I Have All This to Wear and No Place To Wear It

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Ladies,

I just had another wonderful shopping experience at Torrid. They were having a 40% off sale and who doesn?t like a good sale. I bought a new pair of boot cut jeans and a black and white plaid blouse. I posted pics over in the ?I just went shopping?..? thread, if you would like to see. But that?s not what this thread is about. This thread is really about is that feeling of frustration I get every time I?m in a store and find an outfit I like. I have a little angle on one shoulder and a little devil on the other, both whispering in my ear.

The angle is the practical one who tries to talk me out of making my purchase. She says things like ...why are you even wasting your time and money on this stuff. You are never going to wear it. Let's face it ? you can?t really wear it around the house because your wife is around. She only tolerates this side of you. You can?t wear it around town because you live in a small town, and you don?t want to be the subject of everyone?s dinner conversation. You can?t wear it for a night out because you don?t go out. You might be able to wear it at home for a few minutes when wifey runs to the store, but that?s really about it.

The devil, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. She?ll say things like OMG! You look so good. You can certainly wear this around the house or maybe when you go out with some of your CD friends (I?ve met a few sisters but we?ve never had a GNO). You know you really want it and it does look good on you. A girl can never have too many clothes. And It's on sale.

Anyway, you get the idea. Most of the time, the angle wins. Frankly, I have a dresser and closet full of clothes, a drawer full of nail polish, and a box overflowing with makeup which I will never wear anywhere. I get so darn depressed because I know the angle is right.

Occasionally, like yesterday, the devil wins and I buy the outfit. I was in need of some retail therapy, and I get such a euphoric feeling walking out of the store with my new found treasures. On the drive home, I get to thinking (always a bad thing) ? here?s another outfit which will stay stashed in my drawers never to be worn. Then I get all depressed.

How many of you ladies out there know what I?m talking about?

[Sandi Beech]

I can relate to the part where the devil made me do it, but I do get to go out occasionally.

It must be difficult to never get to go out, so I am quite sympathetic to that. I posted about being kind of down on things when Covid pretty much shut me down for over a year. Definitely frustrating.

Maybe a trip away from home is the ticket.

Sandi

[Deborah G]

I say maybe you make a trip away from home and enjoy yourself! I can understand about not making waves, but you only go around once so ENJOY the trip! Love, Deborah

[Kris Burton]

I'd like to join the chorus that suggests a trip away! Perhaps one of the CD/TG conferences would be ideal.

[Suzie Petersen]

I know Robin, all too well. Except, you at least seem to have some level of tolerance at home.

I don't know how much money I have spent over the years, buying cute clothes, shoes, boots, makeup, just to later having to throw it out either because it was ruined by being in a bin in a storage place, or because I just had to clear it all out, but it is substantial.

It is a curse, if you ask me. It brings fleeting pleasure, and then it brings you down because of the choices you have to make.

In the big picture however, I am not complaining! I love my wife and my life in general, and I treasure what we have built together. I can easily say that I would chose my existing life every time, because that is what I have done. As much as I would love letting the girl out now and then, I know that the cost and consequence of choosing that path is not really worth it.
In a perfect world it would all coexist, but as I just said in another thread ... you just cant have it all.

[Emily in the south]

Another BIG vote for the Devil Robin.
Kris has a good suggestion.. or come out this way for a gno.

Emily

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'd like to join the chorus that suggests a trip away! Perhaps one of the CD/TG conferences would be ideal.

Exactly. And I would suggest the First Event, which is in January somewhere in the Boston area. I've never gone because it is an 8 to 10 hour drive for me, but it can't be far for you.

I made kind of a PowerPoint presentation to my wife to "get permission" to go to my first TG conference. What I didn't know until years later is that she only gave me permission because she thought that going would get "it" out of my system. Obviously, she hadn't done any research on CDing. What she didn't know then and still doesn't know is that I was going to go anyhow. If she didn't give me permission, I was going to go and ask for forgiveness.

[Raychel]

Robin, you sure are not alone in this.
I have so many clothes that will never see the outside world.
So much money spent on these wonderful things that I just had to have. And now almost never wear

[bridget thronton]

I have a few dressy dresses I may not ever wear - but I could not resist purchasing them.

[docrobbysherry]

No, not really, Robin. I began dressing when I still lived with my wife and 2 kids. This was WAY before I even thot of venturing out!

They couldn't know! So, I dressed in the middle of the nite. I dressed on overnite business trips in motel rooms. I dressed in a little used storeroom at work. And, I even underdressed to work for a week or so. Until I couldn't take the uncomfortable shaping gear any more!

The angle of my story is: If u really need to dress? You'll find a way!

[CharlotteCD]

This is pretty much my way of thinking:

ANGEL: Think of all the things you can spend this money on that would ACTUALLY help improve your life, or the life of those around you.

DEVIL: Be selfish. Do something just for you.

The reality of it for me is that the angel always wins right now, to the point I have ordered and cancelled things as mentioned recently. I don't NEED this stuff to be happy. I have clothes that I could wear. Do I NEED another dress, or more lingerie, or more nail polish etc when I already have those things? No. It's a WANT and not a NEED.

Do I however NEED to improve my financial situation to have a better life in 18 months time? YES.


As for the responses, don't forget that this website is like an alcoholic going into a pub at 11pm and asking the drunk locals if they should have a drink!

[Helen_Highwater]

I posted a few weeks ago that I've enough stuff to go full time and be able to wear different outfits daily over a 3 week period and that was just daily casual things not counting "going out" things.

And if you want to ask someone about the therapeutic value of spending time away from home, being enfemme 24/7 then I'm your gal.

This last trip the angel was prominent. I did buy some new bras and knickers. Having lost weight I needed a smaller band size and the only other item of clothing was a silver grey blouse which had been on my shopping list for a good while and there it was, reduced so a no brained there.

So yes,if you can get away, I recommend renting a place so you have that privacy you don't get in a hotel, do it. Getting up and dressing from the very start knowing you'll stay enfemme for the rest of the day is a good feeling.

[kimdl93]

I understand the gratification of shopping and acquiring. Maybe one can even obtain some relief if that?s the right word from having lovely things that are seldom worn. Any harm would come from overspending and the resultant financial stress. I give myself a budget and limit myself to things I will wear. But I also am out in public on an almost daily basis.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for all your comments, suggestions, and support. Like Sherry said I'll find a way. It's not like I don't go out dressed. It's more of an androgynous, girly casual than glamorous. I'm okay with that as it really helps me build confidence. I will agree that I do need some time at either a GNO, or CD conference. Unfortunately, that is probably not in the cards as there is no way I can get that past the wife without her thinking what's next (I'm referring to my thread entitled "I Should have Know Better"). I do have a trade show coming up at the end of March and it's always a good opportunity for me to to spread my wings.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Robin , I can some what relate to this,

See my post here about Hobbys, >Orchid**OO**

[Heather76]

Although I can relate to your angel/devil situation, I almost always give in to the devil. However, at age 78, I am very frugal in what I will spend. Also, what I do spend is significantly less than most people might spend on entertainment on the weekend. I don't go to bars/clubs. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't gamble (not even lottery tickets). I play 1 round of golf a week. I rarely go to the movies. Unless I'm buying something for the house, I simply don't spend much money. My wife and I, while far from wealthy, are financially secure so what I do spend on CDing does not adversely affect our budget. All that said, I've purchased some things I'll likely never wear in public. I have been out dressed on several occasions; but, I have 4 or 5 party dresses that probably will never go out of our home. But, on the good side, I wear all 12 of my dresses at home as I dress every evening after dinner. Sometimes, I will get dressed in mid to late afternoon; but, that's a rare occurrence. It would be nice if you could have your wife agree that you can dress at home in her presence.

[Jolene Robertson]

I think most of us have those thoughts. Although I have the advantage of a wife who supports me and can dress at home a lot, I don't pass all that well especially when I have to talk and being so well known I don't get out much anymore. I have a closet full of nice clothes which rarely get worn so I have to really like something now before I buy it. Wish you could wear what you like more often.

[Cheryl T]

I sang that song for many years.
that is why during that time I kept to only 1 or 2 outfits. Eventually it all became too much and i came out fully to my wife. Now I have even more to wear and enjoy wearing them everywhere.

[NancySue]

Wow! I, too, know exactly what you?re talking about. I?ve got enough stuff to start my own boutique. My wife is out Black Friday shopping. She asked if I needed anything. I should?ve said no, but, if she saw something, etc. incurable.

[alwayshave]

Robin, I don't have a lot of hobbies. So the only thing I spend money on is CDing. My wife is OK with it.

[sometimes_miss]

It's not whether you have any particular place to wear it; it's if it gives you happiness just by having it there, even if you just wear it around your home. That's my situation; I never go out en femme. I just wear my pretty clothes around the house, where I can be myself. I wear my 'man uniform' when I go out to do whatever chores will be more easily completed without any complications, by wearing that 'uniform'. It helps me justify to myself, why I should wear the attire that my mind considers clothes which are for the opposite sex, i.e., not designed for who and what I am. This afternoon, I'm wearing one of my Sailor Moon soldier outfits; that's what I feel is normal for me. Tonight when I go grocery shopping, I will wear my man uniform of jeans and a sweatshirt, with crew socks and sneakers.
Every outfit for the appropriate venue.

[abby054]

Road trip! That is what I do. I go to Arizona the first week of January every year. Part of it is to get out of the snow and cold. Winter starts at my elevation by mid October. It ends in April. A week in Arizona and I am able to handle the next three months.

Part of it is to give Abby some time. I have business trips in March, June, and September. I add a few days at the end of each to enjoy the destination and to give Abby some time. I also find a Oktoberfest somewhere each year. But that week in January is all vacation.

All my trips are to big cities. Seattle is on the small end of my list. My family, wife especially, hates going near big cities so I get my privacy. Big cities have everything to offer and enjoy. I like live theatre, the symphony, ballet, recitals, shopping, trade shows, good food, zoos and botanical gardens, museums, universities, things Abby can enjoy in abundance in big cities. I rent a convertible in Arizona in January to feel the breeze through Abby?s hair.

Work pays for the business trips. I save up for the extra days and for January.

That is how I get my Abby time even though I live in a remote village near the mountains.