Am I over reacting.....hmm

[Sharon budd]

The other night my partner and I were watching Strictly Come Dancing and I was dressed pretty, as I'm encouraged to do, as we like the glitz and glamour. I casually mentioned that I couldn't imagine our friends Bob and Bill doing the same with their partners. My partner agreed and laughed that they are way too manly and she couldn't imagine them in a dress. I immediately went and changed and sulked the whole night. The following day we talked a bit, and I was told to grow up. I was told not to be so insecure and that she likes me being in touch with my feminine side and alpha males are not her type.
I asked is that how people see me and she said yes. I feel wounded, thinking that people think of me as less than manly, but also great that I have a loving partner that likes me for what I am.
Hugs, Sharon x

[Sometimes Steffi]

Embrace your inner girl. Enjoy the acceptance from your partner. Your wife is NTA (Reddit).

[Helen_Highwater]

Alpha male is so overrated. You've gym bunnies pumping iron for hours who site at a desk all day, muscle for the sake of muscle. I've talked to "A man's men" about times I've been rock climbing, zip wiring, done forward abseiling and I get, " You wouldn't get me doing that"

I've been on planes with roughty_ toughty guys who are scared witless of flying.

Having a caring side isn't something to be ashamed of. Trying to be manly can rob you of so many things such as fully engaging in the upbringing of your kids. Having a brain between your ears and being able to have a relationship deeper than being little more than a lodger paying the bills has an immence amount going for it.

As your wife says, she likes you as you are. You're probably a lot closer emotionally than many of those man's men are that parts of society seem to think is the only option.

[Philipa Jane]

Yeah. You are over reacting.
Why do you feel the need to compare yourself to 2 males who are regard as manly by your SO.
I am not sure that sulking was the right thing to do either.
Be happy with who you are.

[alwayshave]

Sharon, You are overreacting. First of all, I hate the term alpha male. Anyone who considers themselves "alpha" is definitely beta. Own who you are. Your wife accepts who you are and is happy, be happy with that.

[SaraLin]

Sharon, get to watch dancing shows while sitting on the couch and dressed pretty - and your partner encourages it?
Why on earth would you want to be manly? You've hit the jackpot, hon!
Don't sulk - celebrate!

[Genifer Teal]

You can't be happy to wear Dress and not be a different type of guy (than the typical manly man). It doesn't mean you are less of anything. You are more diverse and well rounded in your interests and experiences.

[kimdl93]

Yup, definitely over reacting and overly insecure. Be very grateful that you are her type.

Second thing is that you cannot know what your friends do in private. I would be willing to bet that a significant percentage of us have spent our lives publicly presenting ourselves as stereotypical alpha males.

Post script: Dressing up for the dancing show sounds delightful. I have a gold sequins dress that I wore for watching Dancing with the Stars with one of my GG friends and her daughter. It was such a fun night.

[Debbie Denier]

To be able to watch strictly dolled up en femme would be a dream come true for me. Your wife is right. Embrace her acceptance and enjoy. Bob and Bill are missing out. Who cares?Your wife loves you for being you.

[Jillcder]

I would be thrilled to have my wife tell me she likes me being in touch with my feminine side and alpha males are not her type. Sorry but I agree with her grow up put on a pretty dress and enjoy your situation you are very fortunate.

[chrissy111]

My wifes opinion of me is all that matters. How other people feel about me is on them.

[Jane G]

You lost me somewhere sharon. Just be you and try not to worry about what others, outside of your immediate family, care feel or do. They really don't care or think much about what you do. Just enjoy who you are. Alpha males are overrated anyway, IMHO.

Strictly come dancing is such a great show, btw.

[docrobbysherry]

No matter how hard u try you're not Bill or Bob or anyone else but, Sharon. Most of us spend our lives trying to find out who we r.

Because none of us r exactly alike. Just try to enjoy your journey!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You'd seriously want to be an alpha male?

Testosterone for breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Hair on the palms of your hands?

A life spent trying to beat others?

A simultaneous life spent trying to live up to your dad's expectations?

Another life spent desperately trying to stuff down the feelings and emotions that at any time might engulf you?

Having to get all sweaty playing football, when you'd secretly like to be playing badminton?

Permanent terror that your male bits aren't large enough?

I'd rather be a sissy.

[Brynna M]

I hate the term overreacting because it implies your feelings are invalid. You felt hurt that both your wife and apparently others think of you as less manly. We all want to have our important people in our lives think well of us. Here is the but?. From your telling it?s doesn?t sound like your wife?s comments about Bob and bill were meant as a jab at you. It also sounds like you want people to see you as something you aren?t. Even in drab a cross dresser isn?t likely going to be the alpha male stereotype unless they are putting on an act. So you aren?t a manly man and people see it. If you are true to yourself and your idea of a good person, who cares. It does hurt to think people don?t think highly of you Buts there will always be someone who?s mold we don?t fit into. And in her blunt way your wife is right the only help there is for you to be secure in your own self worth.

[Fiona_44]

Being a "manly man" is highly overrated. You are blessed in that your wife enjoys the feminine side of you. Go with the flow and enjoy feeling like a woman.

[Bea_]

I have never been traditionally masculine. I bluffed my way to some degree and ended up distancing myself from people because it was easier to maintain a certain standing as a 'real man'. My wife made little comments over the years that leaves me with no doubt that she never really saw me as manly. Certain comments and questions, long before i wore my first pair of panties, make it clear that she had questions my sexuality at times even though I've never had a single thought about being intimate with a man. Even when she found that I'd been looking at some porn, one of her first questions was if I was looking at gay porn too. Those questions and statements along with some other evidence has brought me to the point of that maintaining a facade of traditional masculinity zero value.

I don't do female although I've embraced the feminine. I know that as I've become more and more comfortable with the feminine, others are coming to question my sexuality. It's just a fact of life to me now.

[Nyla F]

Sharon, I'm confused. You are hurt that men who wear dresses are less than manly? Were you aiming for the "so manly I'm going to make a fashion statement for real men to wear a dress" look?

[Geena75]

I agree with the assessment of the term "over-reacting." You definitely had a reaction. The real question is your definition of "manly" and your own perception of how you measure up to your own definition. If you are satisfied with your 'manliness,' does it really matter so much what other people see? Usually, the struggle is feeling comfortable with our feminine side and dressing up.

For myself, I think I am slopping over with masculinity in drab mode, what with work around the place and vehicle, living history, etc. I'm not out with the guys shouting over sports events or things like that, though. I embrace the feminine when I dress up, though, and try to leave the manly aside. Were I in the accepting home relationship you are, I would almost expect my spouse to see me in a less than fully manly way, particularly if I were dressed pretty.

So much of this 'peculiar pastime' is about acceptance, and it begins with self-acceptance -- both of your feminine and masculine sides.

[JenniferR771]

You are right, Geena.
And your words convey the thoughts that we should all understand.
Good thoughts.

[Sharon budd]

Thank you everyone for your advice and suggestions. it seems that the consensus is a qualified yes to the question.
We've had a laugh about it since, she went shopping and said she couldn't decide whether to buy me a new lipstick or a wrench set, lol.
Hugs, Sharon x

[Anne E]

Take it as a compliment. Bill and Bob aren't man enough to wear a dress.

[Traci H]

Wrench set or lipstick?. While I love new wrench sets and you can never have to many, I would treasure lipstick from my wife, no matter the color. Na, not going to happen?..ever.

Which did she get you?

[Maria 60]

Well if this is any consolation in my niebourhood and to my family I'm a handy man and agree that everyone has there own qualities. For example I could barley power up my computer. On a few occasions my wife was told it must be nice to have a mans man to do housework. My wife tells them more then they think. Im writing this wearing a beige full slip with a silk robe. To think all the women in our niebourhood wish they had this dirt digger, interlock layer, working on cars mucho man. You know what they say " Don't judge the book by the cover". Meanwhile there husbands are probably more manly, and that's why I don't believe in the Alfa.
I believe you did overreact and I would just enjoy you have a supportive wife

[jjjjohanne]

To me an Alpha Male is often arrogant, or over-confident. They get mad as a first or early reaction. They think they are better than other people.

To be a good man, you don't need to be an Alpha male. You have to be informed, curious, respectful, and brave. Alpha males often commit injustices. Good men stand up against injustices. Good men see the value of other people. Good men see others are more important than themselves.

Be a good man (and woman, if you like).