A more substantial win...

[Bea_]

I've wanted to find my style in makeup but my wife was always horrified at the idea. Over the last month I just decided to get up and start my day with some mascara. I try to be subtle, but not invisible in applying it and she complained about it smearing several times. She suggested I move to waterproof. I did and have been wearing mascara to run errands daily since.

After a couple of months of mascara, I got a wild hair to try some eyeshadow. I had a small palette of shadows that had one dark brown color. I tried it and didn't hate it. She didn't like it, but rather than complain that it was too feminine, she complained that it was too dark and that it made me look tired. I finally asked her if she had any palettes that I might be able to try. She was the one who found the palette and the color I'm wearing right now. It is much more subtle that than i started with, but along with the mascara, I'm slowly finding the confidence to get out and about wearing it. She has been accommodating even though I know she's not thrilled.

From her stance on makeup a year or two ago to the acceptance and even giving suggestions is a major win for me.

I'm still inclined to take off the makeup if I know I'll be around family or people at church, but even then I'm not horrified at the idea of being seen. I am guarded, but not horrified. That's a huge change for me.

[docrobbysherry]

I trip of a 1000 miles starts with one step. Good for u, Bea!

[bridget thronton]

Sounds like good progress and you wife is suggesting how you improve your makeup

[Debs]

Ill give it a couple of years and you will want your beard off, yes I know your gonna tell me it will never happen, but when your beard is off and you have full makeup on and all the rest of your girlie wear, youll never look back, believe me. youll recognise the real you in the mirror.

[Bea_]

Debs,

You may be projecting just a bit. i've tried full makeup a couple of times privately and didn't like it. I tend to push the femme limits a bit to find the boundaries of who I am. I find my balance with a femme male look. I like being a guy and I like that my beard makes that very clear, no matter what else I might wear. I've come to accept that my style would mistakenly be taken by many as gay. I've had some come to that mistaken conclusion in the past, well before i started experimenting with women's clothes.

I don't like the fuss of foundations, contouring and all that. For me a bit of subtle shadow, mascara and lip gloss and I am at my happy place. I've got a strong brow line with a substantial unibrow and have never been inclined to make drastic changes.

I like the contrast of my male features and my femme clothes although I still feel the need to complete certain looks with femme details. It's a creative endeavor for me. The real me is male.

[DianeT]

I've come to accept that my style would mistakenly be taken by many as gay.

Being mistaken as gay because you say or do something out of the norm might happen. I started to not care around 30, maybe because we had gay friends where we lived and I started feeling that correcting people about it, although legitimate, had a downside of making it an issue and I didn't want that anymore. So when a girl in a new job made an ambiguous comment about me because of something I said (I can be provocative when I don't approve where a discussion seems to be heading), I didn't correct her for the first time of my life. And never did since. People can think what they like, and it's good once in a while to not let them catalog you one way or another. Doubt and hesitations are more fertile than a black and white vision of the world. And with some luck, maybe they'll even stop caring about it.

[MarinaTwelve200]

It is ALSO important to realize that for many of us, our "fem persona (or look) is NOT "The real me", it's the "NOT ME" we wish to achieve. Some of us want to ESCAPE our real (Male) selves, jost as much as there are those of us who want to EMBRACE a real "Female self". We both are CDers, but just DIFFERENT TYPES of CDers.

So far as people thinking one is "Gay" just because one cross dresses, I say Forget em, "Gay" is not cross dressing--- it's being attracted to the same bio sex. Such folks are astonishingly ignorant and don't know what "gay" means. Yes, some gays ALSO cross Dress, but only God knows why. If they are trying to attract a same sex partner who is also gay, would that not be "fishing with the wrong bait?"

[Bea_]

Diane, Marina,

I never really understood exactly what triggered it, but I was hit on by gay guys 3 or 4 times in my teens and twenties so I became very aware that I might be sending out some kind of false gay signals. And, within my soon to be fifty year marriage, my wife has outright questioned my sexuality, again with no real understanding on my part of what would bring on such questions. This was well before I started crossdressing and I pretty much felt like an average heterosexual guy. So yeah, I'm a little more sensitive to the gay question than others might be.

But, I think it's the "gay question" that is now one of the strongest drivers of my taste. I almost feel like I have to show just how eccentric I can be to prove myself rather than duck back into some typical male persona. I've never been attracted to any man in my sixty eight years and have been completely monogamous since I married at 18. It feels like being "normal" never paid off for me and now has lost it's value completely. That doesn't necessarily make any exposure of my new self any easier, but does feel like it makes it more important.

[jjjjohanne]

HEY Bea!

Are you wearing the make up with your menswear or only with your womenswear? If with menswear, can you tell if anyone is noticing or reacting?

Now, go buy your wife flowers.

[Bea_]

Johanne,

The only time I avoid wearing makeup lately is when expect to be around my daughter's family or when I expect to be face to face at close proximity in a well lighted area (as I was at a lunch meeting today). I do a subtle eyeshadow in a shade just darker than my eyelids. My wife helped me figure out how to apply to keep from making my eyes look more closed. I also do Loreal black-brown waterproof mascara (my wife kept complaining that the non-waterproof was smudging). If I expect to be around people I know and still want to wear makeup, I only do my top lashes and do very light or no shadow. I also have been wearing Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer gloss in a Peony shade that barely shows up (but does leave a satisfying print on my favorite porcelain coffee cup and feels nice to wear). The lip gloss wears off quickly so I'm thinking no one will see it.

Before my wife helped me figure out the best application, I only had one older woman seem to openly stare. I don't think many people look long enough or close enough to even notice that I'm wearing it. If anyone at church has noticed, there's been no noticeable difference in any interactions. I stand out as it is with almost white hair down to my shoulder blades and a substantial white beard.

I guarantee that my daughter would notice it within seconds, but I've been to church wearing just the upper lash mascara and don't think it hit anyone's radar. I've gotten to the point that I just get up and do my makeup as part of my morning routine now.

I did do more obvious makeup once last year and got a very noticeable response from a barista at a local coffee shop. She looked like she was throwing up in her mouth a little bit. That was a downer, but i chalked it up to just needing to be more subtle, not that I shouldn't wear it. I can look in the mirror and tell I'm wearing makeup, but it's subtle enough that I'm hoping it just enhances my natural look. Even, and especially if no one notices but me and maybe my wife, it still feels right to have it on daily. I wear it for me.

If I'm out and about, I am 80-90% in menswear. I've worn women's skinny jeans a few time and women's t shirts under a man's open button up fairly regularly and have begun wearing yoga pants to the gym. The only time I'm out in full femme obvious femme mode is to my therapy sessions. I expect to venture a little bit more as I become more comfortable.

To give an idea of what I look like, my youngest grandson is talking about me going trick or treating with him as Gandalf. There is NO chance that anyone is going to see me as a woman from the front. That suits me perfectly.

I need to look for flowers next time I'm out...

[jjjjohanne]

If you have a Gandalf beard, then "you shall not pass."
<snort>

[Bea_]

Gotta admit. I laughed at that one. Accurate.