Why do CDers seek out other CDers

[Sandi Beech]

Hear me out a min. First off I am not critical of anyone in any way. This just puzzles me. Often we see posts indicating those of us who CD would like to meet up with other CDs. Nothing is wrong with that at all. The thing is, many of us also state that we are hetero and as such only attracted to women. So it seems that it would be more comfortable for hetero CDs to want to hang out with women not men in a dress so to speak. So is the mind set that only other CDs would understand us and our issues? It seems to me that hanging out with genetic women would put us more at ease. Perhaps it is an acceptance thing. It just puzzles me. I have gone to many bars and clubs only to end up hanging out with GGs or mixed groups. I would not mind meeting other CDs and have on occasion, but it would not be as desirable for me as meeting accepting GGs. Maybe someone can explain the thinking behind CD only meet ups.

Just curious , no judgement from me.

Sandi

[Andrea1964]

I can't say I have ever sought the company of other cds. However, I can think of a few reasons why people would do. On a general level we like to meet with people like ourselves. This can be bird watchers, model makers, runnering to name a few examples and I can see cding would be no different. Also, you can meet up to get tips and encouragement from people like yourself and possibly realise you are not so different, or less passable as others. Finally, if you are the sort of person who wants to go out in public it offers a vehicle where there is strength in numbers and you will not be the only man wearing a dress.
I'm sure there are loads more reasons but I don't find it at all unusual to seek out others like yourself.

[Sandi Beech]

Andrea,

Thanks for your take on it. I was thinking first timers who are unsure of themselves may enjoy having a wing girl so to speak to help them sprout their own wings. It was a bit scary during my first few times at socializing while dressed. Oddly, despite going to many LGBT clubs, I only see an occasional crossdresser. Some of those turned out to be tran. I chat with a large percentage I bump into, but statistically the numbers are small, with the exception of Halloween ; ) But then my fav club for Halloween is a very different place to begin with.

Sandi

[Jasmine23]

It's because we share common ground, face the same type of problems. Genetic women don't have the same problems, they can wear what they like, plus a lot of women think men who crossdress are creeps, preverts etc.and actually fear us. Meeting up with another CD carries less risk, both are coming in at the same level and have the same to lose, so no real fear of being outed, women are also much more likely to share with their friends. It's not really strange at all that people who share a similar interest meet up with each other. I think we'd all love to have female friends to help us, and be treated as one of the girls but, it's very risky coming out to a non crossdresser.

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks Jasmine,

I can see your point of view as it relates to the general population of women at large; however, at LGBT clubs I have met a LOT of women and can assure you most do not think of us as creeps inside that venue. There are always exceptions of course. I guess one might think that acceptance from another CDers is almost guaranteed. On the other hand, I am not sure all CDers would want to be seen with me in my attire, haha. I do not dress to blend most of the time.

Sandi

[Jane G]

Humans are social animals. It is in our nature to seek out others. So why not others with similar interests. That said, I have never actively met another CD. Just those few I have noted from afar, about town. There was a period when I researched local groups, but I never acted on my curiosity.

[Sandi Beech]

Yes Jane I absolutely love to socialize when I am dressed up. I am not sure why that makes such a difference. I guess I just want to be seen. It just so happens that I went out and met people before I did any online research. Once I got started with going out solo, meeting people became easy and natural for me. I did not feel any need to go out with others, when I could meet new people.

Sandi

[LydiaL]

Does not puzzle me in the least. I have enjoyed meeting other CDs in person, especially with those I have communicated with online beforehand. (Alas, meet-ups way too rare here in NM.)

We share a mutual (often) secret passion for attempting to present in a feminine manner. Friendships just seem to come very naturally.

Do not over think this attraction for interaction. Enjoy it.

[docrobbysherry]

We must go to different kinds of clubs, Sandi? The ones I go to u have to scream into a person's ear to get just a few words across! Add to which my hearing is going and to protect what I have left I wear ear plugs to these 100+ decibel events.

As far as socializing with GG's? Except for a few occasions in Vegas, GG's have been friendly, complimentary, accepting, and supportive. But, they don't ask me outside where we could actually socialize.

And, as far as being hit on by other dressers, it has happened a few times during the 100's of dressers I've met. But, I've been hit on by men more often. I can happily report that they were polite and respectful. Even after I turned them all down!

I have found in talking to dressers that many r very caring, remarkable human beings!

[Geena75]

For me, it is so nice to relax and converse. If I'm out dressed, there is always a notion that I'll be 'found out' and perhaps even confronted (not that I ever let it stop me). At the group meeting, the big secret is out, and we can all relax and interact. Even if it's just me and another dresser out in a store, the acceptance of just my companion is very reassuring.

[Susan_Michaela]

Myself I?ve only known one person besides myself but she was trans all the way. Met her thru a friend at her beauty shop. I actually used to know another crossdresser on this forum but unfortunately she left and I haven?t seen in years on here . It actually would?ve been nice to meet her in person not only did she only live a few miles from me but did woodworking as a hobby besides the added perk that she crossdresser as well. That?s the closest so far I?ve come to actually meeting another soul like myself. Oh well I hope she?s well and happy is all. Maybe the time to meet and converse with someone like myself will still come along. Till then we all trod along making the best of our own lives

[audreyinalbany]

I'm with Sandi on this one. Can't imagine why I'd want to hang out with other cd's. My goal is to have a small group of GG friends to socialize with.

[Heather76]

Read Jasmine's post once again and that pretty well sums it up for me, too.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sandi,

My take on this would be that for those starting to venture out, meeting others like ourselves carriers far less risk of rejection and a higher chance of a positive interaction.

From the meetings I attended what's probably a decade ago now, having the chance to compare notes as it were with other CD's gave me a huge confidence boost. It ultimately lead to me venturing out into the muggle world and becoming so comfortable out and about that interacting with GG's and males for that matter became just part of being out there.

As someone not drawn to clubbing I perhaps don't get the same opportunities as you and Sherry to meet groups of GG's who are intent on having a good night out. Mine is a more subdued, less frenetic environment.

During my outandaboutery I've chatted with GG's on trains, buses, while queuing to pay, while sat in caf?s, eating in pubs and restaurants, if fact anywhere you might encounter a GG in daily life.

So I think the desire to met other CD's fulfills a need in many not to feel isolated and is a stepping stone to bigger things.

[Karren H]

I have been out with other local CDs, dressed up and in male mode. Have met for lunch and for dressing sessions (just dressing!). It was nice to discuss topics that we had in common. Even used to meet an admirer (exCD) who used to come to town every so often to visit his mother. We would meet for lunch and just talk. I met up with one local girl who had this amazing beaded wedding dress and we both wore the same size. We used to exchange clothes. Dress up at her place and take photos. And just talk. It was fun and I enjoyed talking to her. Most of the moved away or we just lost contact. Many were not hetero but we always kept it on a non sexual level. Mainly because I was married and faithful to my wife. That will never change.

[alwayshave]

Sandi, I belong to two trans/CD meetup groups and meet other trans/CDs all the time at local hotels/restaurants. I enjoy these meetups and have a good time. I would state that it is a safety in numbers type of thing. I also go out to a local LGBTQ+ bar/restaurant just myself and my wife where I am usually the only CD. However, there are more men than women in this establishment. Would I prefer to talk to women than other CDs, yes. Do I have the opportunity, no.

[Jasmine23]

Thanks Jasmine,

I can see your point of view as it relates to the general population of women at large; however, at LGBT clubs I have met a LOT of women and can assure you most do not think of us as creeps inside that venue. There are always exceptions of course. I guess one might think that acceptance from another CDers is almost guaranteed. On the other hand, I am not sure all CDers would want to be seen with me in my attire, haha. I do not dress to blend most of the time.

Sandi

Hi Sandi
Just to be clear I haven't actually gone out in public dressed up or met up with any CD's, but, it's just my take on why others do this. It's the same reason we chat on here or similar sites. Crossdressing is not really acceptable in most societies, so it's a difficult subject to discuss or even bring up among non crossdressers. If I ever do venture out, I'll probably go on my own first to some place where no one knows me, and perhaps in time met up with other CDs, I can't ever see myself meeting up with genetic women in girl mode ( although it would be a dream come through). Everyone is different and some are more outgoing than others and live in more liberal areas where it's more acceptable. It really depends on each individuals comfort level.

[Sandi Beech]

Interesting comments. I know Helen has made many offers to help others get over the fear of venturing out, which I think is great. I can still recall how nervous I was years ago. My hands would literally shake when trying to pay for something at a convenience store. Also, having the comfort of no chance of rejection plus the added benefit of shared interests are all very good reasons to want to hang out with each other.

I avoided men in my early outings since I feared the risk having one attracted to me only to approach and react negatively once outed. That is why I mostly sought interactions with GGs in my earliest outings. Today I will talk with anyone who is friendly, but I think this was a driving factor in my mind.

Since I travel to different places for work, meet ups with support groups or anyone for that matter are very impractical for me. Things have worked out just fine, I just have to take the dressing opportunity when the timing is good. I just took a slightly different path than many of you due to my own unique circumstances.

Thanks for all the comments.

Sandi

[Gillian Gigs]

So many good comments. In my case, I have met others in drab in the past, and we talked about the typical CD'er problems we have in life. Meetings open up different dimensions of communication. Having the ability to read body language, hear the inflection in our voices, these things make for better talks. We can spend more time visiting and cover so much more ground, while having a coffee than typing over the internet. Even eye to eye contact improves our communication. Lastly it makes us tangible, real, we are not alone.

[Stephanie47]

When my wife and I had "The Talk" back in the early 1980's she said it was alright with her if I wanted to join a support group. I don't know, if she was conveying a support group in the sense I needed some therapy, but I took it as a group that would affirm my cross-dressing. I looked but there were no groups to be found. At the time there was minimal acceptance of cross-dressers. My quest, if were to be filled, would be to socialize with others without a fear of rejection. I belong to a "support group" of military combat veterans who experience PTSD. We do not sit around swapping war stories but do discuss and support each other with problems of life that arise. I would hope it would be the same with a group of cross-dressers, and not sit around talking about makeup, etc.

[Cheryl T]

My wife questioned this when I wanted to join a support group. It was a chapter of Tri-Ess if anyone is familiar with them.
Basically because it provided immediate connection. We were all in the same boat so to speak. We all had a common interest. It would be like a convention of woodworkers. There's no need to explain that you are one, or why you are one, you are one and that's that. You might ask, how did you start, or what are your specific interests, but there's no big background that needs to be offered. You aren't questioned WHY.

When we joined it was welcoming, accepting, friendly. You weren't in the spotlight being examined. When you come out to others that's not the case. It's 20 questions, the Spanish Inquisition and Jeopardy all at once.
Of course it's not all roses. There are people you may not agree with, who have different specific interests that you may not like, but that's the way the world works anyway.

That immediate connection is my reason for enjoying the company of other CD's. There's no explanation required. I am simply Cheryl and we go from there. If I could be introduced to a group of women that way and immediately accepted without a million questions I would love that. But again, that's not how the world works.

[rachaelsloane]

At first that was the safe comfort level in a closed environment with other CD'ers. After a few times of CD only events, I needed to go out in the real world, whether it be in a bar, restaurant, or theater the people I met for the most part could care less I was wearing a dress. It was the interaction with that became the main point. Over the years I met some fabulous people and today are friends with many. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but wouldn't change the path I took. HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone.

[NancySue]

Hi Sandi, a very good, provocative question. I?ve given this some thought over the years, but really have no interest in meeting other cders. Reasons: small nosy conservative town, being outed would not be good, I?m a hetro-cder, but most of all, I have a loving, supportive and helpful wife with whom I can talk to, and chat about feminine things 99% clothes, of course. She?s made several recommendations as have I to her. To her, women?s clothing is just that, clothing. When I get something new, I can?t wait to tell and, if requested, show her. We occasionally go out for rides, when I?m both partly and fully dressed, which is most of the time, definitely underneath. This works well for us.

[Sandi Beech]

It seems some like Rachael first went out with other CDs, and then stepped things up to the general population at large. I suppose we all settle down into whatever our comfort zone is. Some may keep it private at home, and some socialize with other CDs, and then others mix into the general population. Then there are people like me who force themselves outside of most anyone?s comfort zone ; )

One huge factor that changes everything is whether or not there is a supportive spouse at home. That seems like it would change the dynamics of everything related to CD.

I will end my comments there. Thanks for the all the very thoughtful input.

Sandi

[Fiona_44]

Sandi,

So many CD's have experienced guilt and shame over their dressing that is is a relief to mix with other CD's and not have to hide anything anymore. No one will judge you and most CD's will understand exactly what you've been through. I have a bunch of CD friends and it is fascinating to hear everyone's various stories and to observe how they maneuver through life a a trans woman. Knowing these CD friends helped make my decision to live full time as a woman much easier. It has also enabled me to act as sort of a role model and offer advice on the various fears and problems a newcomer might be experiencing. I've also met a heck of a lot of interesting people through them, both trans and non-trans. My life has been enriched through knowing them.