Hopefully I didn't take a step back

[Maria 60]

I'm very careful when it comes to conversations or actions with my wife about my dressing, I don't want to take any steps back and on Friday I believe I did just that.
I had the day off and booked an appointment to a crossdressing store in our city, I wanted to try a one size larger breast form. My wife also had the day off and wanted to come with me and I dressed pretty and off we went. When we got there I showed the owner what forms I had and explained I don't use adhesives or tapes and that I just put the forms in the bra. She suggested and showed me a bra that had pockets in them to hold the forms and I went to try it on and a one size larger form. When I came out of the change room I asked them how it looked and the owner started grabbing them and shaping them and I was in a little unfamiliar territories because I'm not used to being touched when dressed. My wife will only feel my pantyhosed legs against hers when we are intimate but besides that she goes out of her way not to touch me at all when I'm dressed. Well now the store owner is touching me and I have never tucked and I don't even know how to tuck and I guess you know what happened. She pulled away to looked at the results and she said "OH" and my wife looked down and I could see the look of embarrassment as she was shaking her head in disappointment. To try to put some humour on the situation I told them it has a brain of it own, but it didn't change the situation. I turned to go back into the change room and my wife with a little of a upset voice told me to buy the forms and the bra and keep them on for the ride home. I knew it was going to be a long ride home and as soon as we got in the car she automatically asked me what happened in there. I tried to explain that I never have been touched dressed and didn't really expect that to happen and then came "I guess it's my fault I don't touch my husband while wearing fake boobs a bra and women's clothes and because of that another women turns him on". There was more but I'll stop it at that. After she said all that I knew I was going to war with a jackknife and I asked my wife if we could pull over and she drive because I just wanted to get out of those clothes. We haven't talked about it since and I haven't dressed yet. But I have a feeling I'm going to be going into a DADT situation. What was supposed to be a great day that I was looking forward to turned into a regret decision.
I have a fairly open relationship with her and I will try to talk about it later this week. Wish me luck

[IwishIwasTracy]

Maria,

I wish you nothing but luck in your future discussions. One thing that I hear from my wife at times is that my dressing makes her feel like she isn't woman enough for me. Which is completely nuts as she is. I tell her that all the time. So maybe your wife is feeling that now. You have one other woman in your life, that is Maria, and now another woman did for you what only she should. Just my thoughts to help you maybe navigate a tough situation.

Tracy

[susan2010]

Sometimes we cross a line by accident or by imagining we have permission. When my ex found a pair of heels I suddenly found out that was a "step" too far.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I think you hit the nail on the head in all your conclusions.

The one thing I can say is communicate, communicate, communicate.

Don't stop talking.

You and your wife had a great relationship regarding your dressing. I would like to "hope" that it is strong enough to survive this.

[Verona]

My relationship with my wife is very similar sexually to yours. She will not even let me hug her when dressed. can only wear lingerie whilst intimate nothing else femme.
I do not even want to be sexual when fully dressed and I?m not sure what would happen to me if I was in the situation. My wife would probably laugh though, and not get offended, sexual arousal is natural and can not be controlled.
Hope you get forgiveness soon x

[alwayshave]

Maria, In my opinion, the SA should have been more discreet. Your wife knowing how highly sexual dressing is should have understood.

[docrobbysherry]

U don't ever tuck and this was your first erection dressed?

That's way more shocking to me than anything else in your post, Maria!

That's one of the reason I tuck every time I dress. At home or going out.

I hope the 2 of u will work this out. Instead of a step back maybe u can make this the first step to a new frontier?

[char GG]

You have one other woman in your life, that is Maria, and now another woman did for you what only she should.

Keep communicating or she might come to some conclusions on her own that may or may not be true. Right now, she may be hurt and confused.

You are the only one that can help her to understand your reaction.

[Genifer Teal]

I can see why the situation could be taken the way It was. on the other hand for what it is the situation was quite innocent. Maybe not as we age, but the wind can blow the right way and things might Come to your attention. Does that mean the wind is better at turning you on? The conclusion I'm coming to is. Maybe your wife is having trouble turning you on, otherwise I don't see why this is a big deal. What do I know i'm single. I do know a lot of women that would have laughed it off as a funny situation.

[JesseVF]

What a great relationship you must have that she would go to this store with you while you are dressed! I also find it interesting that she made a point of telling you to buy the bra/forms and leave them on for the ride home. Hearing all that seems to me you should be back on track soon.

[Sandi Beech]

Maria,

I can see how your wife would be alarmed at how easily another turned you on, and that person was not even trying. Imagine if someone were really hitting on you. Even without that aspect, it was likely an embarrassing situation for her. One thing I found out years ago, it is a big mistake to embarrass my wife. It can cause me huge problems.

It is probably a good idea to lay a bit low for a while until she can process it , then talk to her to make sure she has not drawn any conclusions that are off base.

In the mean time, you may want to do some self reflection. Just why did it excite you so much. I will leave it at that.

Good luck. Hopefully the damage will be minimal.

Sandi

[Sometimes Steffi]

Only you know your wife, but maybe she feels like she should have been the one to turn you on, not the SA. What about giving you wife a chance to turn you on.

Bear in mind that this is just a wild guess. My wife has never seen me dressed and doesn't want to, so this is totally an unknown territory for me.

[JulieC]

I can't speak to the emotions of this, as they do not understand logic. The emotions are intimate to your relationship, and I'm in no position to comment on them. In the abstract, I would like to comment about this situation though.

Your body responded in an involuntary way to an unexpected, uninvited outside stimulus. This ISN'T YOUR FAULT. It's no more your fault than your eyes changing their dilation in bright light. You did NOT ask the SA to touch you. You did NOT go there with intent to become aroused. You did not do something wrong. Any logical approach to this would understand that. You would have to be an insanely stupid husband to take your wife into any situation anywhere at any time where you did so with the intent of becoming aroused by some other stimulus than her. This isn't what you did. You simply are NOT at fault here.

[Geena75]

I suppose it varies with the individual, but the oddest little things can bring it on. There have been times when I put on the wig or a certain dress and that feeling would hit. I am someone who is hardly ever touched by someone else, but that rarely has any such effect. Yet, there have been a couple times that I was really done up nice and would feel a tingle. Geena has turned me on more than other women (not counting my spouse).

I guess my point is that maybe explaining the random aspects of things may help. Yet, you know your wife far better than I could and are a better judge.

[bridget thronton]

I will be thinking about you both and hoping you are able to continue supporting each other bas you have done for so many years. (my wife tolerates my dressing but I cannot imagine her he!ping my shop for breast forms - you have a special wife)

[Aka_Donna]

Don't forget, if you need to negotiate, you can not visit that CD store in order to keep your marriage strong.

[jjjjohanne]

It is inconceivable for my wife to go out ANYWHERE with me dressed pretty. She has only been in public with me dressed pretty on a couple costume occasions.

[SylphDevine]

Let's see, you're going to a boob store to get boobs. Wife wants to come, with you all dolled up. If that were me I would have said, "this is going to be terribly erotic and exciting for me (as in a bucket list kind of thing) so don't be shocked or surprised by anything that happens". My little man commands attention at the oddest times anyway, but if a sales woman was groping me after trying a pair on to get the "fit" right, what was the problem? The funniest thing is both women noticed immediately what was happening. What would they have expected? For you to act like a woman? Well then you shpould have slapped the saleswoman LOL.

I know you're being serious, but this is a story that would make a GREAT MOTH peformance. One of my dreams is to do a crossdressing MOTH talk fully dressed and just talk about how I become Sylph.

You should become unafraid and just be honest with her about your feelings. One of the best things about crossdressing is standing at attention. (at least for me). It's one of the reasons I get that kind of attention from my wife. I guess it's a little odd for me to get dressed and NOT feel excited like that. Is that common, to not get excited? It's always been that way for me.

[Sometimes Steffi]

We all know that the little man can act up just about any time, and many times for no good reason.

I can't count how many times in High School that I had to carry my books in from of my torso because the little man wanted some exercise, and wanted to embarrass me.

I can't be the only one this happened to.

[DianeT]

Exclaiming "OH" instead of ignoring it and focusing on the matter of your purchase seems quite an unprofessional way of dealing with the situation. Was that this SA's first rodeo?

[danniUK]

It's one of the reasons I get that kind of attention from my wife. I guess it's a little odd for me to get dressed and NOT feel excited like that. Is that common, to not get excited? It's always been that way for me.

This was the turning point for me. The day I dressed up and for the first time didn't immediately feel aroused was the day I realised I was more than just a "bedroom crossdresser".

I'd spent years dressing in private - underwear, stockings etc - convinced that I just got a sexual thrill out of it. I mean of course I did get that thrill, but it was hard for me to separate feeling pretty/attractive from feeling sexy.
Once I'd realised that the two are related but different, and it's just so lovely to feel pretty then I knew that dressing was more to me than just a bedroom thrill.

[CarlaWestin]

"What was supposed to be a great day that I was looking forward to turned into a regret decision."

Maybe a great day for you but it sounds like she turned the new boobs into badges of shame. Your story make me appreciate DADT even more as the line is always perfectly clear.

[Aka_Donna]

Uh, maybe it had nothing to do with CD. Look up--- male erogenous zones. The nipples are an erogenous zone and there is such a thing as nipple erection. Maybe it was just a direct manual stimulation of an erogenous zone. Something to consider.