When I have dressed and been intimate, not dressed but been with a guy, or by myself, after my "release " i get an almost overwhelming sense of guilt and to some extent, revulsion. I like what I just did, but these feelings are intense at first, and quickly dissipate (within 30 minutes). I'm trying to explore slowly, but it has been a big factor in my hesitation to keep going.
Has anyone experienced this? How have you delt with these feelings?
Does your guilt stem from having a wife/children at home but being with a guy (or on your own)? Maybe it's not just the "dressing"?
Guilt …
Do you have an open marriage or your cheating with men ….you say your wife is supportive.
If open marriage then …?
Just some clarification please about the guilt.( this is in response to being with men on the side from your post )
If you are cheating and not in an open marriage….then I understand the guilt. CDing is not an excuse for cheating. It just isn’t.
ADD after explaining
After your explanation now, as no cheating but still guilt , I hope you learn to accept yourself
You are one of the lucky ones with an accepting wife.
Last edited by Di; 11-06-2023 at 01:34 PM.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
Years ago as a teen I would feel tremendous guilt when I masturbated, that it was "sinful". My upbringing was conservative and my mother flew into rages when she twice found porn in my room and she'd insist I wear pajamas when in bed for 2 examples. Sex was never discussed, and I never saw my parents being romantic/intimate - quite Victorian!
What I'm questioning is whether you have properly accepted your CD yet. We all get turned on and look for release, and we "get carried away" with our lust which can easily override our "steady-state" social norms where masturbation, porn, CD, homosexuality is still frowned upon. After "release" then those old social norms quickly reestablish themselves and we feel guilt. Society still wants us very much in our labelled boxes.
I don't have any guilt. I can say that some thoughts I have which help lead up to climax can immediately and drastically change the moment after release. I don't know why you feel guilt. I'm not surprised that something which makes you feel really great (in the moment) suddenly turns to something somewhat opposite.
As a side note When we climax the brain fixates on whatever (or who ever) brought us to that moment. I think it's for mating purposes and preservation of the species that we continue to want that person and to reproduce or at least repeat the events that could lead to reproduction. It reinforces a "learned behavior". This is why with fetishes when the most random thing brings us to climax we want it more and more.
Not sure if this relates to your situation. That's all I got. Lol
I never felt any guilt after "Pleasuring myself" after realizing there was no "moral" prohibition against it. Indeed I accidently learned how to do it when I was about eight and didn't know what it really was. A kind of "personal trick" I could do under stress. Since another person was NOT involved I felt I was "in the clear" morality-wise.
And YES, I had ALWAYS ended my dress-up sessions with masturbation and I Immediately discovered upon "that feeling" that my urge to dress or stay dressed IMMEDIATELY turned itself OFF. I couldn't remove the clothing and makeup FAST enough. I didn't feel the desire to dress or entertained the prospect for several days afterwards. To this day I end my sessions the same way, and with similar results. I think this reaction is the primary indicator of being a Cross-Dresser. I can only speculate how this might affect Gay or Trans people, perhaps some might reply and we all might learn something. In any event, I cannot imagine ENDING a dress-up session any other way. Without a "release" to get back on "an even keel" and make a "clean" return to male mode.
Last edited by Di; 11-06-2023 at 09:42 AM. Reason: Removed the extra details
It's just an interaction between how you are wired with that intense desire to propel your genes into the future.
There's a void when the intensity dissipates after shangri la or apogee or whatever. Without that intense desire, guilt, as a result of society inflicted faux morality, fills the emotional void.
At a young age, I would purge frequently until I drew my own line in the sand. There is nothing wrong with seeking pleasure. But, it is paramount to respect commitment and vows.
Priorities are important.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Everyone thanks for keeping it simple.
No need for details of your sexual activities.
This is on OPEN forum where it can be seen by anyone.
Since posted here in this section ….be respectful and not TMI.
Would like to keep it open but if we have to keep editing sexual details…it will be deleted.
We are adults and know how things work….with open forum who knows who is reading so keep that in mind.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
I used to experience exactly what you are describing. I would feel so ashamed of myself and so guilty I would throw everything I was wearing away, admonishing myself that there must be something wrong with me, that I didn't need to do this (dress), and I would never do it again. Of course I WOULD do it again and, while it took a long time, I realized I DID need to dress.
It took a lot of research into crossdressing, a lot of introspective thinking and a little counselling (and maybe aging a few years) but now days, yes there is a little arousal when I see myself as the beautiful woman in the mirror but mostly I feel a bit sad when I have to put Claire back in her closet and return to my male life.
My parents were not religious; I cannot remember when we ever went to church as a family. But, when it came to "self pleasure" they went freaking nuts and actually tried to catch me in the act when taking a bath. If that was no enough, their attitude on homosexuality was homophobic. Back in the 1960's to be a cross dresser got a man identified as a homosexual in the most vulgar terms possible. Yes, women's clothing did lead to "self pleasure," followed by intense revulsion of self; lots of self loathing and confusion. Here's a pre-teen lusted after Annette Funicello of the Mickey Moue Show or older when Annette was in all those beach party movies. How could that be? It was obvious from all the street talk not all young boys were mentally tortured by crazy parents. I was destined to go to hell, for sure.
How does one deal with those conflicted feelings? A lot of self therapy.
Stephanie,Originally Posted by Stephanie47
I feel your pain. My parents met in a church choir but were never really religous around us, but boy was my mother strict. In the UK we had two sitcoms that summed it up (caricatgure of course): "Keeping up Appearances" and "Sorry!". Boy oh boy, the 80's were pretty grim! A lifetime of fighting all the nonsense.
Ultimately for me at least it needs the decision to be made: "put up or shut up". In the end of the day I will need to make a fundamental decision to get rid of it: either I be honest about myself (not just CD) and risk losing my mother's "love" and losing "friends", "status", "respect" or do I continue playing the game and denying a part of myself (again much more than just CD) with all the anxiety, depression, boredom? The answer might seem obvious and overthought but when you've been brought up as a people pleaser and fear rejection so strongly it's the hardest decision.
Sam
I am guilty of having that feeling when I was younger. I never felt that it was guilt so to speak but like a sever urge to get out of these clothes as fast as I could. A lot faster than it took to get into them. Lol. But I also had sever migraines during and after sex (with or without my then girlfriend). Debilitating headaches. Plus when younger I always had this feeling nagging me, wondering why I loved to crossdress but did not like guys? A lot of stuff going on in my head but finally it resolved it self when I accepted who I was and what I liked to do.
There's no reason for feeling guilty about any form of self sex. Yet, most of us here have felt it when dressed!
It took me years to buy into the advice I was given by many when I first arrived at CD.com.
"You're not hurting anyone and if you're not doing anything unsafe it's not wrong!"
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Thank you all for the advice! I feel much better knowing these feelings are more common than I thought. Also, as di said, please keep the responsed vanilla and focused on the feelings and not the situation.
As far as cheating, i have nor would ever cheat. My experiences with others was while I was single. But I am very open with my desires and offer many reassurances that I have no desire to cheat. In fact, the idea is a huge turnoff. The excitement lies in sharing the experience and both of us having fun and exploring this new time together.
I believe these feelings stem from societal "programming ". These feelings don't last long abd i don't have the urge to distance myself from these thoughts or actions, i just don't like what i just did and wonder why I liked it in the first place. But my rational mind asserts itself abd i know that this is who i am and that i really enjoyed my experience and want to keep doing it.
I felt alone in this as I see alot of others confident and secure when living their lifestyle. Embracing this aspect of myself is still new and i know that with time, i can feel as confident and secure as I believe others are.
Again, thank you all for your kind words and support!
Thanks for explaining it was odd ( to me )you mentioned about the men now.
But I now understand and was asking for clarification.
As Doc said you should not feel guilt over something natural .
Hope you accept yourself?? Especially since your wife does , many do not have that .
Hope you see you are not alone in this.
Last edited by Di; 11-06-2023 at 01:36 PM.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
It takes a strong person to pursue self-acceptance in the face of antagonism on the part of an SO, a wider family member, or wider society in general. Bigotry abounds, and as long as the things we do are not harmful to others, I cannot see any reason for guilt. The problem is theirs, not yours.
Society is designed to keep us all in check. Follow the rules of the puritan morals.
What the heck, who ever said on their death bed, "Boy am I glad I followed all their rules".
If you are not hurting anybody, do what you want. in reason.
The body is saturated with a rush of hormones during arousal and orgasm, after which there is a dramatic drop in hormone levels. This drop can carry with it a negative emotional response.
"Care about what other people think of you and you will always be their prisoner" - Lao Tzu
I suspect that to be a fairly common reaction for anyone raised to believe that a behavior is shameful. Obviously, a 30 minute period of guilt or revulsion is unpleasant, but as you say, it dissipates.
Perhaps there is an upside to the feeling. If you have yet to fully accept yourself as a transgender person, a bisexual or gay, then perhaps you need to use the hesitation to good effect by very seriously exploring your identity. I would suggest having this conversation, or really a series of conversations with a competent therapist. Their job is not to tell you what is right or wrong, but rather to help you learn to understand yourself and become able to accept the person you are.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Danielle, When I was younger I would get extreme guilt after if it was related to crossdressing. Now, not so much.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
I used to feel guilt. Thankyou christian schooling. Has taken me decades of deprogramming to be comfortable with my gender and sexuality.
Just another man in a dress
I did not feel guilty the first time. Actually, I felt like I was being my REAL self. I still do not feel guilty, obviously with a loving companion...
When I was younger I always ended with a release. I dont remember feeling guilty but sometimes I felt shame because I knew what I was doing was different and in the caveman days pre internet I didn?t know a single soul who cross dressed like me. Now that Im older I dress for the enjoyment of it and rarely end with a release so no guilt or shame since Im part of a whole community.
I could basically copy Stephanie47?s story and claim it as my own experience. A big ditto. But for me, the best therapy has been research and in many ways, this forum. The research has convinced my that there are more than just a few other cross dressers out there and this forum has shown me that we are decent thinking people with normal lives. We are not all gay porn stars or Aqualung sitting on the park bench. So, while I still keep my dressing and what I do private, I have pretty much put the guilt away and figured out that I simply enjoy something that others may not enjoy.
It is popular here to blame guilt feelings on an overly puritanical or religious society (for those raised in strict religious families) that imposes a false morality on us, such as men who "shouldn’t" wear dresses, or who "shouldn’t" be attracted to other men. And so an equally popular advice here is that all guilt is misplaced because of course we are entitled to whatever our personal sexuality demands.
But I think that most adults in our day and age do understand that 50-year-old taboos regarding sex were false. I should think that most people do accept that homosexuals and lesbians are entitled to love who they love, that gender variant people are entitled to be who they are, and that there are lots of different things that arouse people. Long gone are the days when most people believed that vanilla sex between a man and a woman was the only healthy and acceptable way to have sex. There is a rich array of all sorts of sex in the media readily available to anyone who seeks it, and there are all sorts of stores that sell all manner of kinky devices to suit anyone’s tastes.
If there are objections to being gay or wanting to wear women’s clothes within a marriage, it is not that the wife believes it is wrong for the neighbor to want to do these things, but rather, the wife simply wants to be married to a man whose sexual preferences are compatible with hers. She is into her husband, and she wants her husband to be into her and not aroused by other things, unless of course their kinks are compatible.
I don’t believe that guilt is a reaction to a false morality imposed on us by an intolerant society. Guilt is rather a feeling of remorse about how our behaviors affect ourselves and those we love, especially if we believe that our behaviors have caused some harm.
You say that your wife is accepting, but you both need rigorous self-honesty to examine the deeper dynamics between you. We don’t want personal answers here, but you need to think deeply about your sex life with your wife. Is it truly equally satisfying? Are the two of you completely honest with each other about your needs? Are both your sexual needs met?
I suspect the cause of your guilt is that some things in your marriage have been swept under the carpet because facing them is too hard, either for you, your wife, or both of you. It is sometimes easier to settle into a comfortable, unexamined life, where true intimacy (that comes from real honesty) is lacking, than face painful truths together, namely that you and your wife might not meet each other’s sexual needs.
But of course I don’t know you or your wife, and so what I say may not apply at all.
Reine
Posting Permissions
