Taking inventory

[Bea_]

My femme closet was getting out of hand and it was getting hard to find anything I needed or to put anything back without just stuffing it in. So I pulled out pretty much every item in my cool weather wardrobe with the plan to cull a few to make room. I was wearing a pair of black leggings and that particular closet contained all my tops and sweaters. So, I tried everything on and only found 2 items to cull. I was reminded just how much I like that part of my wardrobe.

Anyone who?s run across any of my posts knows that I have a full beard and long hair. My hair was down for the inventory, which was a pain ?cause I had to brush it with every top. I wore a bra, but don?t wear forms, so my tiny breasts and the outline of my bra was very evident in any of the thinner fabrics. I put on a string of pearls and had on mascara, which is the only makeup I do at this point.

The point is that I went through my wardrobe and loved pretty much everything I tried on. But, as I was going, I just got a stronger and stronger feeling that I?m looking less and less like a "feminine man" and more like a confident eccentric old man who loves who he is. I am quite sure that anyone seeing me in the wild would just assume that I?m gay. I?d have always avoided doing anything that would give that impression, but I?ve come to the point where, inside, I am ready to just let them be wrong without feeling the need to appease them.

Social masculinity has always had a definition that excluded much of who I am. I?ve never matched my wife?s definition of masculinity and have paid dearly, long before I bought my first pair of panties. But, I don?t feel feminine, even in lace. I do feel eccentric. I want to be bold and confident in my eccentricity. But, at sixty-eight, I?m starting from ground zero...

[mykell]

i work @ a thrift store....temptation to take things home is overwhelming....suffice it to say my fem closet is bursting out, monday i will take the time to cull my closet.

now as far as taking inventory....i just purchased some new forms from glamour boutique in nj...one of the folks always tells me they are fetish dressers....so this time i asked how that was meant.

folks here that use that term seem to associate that with overly sexy with highest heels ect. theyre definition was quite different. i then showed them some fotos of myself as what i thought was described as fetish and was told how cute i looked and that i had good skin tone. "no makeup was on in both fotos" (they were both shared here)

the conversation went on to talk about how varied we all were and how some berate others for not "getting therye thing"
consenting adults....live n let live is how we ended this....there are places where some go to meet others and admirers will be welcome, not my thing but again we are a varied bunch. this came up with a fellow volunteer who is gay, very interesting person.

i have seen your presentation in a local mall, payless shoes, full beard, red dress, trying on red heels, fella outside the store gazing in in disbelief....i walked in and tried on some womens sneakers without a care in the world but would have loved to spark up a conversation with them but left them in peace to do theyre thing.

another time a person dressed in fem facial hair, floppy pink hat that would fit in at the track just meandering about the mall with not a care in the world....same position....would have loved to spark up a conversation but let them be.....each time they were left alone but curious stares were the trend....i had shadowed the later to take in the reactions of the folks in the wild.....nothing was ever said or done as far as negativity....just the curious stares....

[kimdl93]

I take something of an inventory, but rather than the clothes in my closet, it amounts to a self-assessment in several dimensions, like how I feel emotionally and how that feeling jives with the reality around me. Similarly, I consider how people react and respond to me (if at all) when I am out and about. And I fairly critically assess whether I am presenting and conducting myself in a manner that I feel is respectable. These self assessments may not always be objective, and certainly they are not always positive, but they do help me make adjustments that I hope are for the better.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Bea, I completely relate to the "aging hippie" feel. I don't have a beard, but I do have the hair (much of which is grey now) and I don't do any makeup except for the very occasional toenail polish, I'm a dude and there ain't nuthin' that will or could ever change that.

I can also relate to the unsuccessful culling. I have a ton of stuff, too much really for the room I have, and once in a while manage to convince myself to throw something out. I usually regret it a year later, as I find a pic of myself in that particular item and want to wear it again.

[Visitor]

I'm at a point in life where I'm beginning at last to appreciate the amazing variety in the world. I'd always assumed people were pretty much all alike... maybe with a few different preferences or attitudes toward religion or politics. Spending time here and reflecting on my life journey has opened my eyes. I remember the question asked "how many police officers underdress at work?" and there were ten positive responses. I can no longer look at a uniformed officer without wondering whether they might be wearing panties.

Yes, there are people who are overt in their presentation. There is a fellow who lives a couple of blocks from me who rides his bicycle in a miniskirt and tank top over a brassiere. Walking by his home recently I noted a transgendered woman I'd seen before leaving the house. Perhaps that house is home to a number of transgendered folks. I live in a community that has no problem with LGBTQIA+ folk. I'm happy about that.

Accepting that I enjoy wearing a brassiere is wonderful. I don't need to live in shame any longer. That doesn't mean I want to join my neighbor and flaunt my choices to the community. But I certainly won't judge him for the choices me makes. And yes, I have wondered what he would say about it all if I simply introduced myself as a kindred spirit... transgendered but not transitioning...

[Bea_]

I take something of an inventory, but rather than the clothes in my closet, it amounts to a self-assessment in several dimensions..."

The physical inventory definitely drove a personal inventory as I assessed my reaction to each piece. How did it make me feel? What was it about the item that struck the chord that it struck? Several items were very nice and I loved the look, but had something that just felt slightly off. Many of the items would look much better without the muffin top that the leggings caused. Halfway through I put on a shaper and felt much better about those more fitted styles.

The biggest problem is that we've only got a few weeks of cooler weather here on the Texas Gulf Coast and I won't wear any of it except in a session like yesterday's session. I've worn a few of the items to therapy sessions but I'm very near the point of wanting/needing to just own it and let people think what they think. I loved how I looked in the clothes. I WANT to wear the clothes regularly. I end up staying home more than I should simply because it seems to be the only place that I can present as myself.

I am inching closer and closer to just letting everyone know who I am. But, until that happens, I'll just enjoy myself at home.

[mykell]

soo i had the house to myself today and culled some of the items from my fem closet....two of the cloth style shopping bags that they require us to use here.

some items had memories attached to them and some i had brought home from the thrift and never had a chance to try....gained some weight since coming off my affirmation meds so i held on to some that i feel i can wear if i drop a few #s.....it was interesting....

[docrobbysherry]

U will feel whatever u feel, Bea. And, I won't change your mind no matter what I say and L'm not disagreeing with u. But, there r degrees of eccentricity just like everything else.

I've felt eccentric since I was about 12. And, it had nothing to do with gender issues! Since I began dressing at age 50 I've felt compelled to portray countless movie stars, female characters, and even female as plants and converted into animals. And, yet I'd be embarrassed to go out dressed androgenously as u do!

People may think one of us is more eccentric than the other. But, I'm not sure which they'll choose!?

[Bea_]

. And, yet I'd be embarrassed to go out dressed androgenously as u do!

People may think one of us is more eccentric than the other. But, I'm not sure which they'll choose!?

I agree that all of our eccentricities are unique. I don't get anything out of the idea of presenting female. I think it might be easier in some ways if I were so inclined. Doing the role playing is like putting on a mask where my androgyny is taking a mask off. It seems like it would be easier to hide under a wig and all the padding and be someone else.

But, I'm finding it harder and harder to let other people choose whether my eccentricity is acceptable.

I am very much an introvert so I tend not to like too much attention.