Excrement Test?

[Genifer Teal]

I can guess the word?But I don't think it's appropriately used regarding this test. I know it's not for medical procedures. I'm wondering if you're just trying to determine if the person is genuine, or if the person is bsing you, I guess you're trying to figure out if they want to get to know you or just get laid.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

If I felt I was being played - and that's what an s-test is - I'd walk away. The whole premise is phoney.

If someone can't just ask me what my feelings are about a subject, why would I want to continue talking to them?

[GretchenM]

Thank you for the explanations, Karen and Tricia. At almost 80 and married for 55+ years, current dating lingo is mysterious to me. Although the terms change, the methods remain the same. I recall when I was a teenager girls asking such questions to test my reactions. I guess I failed because often there was no second date. Maybe not masculine enough? Hmmm.

[RoseReve]

Ah ah Gretchen same experience here!!!

And I've found some of these typical questions, with their respective underlying intents:

-Is this what you tell to every girl you meet?
->meant to judge if the boy has any imagination, is inspired by you, or is in a repetitive mode, which is a bad signal!

-Do you just wanna get l**d?
->often meant to judge the boy's ability to react positively in a situation of stress.

-What do girls generally answer when you ask them this question?
->meant to destabilize a guy who seems to be too much at ease in a flirting situation.

-You are smaller than I thought you were...
->meant to be mean! bad signal on the side of the girl this time

-I'm already in a talk with someone else!
->meant to judge the self-confidence potential of the boy, also his potential jealousy (which can be positive or negative!!)

-Have you been single for a long time?
->meant to check if the boy is desperate, which means that he could be suffering from an hidden weakness, or if he is a guy which other girls have judged fit to have a long term relation with (which is positive!!)

-Do you often hit on girls like this?
->meant to unmask womanizers, who can be tempted to brag about their past successes.

-Did you have a lot of women in your life?
->meant to categorize the guy in a gradient going from "unfit to a relation" to "dangerous Don Juan"

-Have you been on Tinder for a long time?
->similar to the 3 former ones

-What are you looking for?
->abrupt question meant to clarify the intentions on both sides.

Actually thanks a lot Tricia for launching this thread! I find it very interesting...Yes that can be seen as a pretty passive-agressive way of doing things, but given the diversity of men's attitudes toward women, good attitudes as well as bad ones, I fully understand that women have to try to evaluate which kind of human being they have in front of them before the relation goes any further. As we know, once things are engaged, it's more difficult for a girl to escape men's desires than the contrary...I would call it "survival strategies". And it's useful, as I can already tell from my very thin experience as a girl being hit on by men!

Cheers,

Rose

[Dutchess]

AKA : A game player.
This is very old.
I don't do that. No one should.

[Tricia Lee]

Thanks for all the replies!

...I would call it "survival strategies". And it's useful, as I can already tell from my very thin experience as a girl being hit on by men!

"Survival strategies"...

The definition I posted mentions that they are usually done subconsciously by women. Some would say it's the product of evolutionary biology when picking the right mate could possibly be a life or death decision for a woman.


In my case, where I realized I kind of did this, it was not a conscious thought. So here was the scenario. Sorry in advance if I type too much! lol

It happened at that massive Halloween party I went to last weekend. My new profile picture is from that party. I was in the middle of the dance floor with at least 100 people dancing shoulder to shoulder.

There was this couple dancing next to me. They started talking to me, and the guy said "hey you need to go up there with my friend". He kind of nudged me forward a couple of times. Then he said to the friend who was dancing in front of him "hey look at this girl!". So he kind of pushes me up beside this guy and we just kept dancing while facing the stage.

So then I realize I've talked to this guy before. I recognized him from a party a year ago. A big fancy charity event. At that party I was standing in front of the building at the end of the night waiting for my friend to pull up in her car. This same guy, who I'm now dancing beside, had come up to me that night and talked to me. It lasted for several minutes. He was telling me some people were going to another place after that event and I should come. I politely declined because I rode with my friend and she was ready to go home.

So that conversation a year ago was flattering. Now we are standing there again and talking. Eventually he said "we talked at that event last year". And then I said "yes, you were dressed much nicer". LOL.

For the Halloween party he had on some kind of costume. I'm not sure what. Last year he had on almost a tuxedo. He didn't reply directly to my comment. The conversation ended with him saying he'll see me again at that same event coming up in a month.

Anyway... I wouldn't ordinarily say something like that about how someone was dressed. I only realized later that my comment has all the hallmarks of an S-test.

As for whether this guy passed that test... I had to think about that. First, I have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality, despite my fashion choices! lol So nothing was going to happen anyway. But I guess that from my own experience, and from what I've read, a non-reaction to an S-test is a pass. Not a grade of A+, but it's not a fail. Under the circumstances a non-response was probably the best response.

I kind of felt bad about making the comment, but later he friended me on facebook! lol

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I've never heard the term either.

But...

Years ago when I was single and striking out left and right I asked a female friend what I was doing wrong. Her answer: "You're too nice and you don't play the game." I never really understood what "the game" was, but now after reading this thread I think I'm starting to figure it out.

So glad I found an amazing woman who didn't play the game either!

[Tricia Lee]

GAME....

I've been dating my current girlfriend for a year. In an early discussion she was saying the things she likes about me. One thing she said is that I have "game". It matters, even if you think it shouldn't.

Whatever 'game' I have is learned. I was the same 'nice guy' that had trouble getting anywhere with girls. I'm much better now, but not what I'd call good.

Turns out we were lied to as boys about how to be attractive to girls. Nice guys get friend zoned. Jerks get the girls. At least that's how it seems. The good thing is you can still be a nice guy, and still have success getting to know women, but only if you learn why the jerks are able to get the girls and the nice guys can't.

Spoiler alert: It's not because they are jerks.

If you want to know more here are some names you can look into that I have found useful. Sorry, some are controversial. I don't support everything they say. But they speak some ideas you won't hear many other places. They all have tons of youtube content.

Orion Taraban
Alexander Grace
Hoe-Math

Whether you are single, dating someone, or married, you still need "game". It's indispensable to a happy lasting relationship.

OK I'm off my soap box now.

[RoseReve]

Yes, it opened my eyes also about lots of weird moments in my flirting life...!!!

Tricia, thanks for writing the long version! I guess your question was a bit like number 4 : "-You are smaller than I thought you were..." Something a bit unpleasant to mean that you are not very pleased by the perspective of pursuing the discussion with this person...

I was hit on by a very weird guy one night at a trans party which happens to find place quite often in my neighborhood. The man was not very attractive, but at first polite, and he invited me to a glass. He proposed to me to sit at a table which was near a wall around the dance floor, I said yes, I was curious to interact as a woman with a guy, so I followed him, and then, as soon as I sat on the bench, he sat so close to my left hip that my right hip was blocked against the wall on my right. It was very weird, disturbing, and I felt like kind of being trapped by an imperious but very nasty will...

So to get out of it I said I had changed my mind, I wanted to dance now, so he stood up, we went to the dance floor and I started to dance. He was so small that when he tried to grab my flank to dance with me, it was ridiculous, like I was dancing with a 12 years old boy...

I escaped him and said actually I wanted to dance alone. He let me go but he kept staring at me from afar all the time I stayed in the club. After a while I left, the feeling really was too weird. How a single lunatic can ruin an evening which had very well begun...At least I had learnt the hard way how some men really see girls like preys...

Cheers you all, have a nice time!!!

Rose

[TheHiddenMe]

After reading more of the explanation, I have a couple more comments.

1. Saying how he was dressed previously, IMO, is a big nothing burger. Obviously, he didn't care. I assume the FB friend is your female one (I am FB friends with several woman I have met as Dee, but I only have a guy ID).

2. I think if you are dealing with GGs in our age group, being nice is a very positive attribute (not that I can speak for women, because I'm not one). However, I have made female friends--no romantic intentions--because I'm perceived as a nice guy because I'm a nice guy.

3.Tricia, if the guy is interested in you, hetero or not, aren't you somewhat curious about going out on a one on one "date" with a man? I will certainly admit to that, given the right parameters. Or even a double date with me and my friend Michelle and two guys. What say you?

[Genifer Teal]

I had a guy ask for my number away from the crowd. I gave him a chance. He never called. Then one day almost a year later he finally says something when he sees me in person for the 10th time since I gave him my number and it was something effectively saying let's hook up.

I said I don't know you at all. Then he said oh, you're just like a real woman. Lol hit test done.

[Tricia Lee]

"... You are just like a real woman..." lol

I would be inclined to take that as a compliment!

A few weeks ago I was on the dance floor. A guy walked up and held out his phone. He said "I lost my phone number. Can I have yours."

[RoseReve]

Nice try!!!

[Tricia Lee]

Ha yes!

I did the "Thank you sorry I've been seeing someone for almost a year" thing, which is true. Regardless he was not in my league.

But good for him for shooting his shot. There is a lot of video content out there from women who lament never being approached by guys. There are too many other videos where men are being called creepy. That plus the whole "me too" thing caused many men to just check out of approaching women.