Your opinion on FLRs

[AmyJordan]

Hi everybody.

As you may be aware by some of my previous posts I am in a FLR.
I was wondering if any other girls here have had similar experience of living this kind of life or even if you would want to.
Maybe it would be your worst nightmare giving up your masculinity so completely.

Sometimes it's not easy and sometimes I think maybe we would be thought of as just freaks.

I would really value your opinions as I think of you now as friends with in many cases much more experience than myself.

Amy x

[Aka_Donna]

Do a duckduckgo for definition of FLR, female lead relationship. The search will show both definition and a good starting point for discussions.

[Cheryl T]

There have been times when I wished that were the case. When I could just give it all up and be me, letting her take the reins.
At times there is deep conflict between having to be the lead and desiring to be led, surrendering to the woman inside.

[ReallyLauren]

I am perfectly happy to give up my masculinity and assume the role of the female in relationships. To a pretty large extent, I am at this point now. I'm Bi and who plays the lead role in the relationship depends on who the other person is. Truthfully, I'm something of a type A personality and that is a big factor. With guys, I want FLRs! With other women, I like mutually led relationships.

[kimdl93]

I definitely fantasized about being in an FLR and share those fantasies with my ex. It was presented to her as a kink, but with the benefit of hindsight, I realize that my fantasy was sort of a backwards attempt to retain my masculinity with the excuse (to myself) that I was just somehow being forced into femininity. In truth, I did not need to be forced. I was eager to do so.

[Stephanie47]

From reading your posts it appears your FLR relationship with your wife is limited to home. I would love it if my wife were to tell me to get all dolled up in a pretty dress and heels for a day, week or month.

[Raychel]

Mod Note:

Be very careful on this topic. if the thread steps outside of the rules of the forum it will be closed immediately.
.

[Bea_]

My take is that it only work if she leads where I want to go. I?d say that all the DADT relationships are ultimately female led.

[Natalie5004]

I am not but I feel we are 50% lead.

But I was told by a female friend of ours that I am "such a girl".

[docrobbysherry]

I believe quite a few members allow their partners to dominate them in some ways. If that works for u, fine!

But, in my case I let my ex push me because I got tired of fiting all the time. Which was a big mistake! Because our therapist explained it caused my resentment to build up until I couldn't take it anymore! End of marriage!

[DianeT]

At times there is deep conflict between having to be the lead and desiring to be led, surrendering to the woman inside.

I am not but I feel we are 50% lead.
But I was told by a female friend of ours that I am "such a girl".

The above quotes convey the idea that submission is a feminine trait or condition, which seems based on very dated stereotypes (that female are born to be led, and not lead) and can prove pretty offensive when put in writing on a forum where a lot of women are members or anonymous readers too. A little tact would go a long way for our female readers.

To reply to the OP (Amy) : although my CDing was probably born from an experience of being forced to dress in pantyhose as a small child, I don't want my wife to submit me or the other way around. I can find submission occasionally exciting in a sexual context where it is accepted and not forced, but not as a daily routine. To each their own and whatever works for the both of you is cool.

[Debbie Denier]

I think there is a fine line between fantasy and reality. Fantasy wise it sounds great. I have dipped my toe in the water with an ex girlfriend many years ago and enjoyed it. I don?t know your circumstances, such as whether you have children ? In my case we do. It would just not be practical for me and my wife under these circumstances if we wanted to. To me my marriage is a partnership. We are equal partners , so mutual decisions work for us. I do enjoy reading about your adventures and look forward to reading about more. I don?t think it would appeal to my wife.

[AmyJordan]

I'm a little confused Diane, my post is the very opposite to your concerns regarding women being born to be led and not leading.

I'm not sure if you are saying my wife is offensive in the fact that she prefers dressing me as a female to dominate me because that's how women should be treated, she would definitely have something to say about that!

I certainly would not like to be seen as being offensive in fact our relationship empowers my wife to the extreme.

I don't believe different lifestyles are based on outdated stereotypes as long as its consensual and shaming people into thinking they are in that mindset is in itself offensive.

Amy x

[Natalie5004]

Amy, I love your situation.

[JulieC]

Amy, I've not had a similar experience. I've never had a relationship where this was raised. My wife is an amazing person, and I married her in part because she is very sure of herself and assertive when she needs to be. She's never shown any inclination to drive my crossdressing, though she is 100% accepting. I've been crossdressing at home now pretty much 24/7 for the last three weeks, and my wife is absolutely happy with it. I've suggested on a few occasions over the years that she could lay out an outfit for me to wear, but that's never happened. I don't need it to happen for affirmation from her. If it did happen, I would be happy. If it became an every day thing where she insisted I dress as a woman every moment at home, I might view crossdressing very differently than I do now, even though the me that is a crossdresser would never fade. I'm not sure if I would like that or not, from a crossdressing perspective. I might love it! From a relationship perspective, I don't think I'd like that. We are 50/50 partners, neither of us leading the other. That's what works for us.

What works for you is what you're doing, assuming everything is going well in your marriage. I've not caught any whispers in any of your posts that there are any problems above the usual run-of-the-mill contretemps that happen in any marriage over time. I imagine some days it isn't easy for you to always dress en femme at home. But, if your relationship is mutually beneficial, if you're both happy with it, and you remain close...where's the harm?

As to being thought of as just freaks? I guarantee you there are people in the world that will think of you as freaks. But, it doesn't really matter what you do or believe. There will always be people who think you're freaks if they knew everything about you even if you were as plain as plain could be. "They're so plain! They must be freaks!" So what if they think you're freaks? Don't live life a prisoner to other people's opinions, most especially when those people's opinions have zero impact on your life.

If you have concerns about your lifestyle, voice them to your wife. So many times I see marriages where spouses don't talk about what's bothering them or don't talk about deeper subjects. They just take it, and assume everything will somehow be ok.

If you don't have concerns about your lifestyle, other than existential concerns over outside perception, then what's to worry? Get your heels and dress on, and get on with your wonderful life

[AmyJordan]

Hi Julie
Thanks for your message please let me assure you and all the girls here that my wife and I are blissfully happy and that will never change, it's just that she prefers and insists on me to look feminine and has brought out of me a submissive side I never considered I had when I was younger and I'm happy to please her.

I was just curious as to whether anyone else here has had any experience of this or would even want too.

My wife is an amazing woman I was just wondering how unique she is.

Amy x

[Bea_]

I have to second that observation. I'd say that the dominance hierarchy in a majority of marriages favors a woman. "Happy wife/Happy life" isn't a common truism for nothing...

[Aka_Donna]

There are several articles in last week covering this as well. Here is one: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/masculini...ples-attitudes

[bridget thronton]

Amy - I think you and your wife have a wonderful relationship. I am a bit envious that your wife prefers you dressed. I was attracted to my wife because she is such a strong woman and it is easier for me to let her get her way on most things (unless I have a strong reason for dissenting). My wife accepts my dressing at home or on vacation because it is part of who I am .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy , I Totally enjoy having the Best of Both Worlds, >Orchid**OO**

[DianeT]

I'm a little confused Diane, my post is the very opposite to your concerns regarding women being born to be led and not leading.

Amy, that part of my post wasn't for you, I quoted explicitly the members' posts I was referring to, which were lines implying that submission is a female trait. My answer to you is the second half, beginning with "To reply to the OP...". Hope this clarifies. I will edit my post to make it more obvious.

[alwayshave]

Amy, My ex-wife thought we were in a non-sexual FLR. Actually, it was more of a male manipulated relationship (MMR).

[GretchenM]

It is all equal in our relationship. No leader, no follower. We make decisions together. Works great, but it is definitely non-traditional. Didn't used to be that way; I was the leader and decision maker and she followed my lead. Too much conflict in that arrangement. So we came up with a new arrangement where we are equal and nobody is deciding what the other will do (or not do). We discuss things until there is full understanding on both sides. All boundaries are agreed to with a goal of being as much a couple as possible without lapsing into dominance and subordinance. To do that though you have to have unconditional trust and truthfulness. To us that is the way it should be in a relationship based on love and devotion to each other so we can be a bit like one person composed of two people.

[Jillcder]

After a lifetime of being the strong man in business and family life I would absolutely love to be in your situation Amy, to have my wife require me to dress feminine and be a lady on a permanent basis works for me.

[Sandi Beech]

Amy,

If I had to guess, it seems to me your situation is fairly rare. I am sure many here would love being in your shoes.

Sandi