What kept you CD'ing?

[Gillian Gigs]

In another post, the question was raised, what was the way that got you started. There are so many different ways to starts, but I have seen so many commonality's about after our starting.

So, what kept you going down this trail of CD'ing? One more question, how long has it been since your start?

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In my case it was the tactile feeling of nylon against my skin. The love of wearing lingerie lead me into other women's apparel. This all started 61 years ago when I was 11.

It was a slippery slope starting with nylon panties, then slips, bras stuffed with panties, stockings, and then griddles, which were needed to help hold up the stockings. Puberty started another path, and direction. Now, I'm back to where it all started so many years ago. I'm glad to be back on this path again. It feels so nice wearing lingerie with a skirt.

[JulieC]

What kept me on the trail was self realization. I've related this story here before, but it's apropos to this thread, so here's the abridged version.

Like others here, I purged many times. I tried to repress it, joined the military, etc. Didn't work. My second to last purge (last one had nothing to do with trying to repress) was due to dating a woman whom I loved deeply. I tried incredibly hard to suppress it, hoping that this was it; I found the woman I was going to marry, and this was a thing of the past. Two years into our relationship, out of the blue she said she wanted to see me in pantyhose. I was absolutely shocked. A couple of days later, I bought some pantyhose, planning on wearing them for her (which I did). When I got home with the new pantyhose, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. When I finally managed to get the pantyhose on me, it caused an internal explosion. I'm not talking about arousal (though that happened to). It was an enormously impactful internal, soulful explosion. I finally realized at the point that this was me. Whatever it was, this was me. Repressing it, purging, trying other things...it was never going to work and I was just harming myself by trying.

From that point on, I've been on the trail of self acceptance as opposed to self denial. I remain on that path. Bit by bit, I make progress. But, I'm NEVER going back to the path of self denial. So, that's what keeps me on it. For the last month, I've been dressing nearly 100% of the time that I've been at home (including sleeping), and some of the time partially while out and about. It feels normal, natural, ...me. Whatever I am, I am me and that includes wearing clothes and shoes designed for women. That isn't going to ever change.

Some of my earliest memories center around thoughts of wanting to be dressed like a particular woman I see. My first actual crossdressing experience came when I was 8 or 9, wearing my mom's pantyhose.

[Jillcder]

The thing that keeps me all in with crossdressing is the incredible feeling of acting and dressing like a woman nothing has matched the feeling of walking in heels while wearing a girly skirt or dress it is simple the most amazing experience!
I started to enjoy wearing girls clothes around the age of ten now in my early 60s the urge continues to increase there is no doubt in my mind that my urge/need to dress has increased with age. Once you wear a dress and heels out in public there is no stopping the slippery slope of wearing womens clothing.

[Stephanie47]

I am always mulling over in my mind the question: "Why would a man wear women's clothing considering all the negativity surrounding it?" With all the self loathing and hatred swirling inside me as a teenager, why did I continue to do it? There was a break when I outgrew my mother's clothing and I did not have the guts to buy clothes that fit. There was military service when I truly had no desire or thoughts about it. "Was I cured?" It was rekindled and started with several nightgowns and hosiery for bedroom play with my wife. Then, it became more and my wife shut down. It was a Vanity Fair vivid red bra at Christmas. Add an article at a time and finally over the years it has resulted in 24+ Xerox boxes of clothing. Why? Doing it brought relief from daily stresses and the memories of combat decades ago. It is my "drug" of choice rather than alcohol or illegal, now legal, recreational drugs. If I had a choice in the matter I would not do it!

[Michelle1955]

When I was a kid in the late 50’S, the kids on the block back then my age were girls.
And back then all the moms took turns taking with play time. No day care back then.
So one day with a friend we were playing in her bedroom / age 4 or 5 we switch our panties and underwear.
My brain waves even earlier that 4 or 5 was conflicting with my little boy body.
Puberty was very hard on me, my brain was having many issues for several years.

The story continues, it been 63+ years for me.
Wife, 2 kids, 2 grandkids.

Names / labels change over the years. I personally do not like labels.
But I do prefer Transgender, which is a broad term from crossdressers to transsexual, etc that’s covers our group.

[NancySue]

How long? A long time. Why? I?m not sure. The pink fog, maybe? I was 10, when next door sisters invited me to play, one rainy day. After some games, they played dress up and invited me to join them. At first, I declined, but watching them dress, especially slipping into nylons, I tried a pair on. The pleasure effect was electric. I couldn?t wait to slip into them again. I?m now retired and dress daily. My #1 remains nylons. (HSR thigh highs). You?re right. It feels so nice.

[CharlotteCD]

You can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Sure. I don't dress at the moment, and haven't really had the urge to in the last few years, but it's still a part of me that I cannot shake because I know the feeling.

[Bea_]

I'll answer the second question first. I started late in life compared to many, buying my first panties in my mid-fifties, circa 2010. What I've found is that wearing all the things that I associate with women also gives me a feeling of specialness that i tend to associate with women. Men are organically inclined to appreciate things about women that women don't necessarily reciprocate. Being a very average guy my whole life, I got zero affirmation for my masculinity and in fact I got the opposite. Now, I tend to give zero value to traditional masculinity, the kind that my wife appreciates. I can do a fair job of making the minimum standard, but it just doesn't hold any value to me other than whatever social credit it might give.

I'm not transgendered. I'm not trying to attract anyone, male or female. I dress because, when I look in the mirror, I like what I see more than I ever liked the guy who was literally "drab" (def: "lacking brightness or interest; drearily dull"). But, even more than liking what I see, I like how the things I like to wear make me feel, even when I cannot see it an any one moment.

I'm in all girl things right now including a lacy bra and a cheap string of pearls. I can't see either of them as I'm typing this, but I can feel that I'm wearing them. That's where the payoff is for me.

[Steph_CD_62]

Really discovered my love for lingerie during puberty. Gave it up and became a normally 20-year-old. Dated, and even got married.

While washing my 1st wife's long nylon nightgown one night the feelings of wanting to wear it was overwhelming. After doing this a few times, I finally got caught and we had a long talk. She accepted me wearing lingerie as long as the kids didn't see it. In the beginning was more of a sexual thrill.

In between marriages I figured out that crossdressing relaxed me, and I felt happier. At this time all I was wearing was lingerie. When I met my current wife I told her about myself, and she accepted me for what I enjoyed wearing. As we grew as a couple, my desire to wear more than just lingerie grew.

Again, I keep crossdressing because it relaxes me, and I feel more comfortable wearing women's clothing. Not sure why I feel this way, and it took me a while to accept the fact that I do enjoy wearing women's clothing but it is who I am.

[Cheryl T]

What kept me going was the emotional freedom.
At last I was able to feel real, to feel emotions. I felt I was able to express all the things society wouldn't allow. I could cry over nothing, I could love without restraint. It may sound corny or whatever, I don't care. It's my life and after fully coming out to my wife about 20 years ago I have been able to fully explore this and the search continues. Of course I love the clothing. I love the lingerie and how it makes me feel. I love all the choices I have and the freedom to choose them, not just the boring attire males wear. I love makeup and experimenting with my look, my hairstyle and everything else.

When did this begin? Well the opening scene of this play started when I was 5 or 6 and has been running for well over 65 years.

[CDMargret]

The clothing. It's all about the fabrics, styles, combinations of items, unlimited selections to choose from. So damn comfy and cute. Love the shoe options as well. Also how they feel wearing them. I prefer the tighter fitting outfits with silky soft delicate fabrics than baggy, loosie, male bland choices.

[Glenda58]

I started when I was 3. At an all-girl tea party. They made me dress up and I like it. I always wanted to be a girl since then. Just the cloths dresses shirts tops all so cute.

[Princess Chantal]

The combination of my passion for nylons, socializing, and the diversity of my crossdressing keeps me dressing since 2002

[Fiona_44]

I started around 10 and have been at it for 60 years. What kept me going all those years was an unrealized desire planted in my subconscious to live like a woman which I finally started doing in 2022.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

With me it's all about comfort. Women's shirts are softer, there's less fabric to heat me up, skirts and dresses are amazingly comfortable! Short shorts! Nylons! Leggings!! So much better than men's crap. Even my fishnet stockings help me stay warm on a cool morning. So that's it.....

Except that it's not. I also like the feminine aspects of dressing. Bras? Hard to explain those with the word "comfort." Let's not even mention my heels. So I simply don't know. But the comfort is a huge part of it. Just not all of it.

[MarinaTwelve200]

The discovery that I could COMPLETELY RELAX and "unwind" by effectively being a "totally Different person" free from the bothers and worries of my normal life, and a woman too with no concerns or the "obligations" of "manhood".--- And its also FUN to feel "Pretty".

[mayarose]

I've been jealous of female fashion ever since the boys started paying more attention to girls as I grew up. I wanted to look like them and have the attention of the boys to myself.

The need for the attention faded as I got older, but the jealousy of the range of styles, fabrics and types of clothing girls could choose from compared to male clothing remained.

During my marriage I'd occasionally wear some of my wife's clothes when she was out, but I'm much bigger than her so they didn't fit well. I wasn't brave enough to try to get my own secret stash or to tell her.

Now that we're separated, what little access to female clothes I had was gone but so was the fear. Talking and exchanging photos on dating sites, I come across a lot of dressers and that encouraged me to start my collection.

I've assembled a few outfits, and I just love the feel of the fabrics, how the different clothes hangs, and the feeling of more freedom to move. There's definitely an element of stress release when I'm Maya and the pictures I'm exchanged have finally.ficen me that attention I so craved as a child.

[kimdl93]

I have tried to quit many times. At least one of these attempts was quite serious and sustained, lasting almost 18 months. Of course, it was undertaken as a futile, last ditch effort to save a marriage, not because I wanted to stop. Once the futility became clear, I made the conscious choice to resume and take it to quite another level.

Now nine years later, what keeps me going? Well, I enjoy every aspect of presenting as a woman. I like how I feel and how I look. I enjoy being out in the community and the almost daily interactions with people.

[lmildcd]

I don't know how long I've been CDing. I lost track of time. I can say that I keep CDing because wearing women's clothes makes me feel good and I am comfortable in women's clothes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gillian, For me it is having the BEST of both Worlds, >Orchid**OO**

[Veronica Lacey]

I don't look nor act feminine while dressed nor do I try. Truly a fellow who just wants to wear what he wants to wear at least his own private world.

Dressing has evolved very much into a hobby for me. It brings me joy, pleasure and calm when I have the time to dress and this has rarely abated. The access to a never-ending world of colours, styles, fabrics and layers has kept the simple sides of both my head and heart engaged and that has been priceless in this crazy, complex world. Accepting myself has also been key, of course. While only my wife knows it certainly helps that she is ok with my hobby even if away from her eyes. These points are what have kept me interested and gradually just became part of me.

My first inkling towards the feminine wardrobe was almost 50 years ago. Dressing to any reasonable degree occurred in my late teens once I had a steady paycheque and the necessary courage to go to a mall with a personal agenda. Been growing the wardrobe, quietly clicking my heels and adjusting my bra ever since.

[alwayshave]

Gillian, like you the tactile nature of satin and silk on my skin is the biggest part.

[Angela_Tgirl]

I never had any sisters but when I was about 12 or 13 I found a whole bunch of tights in the divan drawer under my brother?s bed!

I guess he must?ve experimented or just enjoyed tights. I never found any other stuff in his room.

Anyway, I tried a pair on and that was that. I was hooked instantly and I couldn?t stop and just had the urge to take it further. I used to borrow his tights and make my own miniskirts by folding a towel in half and wrapping it around me 😂.

After a couple of years of doing that I got a little more brave and bought my own clothes and shoes bit by bit and then finally a wig.

I vividly remember to this day putting on my bra and panties, tan tights, spaghetti strap top, knee length skirt, and black strappy high heels and finally my new blonde wig? I looked in the mirror and was transformed - even I didn?t recognise me - I loved it.

I couldn?t understand why I liked it so much and tried to stop but just kept coming back to it and bought more and more clothes and added make up.

I was ashamed for many years but as time passed I learned that I actually loved it, couldn?t stop even if I wanted to and just accepted it. That all started 34 years ago and I will never stop.

I now go out regularly as Angela and it really is the best of both worlds.

[GretchenM]

All good and fair questions. I have seen much of the things that you have seen - there are a lot commonalities between us all, but at a finer scale one finds the multitude of differences. Wading through all of that makes it very difficult to find a common explanation for the general behavior that we exhibit. Clearly there is a deterministic element in there somewhere but that is often obscured by a dense fog of individual differences.

I was an early adopter and recognized that I was somehow different from the other boys when I was probably about 4. However, my recollections of that time provide hints that some kind of gender identity differences were present even earlier, but they were probably not well defined - just a bit of confusion most likely. So as for the duration it has been present off and on and sometimes much more on than off as far as desires are concerned for about 74 years. I have decided that after that long, there must be something to it.

As far as actual dressing is concerned that began when I was about 7 or 8 when I tried on some of my mother's clothes, looked in the mirror and thought, "OMG, I am a girl, just as I thought." Of course, not really, but it produced a profound and shattering revelation regarding who I am. I was not disgusted or amused; I was serious as wondrous feelings about myself appeared on the surface. A feeling of, "Somehow this is me as well as the fact that I am also a boy." Not scary at all, but incredibly comfortable. That continued for a month or so until I got caught. And that launched the self disgust and all the negative crap that follows. A war between the boy self and the girl self that lasted about 60 years until I had to make a choice - accept myself as some kind of transgender person or check out. I didn't want to check out so I accepted myself and I have been reasonably happy with that decision since August 8, 2012 when that fateful decision was made. Not easy, but very rewarding and self defining.

[Diane P]

In my case it is simply the feeling that it is right, normal and natural for me to dress like a woman. I don't always put on a dress or jeans or something similar but I do sleep in a night gown and panties every night and I'm always wearing panties under whatever clothing I'm wearing.