I have recently started exploring this side of me, but have only done it in private with my wife who is very accepting. I would like to start at a cd friendly club or drag show, but i am nervous about getting attention. I find it exciting to get the attention while also just wanting to blend into the background.
How have you handled being hit on by both sexes?
What kind of experiences have you had going to a regular cluband what did you do when you received negative attitudes?
I see that you are new so welcome Danielle. You will need to submit 10 posts before you can get access to the pictures forum, so you will have to work on that to get access.
I pretty much exclusively go out to clubs and have been to 43 so far around the US. Reading my started threads will give you a good idea what it is like. Most of the time offers are polite and it is easy to decline. Of course there are chaser types but I have not really had any serious issues even with them. Most of the outings are just good times.
Sandi
Danielle, you are among the very lucky to have your wife supporting you on this, make sure you show her how much it means to you!
As to your concerns, the level of attention, good or bad, will be related to the image you put out and where you are "out". I enjoy going shopping and otherwise "bland" outings, looking forward to an upcoming morning out, look to blend and just enjoy being out in the world but with that goal in mind my attire is chosen to match the rest of the crowd. If I was to go out in a sexy dress (which I would love to do and have done!) to the supermarket or mall at 11am, I could and should expect quite a bit of attention, good and bad. If you are going to a club, have an idea as to the "normal" attire and look to match, that should bring you right in at the level you are looking for. Good luck and report back, right after you treat your wife to an awesome night out!
I've only been hit on by one guy and one GG.
When I was hit on by the guy, I was very new at going out en femme. I was out with a wing woman who was supposed to protect me, but apparently, she was laughing to hard at my predicament to help me out. The guy was apparently wearing "beer goggles" as they say because he appeared to be very drunk and I wasn't that good looking (IMHO). Fortunately, just saying, "I'm not interested" got him to back off.
There was another time that a guy was flirting with me. He obviously had a thing for CDs. I quickly retreated to the woman's bathroom where my CD friends had just gone, and came out with 4 wing women. Problem solved.
Another time, I was sitting next to a very cute, young GG, and she was flirting with me. She said, among other things, that I would look better in her lipstick. She put it on kind of thick, and tried to pass it on to me by kissing. I don't know if the lipstick took, but the kissing was fun.
There were also a few occasions where I ended up (consensually) kissing a CD/TG girl, which was also very exciting. First time I ever kissed someone (with me) wearing lipstick.
I was also kissed by a CD/TG not consensually. We were making kissing faces at each other and she just kind ok laid one on me, with full tongue included. This was my first CD/TG kiss, and I felt like that 8-year-old boy who got kissed by an aggressive 8-year-old girl, and was so grossed out that I felt like spitting it out. But, in spite of the surprise, it was my coming out realization that kissing with lipstick could be fun. She kind of did me a favor in a way.
My daughter has told me about a few of uncomfortable encounters she had with me. She gave each of them a knee or a kick between the legs, something I had talked to her about. I was so proud of her for standing her ground.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
When I go out, I enjoy interacting with people and usually have a lot of positive experiences. Some conversations have gotten a little flirty but that's all I have only been physically "hit on" once. I got talking to a guy at a bar ... not even flirting, just life in general. When I got up to leave he offered to walk me to my car. At the car he told me he had a nice time and we hugged. As I was pulling away he grabbed my hand, pulled it to his crotch and asked me to join him in his truck "to take care of this". I pulled away and fortunately some other patrons came out to get to their nearby cars so I jumped in mine and took off.
Whether you get hit on depends a bit on the venue, your presentation and sometimes just the people you meet. Most GGs will probably say the same. If its what you're into, good on ya! If you're not interested make that clear up front. If you're not comfortable with someone, move away from them, ignore them and hope they get the hint. Whatever, be aware of the people and you surroundings and stay safe
Hi Danielle I'm just starting to venture out by going for drives dressed and looking for a meeting group. (Not while out driving mind you lol) It might help if you give a general location as to which country you are in so people can assist, different locations have different acceptances. I have never been in a situation you describe.
Emily xx
I have been going out for a long time. I never went out looking for or expecting attention of any kind. I have had many very enjoyable conversations and only a few instances that I would call being hit on. I was flattered, but married. Had I been single at the time, I would have responded differently.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Hi Danielle, another lucky crossdresser with an accepting wife I have not been out clubbing but I do go shopping, many hotel stays, a few bar and restaurants with nothing negative other than a female bar tender that acted annoyed when I sat at her bar and ordered a glass off wine. Just head on out and enjoy fortunately your wife can help guide you girl outings.
If you're only going out to vanilla, day time venues u'll likely never need to worry about being hit on.
I have been hit on numerous times by men at clubs, bars, and casinos at nite. Never seriously threatened when I explained I wasn't interested in men. Altho, some were very persistent, all were polite in the end!
I've been approached, complimented, and chatted with countless pretty young women when out dressed at nite. But, getting hit on by a GG when dressed is like finding a unicorn! You've a better chance of winning the lottery!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Thank you all for the amazing advice, i will keep it in mind when i do finally venture out
Danielle,
Were you planning to go alone or is your wife on board for going out clubbing with you?
Sandi
Hello Daniel, When you are here you are Home,
What ever your questions are, there is a 99.875% Chance that one or more of us will have an answer for you,
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Thinking about going with my wife to a cabaret or drag show
You are over thinking this, just go and have fun!
Like Karren said, do not worry about it too much, just have fun. If you go to a drag show, often there are more women than men at the show. It is not uncommon to get pulled into another group of women who are there just to have fun with friends. A number of clubs have dancing right after the show. Since you will have your wife as a wing girl. You should be all set.
Besides if someone does hit on you, it is your right to accept or refuse advances. Don?t forget that and you will have fun.
Always keep your drinks protected at all times in any bar. Get fresh ones if you need to.
Sandi
My first time going out was at a gay bar and it was TG weekend. Nobody told me what time to get there and at 2pm there weren't any other crossdressers in the bar.
I was a bit frightened but there were only a few men there and eventually another CD showed up, sat next to me and we chatted. It is definitely easier going out with a small group of crossdressers. Getting hit on doesn't happen very often but the other concern is using the ladies bathroom. Everything goes well if you keep a friendly attitude.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Funny. I have preferred to walk at night alone with no one around.
I have been hit on by a man when dressed. I just politely refused his offer of a drink and to sit with him.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
I didn't think about this before, but I have another answer.
When I'm in girl mode, particularly when I'm with civilians, I try to keep my voice softer and more feminine. I don't do a great job of it, but I try. If I get hit on by a man and I am out without my gurl friends or if I can't find them, I revert to deep angry guy voice. I've found that guy voice is usually enough to scare the guy off.
I've never tried this, but I have though about telling the guy that I'm dom not sub and we could both have some fun if he would pull down his pants and turn around. If that didn't make him run like heck, I would run like heck while he's incapacitated with his pants at his ankles.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I feel much more confident about going out, but we live pretty far away from the city and would have to overnight in town. We have little ones and it is difficult to find an overnight sitter. I'll post an update when we manage to go. Thank You again for all your kind and supportive words!
I eased in to venturing out while dressed up with simply going for drives late at night. I remember just how exhilarating it was for the short walk from the front door to the driveway to get in the car! Then I slowly built up to more. For example, during one drive I stopped to pump gas and then walked over the vending machines for a soda.
I did, however, get pulled over by the police the very first time I went out for a dressed up drive, so be sure to watch that speed limit if you try this method! (I wasn't going way over, but there were very few other cars on the road at that time of night).
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