Why do CDers seek out other CDers

[StephanieCD]

Sandi hi. Just an observation and not a criticism at all. You question the need or desire for CDer's to meet or seek the company of other CDer's. You say you don't feel the need yourself but here we are ? You are regularly chatting to other CDer's on this site. I guess we all do it to some degree without realising it. Plus it is good for our mental health sometime writing things down, a bit like a journal. I think it helps us understand our lives with some reflection on the past day. Putting our thoughts in order, so to speak. Plus sometimes it is good to talk to anyone who may be interested in what we have to say. I know that I certainly am interested in what everyone here has to say. I find everyone interesting, everyone has a fascinating story to tell about their lives.
So yes I seek the company of others here very much and find everyone lovely.

[Kandi Robbins]

We all deal with gender identification issues. Those issues manifest themselves in various way as you can read here.

Anyone dealing with anything wants to commune with anyone else dealing with the same issue, whether that is CDing or sharing grief over the loss of a spouse or something like AA.

So why wouldn't a crossdresser seek to find support with those that share the same interest/need/desire etc.?

While I myself seek GG relationships, I do understand why CDers seek other like themselves.

This is uniquely different for each and every one of us.

The comment preceding this one nails it: you are on this forum for exactly the same reason you question why CDers seek other CDers.

[Sandi Beech]

Haha , right Kandi and Stephanie, you got me on that point. Of course what I was really referring to is who we want to hang out with when it is time to get dressed and go somewhere.

But heck yea , you are correct that I have enjoyed conversing with the people here. It is sort of the glue that has kept me going in between dressing opportunities , especially during the worst of the Covid outbreak. Sigh.

I had been going out crossdressed for a couple of years before I came across this site. At the time I mostly wanted to share my fun experiences because it seemed many had not ventured out. But now I realize that is not for everyone. Like you said , we are all unique but have this one common bond.

Sandi

[TheHiddenMe]

I am always reminded of the Groucho Marx adage that "I'm not sure I'd want to join a club that would have me as a member."

I belong to a TG group and often attend their dinners or lunches. I first joined because I wanted to have a good reason to tell my wife I was going out dressed. To me, it made my reasons to go out more justified. Understand, my wife and I are fairly independent individuals; I don't tell her what to do and she likewise doesn't tell me what to do.

For example, when we travel to Australia (she's Australian), she stays a couple of months longer than I do. I would never think of telling her she has to return when I return. I believe she has the right to decide. Likewise, I believe I have the right to go out dressed, but having the group as a reason gave me more ability to negotiate that right.

While meeting the others I want to understand their stories, and their place in the TG spectrum. I usually find the stories of those who have transitioned to be very interesting. Hearing other's stories also helps me understand myself a little better.

I went to Diva Las Vegas to partially meet others but mostly to do fun stuff with the safety of others (by safety I don't mean physical safety, but just that it's easier in a group). Riding in a limo, walking around in a short sequin dress (and getting compliments), going dancing at a club, it's just easier (for me) in a group. I admire your gumption in going out solo and making in happen AND in very fun and funky outfits.

I also have GG friends and get to go out with them from time to time. Do I prefer them over the TG group? Yes, but there is the dynamic of dealing with my wife and telling her I'm going out for drinks with a woman, and having her understand it's platonic.

When you're in a group, you feel less exposed,(although because my friend Michelle is gorgeous I usually am MORE exposed when I'm out with her, and she knows lots of people), and therefore more comfortable.

So I guess the short answer it's generally more fun in groups, and while I prefer a GNO, having a CD group or even just another CD is a good compromise.

[Debbie Denier]

Its nice to share the experience with a like minded individual.

[Vintage4sarah]

What an interesting thread to follow ! Since I first "Crossed the Rubicon" and accepted my need to explore my female self, I have sought out other CDs for advice and companionship. Even though this road has had "potholes", it has been a great opportunity to learn and share. Right now I have different groups that I can meet with and feel perfectly at home with. I now find that some of these ladies have become best friends in which we even get together as guys. I believe that without this interactions and I would never have become comfortable with my female self as I see myslf today.

[Charlotte Haynes]

Personally, I feel more comfortable around other CDs when I am dressed en femme, than with non-CDs. I do not feel judged - I probably am being judged, regardless.
Also, even though many of us proclaim to be hetero, I have found that sex is often high on the agenda when meeting other CDs.

[CDMargret]

For myself it's nice to meet up and chat with another CD. I have three CD friends that have come over for a chat with my wife and I. We are dressed and share experiences, tips, and just enjoy talking about CD things while dressed. My wife is so very very accepting and adds to our chats with real GG tips and suggestions. We have gone to their places for dinner and them to ours. My wife and I have been to a few events where I could go dressed and had such great times. Except this one club where the music got so loud your heart was adding beats to it's rhythm.

So it's wonderful to meet and chat with fellow dressers. And it's nice to go out on my own. It's heaven when my wife is along for the adventure. We only go to events or places where we know to be accepted. The dream is to walk the mall and do some shopping dressed. Chats here, my CD friends and our in person meetings really has helped my confidence . The friendships created are priceless.

[jacques]

hello Sandi,
Why do archaeologists seek out the company of other archaeologists? For that matter why do any perceived community like to meet up? Model makers, bagpipe players, bikers ...
Could it not be that some cross dressers like to meet others for friendship through a shared mutual interest?
Happy New Year,
luv J

[Maria 60]

I was following a sister on this community that was attending small venues in our city. I asked my wife what she thought about if I meet up with them. Her first respond was "WHY". After all when I first told her about my dressing she asked me the three questions "if I was gay"? and "if I wanted to become a women"? and most of all "if I would be happy in the closet"?
After answering her a no, no, yes she was explaining to me how she felt about the situation telling me a Friday drive brings risk if something happens and in pretty much in my car is my shelter and maybe taking little chances is a small risk and she feels it should give me enough satisfaction to express myself. But going to even a small venue involves me going in public on my own will and present myself totally as a women and without anyone in our family knowing would the risk be worth the reward. Would I want to take this big risk of being seen but again asked what would come out of it and what did I want to accomplish. When we dated she never wanted me to go to a night club but didn't care if I went to strip bars, telling me men go to night clubs to dance and pick up women but at a strip bar a person gets his thrills and goes home to his partner.
I told her it was just a thought but I guess I never really looked at the big picture and it would have been a huge step and I guess I thought it probably would have been fun to just meet up with others in my situation.
I admire you and all of you that take that big step, my wife was more concerned about if someone seen me or if someone in the group would know me or a picture taken and I would be outed and it seemed like a little fear of a maybe of me dancing or sharing something she wouldn't be involved in. I desided to leave it alone and just be happy that she is supportive. In my opinion it's a personal choice to either meet different people at every outing or make friends and join a community would also be fine, either way I respect your courage.

[HollyGreene]

I have never had any desire to meet up with other CDs. I'd much rather be out on my own or with GGs

[DianeT]

The comment preceding this one nails it: you are on this forum for exactly the same reason you question why CDers seek other CDers.

Not exactly the same thing to correspond in writing on a forum and meeting people in real life. The involvement isn't the same, and I am talking from experience, not from CDing but from meeting irl fellow online gamers during an event we organized as a guild.
So, this type of comparison falls short in my opinion, and is more stating the obvious that fellows with something in common usually like to share about it. We discuss a lot of things here verging on the intimate that I would not be comfortable speaking about irl with a materialized person, CDer or not CDer (or GG).

Also, on a slightly different topic, I frequently see members who have the chance to be in the company of GGs during their outings, coming back here posting that they had the most wonderful discussions with them about... clothes. I'm sure there must be more to life in company of GGs than just discussing about clothes, which is an obsession of CDers not GGs. I think that GGs are being very patient with us. Of course discussing with GGs while dressed may drive the conversation to your CDing as they may be curious (or polite), but chances are that if you stop being the point of focus any other subject can be discussed and this will be the opportunity to learn more about them. And if you are genuinely interested in GGs, you can probably have the same conversations in drab mode.

[melissalynn]

There's something to be said for being with people that you don't have to explain yourself to.

[Sophie Yang]

As others have said, humans are social animals and it is natural for people of similar interests to get together to share their experiences and knowledge.

Early on I was working in San Francisco and was at Diva's dancing. All the Diva bar tenders are all transwomen. There was a cis-female school teacher dancing with a nervous cross-dressing friend of hers. She was extremely supportive.
Some how we got to talking and I must have mentioned that I lived in Portland. The cross dresser asked if I had ever been to Over the Rainbow Transformations in Portland which she highly recommended. I had not.

When I started, my wife who does not wear much makeup said I was on my own in that department. My wife and her girl friend spent a week in San Francisco at my apartment while I worked from home for a week. While they were down there, I made an appointment Victoria at Over The Rainbow Transformations. I am pretty sure it was a Wednesday night.

Afterwards Victoria suggested I go into sowntown Portland to meetup with the some of the Rose City T-Girls at a bar. When I got there, there were about 10 girls there drinking, gabbing, dancing, and playing pool. The first thing the head of this gaggle of girls wanted to do was buy me a drink. I rarely drink as a rule, so probably ended up with an orange or cranberry juice drink. I am cheap date.

The group was very active back then. They had at least one weekly dinner, (sometimes more than one), an annual day out on the gun range, (Jan is a firearms safety instructor), a monthly commedy club outing, annual golf tournament, annual Halloween Party, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, makeup sessions at MAC. They also did a cruise ship trip. I forget where they went. During the Covid shutdown, they started a weekly Monday night Zoom call that is still going on.

The only thing this group has in common is they all fall somewhere outside the binary gender society norms. It is quite an eclectic group. Politics is all over the map. They come from far away rural farming towns to the large cities to participate in events. Many plan their business trips around the Rose City T-Girl events. This is an older group, many have grown kids out of the house and others are retired. They come from all walks of life, I've met custodians and truck drivers, ex-military, quite a few IT professionals, to business leaders/owners.

Over the years I have met a lot of cross dressers and transwomen through the Rose City T-Girls. Except for the last Chritmas dinner, its been years since my wife and I have done anything with the group. My schedule conflicts with most of the RCTG evemts. I am out a lot, 5-7 times a week. Many of the girls come and go.

Based on my observations and conversations, most are there because they feel safe, can let their hair down, and talk freely amongst friends.

In at least one of the responses, someone mentioned that they don't have to explain themselves. When I am with the RCTG and there is someone I haven't met before, I always ask how they got started and when. Always an interesting conversation.

[Georgina]

Why do people with the same hobbies like to meet? I met my first CDs last year and had a great time. I love hearing other's stories. I also met up with other women while dressed and I enjoyed their company as well

[Cheryl T]

Identification issues, all the questioning and all that aside.

As with any interest, people like to be around people who share a common interest.
Sports, woodworking, cars, whatever, people feel comfortable with others where they can openly and easily talk about what they like.
We are no different.

[Jenn A116]

I'm in the category that says we just want to be with like minded people. I've got many hobbies (besides CDing) and they all have group meetings. Some are on a national basis. Others on a very local basis.

One of my hobbies is Amateur Radio which has a huge meeting every year in Dayton OH that attracts other Hams from around the world. But there are also local Ham clubs that meet monthly and only attract a handful of members.

[Brenda Freeman]

When I first started crossdressing I knew no one and was very lonely. I found out about a crossdresser/tgirl convention and decided to sign up. When I arrived I was in guy mode and while waiting for my room saw crossdressers everywhere. That's when I realized I am not alone. I met so many people with similar stories and even met people from my home town and we go out occasionally for dinner and fun, just good friends. It is friendship with people who fully understand and can relate and support one another. A bonus we have met GG's at the place we frequent and love that, they seem very supportive.