What is "The Talk" if your SO already knows?

[Veronica Lacey]

A great question, char.

Personally, I agree that "The Talk" tends to be the original reveal to one's spouse about their dressing. I suppose that such a "talk" may occur several times as the topic is shared with children, parents, friends, co-workers, others?

I would believe it to be rather rare that everything can be covered and resolved after the initial "talk" so there seemingly - invariably? - tends to be more talk. Maybe after that it could be referred to as another piece of "the conversation" for clarification, for request of new boundaries from either partner, other variables discussed. Perhaps that "conversation" continues for years until both parties have found their personal levels of acceptance on the topic as well as accepted their partner's level of acceptance.

Interesting to note is it feels as if the conversation could take much of a lifetime for some. For my wife and I things have been rather settled for quite many a year yet, as we see retirement on the not-so-distant horizon, there may be a re-opening of the conversation to reset boundaries and preferences. That part is likely an entirely different post.

[il.dso]

Very interesting and relevant topic.
I had "the talk" before we were married and we then engaged in cd discussions for a few years.
Then work, kids, stress intervened and we went DADT for decades.
We're both retired now so, fortunately, we have reached a modest balance in which I dress while she's working in her office.
Pleased and grateful for this real progress.
I want more, as I enjoy talking about my clothes and outfits, but am very anxious to bring up any other cd topics.
I don't think my wife wants to talk more about it and usually shuts me down pretty abruptly when I bring up the topic.
She has left it up to me to be myself, to the extent I am comfortable.
Yes, complicated...

[Natalie5004]

I think that "the talk" comes any time that there is a new development. As an example, you could have 5 talks:

The talk #1 being the first admission

The talk #2 being setting boundaries

The talk #3 being escalation to going outside

The talk #4 being to sharing with family

The talk #5 being transition

I think this is spot on. I am at 2.5 talk now.

[Suzie Petersen]

For some of us, there have been many many "talks" along the way, some moved the situation forward, some moved it back.
To me, having "The Talk" mostly means the initial conversation, or the gender reveal if you will

This is the first time there is an actual conversation about him wanting to sometimes be a little girly, whatever that means to the individual. The outcome of that talk all depending on how it goes and there will likely be many more Talks to come as time goes by. A lot depends on how the wife/gf reacts to the initial reveal, and on what her general thoughts on gender is and how accepting she is to blurring the lines.

To reply to Char's original question, I am guessing that when people here say the wife/gf knows, but they are yet to have The Talk, it means that she might have seen something, maybe something has been hinted, maybe she is under the perception that he was just fooling around or making fun or something, but the fact that this has a much deeper meaning to him has not yet been talked about.
This is the conversation that might be very emotional for both and that can potentially ruin the relationship, or for the lucky ones, it can be managed and lead to an even stronger union.

For me, there have been many talks, including the initial one. I told her about this oddity in me already a couple of weeks after we started dating. I didn't know what it actually meant to me when we had the first talks, and over the years the Talks went from casual to very deep.
I never felt I needed to be full time or transition, not at all, but I didn't realize early on how important the dressing actually was to me. As I figured that out, and as she started feeling I got to be a little too good at it, her attitude changed from curiosity, over acceptance, to tolerance, to DADT, to what can now best be described as total denial. It seems like she has completely erased any knowledge she ever had of this part of me, and that even the thought of something like that being part of what makes me me, is just utterly disgusting to her.

So in some ways, I feel we are in a situation where she knows, but we would need to start over with The Talk.
As much as I would like to, I have no intention of bringing it up again, and after 10 years of silence on the topic, I have given up hope that she ever will.

As the saying goes, you can't have it all.