My wife caught our 14 yo son crossdressing

[Quksilver420]

Hello groop this is my first post in many years. My wife knows about my crossdressing and really is repulsed by it. In the last few years I've dressed only a handful of times. I'm not very comfortable talking about it with her because I see the disappointment in her face. Long story short. Last night, my wife caught our son crossdressing. I was sleeping. She told me about it in the morning. It's always been a worry of mine that ,what happens if one of my kids has to deal with this. The only person who knows about me is my wife. I was never planning on telling my 2 boys. Just looking for a little advice/ support in this situation. Just a side note my wife did support him and told him he was doing nothing wrong also that she has dealt with this situation before with someone who she cares for deeply. He kept questioning who but she never told him.

[MoniqueAsh743]

I think first of all your wife handled the situation perfectly. It must be difficult to be concerned that your wife my equate 1 and 1 = 2. I think without ever being in that situation that it may pay for your wife to ask him what was the driver. It could be curiosity, desire or may even have other considerations. If it is other things such as trans thoughts for his mental state best to offer all support now. I think that there is a risk he may be too embarrassed to talk to dad. And it must be tough for you

[Mary Loo]

I find it interesting that your wife can be understanding and accepting with your son, but not with you. I suppose there are differences in the two situations.

I think if it were me, I would want to talk to my son and share my knowledge and understanding, but as a closeted cross dressers who has only shared my secret with my wife, I also certainly understand that you wouldn’t want to share that information with him. Seems you could still have a fruitful conversation with him and probe for feedback with leading questions saying you have read X or have heard X as reasons, etc. Far be it from me to give advice, because I am not you or knowledge enough or qualified enough to advise, but I am curious to hear more from you as the story evolves. Best of luck with the situation.

[kimdl93]

I think your wife has done all that should be done in the moment. Going forward the two of you should maintain the support without questioning. Your son is likely no more able to explain his interest that any of us could.

[mbmeen12]

I'd talk to your son, man to man. Go for a walk with him, Tell him you love him and explain to him about the decisions of today could effect his in the future. Make him feel safe, ask him which pro nouns he wants to be address. Ask him if he needs a cousuler? Basically have the talk about STDs etc. Find out what is going on in school,. Your his father and be a good wingman.

[Suzie Petersen]

Calm down for a moment please. (ever noticed how telling people to calm down often gets them really excited instead?)
Some calm and good advice has been offered already, so read all the replies and sort out the good ones.
Carla's post stand out as being sound advice for sure, but several others have also offered good calm perspectives.

However, there are also some really strange comments/advice offered here that should absolutely be ignored!

Make him feel safe, ask him which pro nouns he wants to be address.

NO! he is 14 and playing with girls clothes, he is not saying he is transgender or wanting to start hormones next Wednesday!

Ask him if he needs a cousuler?

NO! Don't make this a problem.

Basically have the talk about STDs etc.

NO! Where on earth does that thought come from? He is playing with girls clothes, not being caught in a gay relationship. The fact a member here would even suggest this just baffles me. Maybe it is not so strange that wifes and friends ask that as the first question when they hear one of us admitting to liking to dress as women/girls, but people who actively take part in the discussions here on this forum, really! Good lord.

Find out what is going on in school

NO! This has nothing to do with school.

Some have suggested you talking to him about it. I agree with those who advise against that. Your wife seems to have a good head on her shoulders, and your son seems to be comfortable talking to her. Let her take lead on this for now and, if you feel it is appropriate, offer to help her with her responses since you likely have some more insight into this than she does. But no, do not approach your son about this, it could be hugely embarrassing for him. If your relationship with your son allows it, he will come to you if he feels like talking about it.
I would also suggest that your wife just leave it alone for now. If he needs some clothes, have your wife offer him something so he doesn't get into the bad habit many of us had at that age of taking/borrowing things that were not ours, but don't make a big deal out of it.

Some suggested disclosing this to your other son .... NO! Absolutely not, Jeezz! Oh .. and don't "warn" the neighbors either!

Calm down, "it is just clothes", right! Don't make a big deal out of this, certainly not at this point. If it turns out there is a need for a bigger reaction, you will know in time.

As several have said, youth these days have a much more relaxed view of gender presentation, and even if he turns out to have some confusion about all this, there is no reason to make a problem out of it. If he wants to present as a girl sometimes, so what! Isn't that how many here would like the world to turn?
If it is more than that, you will find out from him if you are good loving parents.

[CDMargret]

Calm down for a moment please. (ever noticed how telling people to calm down often gets them really excited instead?)
Some calm and good advice has been offered already, so read all the replies and sort out the good ones.
Carla's post stand out as being sound advice for sure, but several others have also offered good calm perspectives.

However, there are also some really strange comments/advice offered here that should absolutely be ignored!


NO! he is 14 and playing with girls clothes, he is not saying he is transgender or wanting to start hormones next Wednesday!


NO! Don't make this a problem.


NO! Where on earth does that thought come from? He is playing with girls clothes, not being caught in a gay relationship. The fact a member here would even suggest this just baffles me. Maybe it is not so strange that wifes and friends ask that as the first question when they hear one of us admitting to liking to dress as women/girls, but people who actively take part in the discussions here on this forum, really! Good lord.


NO! This has nothing to do with school.

Some have suggested you talking to him about it. I agree with those who advise against that. Your wife seems to have a good head on her shoulders, and your son seems to be comfortable talking to her. Let her take lead on this for now and, if you feel it is appropriate, offer to help her with her responses since you likely have some more insight into this than she does. But no, do not approach your son about this, it could be hugely embarrassing for him. If your relationship with your son allows it, he will come to you if he feels like talking about it.
I would also suggest that your wife just leave it alone for now. If he needs some clothes, have your wife offer him something so he doesn't get into the bad habit many of us had at that age of taking/borrowing things that were not ours, but don't make a big deal out of it.

Some suggested disclosing this to your other son .... NO! Absolutely not, Jeezz! Oh .. and don't "warn" the neighbors either!

Calm down, "it is just clothes", right! Don't make a big deal out of this, certainly not at this point. If it turns out there is a need for a bigger reaction, you will know in time.

As several have said, youth these days have a much more relaxed view of gender presentation, and even if he turns out to have some confusion about all this, there is no reason to make a problem out of it. If he wants to present as a girl sometimes, so what! Isn't that how many here would like the world to turn?
If it is more than that, you will find out from him if you are good loving parents.

THIS ^^^ ALL THIS ^^^. Such super great reasonable honest advice.

[AndreaOTK]

I'd talk to your son, man to man. Go for a walk with him, Tell him you love him and explain to him about the decisions of today could effect his in the future. Make him feel safe, ask him which pro nouns he wants to be address. Ask him if he needs a cousuler? Basically have the talk about STDs etc. Find out what is going on in school,. Your his father and be a good wingman.

I think this is a really good advice. I totally agree, based on my personal experience.

[CharlotteCD]

However the previous pages say that talking about pronouns and STDs are totally irrelevant at this stage.

[Jolene Robertson]

I can relate your feelings as to how to handle it. I think your wife handled it well, also like Mary Loo it's interesting that your wife said that concerning your son but not OK for you. Before talking to him have a good talk with your wife about her feelings about having the talk, maybe have both of you talk to him and tell him at that time? Please let us know how it goes.

[Quksilver420]

The main reason it doesn't work for me is. We have a romantic and physical relationship. She is not attracted to a guy in a dress. And that is 100% ok. I hid it from her for the first 10 years of our relationship. Im the one who should have been more transparent.

[mbmeen12]

Suszie, Suzie, Suzie it's just advice to ponder and your opinion falls short of not getting to the root cause. 1st The schools have become a inclusive hot bed. Good or bad but if it's there it should be discussed starting with the wife. Communication is so critical in ones relationship. The wife and husband need to get on the same page and support the son. Sure give him space but how in the heck do you know what's going/not going on in his school? It's super critical at the age and being supportive. It used to be called the Birds and Bee's conversation with your adolescent children. Suzie it's the 21 century and tera bytes being exchanged on a phone. Or do nothing and that too, is advice....

[CharlotteCD]

It genuinely scares me that somebody tries on a dress and immediately people are saying they should be talking about pronouns as if a dress means they're transgender.

This is exactly the problem that society sees with "us" as groomers who are trying to turn children trans.

We're supposed to be the educated and enlightened ones.

[DianeT]

I think one of the reasons for the CDing being difficult for a SO is that she or he goes to bed with you. The CDing puts the SO's gendered role in the couple in question. If there was hiding for some time, it presumably caused additional commotion and trust issues that must be dealt with. Nothing like this with a son (and neither with strangers, which makes the NIMBY attitude very self-explanatory in my opinion, if you try to walk the SO's shoes).

[GretchenM]

Your wife handled the situation quite well. She supported him and told him the right things. But it must have been a bit difficult for her considering her husband does that as well. I recommend talking to your wife about your son's crossdressing and try to keep your crossdressing out of the conversation. Make it all about him. In short, develop a game plan. Nothing wrong with introducing the aspect that he will possibly want to do this more openly. But keep it in the context of his world and recognize that kids today much more freely and often openly express gender variant feelings and desires. Perhaps mainly emphasize that he needs to be safe with whatever he does because there are those that are completely intolerant of that behavior. He probably knows that, but be sure he knows that.

[Di]

Glad your wife supported him.
But important he is not made to feel
It is wrong - it’s not
Could be just experimenting- teen stuff
Nothing he needs to be ashamed of.
Please stress this ….
He needs to not feel shame or it being made a big deal.


I have a grandson that did something similar

[ShelbyDawn]

Definitely coordinate with your wife, but I believe you should talk to him.
Men and women process things differently, and your perspective and counsel will help provide a rounded base of information.
With my kids, their mom has always been the one to talk with them about how they feel. I've been to one to cover the practicality of the situation.
The kids need both to make it through, especially something like this.

Key thing though is to LISTEN to what he says without judgement. That alone can mean more than anything else, and just letting him talk through it, knowing he's not going to be ridiculed or chastised can work wonders.

[Shelly Preston]

Lots of good advice.

I hope your wife makes it clear you both support him. As your son may be worried about your reaction.

I suspect he may be more comfortable talking with your wife.

[CarlaWestin]

Well, you certainly don't need to jump into the insidious pronoun nonsense. All of you are still in the learning stage. He might be acting out as an escape from the pressure and mystery of manhood and puberty.
Let your wife take the lead on this as your son is obviously comfortable enough to talk to her. No need for you to disclose your proclivity to him.
You really don't need to make it any bigger than it truly is. If anything, it's a natural curiosity that he needs to explore and too much outside concern and involvement can be as detrimental as narrow minded ridicule.
And certainly DO NOT let his school get involved!

[jazmine]

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Well said Carla! Yes! This.

[Dutchess]

Well, you certainly don't need to jump into the insidious pronoun nonsense. All of you are still in the learning stage. He might be acting out as an escape from the pressure and mystery of manhood and puberty.
Let your wife take the lead on this as your son is obviously comfortable enough to talk to her. No need for you to disclose your proclivity to him.
You really don't need to make it any bigger than it truly is. If anything, it's a natural curiosity that he needs to explore and too much outside concern and involvement can be as detrimental as narrow minded ridicule.
And certainly DO NOT let his school get involved!

I also agree with Carla 100% do NOT keep talking about this it will embarrass him badly . Let him find his own way , there's enough outside pressure on kids already . .. kids do not want to talk about this with their parents. If he can with your wife , fine but leave it at that .
Not everyone is "trans" or "on the spectrum " etc that wears women's clothing .


Mom of 6 here: 4 boys , 2 girls 22-40

What exactly did she catch him wearing and were any of the items hers ?

Thanks and best of luck

Come on dude , really ??? here ???

[CarlaWestin]

Well, you certainly don't need to jump into the insidious pronoun nonsense. All of you are still in the learning stage. He might be acting out as an escape from the pressure and mystery of manhood and puberty.
Let your wife take the lead on this as your son is obviously comfortable enough to talk to her. No need for you to disclose your proclivity to him.
You really don't need to make it any bigger than it truly is. If anything, it's a natural curiosity that he needs to explore and too much outside concern and involvement can be as detrimental as narrow minded ridicule.
And certainly DO NOT let his school get involved!

I've seen so much positive feedback I thought I'd add a little. My opinion is the product of understanding my own state of mind at that age with raging hormones and rapid body development. Then I tempered that opinion with the 54 years of mature adult life experience that sorted it all out for me. Carla is my primary indulgence and an activity that would be an impossible void to fill if gone. It's a practice, art form, reward, tactile and erotic experience. I've experienced being more dream women than most men even talk about. A therapist once told me that it was too much baggage to drag through life. I learned right there that most people get involved to push an agenda into a one size fits all conformity. There's only one group of people who are granted free rein to influence children. They're called parents. My parents and siblings no nothing about Carla except accusations made by my ex. I've personally owned this whole crossdressing adventure and my own non-sim life as being the total package. Good parents know that kids love candy and would be concerned if they had too much. Just let the teenage explorer find his own boundaries and learn to respect parental boundaries. Such as times when CD'ing just wouldn't be appropriate. Parental security and guidelines. It's just that simple.
It makes me sad to think I've met folks whose kids became addicts or basement dwellers. Boredom? Rebelion? It is that age.

[marieclaire]

Firstly, I tell you: Children's anda teenager's curiosity is normal. Including trying on clothes for the opposite sex.
For example, when I was 12 I was curious to see girls at school starting to wear bras and I tried one of my sister's. That's one story, the fact that I enjoyed using it is another.
I don't know what your son's context was, but his wife was prudent. She didn't expose her crossdressing to him, probably so as not to influence him or to not complicate things further: it would be a lot of information to be caught by your own mother like that and still discover your father's "secret"...
At first, you should just monitor... if this happens again, you can talk to him again. It doesn't seem right to repress him, just as it shouldn't be right for him to wear other people's clothes (his mother's or sister's) without permission. Then I think you can help him with your experience.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I just posted two articles I wrote related to the subject on the forum. I apologize for the "overposting" but I found it interesting and important given the question posed in this thread.

[Samantha51]

I accidentally deleted my previous reply so I'll write a shorter one!

My parents never discussed emotions or awkward things in front of my brother or I. They never to my recollection showed feelings for each other, apart from arguing from time-to-time. In my teens I stumbled across my father's (who I had on a pedestal) bra and a p*rn mag. It shook my innocent world - I didn't know how to process that my father wasn't 100% as I imagined it - I'd never seen a twinkle in his eye or anything other than 100% "normal". It was later confirmed (in my 40's) when I was clearing out his shed after he passed. Was he having an affair? Were they a gift for my mum? Were they for him? I suspect this incident was a catalyst for my own crossdressing.

My point is that you may like to consider being honest with your son as the "loved one" your wife mentions. Very difficult, but the question will likely burn away in him - he will probably line up all the "loved ones" your wife knows. It's toxic. Once it's broached you can both have mature conversations about it and you can explain your perspective, the pros and the cons. Being in a vacuum with nobody to talk to is a very lonely place to be - as most of us here can probably testify.

I'm not suggesting you encourage or discourage him, just suggesting you have the conversation.

Good luck!

[StacyG]

I'm thankful your wife handled it nicely. I'm 53 and still clearly see the image of my childhood kitchen and my mom's voice telling me "You're sick."