How did you handle your first negative reaction?

[Anissa]

I have largely supportive friends from my CD journey. I do recall a party at my house where a friend of almost 35 years saw me and said, "I've seen you look better." It was completely left field in an absolutely nurturing environment. And hurtful, too. I later confronted this person about what they said. They apologized, but I don't think they completely processed the hurt they caused, or their thinking I was engaging in some kind of cosplay. It was especially bothersome because their daughter is likely NB and exploring their own gender realities. It's largely created a riff between us. But I don't feel bad for standing up for myself.

[alwayshave]

Anissa, My first negative reaction was being called "dude" by a server. The tip reflected the comment. After that I didn't think about it much.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't recall my first or many rude comments I've heard. I usually just ignore and forget them!

But, there was one that really hurt! At a T event in Vegas one of the "girls" there saw Sherry and in a very ;oud voice said, "That's the most f-d up thing I've ever seen!"

And, this was a very unfem T that couldn't pass in a million years!

[kimdl93]

I got divorced.

It occurs to me in retrospect that perhaps my former wife was the only one who cared enough to be critical.

I can recall an early shopping experience at a dress barn. I will admit, I was not particularly skilled at presentation and it showed. One associate clearly did not want to associate with me, but another quickly took her place and helped me. It really did not bother me much, although if I was the store manager, I might have reminded the unwilling SA that every customers money is welcomed.

[Christie ann]

My negative reactions have all come from strangers, so who really cares? I ignored them. But, a friend is different and the hurt is different. I had a friend that I came out to, a total ally and we got together once and now ghosted. I figure it’s a gamble when ever I tell someone about Christie, I won’t let their negativity stop me from living my life more authentically. So, when you see them again, look them in the eye and smile because you win!

[Susan_Michaela]

I would say I?ve been super lucky. In the past year I?ve not had one negative reaction or remark period. I assume it could be too that I came completely out at 70 years old. I?m 71 now. I appreciate every comment I?ve gotten as most are very positive or no comments at all. I do strive to blend in as much as possible. All I can say people are more open where I live or I?ve been blessed to not receiving negative feedback which is fine with me. I have gotten good remarks about clothing choices or jewelry I wear. I have tons of jewelry. Enough for everyday different for a year or more depending upon my mood or the look I desire. I?ll be sure to share when that sad day does come, I?ll try to be ready for it otherwise break down sobbing my eyes out.

[Kitty Sue]

Only had 1 so far. It was my second time dressed. I had on absolutely no makeup. I was literally just a man in a dress. You guy exclaimed shit! when he saw me. I ignored it and carried on. After that I would wear makeup and at least try to look like a woman.
People can be thoughtless at times, myself included.

[JohnH]

I guess I am lucky I have not received any negative reactions even though I wear dresses the great majority of time, including being out in public and attending church. I nave received compliments from women while being so attired.

John

[mbmeen12]

My ex-wife made the comment, I didn't say a word back. As to handling it, I just filed it emotionally.

[Helen_Highwater]

Deliberately being referred to as "Mate" or "Buddy" by SA's one of which was in a petrol station. The other an alterations shop where I'd taken a skirt to have new zip fitted so I never took him back any further business.

It didn't hurt me, it made me feel sad for those two individuals who couldn't find it in their hearts to be kind or even just plain civil while the vast majority of society have always treated me with kindness nd respect.

[Genifer Teal]

Early on when I was out in NYC most weekends, I would take the train to Penn Station. One time walking through the station some guy said "look it's s dude b**ch!" We were walking opposite directions so that was the end of it.. I like to tell the story that if we were walking the same way I might have High fived him. His reaction might have been something like WTF? I just insulted you. My response would have been yeah but it was funny.

I'm not sure that's exactly how it would have gone but I use this story to exemplify my relaxed attitude.
I'm kind of easy going and hard to really annoy. In order to survive you have to know what to let roll off your back. I find it safest never to talk back to most people who aren't happy to see you. There are so many more that are happy or on't care. I tend to gravitate towards those people.

It would be easy to want to stick up for yourself, to defend your rights and maybe educate some people. As a different example I was with a group of maybe 4 of us all dressed Walking the street to get somewhere. As we were standing at the corner waiting to cross some Lonely guy made some in sensitive comment to one of my friends who immediately put him down for it. The guy got all defensive and a fight was about to break out. Fortunately there as 4 of us. Somebody pointed out do you really think you're odds are good and he backed off. This really reinforced my strategy to let things go.

Nowadays I try not to interact with strangers at all. You just don't know what's going to Bother someone and you don't know how far they might go to retaliate.

I share these stories of such rare incidents because it's the subject of this thread.
I went out for 5 years pretty much every weekend in Manhattan New York City and had extremely few issues. Maybe 10 in total out of 5 years. that's very small. None of them turned into anything they were just situations that could have gotten worse.

[Crissy 107]

Excellent post Genifer, in the current environment that makes more sense then ever.

[Kris Burton]

So far, just one. I was at DSW looking at shoes. There was a stock kid, late teens I'd say, putting some shoes on display. He had parked his cart blocking the display I wanted to see, so of course I moved the cart. As I did, the kid says "Pardon me, SIR" with emphasis on the word "sir" - I suppose in an effort to make me feel ill at ease that he had read me. I simply ignored him as if I thought he was speaking to someone else. I thought this wiseacre kid would not last long in his job with that kind of attitude toward paying customers.

It didn't bother me, I know it will happen again - but I do remember it, and adds to making me a little less cavalier in public situations, especially unfamiliar ones

[SaraLin]

I.
Was.
Crushed.

I beat a hasty retreat, called myself all kinds of bad things, and swore to never do it again.
Obviously that didn't last.

[Karren H]

The first one I can remember was about 20 years ago, at a Wendys fast food restaurant drive through window. I ordered my meal and a drink and drove to the first window where this young lad was stationed. Took a $10 bill out of my purse and handed it to him. He gave me back my change and I could see his jaw drop and as I drove to the second window to pick up my food I could hear him yell, hey Bill, Bill, you go to see this! As Bill handed me my order I could see other employees lining up to get a look. No one spoke. So I just said Thank You Dear in my most manly voice and flashed them a big smile and slowly dove away, laughing my ass off.

A few years later I was in the same town, dressed enfemme and walking from a shop back to my car, it was raining and I had a pretty pink umbrella, and as I come around the corner I hear some dude wolf whistle at me. Actually was taping myself at the time and caught it on tape. Think what made up for every bad reaction I ever had to that point!

[Natalie5004]

The worst reaction I ever had was a young female SA at Nordstrom Rack directed me to the men's dressing room. Even thought I was in full fem mode with an armful of dresses to try on. Both dressing rooms were empty.

That hurt me a little. I have not been back since.

[Stephanie47]

The only times I have been out with the goal to interact with fellow humans has been on Halloween. The first time out I got a compliment from a female cashier at a doughnut shop. The second time I got a reaction was buying a bottle of soda at a Safeway. The guy in front of me at the checkout was a guy who was buying beer and had one too many already. He looked at me and burst out laughing in a slurred voice. I hoped he did not crash his car.

Probably the mot overt comment was actually through an on-line order for panties from Kohl's. Whoever filled the order which was at the Southcenter, Washington store intentionally sent the wrong panties. None matched what had been ordered. It took forever to return the order in-person at the Federal Way, WA store. I had a formal complaint to Kohl's and received a partial refund for my order. Obviously, some low-life did not like a male name ordering female panties.

[Sometimes Steffi]

You know. Honestly, I can remember very few, if any, negative reactions. I'm sure that there were some, but I must have just ignored them or since forgot about them.

On the flip side, I've gotten many, many positive affirmations from GGs and no negative reactions. The stories I could tell about positive affirmations from GGs! Maybe another much longer post. Orm meet me at Keystone 2024 and we can talk.

[Cheryl T]

I thought long and hard on this and I truly can't remember any negative reactions or comments. Perhaps I just ignored them and don't remember and these days I really don't care anymore.
I have had a number of positive reactions and remember them vividly. Maybe they just painted over the bad, but they are so much nicer to remember.

[joanstickley1956]

Natalie, I just had the same thing happen. I was in Kohl's, in femme mode (leggings, nice top, makeup, jewelry, etc) and my wife found a skirt she thought I'd like. I asked the SA if I could use the dressing room, and she directed me to the men's dressing rooms, a good distance away. I was disappointed, but didn't complain out loud. I like Kohl's, especially now that they have Sephora inside. The skirt, deep green corduroy, fit great and I ended up buying it. I will almost certainly try again for the ladies' dressing room there, but I am not going to make it a crusade.

[Karren H]

I actually had an issue at Kohls also. Earlier this year. Not from an SA. From my wife. Saw me coming out of the dressing room on the womens side of the store. She asked me what I was doing and I told her trying on shorts and that those dressing rooms were closer to the jeans. And that it really did not matter which one you use because they all have individual doors. Well Kohls may not care but She Who Must Be Obeyed sure does!

PS: was really also hoping someone had left a pile of bras hanging in the dressing room for me to try on but noooo!

[Rhonda Jean]

I was 20 (46 years ago) and thought I passed with flying colors anywhere and everywhere. I walked into McDonalds and the girl behind the counter got bug-eyed. She hurried back to tell the people in the kitchen to look. In behind me walked two couples, the guys wearing cowboy hats. I had walked away but was still within earshot when I heard her tell them, "Look out! There's a guy over there dressed like a woman!" Given that they were cowboy types, I was afraid they'd react. The didn't, but I didn't even finish my meal before I left.

Over the decades of going out, the truly negative reactions have been insignificant. I'm a little surprised by your use of the term "hurt". A generational difference I suppose, but it'd take a lot more than that to hurt me. I might wish for better. Be embarrassed, even. But I'd be a long way from hurt.

[Jillcder]

My first negative experience as I was walking around a target store in a dress and heels thinking I was really something I encountered a husband and wife probably in their fifties as I passed them the cocky husband burst out laughing his wife quickly told him to be quiet I actually think his reaction made me step up my makeup game. Im not a violent person but I wonder what he would have said if asked him to step outside to get his butt kicked by a guy in a dress and heels. Negative reactions do not bother me I was in sales so I can handle rejection but I do feel its time to stand up for girls like us when possible.

[Geena75]

I suppose the first thing is what is regarded as a "negative reaction?" If someone says something disparaging about how I present myself, that would certainly qualify, but (so far) I haven't experienced that, in fact I have several compliments. If it is a matter of being referred to as a man, I'm humble enough to remember that I am a guy and recognize the fact that I probably do not pass under closer scrutiny. My goal is not to invite closer scrutiny. I think sneers or other looks of disgust are negative reactions, but regard it as someone expressing a personal opinion, which I consequently ignore. The "Hey guys, look at this!" reaction is more disconcerting as it borders on mockery (which I regard as the worst subtle insult). I think Karren's solution is admirable.

I think of the time as a retail manager there was a CD in the department and a worker tried the "look at this" routine. I sent a new associate to assist and when he came back rather embarrassed I pointed out to the whole team "does that person deserve any less service than anyone else?" and made my point. Mind you, I was not actively dressing at that point in my life.

While we talk about how we ventured out and there were no mobs with pitchforks and torches coming after us, we also can be very sensitive to anything short of acceptance.

[Jillcder]

I forgot to mention the positive compliments far out way any negative reactions I have received.