That magic moment

[Chiffon]

I wonder if anyone else has this experience.

I've always seen myself, as other threads in this forum have discussed, as a MIAD (man in a dress). No matter what I did, wore, covered up, smeared on, etc., I always felt like a MAID and not the female I wanted to be.

In the 50+ years of dressing, I had a magic moment only once. Prior to this moment, I had desperately tried to get to the point of losing the MAID feeling if only for a couple of hours, but I could never get there completely.

One night at home I was totally dressed, shoulder length wig in perfect placement, light makeup, lipstick and mascara, large black framed glasses, a cute white lace chemise with a pink waist sash tied in a bow in the front, white lace bra and forms hanging in the correct spot on my chest. With all that and being late at night with low light in the house, my moment happened. When I looked in the full-length mirror, I did not see my male self anymore. Not a trace of me, it was stunning, the overly male features of my face were gone, my male body was gone. I could not take my eyes off the whole image I was seeing, face, hair, body all of it suddenly new and real. It was her, that female I knew and sensed my entire life, always buried deep inside, had come out and was presenting to me in the mirror. I did not recognize myself and instantly felt feminine and beautiful.

It lasted for a few minutes at most, I?d walk around the house and come back to the mirror and my inner female self, and her image began slowly wearing off. I never could get that complete magic moment again, no matter how I tried to open that portal for my inner female taking over my entire consciousness again. I would always see or sense some part of my maleness. Maybe it's impossible for me and I'm not sure if anyone else gets there 100%. I wonder if anyone else out there can relate to this?

[jazmine]

I get there (visually) every now and then. It's very elusive. Seems the reflection and type of light has to line up just right too. That's what usually rolls (the magic) to the 100% digits you speak of. For me it's much easier to hit that point mentally.

[Helen_Highwater]

Chiffon,

I'm sort of resigned to the fact that close up I'll never pass. There will always be those features that out me. So I content myself with blending visually as part of the crowd.

However I have experienced moments when I feel like the woman I aim to be.

I'd spent the evening at the cinema. Heading out the building I found myself " In the moment", I didn't have to think about my walk, mannerisms, totally relaxed I was the transformed me. Any trace of maleness, the drab me, evaporated, gone. Walking across the car park I was at one with the world, all was right, totally relaxed into my surroundings. Helen was in charge.

Perhaps as I've spent more time out and about, as my confidence grows, I get to that point without realising it. It becomes less unusual. I do know however that the moments outside that cinema will stay with e for a long time.

[Maria 60]

I must say do to my male body there will always be signs of male. For myself I believe I had or have a bit of a delusional view of myself and do see something else in the mirror. That only proved when I think I look great and then get my wife telling me to look at my chest hairs sticking out. Sometimes I see the women but I have to start looking closer.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been a group of local girls for over 15 years. I've been out and about with them many times.

I've concluded that there are all types of crossdressers ranging from those who looked like they barely tried to be a girl (possibly due to lack of experience in clothing, makeup or comportment) to those who looked like very pretty natural girls. My assessment is that I'm in the middle of that group, looking like a girl at a distance, but being recognizable as a dude close up. That's good enough for me.

Also, I've had many experiences meeting GGs while O&A. I've had acceptance from them and many positive affirmations. My suggestion is to find yourself a CD/TG group. I like to think of CDing as a social activity rather than being a lone wolf.

[JayBird]

I just had an opposite, yet similar experience last night. I decided to purchase another wig yesterday This time, I wanted to get black hair (last one was brown), so it would better match my natural color (before I became salt and pepper color). As I was dressed last night, the wig style and length was so similar to the cut that I always imagined myself if I was born female. This is a human hair wig, so I think I need a wig stylist to help me (it looks great, but screams *wig* to me), but all-in-in when I looked in the mirror I kind of looked like my cousin (who people used to think we were brother and sister).

[alwayshave]

My profile picture, which was taken about 11 years ago, is that moment for me.

[GretchenM]

Isn't it wonderful when that happens? For me it is rare but does occur in certain situations and state of mind. The interpretation of the look we achieve sometimes is likely to be mostly an illusion, as you say, formed by certain lighting, the combined assembly of whatever we are wearing and the look we have adopted in terms of body image, hair, makeup, etc. The question is would someone else see the same thing or something close? Probably not because what we perceive is to a large extent a combination of the image, the expectations and the influence of ideal concepts of what something looks like which helps us to identify what it is what we are seeing. To that level it is mostly effective costuming. Really kind of superficial. But there must be something deeper in our mind that allows that kind of interpretation to be realized. And that something is your very complex Theory of Mind, as the neuroscientists put it. But I prefer the easier to understand Sense of Self. The conceptual model of who you are as the complete person, including all the variations that need to exist to define you and allow you to recognize yourself at the most personal level.

You have had a lifetime of conceptually seeing yourself in various alternative identities that mix and blend. But at the core is the recognition of being, at times, male, and at other times, having a lot of femaleness as well. This comes from the shifting of your neural networks that contribute to your sense of self in all its different forms. So, at those special moments when we see the girl, the woman in each of us, something that every male has to some extent, whether consciously recognized or not, our brain combines all the internal workings and the external information to create a final image of you as the girl you have always wanted to be or at least trended toward thinking that way. Surprise, it is normal. Anybody can do it, but usually males will deny that womanhood in themselves because it does not fit the social image of being masculine. Under the right conditions, the right look, the right clothes it happens and it is rather shocking. Which goes to show the truth of what the science has found - men and women are more alike than they are different. But we draw a huge distinction because we put so much emphasis on sexual differentiation we obstruct our view of ourselves to fit the ideal rather than the true person in all of its forms. You saw a beautiful, apparently genuinely female person reflected in the mirror because you simply are that person at that time and at the deepest level of your consciousness. But you are also the other people you can perceive because it all fits. Congratulations. You have achieved a realization of a deep truth, besides a man you are also a woman.

[Geena75]

It is a remarkable feeling. My situation is a little different than most. Most of the year my face is masked by a thick, trimmed beard, which I have cleaned off for a few months in the last two winters. The change from a bearded, balding man to Geena is so drastic that I regularly look in the mirror and see someone different, and my masculine features disappear. I had noticed this winter that I started noticing more male creeping into Geena toward the end.

[kimdl93]

I had to think about this for a while. I recall such a moment decades age when I tried on a wig that my wife had purchased for some forgotten reason. I was stunned and frightened by the reflected image. I looked very much like a woman. The recognition in that moment tapped into a fear that deterred me from attempting anything similar for many years. I saw the woman in me, I liked how she looked, and I was afraid that if I allowed myself to become her that I would never want to go back to being male. Decades later I found the fears were based in reality.

[Cheryl T]

I had THE moment nearly 20 years ago.
I was going out with some CD friends and wanted everything perfect so I booked a makeover. I had purchased a new wig and an outfit for the night. Baby blue blouse with long sleeves and ruffles at the high collar, a navy blue knee length skirt and navy pumps with small bows at the heel. I dressed and the stylist did the makeover including styling my new wig. I couldn't see what was being done but when finished I was turned to the mirror. I have to say I nearly cried. I barely held back because I feared I ruin what had just been done.
All I could see was the woman I had always wished I was. That night was perfect.

I haven't been able to capture that total feeling again, but it's become less and less important now. Every day I dress I become more comfortable with who I am and that's an even better feeling.

[Stacy Darling]

Wonderful yes, Magical also!
We wouldn't be who we are if not.

Trying to pull off the same look is for some is perfecting themselves; Going for a new look / bending your look next time / trying what ever! will get you there.

[Chiffon]

My profile picture, which was taken about 11 years ago, is that moment for me.

Wow, yes, I can see that moment in your profile picture. It's more than the actual picture, it's like it radiates from within you and the picture also captured it. I only see female. I wish I had my moment as a picture.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I had THE moment nearly 20 years ago.
I was going out with some CD friends and wanted everything perfect so I booked a makeover. I had purchased a new wig and an outfit for the night. Baby blue blouse with long sleeves and ruffles at the high collar, a navy blue knee length skirt and navy pumps with small bows at the heel. I dressed and the stylist did the makeover including styling my new wig. I couldn't see what was being done but when finished I was turned to the mirror. I have to say I nearly cried. I barely held back because I feared I ruin what had just been done.
All I could see was the woman I had always wished I was. That night was perfect.

I haven't been able to capture that total feeling again, but it's become less and less important now. Every day I dress I become more comfortable with who I am and that's an even better feeling.

It's interesting to me that you found it less important as time went on. I did the opposite, kept chasing after that moment and got very frustrated. Wish I had taken your approach. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Cheryl T]

Chiffon,
I would love to capture that feeling again! But I realized that it's not something I need to be me and love who I am.
I think that realization came one day when at the mall. It was still early on for me and I was surreptitiously watching others to see if they were staring or giggling at me. I found they were too busy in their own daily routine to take time to watch me. That's when I began watching them.
I'd look for women with my size and shape and see how they dressed. While doing so I discovered just how much variation there is in people, in height, weight, figure shape and so on. Sometimes a girl here will say "I'm too tall" or "I'm too heavy". Look around. If you can find clothing in a size to fit you it's because there are enough women that size that need clothes. I'm sure many people search for the "Moment", but few find it. I'm happy I had "one fleeting moment" to remember.
I'm not perfect, I'm not a model, I'm just me and I've become happy being me, being the woman I see in the mirror even if she's not a head turner runway model.
I've come to love me and that's more important.

[Fiona_44]

For me, it was the first time I wore a wig that did it. I knew it would be a special moment so I put on a dress, lipstick, jewelry and nylons then the wig and when I looked in the full length mirror I was stunned to see the lady looking back at me. I sat there for a long time just looking at this new person feeling ultra-feminine. I saw the woman I wanted to be, it was an overwhelming sensation. I then decided that it was time to present Fiona to the world and went out en femme for the first time a few days later. Now living 24/7, I am lucky in that I often get this feeling, albeit not quite as powerful as that first time, of simply being a woman.

[docrobbysherry]

No, Chiffon, I could never understand that feeling because I have NO female inside of me.

I am a CD that wants to see a woman EVERY TIME I dress! And, after my first year of dressing 25+ years ago I figured out how I can!

That's when I discovered masks hid the last and worst of my Old MIAD look!

However, all the trans/CD friends I meet up with and everyone here insists I look "fine" with no mask. So, I'm forced to go out as an OLD MIAD to satisfy all of u!
I can only be Sherry for a few moments when out. The rest of the nite I must present as an Old MIAD!

[Karren H]

Great! Now I have Jay & the Americans singing in my head all day!

I used to get those moments all the time when I was younger and out and about enfemme but the last few year, zip! Sadly I doubt I will ever have another one.

[Chiffon]

Ha, yes, I almost named the thread This Magic Moment because of that song. Being in that almost 70 age bracket affords knowing a lot of songs to borrow one-liners from.

The mental image I see myself as is my avatar, a 35 year old classic hour-glass figure. I know it'll never happen at this age and like you say, I too know I'll never have another magic moment. Even if I could somehow present as a 69 year old female now, I selfishly (perhaps foolishly) only want to see that younger version. I'm sure there are those perfectly happy with how they present now, but I can't get to the point of wanting to look like a 69 year old female.

On the other hand, I just saw a selfie of Christly Brinkley this morning at age 70, quit stunning and a revelation in what is possible when you have money, perfect diet, unlimited hours with personal trainers and great genes. Yeh, if I could just look like that...

[Sherry Ann Evans]

Several years ago, I was out with a guy, and we were walking around downtown in a large city. We passed by a skyscraper which had all glass/mirrors on the side. I caught a glimpse of our reflection. I didn't see male me dressed up -- I saw a male/female couple walking down the street. It took a second for my brain to process that the female half was * ME *. Magic moment!!

[Sometimes Steffi]

There have been several times shopping at a department store when I see a cute chick in one of the full length mirrors. It takes me a couple of seconds to process that the cute chick in the mirror is me!

[Chiffon]

Sweet! Kind of the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake. Hope you have more magic moments.

[Melani65]

For me it was the first time I wore a wig, the transformation was hypnotic and just completed the "LOOK" I was always chasing.

[Jenn A116]

What a wonderful moment!!! I can't say I've achieved that level but I do occasionally surprise myself. I'm just trying to get a bit better every time I dress. One of these days that moment will strike.

[JohnH]

I sometimes have a moment when I feel that a woman is looking back at me in the morning while standing before a mirror while wearing a summer nightgown. That, however, disappears when I sing with my relaxed vocal cords and the sound of an oktavist comes out.

John

[Chiffon]

What a wonderful moment!!! I can't say I've achieved that level but I do occasionally surprise myself. I'm just trying to get a bit better every time I dress. One of these days that moment will strike.

Low light conditions are very helpful getting to that moment.