Can't figure it out

[Maria 60]

I can't figure this one out for the life of me. I'm usually underdressed all the time, pantyhose under my jeans with no socks and a bra with the forms. Yesterday I get home from work and she tells me she went through her clothes and for me to see if I want anything and the rest could be brought to the donation box. Only a black long skirt catches my eye and I drop my pants and already wearing pantyhose I put on the skirt and go into the kitchen for dinner. She looks at me and asks me why I'm not fully dressed and doesn't like that half and half look. Well I had to go shopping and instead of taking time to get ready I put my jeans back on and had dinner. I don't like to start anything or open a can of worms and I didn't ask but what was the difference between wearing pantyhose and a bra under and wearing a skirt only. Well as my father used to say "don't try to figure out the women you'll just go crazy".

[Maid_Marion]

Woman constantly judge other women based on appearance.

Think of it as a homework assignment in which the work you turn in is incomplete.

[JulieC]

Undressed, even if she knows, is not very visual...if at all. So, having a skirt on with no other outer garments is a half and half look that usually doesn't look right.

[Laura912]

You learned something. Your father’s comment is a bit dated and a little bit misogynistic.

[Jackiefl]

Maria my wife does not appreciate the 50/50 look also. I have been told many years ago it's all or nothing.

[kimdl93]

I know this is a to each their own thing, but I would agree with your wife, and if she prefers 100% to 50/50, then by all means follow her lead and respect her preferences!

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I agree with your father.

My wife also has told me not to dress half & half some times. I don't try to figure it out. I just change one way of the other.

[Cheryl T]

Similar reaction here.
There are times when I just don't feel like doing my makeup or wearing a wig. I'm happy just dressing.
Well one of those days my wife looks at me and says, "you need hair", meaning a wig. It's the image she sees that needs to be more "complete", not the one I feel.

[DianeT]

This forum is such a great resource for understanding women, thanks to the total lack of any trace of prejudice. I never went crazy trying to understand women but now that I know better, I'll stop trying before actually getting crazy. Or maybe I went crazy in the process and didn't realize it because, well, too late, I'm crazy now. Wait, maybe I can self-diagnose. Let's try: are women completely obsessed with appearance and always judging their peers based on it? Mmmh. Tough one. How about: we are on a CDer forum where many are obsessed with appearance and project on women their own inner clockworks. No, that's crazy.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Your father is wise and correct. As to the 50/50 look, I do it all the time. Maybe all the time since I don't bother with makeup, ever. But if your wife doesn't like a look (and this has nothing to do with crossdressing) it might be a look to avoid when around her.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Diane you crack me up!

[audreyinalbany]

I can't disagree with Diane...it's 2024 for God's sake...please stop the women 'judging each other on appearance' stuff

[docrobbysherry]

I can't figure it out either, Maria!
I agree with your SO.

Why r some dressers satisfied with under dressing and androgenous looks? I gave those things up soon after I began dressing. I guess u all r much younger than I? I'm an old, binary, CD!

It's all the way or nothing for my dressing!

[Jackiefl]

We ae all on this site for various reasons, all have their own validation. Some of us here would like our wives or girlfriends to accept us. So when our wives or girlfriends give is constructive criticism it is questioned by us. Now we want to know why they are not accepting of what we do.

[Di]

Well as my father used to say "don't try to figure out the women you'll just go crazy".

Kinda insulting.
But then I could turn it around and say
Don’t try to figure CDs out you will go crazy. ( for saying such a comment about women)


I was Shers biggest cheerleader just like your wife is yours .
She is just stating her opinion is she not entitled to? Also isnt it refreshing you can talk openly about it with her .
I agree with your wife and do not get the half and half look .
Add -Besides Sher never did that
I have asked here on the forum before since a lot talk about the underdressing and I Still think yuck and still do not get it.
Not that there is anything wrong with it ….just not my cup of tea.
You are very lucky you do not have to hide it like many here do and yet you still add a put down about women.
It is all so confusing sometimes.

[NancySue]

JMO, I don?t think this is anything to consternate about. Actually, a similar experience proved to be a breakthrough for me/us. She knows and supports me. Living in a small town limits my/our going out. I, too underdress daily. Some days guy things, some days women?s things. Several years ago, don?t remember, I was 50/50 underdress/jeans. Out of the blue, she told me we needed some groceries and, if I didn?t take too long, why didn?t I change, put a little makeup on, and a wig and we could go shopping. I couldn?t believe it. I quickly put on a skirt, top, wig and dabbed on some makeup, earrings and we went. I didn?t go in the store, but being out was fantastic. I never asked what brought this on. We now go out together often. I love it.

[ColleenA]

You are very lucky you do not have to hide it like many here do and yet you still add a put down about women.

Thank you for that comment, Di.
I have a friend who said, "Women are all crazy ... Men are all crazy ... It's just in different ways."
I agree with her.

[chrissy111]

I'm sure there are a lot of people here that would love to be told to be fully dressed by their wives as opposed to half and half.

[Gillian Gigs]

All people have their quirks, foibles, and oddities that we all have to ignore, or live with. My wife has no qualms with me going 50/50 around the house, top guy, bottom gal. She helps me with shopping and knows that I underdress all the time. Yet, she is not gung ho about seeing me dressed the whole 9 yards. Take what you're given and utilize the rest, the best that you can.

[Bea_]

I don't get it either...

[CarlaWestin]

Geez, all this over thinking.
The answer is, "Yes, Dear."

[alwayshave]

Maria, I have always looked at dressing as binary. I either dress fully or not at all.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u, Di! That's the point I was trying to make. Only u did it much better!

I read so many posts here from dressers blaming their SO's for every darn thing under the sun. And, it grinds my gears!

You've got only one life. And, every new day u have infinite choices in which u decide what you'll do. Yet u choose to blame your partners for not living the life u want!?

It's unfair to your partners to use them for your own cowardly, dishonest, excuses!
Remember, "The only thing u need fear is fear itself!"

[Genifer Teal]

For me when someone dresses halfway there's some kind of incongruity there. it suggests the clothes are literally just for the feeling. for me the goal is looking like a woman. I think it's easier for a wife or someone else to accept that you're trying and this is as good as it gets. when you're only wearing some clothes and not dressing all the way she's faced with the reality of a MIAD which her brain interprets differently.

[Bea_]

For me when someone dresses halfway there's some kind of incongruity there.

As someone who has never done full femme, and not interested, i would agree that there is an incongruence, but the noncongruence is less male/female than a lack of congruence with what is expected by the spouse and the world. I'm sitting here in all women's clothes, under and over. My gray hair falls below my shoulder blades. I've got on some subtle eyeshadow and mascara and am wearing a string of pearls. I have a full beard, which is one of my favorite features of my appearance whether drab or femme. There is a "feeling" component to why I like wearing these things, but there is a very strong visual component where I see exactly the look I was going for for the day.

For me, there is zero incongruence between what I see in the mirror and who I am as a man. I totally understand that the uniqueness of how I look is incongruent with the world at large. It is incongruent with what most here on the forum want to project. But, there's no incongruence within.

Within my marriage, I am pretty certain that my wife would be much more bothered by a full femme presentation than my hybrid/femme androgynous presentation. She hasn't been thrilled with the femme male look, and I am sympathetic. I try to allow her comfort level to dictate the extent of my dressing, but balance by progressively asserting my own style. My end game is still totally male, but it's an expanded masculinity rather than a move to femininity in my mind. Mark Bryant used to be on the forum. My style would probably be more of a long-haired, bearded version closer to his.

https://harpersbazaar.com.au/mark-bryan-interview/