Exciting progress and a consequence

[Samantha51]

Mods, please feel free to move or delete if inappropriate for this forum.

This evening my wife and I went for a swim and sauna which we haven't done for a while. I openly discussed the itchiness of my shaved body and she suggested I get a wax. Good and objective talk without shaming.

But when we got home she painted my nails! I've never had my nails painted in my life, so for her to paint them for me is amazing. The colour isn't the best but blimey, I am very happy to see my hands painted and very very grateful of my wife, to offer this to me at a still early stage. I did say so, and I also reiterated that our marriage is always more important than me crossdressing - she's previously said she loves me too much to get me to stop but that she doesn't find me attractive as a woman and may not be able to stay with me as things progress. We're doing ok.

I can't overstate enough what a psychological shift has been produced by my journey and our journey. To have acceptance from her, to be seen and loved and not outright rejected.

I have to now accept I'm a crossdresser, it can't be written off as stress because I'm not working or boredom, or using crossdressing as a vehicle to break free of social norms and a dominant mother.

The consequence? I can't sleep yet again. I've recently restarted anti depressants to help find my mojo again but also I've had (sorry for graphical post) an erection for hours. I don't feel particularly aroused: I'd like to make love to my wife if she wasn't too tired, but it's more a psychological release I think. I've always been very easily stimulated at my wife's slightest touch (it's a running joke) but the progress I feel I'm making with crossdressing and in general confined with the effects of the anti depressants is making my already poor sleep even worse. It might seem an odd link, but I clearly connect my painted nails (and my wife doing the painting) with tonight's erection.

So I'm happy, but tired.

I have painted nails! 😄😄😊

[Karren H]

That's awesome! and sleep is highly over rated!

[mbmeen12]

Always nice to have a happy ending to a story and exciting day

[bridget thronton]

Keep talking to your wife and make sure she knows you value your relationship with her

[Sometimes Steffi]

Be mindful. Many depression meds have a side effect of reduced "mojo".

[Samantha51]

Thanks, but my mojo went when I was made redundant 6 months ago. I had 4 months paid gardening leave when I couldn't work and now if "lost" the discipline of work.

[IJCCharlotte]

Hey, Samantha

I totally understand her saying she doesn't find you attractive as a woman, but what does she mean when she says she "may not be able to stay" with you as things progress? Does she mean she won't be able to be an active, present participant as with the nails, or does she mean ending the relationship?

[kimdl93]

You are taking the anti-depressant under medical supervision, right?

[IJCCharlotte]

Thanks for the clarification, Samantha. I realize the complexities of any relationship are impossible to completely distill into something like a few paragraphs on a message board, and I realize she's just being honest and not making any promises she isn't sure she can keep when and if things change in the future (something I've learned here), but hearing her put that on the table is probably heartbreaking for you, so I'm sorry. I'm hopeful that if these conversations continue going slowly and carefully (as it seems like they are) she will realize that you're doing everything you can to reassure her. Best of luck.

[Samantha51]

You are taking the anti-depressant under medical supervision, right?

Yes I am!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Thanks for the clarification, Samantha. I realize the complexities of any relationship are impossible to completely distill into something like a few paragraphs on a message board, and I realize she's just being honest and not making any promises she isn't sure she can keep when and if things change in the future (something I've learned here), but hearing her put that on the table is probably heartbreaking for you, so I'm sorry. I'm hopeful that if these conversations continue going slowly and carefully (as it seems like they are) she will realize that you're doing everything you can to reassure her. Best of luck.

Thanks Charlotte, yes it was an understandable shock to me but then I've given her an even bigger shock. She loves me as a man, I'm more "meh" at the moment. I think I can be both and I have a suspicion that she could be quite cool about it, possibly even enjoy it in time, if I don't bulldoze her - she has a more open mind than many many people. A good chance I'm projecting though! I need to tread carefully.

[Diane P]

Samantha, I'm sorry you were made redundant at work, that's got to suck. Also sorry that you're having trouble sleeping. Very happy to hear that things are starting to change between you and your wife reference your crossdressing. I'm certain you feel like a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

[char GG]

Going forward, your wife may want to know what you have in mind. She may ask what you consider to be your "end game".

It may be good for both of you if you think about the answers. Do you just want to be a Crossdresser and go out occasionally with female clothes, makeup, painted nails?? Or do you want to eventually have hormones and surgery? Maybe that is what she meant by:

she's previously said she loves me too much to get me to stop but that she doesn't find me attractive as a woman and may not be able to stay with me as things progress.

There is the real possibility that you may want to do more than she can handle. Please be prepared to have that conversation.

She also said that she "married a man". There are lots of GG's that enjoy their husband's female presentation on a short term, but not all think it will last. Some enjoy it long term. Again, that may come up in future talks.

Know yourself first. Is it a new fun kink? Or do you already know it may be a long term, progressive thing?

Just keep her in the loop and help her to understand what you are thinking.

Oh, one last thing. Please continue to search for work, let that be your priority over CDing at this point.

I wish for the best for both of you! Thanks for joining us

[Samantha51]

Hi. I've learned to never say never, but at this time I have zero interest in transitioning. I suppose the only thing that makes me say that is making love to my wife as a man. I have considered if I should transition, but I like my male mode well enough: I like dressing up in a sharp jacket and trousers and indeed I have recently started wearing a cravat (instead of tie) - there's a showoff inside me. With the realisation of a feminine me it has freed me to be more masculine, to let more of me out. I think I'm being more romantic and manly, not to reassure her, but as a consequence of accepting more of the real me.

But you are right of course, I need to communicate this to my wife.

But I wrote a fantasy list on another post (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...57-Reflections). I know the higher levels are probably a fantasy and I don't expect them. I will elaborate this list as things change. I don't think it's a kink, though I am certainly trying to keep it light and fun.

Solo CD
1. under-dress regularly (daily). This is also a defensive F-U to internalized societal norms dragging me to "normality". This I'm doing regardless.
2. dress when WFH (wife out at work).
3. fully dress (bra, makeup, wig) occasionally at home - private when she's out, but not hiding it if she comes in.

CD at home with my wife
4. be dressed sometimes in front of my wife at home - just normal times.
5. fully dressed at home occasionally - including bra, makeup and wig.
6. dress in a nightie in bed with my wife
7. occasionally dressed during sex, role reversal or whatever.

Occasional As Couple - this is occasional, the norm would be as a normal husband and wife couple
8. go out shopping
9. go out shopping and a meal and show with my wife
10. short breaks dressed

I already would like: hair removal (she seems ok with this), subtle eye-brow shaping, bras, shoes, wig(s), etc. It's a shame I don't have any boobs as the sensation isn't the same with a pair of socks stuffed in a bra!

Communicating (in all its ways) is absolutely key. With us it might be less talking and more doing.
Thanks Char

[Stephanie47]

Always glad to read of a wife's acceptance. Earlier this week you post that your wife expected you to be attired in one of her dresses while she was out with friends. Reread Char's words. My wife is not accepting of my desires and clearly expressed "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" So, for me it is Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Some women, as seen expressed by their husbands on this site, are adamantly opposed to cross dressing in any shape or form. Other women may think of it as a "kink" or a time of mutual playfulness. I suspect your wife is stating if the "end game" is to transform yourself into something she cannot accept or handle, it's over. Since she suggested that you get a waxing of your stubble I think that is an indication she does not find that unsettling. My genetic profile blessed me with no hair follicles on my legs and underarms with minimal hair cropping up on my chest when I was in my 50's. My wife says "It's wasted on a guy." Some women like a hairless guy; some like some guy furry. I recommend having a conversation with your wife as to you perhaps buying your own outfit from bra, panty, slip, heels and hosiery and dress as see what she says. She was be encouraging until you get to the wig and makeup and your visual presentation becomes too much.

[docrobbysherry]

Sam, I'll bet you're continued arousal to your SO is something many here will be jealous of. Including me!

How long have u been together? I was with my ex for 3 years, then 2 after we married before serious problems with intimacy began.

[Samantha51]

I was a very late bloomer, not having a girlfriend until I escaped my home context and cycled through France one summer aged 21. Late, I know. No female friends, just my cousin occasionally. So I was full of unrealistic fantasies.

What I mean is that I lobe my wife and we have some relations but not loads - I've airways been easily stimulated by all girlfriends.

Our intimacy level plummeted such that sex is monthly, maybe slightly more frequently. Petty resentments, an exhausted wife with her own health concerns, etc. All normal enough.

We've been together 25+ years. Married in '02.

Thanks!