Wife has suspicions I am gay... Standard for a crossdresser I guess?

[Maid_Marion]

I have seen reports of sexuality changing by those who have gone through a transition using hormone replacement therapy and sexual reassignment surgery.

I would suggest talking about it and setting ground rules for how far you can go.
I'm transgender but agreed not to go on HRT unless we had a discussion on the matter. HRT will certainly affect your sexual abilities.

An honest discussion and setting ground rules will help your relationship no matter what your sexuality. Which is actually separate from your gender.

[Jackiefl]

I'm not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks lol

[alwayshave]

When I told my now wife, I was a crossdresser, "Was I gay?" was her first question. I told her honestly that I was not. I also told her, if I was gay, I'd be pursuing men not women. After she did some research, she learned that the large majority of crossdressers are straight. Thereafter, she was OK with it.

[Aunt Kelly]

I don't know the numbers for crossdressers, but nationally, trans-identifiers make up .0045% of the population, or about one in every 208 people. The trans group has been studied far more thoroughly than the CD group, which is to say, the trans group is better understood by only an infinitesimal degree. That state of affairs is unlikely to change anytime soon, so we are left to deal with antiquated views and assumptions. Couple that with the fact that we are all individuals, with a variety of sexual preferences (gay, straight, bi, etc.), and the "are you gay" question becomes at least a little more understandable. crobeson96 is correct in her observation that the assumption that "...only gay men crossdress..." is "...woefully unsophisticated...". It is, alas, what we are left with, so what to do?

Lots of things that we understand as "just common sense" were not always so. For example, not that long ago, everyone "knew" that being left-handed was "of the devil", or at least something that should be beaten out of a child so "afflicted". Indeed, my generation was the first in the U.S. to enjoy the fruits of centuries-long path to enlightenment about left-handed people.

Jeri Ann (my co-host on the Trans Truth Podcast) and I believe that the only effective path to a more enlightened public, when it comes to gender identity, is through what we call "Ambassadorship", being that 1 trans person that 208 people might know, and being a shining example of all that we would have the fearful and ignorant masses know better. Alas, for a great many gender-non-conforming people, being closeted is a fact of life, and one that is unlikely to change. That said, being an "ambassador" for the gender-non-conforming community does not require one to be "out". One can help the cause, in a meaningful way, by being well-informed, as well as by being ready and willing to share information with those who need it. This is your opportunity to "be the change" when it comes to understanding TG people. Even if it's only a one-on-one discussion with one's spouse or SO, being prepared for "the talk" is something that each of us is, IMO, is obliged to do.

[DianeT]

Many new GGs have told us reading ( guests can read this section without joining )
When looking to understand were completely freaked out at SOME posts here bragging on wanting men when dressed and fantasizing about it and meeting men on the side.
Of course not all CDs are cheaters or gay ect but you have to admit it sure is written about on here a lot. Someone wanting answers might mistakenly think all CDs are like that.
If she might have looked to understand - this is everywhere even here.
Thankful the some members say that does not pertain to them but the big scary thing that is thought about CDs is all over .

The association by heterosexual GGs of crossdressing with homosexuality or bisexuality is based on a very simple reasoning, that if you want to act as a female this will include having sex with males. Many members enter that definition by their own account, so we shouldn't be surprised that GGs are asking the question.

[Rachelakld]

For me, I'm finding that at the age of 58, my hormones are probably all used up (well, gone anyway)
I've enjoyed being with women all my life and can't imagine a life without my amazing wife.
But for some reason I can't explain (probably bedroom boredom / maybe it's a performance anxiety?), I'm curious about what it would be like to have a male for a couple of hours.
Sex without expectation to be like a rock, would be nice.
I remember a time when everything worked without me putting much effort into it.

I certainly don't dress to attract men, I dress because I like to dress and I relate to females more than males (actually I don't like being around males, talking about fishing, car engines etc).

[Cacique82]

When I told my wife about my cross dressing the gay conversation/questions never came up.

[CDMargret]

Well for me I have said I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Please don't be offended. I do love more things about a woman than I maybe should. Their bodies, perfumes, makeup, clothing and shoes. Oh and nylons the most. Or maybe the high heels. I want to be with women. I am with a wonderful accepting woman of 16 years whom has know from the start. I want to wear women's clothing and accessories.

I do however have no interest in changing my body. I like my muscles. My body. I like being a boy always getting into mischief. I love dressing all manly sexy as hell for my wife in a suit. I love flirting with the ladies. I love shop talking with the guys. Today, wrenching on my classic hot rod. Tomorrow, I am in the kitchen with my pearls and petty coats.

I am the same person no matter what I may have hanging off my shoulders, dresses or T-shirts. I find it ever so easy to find wonderful women's clothing to wear yet men's attire is a struggle. Just horrible what's available for a man to wear.

I love to hang out and visit with other CD's. Similar interest makes great conversations. And no I am not gay. Just a happy go lucky fella in heels and a skirt who takes care of their skin with a wrench in his pocket....oh wait that sounds naughty.

[Monique65]

I have absolutely no attraction for men when I am not dressed. However, when I slip into women’s clothing, a do feel a definite desire to be with another CD. Fortunately, my wife has never asked me.

[Marie-Anne]

From what I read, there?s a smorgasbord of
Ideas running around. It?s obvious to all that the question of being gay is automatic. What may not be obvious to most women is that all of us have a serious love and respect of women and their feminine ways. Isn?t ?immitation the sincerest form of flattery? ?

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

A lesbian trapped in a man?s body? What a deliciously convoluted concept! Well said

[Stephanie47]

At what point in a marriage does a wife stop asking whether her husband is gay or bisexual? It almost seems that question is logical or at least based on misconceptions or lack of knowledge. Doesn't actions speak louder than words? In another post there seemed to be a lot of concern when a husband leaves the home to hang out with friends at a hotel and the wife is left behind. If I were a wife I'd be wondering what may be happening. But, if hubby is a stay at home guy and is not leaving for extended length of time for places unknown, why the inquisition all the time? My wife and I have been joined at the hip for our fifty-plus years of marriage. She is not appreciative of my desires to wear women's clothing and we have had a limited discussion about it; To the extent she wanted to discuss it. I accept her position and do not engage in "pushing" or "nudging" her along to false acceptance.

My personal suggestion is therapy for the wife to understand what cross-dressing is all about, and also to discuss whether there are things in her past that may lead her to not trust her husband. For example, was the wife an observer to infidelity of her father? Incompatible sex drives may be just that and have nothing to do with cross-dressing or maybe the cross-dressing of the husband turns her off.

I think it is a guarantee that tossing the clothes will not solve all problems. Sure, if hubby and wife were to die together in a car wreck, the next of kin will not find a stash of clothing, but does the absence of clothing in the home erase the cross-dressing issue from the wife's thoughts? Frankly, a lack of trust creates a lousy marriage.

[CrossKimmy]

I e honestly had suspicions that I?m at least Bi. I feel more crossover than I have in the past. I used to feel like I was fully straight but now I?ve found myself questioning this more and more. I do find certain male types attractive and often think about being with them in a sexual way.

[Raychel]

When I first told my wife, Now ex-wife. She asked the gay question as well.
She definitely should have know the answer to that. Anyway. she did ask the question.
It was very easy for me to answer no, I have absolutely no desire to be with anyone of the same sex.

But if you look around, You can certainly understand why a woman would have that question.
Any research at all will make them question any crossdresser if they are gay or Bi.

Once the truth gets out, and the actual data is exposed to them, I would bet understanding would be easier.
Although this can be hard to explain properly. If a woman was to ask me why I crossdress, I would have a
difficult time describing it, I dont really know for sure. It is hard to explain when you are confused about it as well.

But if a guy like to dress in womens clothes, or a woman likes to dress in mens clothes.
That does not automatically make them gay.
Tucking the male bits and adding breast forms does not make a person gay either.
But you can certainly understand why they would think that.
Imagine if your wife showed up with her breast in a binder and a packer in her pants,
How would you feel and what would you think.

I hope this all makes sense.

[Linda Stockings]

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, but I think this is pertinent to everyone here. As Dutchess said, there are things all over public media that talk about the crossdresser/gay questions, as well as images and video clips. But I was more than surprised to find links at the bottom of the homepage of this very forum that would probably confuse many wives and SO's. I only clicked on one link, entitled, "CD Relationships". Among other things, it advertises "Join now and date tonight", and the images on that link are unmistakable. I think any wife or SO who finds that link while browsing this forum is going to ask or wonder about the orientation of their loved one.

Note: I did not look further into any of the links, but I think we can conclude that it would convince anyone in a relationship that they need to ask. Lots of well founded thoughts and opinions in this thread.

https://www.cdrelationship.com/