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Thread: Cross dress to de-stress

  1. #1
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    Cross dress to de-stress

    Hello fellow cross dressers

    I have been an occasional visitor to this site for a number of years. Recent life events have caused me to finally break cover and register.

    My back story is similar to many I have read on here. Sketchily remembered yearnings from early age, teenage experimentation and then a long period of dormancy and suppression punctuated by occasional opportunistic outbursts through many years of ?normal? life.

    Now as I nurse my wife through an awful terminal diagnosis I have been struck by a huge resurgence in my desire to dress. My opportunities to do so are small to non-existent at present but I am finding the contemplation and planning I am able to do a great source of comfort and even strength as I try to figure out a way through the present and think about a future.

    Has anyone else experienced a similar correlation between personal stress and their desires to dress ? Can I expect this to subside as and when some sort of ?normal? returns or should I expect to need to make a more permanent role for Tamsin in my life.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Tamsin, First, I am sorry about your wife's diagnosis. I can understand why you would need to destress. CDing has always made me more relaxed. I hope that you get the change to while caring for your wife.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  3. #3
    Junior Member Claire81's Avatar
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    So sorry for what you are going through, Tamsin. My mother underwent a long, slow decline with Alzheimer's, so I might have a sense of what you are going through. Going En Femme always has been an effective stress reliever. We all form a bit differently in the womb, get doused with a unique set of compounds in utero, and have our own childhood experiences, shaping us into what we are now. I can't tell you what to expect, and what not to, because we are all different, and are living our own unique lives. But I can say that every attempt I have made to repress CDing has only strengthened the urge...❤

  4. #4
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Sounds as if you have a very stressful situation, so I assume that has an impact for sure.

    In my case, uncertainty about my job some years ago caused me to want to escape into CDing. It can be a mixed bag for some of us because being outed to certain people can have the opposite effect, increasing stress. It can be a difficult balancing act to stay on the calming side. You just have to figure out what works best for you and your wife. It is not always an easy thing to do.

    I am very sorry for your situation.

    Sandi

  5. #5
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Tamsin, I think it depends on whether you're a trans or CD?

    When I began dressing 25+ years ago I thot I wanted to become a female.
    Back then I found dressing to be stress relieving.

    But, after learning a lot from others on this site I discovered I simple want to look like a woman. Turns out I'm a CD.
    Now, I only dress to go out to meet other dressers or for photo shoots. Both of which cause much more stress than they relieve. And, I no longer feel those old compulsions to dress! Sometimes even those rare times when I've planed to dress I find I'm not in the mood!

    That's more of a trans thing than a CD thing!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    We have all kinds of ways of dealing with grief. While it's impossible to predict how you'll behave, one thing is sure, you'll need all the comfort you can get. If it turns out to be a Tamsin phase, then so be it and you shouldn't feel guilty. For now, your wife is all that matters. Good luck to you both.
    "So, I'm a crossdresser. Mmh. What's that thing, again?"

    Considering telling your SO? Read this fine manual first: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

  7. #7
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Yes dressing brings me peace - prayers for you and your wife

  8. #8
    Junior Member danniUK's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear about your situation Tamsin - big hugs.

    It hasn't occurred to me before, but I think there's definitely something to this.
    We (as a family) have been going through a pretty tough time for the last two years or so and it does tie in with my acceptance/embracing of what I am and subsequent regular dressing after decades of supressing/ignoring this side of myself.
    I'd honestly never thought about a connection between the two, at least until now.
    I definitely get comfort from dressing, I feel more a complete version of me when I let myself be feminine alongside the masculine.

  9. #9
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    So sorry for your wife's diagnosis, dressing always has helped me with stress. You should do and find whatever you can to help you throught this hard time.

  10. #10
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Welcome, Tamsin. It sounds like what you are going through with your dear wife is horrible and without an encouraging likely outcome. You are special and your dedication in your care for your wife is undoubtedly a part of who you and Tamsin are. If being Tamsin when needed provides what you need to maintain at least a somewhat more level emotional life then go for it. It is possible that the Tamsin side is the female-like part of your total identity and in this situation Tamsin has come out fully charged and ready to help in a female-like fashion. It is a good thing, a blessed ability.

  11. #11
    Member Julia1984's Avatar
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    I know I felt a massively increased urge to let out my feminine side, both when I was suffering with moderately severe anxiety / depression and when I was dealing with my mother's terminal illness. Partly the "big things" in life, like the expectation of huge loss and grief, put our own issues into perspective and one may end up feeling "for goodness ' sake, if not now, then when?" Or more colloquially "Just do it!". Whatever it is for you, I'm sorry to hear of your situation and I wish you fortitude to get through it.
    Last edited by DAVIDA; 06-12-2024 at 02:25 AM. Reason: Do not try to bypass the word filter.

  12. #12
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Along with others, so sorry to hear of your wife?s prognosis. I?ve often found cding a huge stress reliever, especially nylon stockings or thigh highs. Being retired and aging, I find so much stress relief. I hope you find stress relief in dressing.

  13. #13
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
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    The fact that she was fine with me caring for her dressed was a huge help to me in dealing with my late wife's terminal illness.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Steph_CD_62's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your wife.
    My wife had a stroke 7 years ago and there are days that are stressful.
    For some reason when I am wearing a nice long nightgown it just relaxes me more than just lounging around in my men's clothes. Not sure why, but it does.

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    Thanks all for your replies and for your good wishes. Interested and a little relieved to learn that others have experienced something similar.

    While it probably is a case of ?whatever gets me through? for the time being I like Gretchen?s thought that Tamsin?s strong re-emergence could be a corollary of the female side care I am trying to provide.

  16. #16
    Member Kitty S's Avatar
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    Tamsin, I do find comfort in dressing. I also find I have more femme traits while dressed that my wife loves. With that in mind I have been trying to meld my 2 halves in some respects and have more Kitty emotionally even in drab mode. Not sure if this makes sense but I like me more when I'm Kitty. I can't really explain but male me just isn't as open and affectionate. I think Tamsin may be better at this challenge than birth you. I'm so sorry to hear the news and will be sending positive thoughts your way.

  17. #17
    New Member alliy377's Avatar
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    It definitely destresses me. Between work, taking care of my mother-in-law who has Alzheimer's, everyday life, my wife, who is showing signs of early onset dementia, I find a lot of comfort dressing.
    Also, discovering this forum just last week. It's great to be able to talk to others who understand.
    Thoughts & Prayers to you and your wife Tamsin.
    To quote a line from my second favorite band from Sweden (you can probably guess #1) "I'm gonna get dressed for success" - Roxette

    Alliy

  18. #18
    Senior Member Debbie Denier's Avatar
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    I find dressing is a great form of stress relief. I am sorry to hear of your wifes diagnosis and understand what you are going through. When I cared for my late my mother. I used to dress at her home with her blessing providing nobody else was due to visit . It was a great source of comfort and helped me immensely.

  19. #19
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    Tamsin, I'm so sorry about your wife. I wish both of you all the strength and joy, you can find and enjoy.

    And to answer your question: yes, from what I read on this forum a lot of girls came to be so the men can destress. And I'm one of them. I was literally made up as imaginary friend with my own life that helped Him to destress. I even helped him to choose Christmas ornaments. But as His depression was getting worse and He started to have suicidal ideations, I was brought to life to help Him. It was at the beginning of April and in those 2 months He got a lot better.

    So again: Yes, for many of us CD is a way to reduce stress.

  20. #20
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I’m sorry to hear about your wife Tamsin. I’ve been married to my wife for almost 50 years, and I couldn’t imagine life without her.

    Yes, crossdressing is a great way to de-stress. I remember one day in particular that I got upset at work (over something trivial) and the day just kept getting worse. I kept getting more and more upset about things, and by the time I got home I was ready to blow up at anyone over anything. I didn’t much feel like crossdressing, but I forced myself. I put on a dress with some lipstick and sat down to rest. I was surprised to find that all my problems had shrunk to insignificance. They were nothing to worry about, and I was happy. No more stress. I decided I wanted to feel that way all the time. Now I crossdress every day.

    Your problems are not insignificant but I’m sure crossdressing will help you deal with them in a clear state of mind. Best wishes to you.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

  21. #21
    Member JustineFallow's Avatar
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    I'm sorry about your wife!

    Add me to the roster: CDing is a great stress-reliever. It's one of the things that kept me from total despair as a teenager, and with the help of anti-depressants, gives me great calm now. I liken it to a pool of warm water.

  22. #22
    Member SuzyZahn's Avatar
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    Wow,,,,De-stress yes!!! And it just looks and feels so good.

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