Tips to meet the openminded girl

[Sabrihal]

Hello, i like to wear girly clothes and that makes me feels better, but until now i couldnt find the girl who understand what i feel and that accepts to share her closet with me. Do you have any suggestion please? I live in Paris btw.
Its true that i crossdress sometimes but i want to keep it inside the house and between me and the girl that i want to meet. Please help me with advices.
Thank you

[Emily in the south]

That's a tough one, as many ladies here can attest to.
All I can say from my experience is the more you are out and about interacting with the gg's, the more your odds might improve to win that lottery. Since it appears you do not venture out dressed, makes it much tougher in my opinion.

In my en femme travels out & about, I have met a number of gg's and some are now friends. They are usually the ones to strike up a conversation with me. If I am by myself, many times, they invite me to join their group so that I am not alone.

Now, entering into a more personal relationship, which it appears you desire, is a whole different animal..

Emily

[Sabrihal]

Thank you Emily, well, im someone who stays at home all the time, im trying hard via internet to find a girl who respects my desires and understand my feeling. Unfortunatly too much fake accounts.
Im just looking for a girl who can accept me the way i am. We dress up together we do make up together...
When i go outside i always think when i get home what dress i will put on and dream to have a girl next to me who can share this with her

[Debs]

I go out dressed all the time, I have many gg girlfriends who are willing to come shopping with me also go out at night to pubs and clubs, but having a personal relationship with any of them is a who different world, they love being around me and out with me, they even come away with me and we stay in the same room and same bed, but a sexual relationship is a big NO NO !!, it doesnt turn them on. But I accept and understand and am grateful for what I have, which is amazing GG friends to go out with. OK Ive had the odd drunken snog/kiss , but thats it.

[Genifer Teal]

Put your true self out there and let them come to you. Mention your femme side on your profile. There really isn't a best way to bring it up later. I make sure they know up front.

[docrobbysherry]

I have found great acceptance from women. And, have and do hang out with a few of them. Even sleeping with one like Debs has.

But, as far as a CD seriously dating a GG? That's like catching a unicorn!

I wish u luck finding your unicorn, Sabri.

[Kitty S]

I believe anyone looking for love will find it challenging. It's like any kind of dating, you are looking for someone to check the boxes of your ideal mate. Being a CD is only one part of who you are there are so many other qualities you have to offer. You can set up a profile to screen anyone not interested in dating a CD or you can meet new people and go about your life open to relationships. You may find you have a lot more girlfriends and they know other girls who may be interested, if not you have a new circle of friends. In my situation I was married for 25 years before I found this side of me. Neither of us had any experience or perceptions and we are learning together. I know it's rare to find such a woman, but isn't it also rare to find true love for anyone? If someone has the answer to finding love they will be rich! I feel that if you go about your life enjoying and accepting who you are, you will attract others that just want to be around a happy content person. And you live in PARIS the love capital of the world, one of my favorite places I have ever visited!

[Sabrihal]

Thank you all for the replies, i cannot go out dressed because of the family issues. So the chance to have the good partner is weak. On internet there only people who wants to jerks... and fake profils everywhere. So there isnt some special tips to follow .. its only by chance

[Davina13]

This thread hits close to home for me. A little story too. I’m a long distance backpacker,in ‘21 I was hiking and at the end of day landed at a camping area,about a half dozen or other hikers were there. I set up my tent,and laid out my sleeping gear,a ground pad and sleeping,which by the way happens to be pink. Then I start getting my dinner together along with the other hikers,and a younger small framed girl shows up,she heads back to the tenting area and sets up her tent,right next to mine. We never really spoke that evening except for saying hello,in the morning it turns out everyone was heading northbound on the trail except for her,she was south as I was too. I asked her if she wanted to hike together for a while,and she said yes. So the day went well,lots of chit chat and getting to know each other. She told me she put her tent next to mine because she thought it belonged to a female because of the pink sleeping bag,and I just chuckled a bit,mind you my toes are painted bright red as well. A day or so later I was showing her pics of my place and there’s a web cam in my place,and she’s looking at the place and notices a pair silky pink pjs hanging off my dresser. She doesn’t say anything about it,another day or two goes by and we’re talking ,she tells me she thought I was just gay,and that’s when I told her that enjoy crossdressing. Then she shows me some pics of a place in Miami,which is where she is from,and it was a bar that had lots of cross dressers,and she said that that doesn’t bother her. Well,we ended up hiking together for 4 months,and dated for 2 years. When we came back to my place,she’d suggest I get dressed so we could watch tv or whatever,she was very cool about it,and I was able to dress with her frequently,except the one thing she didn’t care for were breast forms,and I really don’t know why. Anyway,my point being,those unicorns are out there,and you never know where you’ll run into one. It upsets me that I let this one slip away.

[NancySue]

Not an uncommon dilemma, but they?re out there. I know, I?m fortunately married to one. The #1 issue is honesty. When? As soon as the relationship reaches a point of seriousness. It took all my courage to tell her, but I earned her respect and she listened. We had many long talks, did a lot of reading, etc. I?m not sure either one of us understands my dressing, but her acceptance is unconditional. She has a great sense of humor, even laughed when I told her. Initially, she had a couple of major issues, but we gladly worked our way through them. She occasionally teases me about how can I stand wearing hose, underwires, etc. My smile is her answer. I wish you the best in your sojourn.

[Gi Gondin]

I strongly agree with kitty’s answer - it’s challenging to find a partner without CDing.

But I’ll give you an advice that is based in a thought reversal logic: what you I need to be to fully accept and enjoy (and cherish) for a relationship with a girl that would crossdress as a man.

That question leads me to one answer (obviously not meaning that is a correct one or the only answer to the question, please don?t be offended by my answer): if I was bisexual, or in any way attracted to a masculine gender, I may find easier or even great for her to have this ‘flexibility’.

My point is - bisexual woman may find crossdressing a blessing!

[Maria 60]

Well it really is a roll of the dice. When I told my wife back in 1986 and she was a very traditional European girl and I thought she was going to run back to her mother. I told her everything from the first time I remembered putting on my sisters pantyhose up till the same morning when I put on hers and told her I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to leave me.
Surprisingly she asked a few questions and she told me she wanted to see where I was going with this and she wanted to give it a chance, she didn't want me wearing her things and we went out and bought some fem things for me, and that was 35 yrs ago and we are still some how together.
You just don't know, I have a great friendship relationship with my wife's sister and if I was to tell anyone else it probably would have been her, instead one night she let it all out of how disgusting she thought crossdressers are. I thought she would have been the most open minded about it. That's why I guess when you meet a woman you are just going to have to follow your heart. There are a lot of stories here about women who are excepting while dating and then when they get married they don't want to see it. My only advice is if your planning on not living your life as a fugitive and want to share this part of you with your partner it better to be up front from the start. Roll the dice and see what lands.

[Sandi Beech]

Sabrihal,

Lots of good responses already, but I will add my thoughts. Like Maria said, it is a roll of the dice to tell someone after you start dating or after marriage. Yes some get lucky , but there are others like myself who went the honest route first only to find out the spouse has no tolerance for it, and I do mean zero.

In my extensive travels, I have found it is easier to meet GGs when dressed, like Emily?s experience. I will say that if you meet women at a LGBT bar or club, they are likely far more accepting than the general population at large. So if you are not going out dressed, you could at least take pictures of yourself and tell people you meet that you are there because you are a crossdresser, not because you are gay , etc. At least you can test the waters that way. I am not going into any detail here, but I can say there are women who are attracted to us as CDs. It is just a matter of getting out there and meeting people. I would not use the Internet. It might work for some, but I would not even consider that route for myself.

Tell any women up front when you meet them, not after the fact I or you may be wasting yours and their time. Like so many others, I really did not know I wanted to CD when I met my wife. At least you know, so it is not something you will drop on your spouse later in life.

Sandi

[JulieC]

Sabrihal, as Sandi noted, you have a bit of an advantage in that you do know you are a crossdresser now, and it's not something you will discover after you marry someone.

I agree with others that using the Internet to try to find this notional woman is a bad idea. Really bad idea. As you've noted, you've run into a lot of fakes. It's also worth noting that (at least in the U.S.) only about 1 in 4 women use online dating apps. I.e., if you are focusing your efforts to online possibilities, you are ignoring 3 out of every 4 women. It's just not a good idea, even if that were the only reason.

The cold, hard reality is that it is likely very few women are interested in dating crossdressers up front. Gi Gondin might be right; bisexual women might, on average, be more interested. I briefly dated a bisexual woman who was actively turned on by me crossdressing. Who knows.

For me, what worked is this: I'd reached a point in my life when I had had enough of non-acceptance. One woman I had dated in particular had been rather insulting towards me with regards to crossdressing. I wasn't going to tolerate it any more in any women I was going to date. I told myself I would give any budding relationship two months. At that point, I would tell her. If she disappeared, she disappeared. I wasn't going to waste my time anymore. If she didn't disappear, then great! I figured two months would give them enough time to learn about me, in all aspects except crossdressing. It would be enough time for them to see the positives in dating me. Then, if the crossdressing were too much and they left, so be it.

This worked. After a couple of months of dating my now wife, I told her about my crossdressing. Two days later, she bought me some pantyhose as a gift. I was sold! We've been married for many, many years now. As I type, I am sitting here in pretty heels, pantyhose, white skirt, bra, and teal green top. My wife is in the other room, but has come in a couple of times while I am sitting here dressed as I am. All is bliss.

[JenniferR771]

And be sure to have a really nice car (expensive car).
And buy her a drink with a hundred dollar bill.
And be accepting of her quirks and foibles.
If she is overweight. Bad hair? Hunch-back? Be perfectly accepting and respectful.
And later if you explain you wear pantyhose in winter for warmth...

[Sabrihal]

Thank you all, i think the best way is when i get to know a new girl i show her some of my photos while im dressed to see her reaction if she accepts me the way i am or not

[Rachelakld]

I meet my love at the age of 40.
I played it cool, manly for the first few dates.
After a few weeks it started getting serious
At this point I had to take a chance, and explained during a naked session, that I have "other nice clothes that I like to wear"
She checked it out, tried some stuff on, it was a great night.
That was 19 amazing years ago.

[Sasha_inside]

I told my wife when we were dating, she had questions, lots of questions, but was/is OK with me dressing.

[Alaina R]

There are no magic formulas, you need to be lucky. From a romantic point of view, it is a deal breaker for many women. That said there are more than a few women for whom it is not a deal breaker and a few who actually like it.
I got lucky in that during the early years of the internet, I responded to a woman advertising for a crossdresser. It was a real person amazingly enough, we started corresponding, eventually met, took it slow but ultimately married. That was over 20 years and it changed both our lives.
I asked why she responded to me? She was inundated with responses from all over the world. Interestingly, she had been looking for a man who crossdressed for a long time and had just about given up. How is that possible given that she really is what we might now call a unicorn and has all these guys to choose from?
She may have wanted a crossdresser but, like most woman, she wanted a person who shared her ethics, her values, etc etc. She said that many crossdressers are primarily focused on themselves and she really wanted no part of that. A lot of others had other social problems, maybe because they have felt isolated for so long and then some she just didn't connect with as often happens with any two people interacting.
When I first responded to her, I barely mentioned the crossdressing and instead talked about the things that I think anybody looking for a relationship might be interested in knowing about a prospective partner.
By that time, I had also experienced a major internal change which I think contributed to the positive outcome. I was in my mid-forties and tired of trying to find a relationship. I had decided I would likely be alone the rest of my life and while I didn't like that fact, I was just going to be who I am. So the fact that she liked crossdressers did not mean I was going to settle or try to be somebody I'm not. For instance, right up front I knew if she did not like pets there would be no relationship because pets are important to me. Also, if she smoked - no go. Nothing radical, just the normal thoughts you'd have when meeting any new person.
Bottom line, be who you are and let the women you meet get to know and like that person. Good luck.

[char GG]

Alainia,

Your post is very thoughtful and in-depth.

Most women are looking for a man who is well rounded. If they cross dress and they have other interests, that is a plus. If they cross dress and just want a girlfriend and/or wife as an accessory to their crossdressing, then - it's a no go. Honesty in all things is also a plus.

No woman is going put in a dating profile that they are looking for a man with a secret life.

[alwayshave]

Sabrihal, Unfortunately I think it is a matter of luck. I told my now wife about my CDing before we moved in together. Had she said she would not accept, I am pretty sure I would have pulled the plug on the relationship.

[sometimes_miss]

The best advice I've gotten, is to befriend gay women and then get them to let you tag along with them to clubs/bars where gay women go. You can start out going straight, but perhaps with some make up or feminine accessories, and look for what appear to be straight women who are curious about the lesbian life, but maybe aren't quite ready to cross the line physically, who might be willing to try out a guy who dresses/behaves more like a woman than a man usually does. I never had the courage to do that, but it's been about 15 years, so maybe where you live there may be more accepting people/women who might be more open to trying dating a guy who isn't the typical 'all macho male, all the time' guy. As I said, start slow, and if you find establishments friendly to both male and female cross gender behavior, you can try out going completely en femme at some point. That's what I would do, if I any hope of being attractive in any way in female mode.
Good luck. You are embarking in an adventure, equal to trying to win the lottery. There simply aren't a whole lot of women on earth who aren't completely turned off by feminine guys. Sure, there are some, and you will find several here on a crossdressers website, but overall that's not even a handful in comparison to the tens of millions of us around the world, all hopeful of finding a CD/transgender friendly female mate. I'd be happy just finding a platonic female friend who would be willing to occasionally being a 'cuddle buddy' to just go out and see movies or have dinner, just for the affection needs, completely disregarding ever having sex. But so far, that's not to be; the sexual turn off that the vast majority of women experience is almost universal when it comes to feminine guys who want to dress or behave like girls do.

[Snide_lobster]

I had found one (kind of huge asterix), but she cut herself out of my life. This has been a sore subject for the past half a year or so, but I guess I'm finally moving on. My therapist, family, et al, reassure me it had more to do with her than with me, and to some extent I believe there's some truth in that, but I still played a huge role. We had a big incompatibility issue we were both aware of, boundaries/desires relating to physical intimacy. I thought it could be something that would change, for a while she told me it could be something that she could change, and then suddenly it wasn't. I still had my doubts it was completely innate but was willing to explore growing comfortable with its consequences if it wasn't. However, by then it was too late, I had put too much pressure on her to change (trying to explore how we might make things that were initially uncomfortable more comfortable for her). At that point she thought she would never be enough for me, told me she felt guilty keeping me from someone who could give me what I'm looking for, and didn't want me to make sacrifices for her. She knew about my "hobby", had partaken in it with me a little bit, seemed outwardly supportive, but on the inside, I know it weirded her out. I tried to bring it up a few times to set up some boundaries (I certainly could have had these conversations better), she brushed it off saying she didn't want me to keep it hidden from her. Our separation wasn't about my dressing, but knowing stories of SO's further losing attraction, I can't help but feel I shot myself in the foot. Looking back, I know there were a lot of red flags, and if my cd'ing really did kill her intimacy, she was still unable to share that with me, which is not a negligible issue. But there are certainly days where it feels like I ripped up a winning lottery ticket in my hand (the things she did well where spectacular, she was so intelligent, caring, and talented), particularly as I try to navigate the modern dating scene (which looks more and more like a desert).

[Debs]

Snide Lobster dont beat yourself up, dressing will always win in a relationship choice, been there done that got the video and the tee shirt.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Sabrihal,

I asked my wife to offer some advice to your request. Here was her answer:

1. Once you find a girl that you have a strong attraction to, and who also feels the same about you, as a male.

2. When it becomes apparent to both you and your girlfriend that your relationship is growing closer and closer, only then should you disclose to her about your interest in CDing.

I disclosed my CD interest to my wife a month after we met. We both fell badly in love practically on first site.

The primary benefit of early disclosure is that your willingness to be totally honest with your girlfriend about CDing will likely build enormous trust with her.

It also sets the stage for you both to spend those early months getting to know each other with early disclosure that either one of you have about those things that most people keep as their deep, dark secrets.