was impossible back in the mid 1980's. During that conversation she said, if I ever wanted a divorce she would "out" me to everybody. Unless you know her family history that really makes no sense. Her mother was divorced twice and her grandmother was married five times. She wanted to break the cycle. One year around the storming we went to Mervyn's department store on my prodding to buy me panties for my birthday. I saw my wife trembling; literally becoming unable to function that I realized forcing/prodding my cross dressing on her was nothing short of mental spousal abuse. Hence forth, it was DADT. She does not say "boo" about it. On occasion when she has found a bra or panty I failed to put away, she folds it and places it out of sight on top of the dryer. I think over the decades she has figured out what cross dressing is and is not and it has nothing to do with infidelity, transitioning, etc.