How far can you go before suspicion?

[Andrea1964]

Hi all. With my imminent ear piercing due, I was thinking how far can you go before people start to suspect you may have cd tendencies?

In my case I generally appear to family and friends as quite manly. My voice, interests, language and persona give no clue as to my cd and feminine side. Over the years I have gradually stretched the envelope, starting with shaved arms and legs ( I do have facial hair though) and was asked a couple of times about my lack of body hair. I started to underdress and unsurprisingly no one noticed. I then grew my hair out to below shoulder length, generally as a pony but sometimes straightened in a bob and was complemented on the look. Then came the nail varnish on the toes which again raised some questions but nothing to lead people to think I do cd. I have even started to wear womens jeans and jumpers as I find them more comfortable than the male equivalent, and still no reaction. Interestingly, I told my step daughter I like to wear feminine clothes last Christmas as she was spending the Christmas period with my wife and I and I really wanted to be able to wear a dress whilst when we had our Christmas lunch. When I told her this, she was really surprised and confirmed that she hadn't suspected this despite the shaving, long hair, womens jeans and toenail varnish. Christmas was fabulous btw and my relationship with her has become so much stronger.

Maybe the ear piercing will take it to the next level but I doubt it. How far can you go before being suspected of being a crossdresser?

[Maid_Marion]

I think the tipping point was wearing pretty women's clothes to an evening party. My friends suddenly became curious as to how old I was!

[Anissa]

When it was clear to my wife I was a CD, she simply said we'll throw a party and people can meet you. It was uniformly successful and I have had a presence among my friends for ten years.

Quasi-related...I was once in a well-known wig shop in a town that had really wonderful dramatic eyelashes. This was in the earliest days of my journey and I was in boy mode with my wife as cover. As we were picking out lashes "for her," I noticed a gorgeous wig. The proprietor must have had some sixth sense because she just came right out with it and looked me right in the eye: "Do you wanna buy the wig today?" Ha ha!

[Nyla F]

You might be asking the wrong crowd
Since I am very accepting of a wide variety of gender expression, I see gender expression as a wide spectrum and as a result I wouldn't find the "CD" label very useful in this situation. So I personally would take what I see at face value as the way you want to express yourself, your style.

Ok, that is not entirely true. Part of me is curious, is this person LIKE ME? And I may try to guess a person's sexual orientation (knowing this is unrelated to gender presentation). But I wouldn't say anything about this and wouldn't negatively judge someone based on this.

In a way it sounds like you are asking if you add some feminine style to your otherwise male look, would people assume that you privately or secretly dress completely feminine at times. To do so would be jumping to conclusions, just like assuming we are gay, and I'm sure some people will do this, but for some all it might take is any one of the items you listed. So this will vary from person to person, there is no definable threshold.

The generalities are not very helpful. So what matters is how the people you care about accept you, and it sounds like you are in a good place there, congratulations!

[Genifer Teal]

Back when it mattered my eyebrows gave me away. Many individual things can me overlooked. Long nails, long hair, pierced ears, plucked eyebrows, less body hair ect. As you layer them, the combined effect is much more noticeable. Questions will be asked long before they are directed at you.

In your situation it's possible family might be in a denial. This could cause them to more easily dismiss the cd potential.

[Karren H]

Apparently growing 36D's has not aroused suspicions and caused the villagers to storm the castle. Mainly because the even happens so slowly, over a long period of time. Unlike getting ears pierced, eye brow shaping, shaving all your hair off, etc...

[docrobbysherry]

Andrea, rather than jack up a wild guess, it sounds to me like u want to be found out with your boundary pushing?!

So, I would suggest wearing a set of double D forms and a wedding dress.
Then, if no one notices, u can wear whatever u like and get away with it!

[Debs]

my eyebrows give me away, I have none, lol I shave them off !!!

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

There's absolutely nothing feminine about having your ears pierced or having a ponytail, guys have been doing these since the 60's.
Lack of body hair is rarely noticed (in my experience) and can be easily explained (my wife touches my legs more when they're smooth, e.g.)
The few times a friend has commented on my painted toes I simply said "yeah, my wife had fun."
It's likely no one noticed your jeans, no one's ever noticed mine.

Switch to jumpers and dresses, and yeah, someone might notice that something's amiss. But as Doc said above, it sounds like you really want to be outed. If that's the case, go full blown, smile, and say "This is me!"

[Jillcder]

I would say there is some suspicion among your family and friends most people will not just come out and say hey are you a crossdresser. After you eliminate that man hair on your face and get a feminine hair cut and style they will know for sure you have girly desires.

[Stephanie47]

I'm 76 and do not believe I have any outward appearance that I am a cross dresser. I think I would have to intentionally "out" myself. I guess it is possible when my kids were young that they could have stumbled upon some of my hidden in plain site lingerie in the bottom draw of my armoire. Kids are always snooping around at Christmas time. I have been blessed with no hair follicles on my legs. It wasn't until I was in my late 50's that a small amount of chest hair started to grow. I have no underarm hair. My wife says "It is wasted on a guy" as she proceeds to nix her legs as she is shaving them. My daughter asked me within recent memory if I shaved my legs as she was sitting across from me. I asked her if that was the first time she noticed. Then I explained to her my hairless genetic state. My son literally looks like a hair ape. I suspect, if a guy is really hirsute, then shaving off legs, and especially arm hair would produce some suspicion or at least a question. I feel comfortable both ways; en drab and en femme. If I am going to be en femme it is all the way; dresses, heels and hosiery and all the proper undergarments.

[BTWimRobin]

Like Genifer said any one thing and people won't figure it out. When you have multiple tells people might start to figure it out. I am probably on the verge of being found out by an observant friend. She already asked my wife why I shave my legs and won't cut my hair. My wife has said to me .... she will be the first to figure it out .... you have long hair, long manicured nails, shaved legs, etc.

Good luck

[Cheryl T]

No one has ever intimated that they believe this is part of me.
Trimmed and shaped eyebrows, pierced ears, hairless body and longish nails and yet no one has said a word. Maybe in today's world it's not a big deal.

[kimdl93]

Really, I cannot recall of a time when any particular feature or garment might have been a tell. I do remember that back in the service a conversation with a guy in my unit was teasing me about my name and thought with my facial features, I would make an attractive girl. I took it all as a joke at the time.

[CharlotteCD]

Of the people who know, they've all thought I was too straight laced and boring to have anything as interesting as a female personality.

[Andrea1964]

I'm not sure I have a desire to be found out, but I'm now at the age where I'm not really bothered. It's interesting that unless you actually do appear in a dress or skirt, people are unlikely to make the link.

[Violetgray]

Andrea keep in mind that while these changes feel gradual to you, new people are going to be seeing them all at once. I guess the thing to do would be to picture meeting a stranger presenting the way you'd like to dress. At what point would YOU notice?

Each person you meet will have there own level of awareness but I think I think it's unrealistic to be noticeably feminine to yourself yet expect others not to see it.

[BTWimRobin]

Violets your response reminds me of an incident at Costco. I was on the self check out line and the clerk asked to see my membership card. She looked at my picture on my card, then at me and said I see you've made a few changes. I replied, hopefully ther were for the better. We both had a good laugh.

Just because people don't say anything doesn't mean they don't notice.

[JANINE500]

Legs and feet , i think, can be a big giveaway. And hence waking and standing and sitting like a woman.
Very luckily,my legs have always been shaped 100% feminine (in my eyes!) and completely hairless, and my feet very small.
I just love summer, when i can wear very short female shorts, and female sneakers, and show off my feminine legs in full!
Also, love standing like a woman , wih the right leg slightly bent, in the "albertros stance", and toes pointing inwards!...it gives such a feelng of femininity!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I kind of think it's like when you see a woman who appears to be pregnant. Very few people will ask her if she's pregnant because of the embarrassment if they are wrong. I think that everyone knows that you're "different" because of so many different "tells". No one has mentioned hands. No matter how much facial work a woman has done, her hands will give her away. I think that it's the same for men.

In short, you're out. Do anything else feminine, and people will say that they always thought that you had feminine tendencies.

[Stephj]

I have been thinking the same as I am quite muscular from lifting weights and been doing cross fit for 10 years at 60 years old I under dress daily ride my motorcycle but a few people have made comments that I have some female mannerisms

[Bea_]

I was never particularly traditionally masculine. I kept to myself in a male dominated workplace and still seemed to raise eyebrows occasionally just for seeming "odd". I never really fit but never had any real issues as far as perceived manliness or lack thereof.

Long before I started dressing my wife made little comments here and there that indicated that she didn't consider me to be 'manly'. She was still surprised when I first told her that I wanted to switch to panties some fifteen years ago. The development of my style and her acceptance has grown slowly over the last 15 years or so.

I don't think that anyone other than my therapist and wife would guess that I am a crossdresser even if I don't come across as manly. My daughter seems to have an idea that dad's a little different. She and my niece were the only one's who have commented on my earrings.

My daughter has wanted to borrow a tshirt from me and went to my closet before backing out and going to my wife to ask for a tshirt instead of "browsing". I think that was clue one for her.

Just last year she and her family were over and we were watching a movie. I was wearing shorts and had just recently started shaving my legs. At one point my legs caught her attention and I could tell that she was studying hard to see if she saw what she thinks she saw. Fortunately, we'd had a conversation a couple of months before that where I mentioned that my testosterone injections had made the hair on my legs feel like "petting an Airedale" to which she cracked up. So, she likely has suspicions but doesn't know and probably doesn't want to know the extent of dad's taste.

So, I don't really think that all the little things necessarily point to crossdressing but do cause people to see that we're not typical. And, atypical is a broad spectrum...

[Rachelakld]

My 3 step daughters offer me or their mum (depending on style) their dresses, before they offer them to the Op Shop.

Oh, you're from Yorkshire - That makes you very normal
and more so if you can get someone else to buy the ear rings

Foot note: I left Doncaster in 1966 but the crossdressing didn't leave me.

[jacques]

hello Andrea,
When I wear breast forms, a dress, bight red lippy and stiletto heals it starts to become obvious that I am a crossdresser.
And perhaps too many little things all at once starts to look suspicious. But does that really matter? You are who you are, so why not embrace it and be happy?
luv J

[Angela Marie]

I am not overly masculine in appearance. I have a slight build, 5ft 6 145, and I have been told I have some nice feminine features such as high cheekbones. I do wear leggings and jeggings daily. I?m sure people do question that. Doing my nails might be enough to make people start questioning.